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The progressive development of man is vitally dependent on invention. It is the most important product of his creative brain. Its ultimate purpose is the complete mastery of mind over the material world, the harnessing of the forces of nature to human needs. This is the difficult task of the inventor who is often misunderstood and unrewarded. But he finds ample compensation in the pleasing exercises of his powers and in the knowledge of being one of that exceptionally privileged class without whom the race would have long ago perished in the bitter struggle against pitiless elements.
Speaking for myself, I have already had more than my full measure of this exquisite enjoyment, so much that for many years my life was little short of continuous rapture. I am credited with being one of the hardest workers and perhaps I am, if thought is the equivalent of labor,for I have devoted to it almost all of my waking hours. But if work is interpreted to be a definite performance in a specified time according to a rigid rule, then I may be the worst of idlers. Every effort under compulsion demands a sacrifice of life-energy. I never paid such a price. On the contrary, I have thrived on my thoughts.
In attempting to give a connected and faithful account of my activities in this series of articles which will be presented with the assistance of the Editors of the ELECTRICAL EXPERIMENTER and are chiefly addrest to our young men readers, I must dwell, however reluctantly, on the impressions of my youth and the circumstances and events which have been instrumental in determining my career.
人类的不断进步主要依赖于发明。作为人类大脑创造力最重要的产物，发明的最终目的是以思想之力掌控物质世界，驭自然之力满足人类需求。这项艰巨任务落到了发明家肩上，而他们却常常被误解，甚至被埋没。但是，发明家们仍醉心发明，乐此不疲。作为一个特殊的群体，要不是他们，人类也许早就在与冷酷自然的激烈对抗中消亡了。
就我本人而言，我已充分体会到了这份极致的愉悦。多年来，我的生活从来不缺狂喜。有人说我是工作狂，如果思考也是一种工作的话，或许我的确是，因为我几乎把我所有清醒的时间都花在了思考上。但是，如果工作被解释为在特定时间内按照严格的规则完成一定的业绩，那么我可能是最糟糕的懒汉。任何被迫而为的事都是在消耗生命的能量，所幸我从不曾这样。恰恰相反，我因思考而茁壮成长。
尽管很不情愿，但在《电气实验者》编辑们的协助下，我还是撰写了一系列面向青少年读者的文章，其中包括我的一些真实经历，详细地记述了我青少年时代的记忆以及那些决定我发明生涯的往事。
Our first endeavors are purely instinctive, promptings of an imagination vivid and undisciplined. As we grow older reason asserts itself and we become more and more systematic and designing. But those early impulses, although not immediately productive, are of the greatest moment and may shape our very destinies. Indeed, I feel now that had I understood and cultivated instead of suppressing them, I would have added substantial value to my bequest to the world. But not until I had attained manhood did I realize that I was an inventor.
This was due to a number of causes. In the first place I had a brother who was gifted to an extraordinary degree—one of those rare phenomena of mentality which biological investigation has failed to explain. His premature death left my parents disconsolate. We owned a horse which had been presented to us by a dear friend. It was a magnificent animal of Arabian breed, possessed of almost human intelligence, and was cared for and petted by the whole family, having on one occasion saved my father’s life under remarkable circumstances.My father had been called one winter night to perform an urgent duty and while crossing the mountains, infested by wolves, the horse became frightened and ran away, throwing him violently to the ground. It arrived home bleeding and exhausted, but after the alarm was sounded immediately dashed off again, returning to the spot, and before the searching party were far on the way they were met by my father, who had recovered consciousness and remounted, not realizing that he had been lying in the snow for several hours. This horse was responsible for my brother’s injuries from which he died. I witnessed the tragic scene and although fifty-six years have elapsed since, my visual impression of it has lost none of its force. The recollection of his attainments made every effort of mine seem dull in comparison.
年幼时，我们努力纯粹是出自本能，受驱于鲜活而又不受约束的想象力。随着年龄的增长，理性开始发挥作用，我们变得越来越有条理，思维也越来越清晰。早年间的那些冲动，虽没有立即产生效用，却是决定我们命运最关键的瞬间。事实上，我现在觉得，如果当初我懂得这一点并去浇灌而不是压制冲动，我留给世界的财富一定会更有价值。但直到成年后，我才意识到我是一个发明家。
这有多方面的因素。我曾有一个哥哥，他天资卓越，智力超群，罕见到从生物学角度都无法解释的地步。他的早逝让我的父母悲痛欲绝。我们有一匹马，是一位好朋友送给我们的。那是一匹阿拉伯良种马，十分通人性，全家人对它疼爱有加，它曾在危急关头救过我父亲的命。那是一个冬夜，父亲奉命去执行一项紧急任务，在穿越山区时，这匹马受惊于狼群骚扰，失控而逃，将父亲重重摔在地上。到家的时候，它浑身是血，精疲力竭，但是嘶鸣示警后，又立即冲了出去，回到了出事地点。搜救队伍没走多远，就遇到了骑着马的父亲，他已经恢复了知觉，并没有意识到自己已经在雪地里躺了几个小时。我的哥哥就是因为这匹马而受伤，最后不幸离世的。我亲眼看到了那悲惨的一幕，尽管已经过去 56 年，仍历历在目。回忆起哥哥的成就，我的每一次努力都显得黯淡无光，不值一提。
Anything I did that was creditable merely caused my parents to feel their loss more keenly. So I grew up with little confidence in myself.But I was far from being considered a stupid boy, if I am to judge from an incident of which I have still a strong remembrance. One day the Aldermen were passing through a street where I was at play with other boys. The oldest of these venerable gentlemen—a wealthy citizen—paused to give a silver piece to each of us. Coming to me he suddenly stopped and commanded, “Look in my eyes.” I met his gaze, my hand outstretched to receive the much valued coin, when, to my dismay, he said, “No, not much, you can get nothing from me, you are too smart.”They used to tell a funny story about me. I had two old aunts with wrinkled faces, one of them having two teeth protruding like the tusks of an elephant which she buried in my cheek every time she kissed me.Nothing would scare me more than the prospect of being hugged by these as affectionate as unattractive relatives. It happened that while being carried in my mother’s arms they asked me who was the prettier of the two. After examining their faces intently, I answered thoughtfully,pointing to one of them, “This here is not as ugly as the other.”
我所做的任何值得称赞的事，都只会加深父母的丧子之痛，所以我从小就对自己缺乏信心。但我也绝非一个笨小孩，这点从一件我至今仍记忆犹新的事上可以得到验证。有一天，市议员们经过一条街道，我正和其他男孩在那里玩耍。这些德高望重的绅士中最年长的一位——一个有钱人——停下来给我们每人一枚银币。他朝我走来，突然停住，命令道：“看着我的眼睛。”我迎上他的目光，伸手去接那枚价值不菲的硬币，他却说：“不，你从我这儿什么也得不到，你太聪明了。”他们还讲过另一件关于我的趣事。我有两个阿姨，她们都上了年纪，满脸皱纹，其中一个长有两颗龅牙，如同象牙一般，每次她亲我的时候那两颗牙都很扎脸。没有什么比被这些既热情又不漂亮的亲戚拥抱更让我害怕的了。有一次，母亲抱着我，碰巧有人问我这两个人中谁更漂亮。端详了她们的脸后，我若有所思地指着其中一位说道：“这个阿姨没有那个丑。”
Then again, I was intended from my very birth for the clerical profession and this thought constantly oppressed me. I longed to be an engineer but my father was inflexible. He was the son of an officer who served in the army of the Great Napoleon and, in common with his brother, professor of mathematics in a prominent institution, had received a military education but, singularly enough, later embraced the clergy in which vocation he achieved eminence. He was a very erudite man, a veritable natural philosopher, poet and writer and his sermons were said to be as eloquent as those of Abraham a Sancta Clara. He had a prodigious memory and frequently recited at length from works in several languages. He often remarked playfully that if some of the classics were lost he could restore them. His style of writing was much admired. He penned sentences short and terse and was full of wit and satire. The humorous remarks he made were always peculiar and characteristic. Just to illustrate, I may mention one or two instances.Among the help there was a cross-eyed man called Mane, employed to do work around the farm. He was chopping wood one day. As he swung the axe my father, who stood nearby and felt very uncomfortable,cautioned him, “For God’s sake, Mane, do not strike at what you are looking but at what you intend to hit.” On another occasion he was taking out for a drive a friend who carelessly permitted his costly fur coat to rub on the carriage wheel. My father reminded him of it saying,“Pull in your coat, you are ruining my tire.” He had the odd habit of talking to himself and would often carry on an animated conversation and indulge in heated argument, changing the tone of his voice. A casual listener might have sworn that several people were in the room.
话又说回来，我从一出生就注定要继承父业，从事神职人员的工作，这件事一直困扰着我。我渴望成为一名工程师，但我的父亲却固执己见。我的祖父是一名军官，曾在拿破仑的军队中服役。我有一个叔叔，是一所著名高校的数学教授，他们都曾接受过军事教育，但奇怪的是，我父亲后来投身于神职事业，并在这个行业中声名显赫。他是一个非常博学的人，是一位名副其实的哲学家、诗人和作家，据说他的布道和亚伯拉罕·阿·圣克塔·克拉拉（Abraham a Sancta-Clara）的一样精彩。他记忆力惊人，经常用好几种语言大段背诵各种经典。他常开玩笑说，如果一些经典作品失传了，他可以还原。他的文风备受推崇，句子短小精悍，亦庄亦谐。他的幽默言论总是独具特色。为了说明这一点，我可以举一两个例子。有一个名叫马尼（Mane）的斗鸡眼男人，受雇在农场干活。一天，他正在砍柴。当他抡起斧头时，我父亲站在旁边感到非常不舒服，就劝他说：“看在上帝的分上，马尼，不要砍你盯着的，去砍你想砍的。”还有一次，他驾车带一位朋友去兜风，朋友不小心将自己昂贵的毛皮大衣蹭到了车轮上。我父亲提醒他说：“收起你的大衣，别把我轮胎蹭坏了。”他有自言自语的怪癖，经常会对着空气说话，并沉浸在激烈的争论中，不时改变自己的语音。不仔细听，你肯定会以为房间里有好几个人。
Although I must trace to my mother’s influence whatever inventiveness I possess, the training he gave me must have been helpful. It comprised all sorts of exercises—as, guessing one another’s thoughts, discovering the defects of some form or expression, repeating long sentences or performing mental calculations. These daily lessons were intended to strengthen memory and reason and especially to develop the critical sense, and were undoubtedly very beneficial.
My mother descended from one of the oldest families in the country and a line of inventors. Both her father and grandfather originated numerous implements for household, agricultural and other uses. She was a truly great woman, of rare skill, courage and fortitude, who had braved the storms of life and past through many a trying experience. When she was sixteen a virulent pestilence swept the country. Her father was called away to administer the last sacraments to the dying and during his absence she went alone to the assistance of a neighboring family who were stricken by the dread disease. All of the members, five in number, succumbed in rapid succession. She bathed,clothed and laid out the bodies, decorating them with flowers according to the custom of the country and when her father returned he found everything ready for a Christian burial. My mother was an inventor of the first order and would, I believe, have achieved great things had she not been so remote from modern life and its multifold opportunities.She invented and constructed all kinds of tools and devices and wove the finest designs from thread which was spun by her. She even planted the seeds, raised the plants and separated the fibers herself. She worked indefatigably, from break of day till late at night, and most of the wearing apparel and furnishings of the home was the product of her hands. When she was past sixty, her fingers were still nimble enough to tie three knots in an eyelash.
虽然我所拥有的创造力得益于我的母亲，但父亲给我的训练肯定也是有帮助的，他让我做各种练习——揣测他人的想法，发现某种表达的缺陷，复述长句或进行心算。这些日常训练旨在加强记忆和推理能力，特别是在培养批判意识方面，无疑是非常有益的。
我的母亲来自一个发明世家，也是这个国家最古老的家族之一的后裔。她的父亲和祖父都发明了许多家用、农用和其他用途的工具。她是一位真正伟大的女性，拥有罕见的技能、勇气和毅力；她勇敢地面对生活中的风暴，经历过许多艰难的时刻。在她 16 岁时，一场致命的瘟疫席卷全国。她的父亲被叫去给垂死之人做临终圣礼，在父亲不在的时候，她独自去照顾感染了可怕瘟疫的邻居。邻居家五口人，很快相继死亡。她为他们沐浴更衣，安置遗体，按照当地的习俗用鲜花装饰，当她父亲回来时，发现一切都准备妥当，可以举行基督教葬礼了。我的母亲也是一位一流的发明家。我相信，如果她不是远离现代生活以及缺少机会，她会取得巨大的成就。她发明并制造了各种工具和设备，用她自己纺的线织出了最精美的图案。她甚至自己播种、栽培并分离纤维。她不辞劳苦地工作，从破晓到深夜，家里几乎所有的服饰和装饰都出自她手。她年过六旬时，手指仍然灵活，眨眼间就能打三个结。
There was another and still more important reason for my late awakening. In my boyhood I suffered from a peculiar affliction due to the appearance of images, often accompanied by strong flashes of light, which marred the sight of real objects and interfered with my thought and action. They were pictures of things and scenes which I had really seen, never of those I imagined. When a word was spoken to me the image of the object it designated would present itself vividly to my vision and sometimes I was quite unable to distinguish whether what I saw was tangible or not. This caused me great discomfort and anxiety. None of the students of psychology or physiology whom I have consulted could ever explain satisfactorily these phenomena. They seem to have been unique although I was probably predisposed as I know that my brother experienced a similar trouble. The theory I have formulated is that the images were the result of a reflex action from the brain on the retina under great excitation. They certainly were not hallucinations such as are produced in diseased and anguished minds,for in other respects I was normal and composed. To give an idea of my distress, suppose that I had witnest a funeral or some such nerve racking spectacle. Then, inevitably, in the stillness of night, a vivid picture of the scene would thrust itself before my eyes and persist despite all my efforts to banish it. Sometimes it would even remain fixed in space though I pushed my hand through it. If my explanation is correct, it should be able to project on a screen the image of any object one conceives and make it visible. Such an advance would revolutionize all human relations. I am convinced that this wonder can and will be accomplished in time to come; I may add that I have devoted much thought to the solution of the problem.
我之所以晚熟还有一个更重要的原因。年少时，我得了一种怪病，眼前会出现幻象，还经常伴有强烈的闪光，这种病破坏了我对真实物体的感知，干扰了我的思想和行动。要知道，这些幻象都跟我之前确实见过的物体和事件相关，而不是我凭空想象的。当有人对我说了一个词，它所指代的物体的形象就会生动地呈现在我面前，有时我都很难区分我看到的东西是不是真实的，这使我感到非常不适和焦虑。我咨询过心理学和生理学专业的学生，没有一个人能给出令人满意的解释。这个病很罕见，似乎是先天性的，因为就我所知，我的哥哥也有类似的困扰。我的结论是，这些幻象是大脑在高度兴奋下对视网膜反射作用的结果。它们当然不是病态或痛苦所产生的幻觉，因为其他方面我很正常，也很冷静。为了说明我的苦恼，假设我目睹了一场葬礼或一些类似的令人神经紧张的场面，然后，不可避免地，在夜深人静的时候，这个场景就会出现在我的眼前，无论我怎么努力都不能将它赶走。有时，即使我伸出手穿过幻象，它仍会停留在空中。如果我的解释是正确的，那么，将大脑所想象的任何物体的图像投射到屏幕上，使其可视化，应该是可能的。这种技术将彻底改变所有的人类关系。我坚信，在不久的将来，这一奇迹能够并且必将实现。补充说一句，我对如何解决这一问题已经进行了很多思考。
To free myself of these tormenting appearances, I tried to concentrate my mind on something else I had seen, and in this way I would often obtain temporary relief; but in order to get it I had to conjure continuously new images. It was not long before I found that I had exhausted all of those at my command; my “reel” had run out, as it were,because I had seen little of the world—only objects in my home and the immediate surroundings. As I performed these mental operations for the second or third time, in order to chase the appearances from my vision,the remedy gradually lost all its force. Then I instinctively commenced to make excursions beyond the limits of the small world of which I had knowledge, and I saw new scenes. These were at first very blurred and indistinct, and would flit away when I tried to concentrate my attention upon them, but by and by I succeeded in fixing them; they gained in strength and distinctness and finally assumed the concreteness of real things. I soon discovered that my best comfort was attained if I simply went on in my vision farther and farther, getting new impressions all the time, and so I began to travel—of course, in my mind. Every night (and sometimes during the day), when alone, I would start on my journeys—see new places, cities and countries—live there, meet people and make friendships and acquaintances and, however unbelievable, it is a fact that they were just as dear to me as those in actual life and not a bit less intense in their manifestations.
为了摆脱这些折磨人的幻象，我试图去想以前见过的其他事物，通过这种方式，一般我会得到短暂的缓解，但我必须不断想到新的事物。没过多久，我发现我已经用尽了我能想到的所有事物，可以说，我的“胶卷”已经用完了，因为我几乎没有见过什么东西——只有家里和房子周围的一些。每件事物，在脑子里用过两三次后，在将幻象赶出我的视野方面，就逐渐丧失了功效。然后，出于本能，我的思想开始远足，跳出我所了解的小世界的界限，我看到了新的景象。这些景象起初非常模糊，当我试图将注意力集中在它们身上时，它们就会飞走，但渐渐地，我成功地将它们固定了下来，它们的强度和清晰度不断提高，最后呈现出真实事物的样子。我很快发现，如果我的思想一直远行，不断获得新的印象，我就能获得最佳的舒适感。于是我开始旅行——当然，是在我的脑海中。每天晚上（有时是白天），当我独自一人时，我就会开始我的旅行——看看新的地方、城市和国家——在那里生活，遇到各种人，结交朋友，与人熟识，尽管不可思议，但事实上，他们对我来说就跟现实生活中的人一样亲切，充满烟火气。
This I did constantly until I was about seventeen when my thoughts turned seriously to invention. Then I observed to my delight that I could visualize with the greatest facility. I needed no models, drawings or experiments. I could picture them all as real in my mind. Thus I have been led unconsciously to evolve what I consider a new method of materializing inventive concepts and ideas, which is radically opposite to the purely experimental and is in my opinion ever so much more expeditious and efficient. The moment one constructs a device to carry into practise a crude idea he finds himself unavoidably engrost with the details and defects of the apparatus. As he goes on improving and reconstructing, his force of concentration diminishes and he loses sight of the great underlying principle. Results may be obtained but always at the sacrifice of quality.
My method is different. I do not rush into actual work. When I get an idea I start at once building it up in my imagination. I change the construction, make improvements and operate the device in my mind. It is absolutely immaterial to me whether I run my turbine in thought or test it in my shop. I even note if it is out of balance. There is no difference whatever, the results are the same. In this way I am able to rapidly develop and perfect a conception without touching anything. When I have gone so far as to embody in the invention every possible improvement I can think of and see no fault anywhere, I put into concrete form this final product of my brain. Invariably my device works as I conceived that it should, and the experiment comes out exactly as I planned it. In twenty years there has not been a single exception. Why should it be otherwise? Engineering, electrical and mechanical, is positive in results. There is scarcely a subject that cannot be mathematically treated and the effects calculated or the results determined beforehand from the available theoretical and practical data. The carrying out into practise of a crude idea as is being generally done is, I hold, nothing but a waste of energy, money and time.
这样的情况一直持续到我 17 岁，我开始正儿八经地思考发明。然后我高兴地发现，我可以自如地将想法具象化，不需要模型、图纸或实验。我可以在脑海中想象它们都是真实的。因此，不知不觉中，我发现了一种实现发明概念的新方法，这种方法与纯粹的实验性方法完全相反，在我看来，我的方法更加迅速有效。当一个人打造一个设备来实现一个粗糙的想法时，他会发现自己不可避免地被一些细节和瑕疵所困扰。他得不断改进和重建，注意力就会被分散，甚至对最基本的原理都视而不见了。也许最终也会有成效，但质量方面总是差强人意。
我的方法不同。我不急于付诸实践。当我有了一个想法，马上就会在脑海中构建它，包括设备的改造、优化和运行。对我来说，是在脑海里还是在车间里运行我的涡轮机，并无二样，我甚至会在脑海中记录涡轮机是否失去了平衡。没有任何区别，结果都是一样的。通过这种方式，我能够在不触碰任何东西的情况下迅速发展和完善一个概念。当我把我能想到的所有可能的改进都体现在发明中，并且没有发现任何瑕疵时，我才会把我脑海中的成品具象化。这样生产出的设备总是按照我的设想来工作，实验结果也完全按照我的计划进行。20 年来，没有一次例外。为什么会有例外呢？工程、电气和机械数据都良好。世间几无一物不可预先进行数学演算，不可基于现有的理论和实践数据计算效果或得出结论。在我看来，将一个不成熟的想法付诸实践的现行做法，只不过是在浪费精力、金钱和时间。
My early affliction had, however, another compensation. The incessant mental exertion developed my powers of observation and enabled me to discover a truth of great importance. I had noted that the appearance of images was always preceded by actual vision of scenes under peculiar and generally very exceptional conditions and I was impelled on each occasion to locate the original impulse. After a while this effort grew to be almost automatic and I gained great facility in connecting cause and effect. Soon I became aware, to my surprise, that every thought I conceived was suggested by an external impression.Not only this but all my actions were prompted in a similar way. In the course of time it became perfectly evident to me that I was merely an automaton endowed with power of movement, responding to the stimuli of the sense organs and thinking and acting accordingly. The practical result of this was the art of telautomatics which has been so far carried out only in an imperfect manner. Its latent possibilities will, however,be eventually shown. I have been since years planning self-controlled automata and believe that mechanisms can be produced which will act as if possessed of reason, to a limited degree, and will create a revolution in many commercial and industrial departments.
不过，早年的怪病还给了我另一种回报。永不停歇的脑力运动锻炼了我的观察力，让我发现了一个非常重要的真理。我注意到，幻象的出现总是发生在特定或异常情形下我目睹了真实场景之后，而每次我都会驱使自己去追究成因。一段时间后，这几乎变成了自发的行为，我获得了一种能力，能将事情的因果关系轻松地联系起来。令我惊讶的是，很快我就意识到，我的每一个想法都源自某个外界印象，而且，我的所有行动亦如此。随着时间的推移，我越来越明白，我不过是一个被赋予了行动能力的机器人，对感官刺激做出反应，并进行思考和行动。实际上这就是遥控力学的艺术，但迄今为止，还并不完美。然而，其潜在的可能性最终将被证明。多年来，我一直在设计自控机器人，相信可以生产出具有一定推理能力的机器，并将在商业和工业领域掀起一场革命。
I was about twelve years old when I first succeeded in banishing an image from my vision by wilful effort, but I never had any control over the flashes of light to which I have referred. They were, perhaps,my strangest experience and inexplicable. They usually occurred when I found myself in a dangerous or distressing situation, or when I was greatly exhilarated. In some instances I have seen all the air around me filled with tongues of living flame. Their intensity, instead of diminishing, increased with time and seemingly attained a maximum when I was about twenty-five years old. While in Paris, in 1883, a prominent French manufacturer sent me an invitation to a shooting expedition which I accepted. I had been long confined to the factory and the fresh air had a wonderfully invigorating effect on me. On my return to the city that night I felt a positive sensation that my brain had caught fire. I saw a light as though a small sun was located in it and I past the whole night applying cold compressions to my tortured head. Finally the flashes diminished in frequency and force but it took more than three weeks before they wholly subsided. When a second invitation was extended to me my answer was an emphatic NO!
差不多 12 岁时，我第一次通过主观意志，成功地将幻象从我的视野中驱离，但对我曾提到过的闪光情况，仍无能为力。这也许是我最奇怪的经历，令人费解。当我身处危险，或心情沮丧，或极度亢奋时，闪光现象就出现了。有时候，我看到周围的空气充满了熊熊燃烧的火舌。随着时间的推移，这种症状的强度不但没有减弱，反而不断递增，在我大约 25岁时达到了峰值。1883 年，在巴黎，我接受了一位著名的法国制造商的邀请，出城打靶。我在工厂里待了太长时间，郊外新鲜的空气对我产生了奇妙的兴奋作用。当天晚上回城后，我感觉大脑像着了火。我看到一束光，光亮之中，好像有一个小小的太阳，整晚我都不得不对我饱受折磨的脑袋进行冷敷。终于，闪光的频率和强度开始减弱，但过了三个多星期才完全消退。所以当我第二次受邀时，坚决地回了个“不”！
These luminous phenomena still manifest themselves from time to time, as when a new idea opening up possibilities strikes me, but they are no longer exciting, being of relatively small intensity. When I close my eyes I invariably observe first, a background of very dark and uniform blue, not unlike the sky on a clear but starless night. In a few seconds this field becomes animated with innumerable scintillating flakes of green, arranged in several layers and advancing towards me.Then there appears, to the right, a beautiful pattern of two systems of parallel and closely spaced lines, at right angles to one another, in all sorts of colors with yellow-green and gold predominating. Immediately thereafter the lines grow brighter and the whole is thickly sprinkled with dots of twinkling light. This picture moves slowly across the field of vision and in about ten seconds vanishes to the left, leaving behind a ground of rather unpleasant and inert grey which quickly gives way to a billowy sea of clouds, seemingly trying to mould themselves in living shapes. It is curious that I cannot project a form into this grey until the second phase is reached. Every time, before falling asleep, images of persons or objects flit before my view. When I see them I know that I am about to lose consciousness. If they are absent and refuse to come it means a sleepless night.
这种闪光现象仍时不时地出现，比如我突然有了一个新的想法，觉得有各种可能性时，但已经不再那么刺激，强度也相对较小了。当我闭上眼睛，总是先浮现一片匀色的深蓝背景，跟晴朗无星的夜空如出一辙。几秒钟后，这片区域变得生动起来，无数闪烁的绿色碎片，分几层排列，向我推进。然后，右边出现了一个美丽图案，由两组线条组成，彼此呈直角，每组线条内，又有多条紧密排列的平行线条，五颜六色，且以黄绿色和金色最显眼。紧接着，这些线条变得越发明亮，整个图案密密麻麻地布满了闪烁的光点。图案在我眼前慢慢移动，大约十秒钟后消失在左边，留下一片令人相当不快的、沉闷乏味的灰色，很快又被一片波涛汹涌的云海所取代，似乎挣扎着要变化成各种活物的形状。奇怪的是，要是没有睡意，我是没办法在这片灰色中生出任何形状的。每次入睡前，各种人或物的形象都会在我眼前闪现。这时，我知道我就快要睡着了。但如果没有，就意味着将彻夜不眠。
To what an extent imagination played a part in my early life I may illustrate by another odd experience. Like most children I was fond of jumping and developed an intense desire to support myself in the air.Occasionally a strong wind richly charged with oxygen blew from the mountains rendering my body as light as cork and then I would leap and float in space for a long time. It was a delightful sensation and my disappointment was keen when later I undeceived myself.
During that period I contracted many strange likes, dislikes and habits, some of which I can trace to external impressions while others are unaccountable. I had a violent aversion against the earrings of women but other ornaments, as bracelets, pleased me more or less according to design. The sight of a pearl would almost give me a fit but I was fascinated with the glitter of crystals or objects with sharp edges and plane surfaces. I would not touch the hair of other people except,perhaps, at the point of a revolver. I would get a fever by looking at a peach and if a piece of camphor was anywhere in the house it caused me the keenest discomfort. Even now I am not insensible to some of these upsetting impulses. When I drop little squares of paper in a dish filled with liquid, I always sense a peculiar and awful taste in my mouth. I counted the steps in my walks and calculated the cubical contents of soup plates, coffee cups and pieces of food—otherwise my meal was unenjoyable. All repeated acts or operations I performed had to be divisible by three and if I mist I felt impelled to do it all over again, even if it took hours.
想象力在我早年生活中发挥了多大的作用，我可以通过另一个奇特的经历来说明。像大多数孩子一样，我喜欢跳跃，并产生了一种强烈的愿望——想要能在空中停留。偶尔会有一阵富含氧气的强风从山上吹来，使我的身体像软木塞一样轻盈，然后我就可以跳起来，在空中飘浮很长时间。这是一种令人愉快的感觉，而当我从幻想中缓过神来时，感到非常失落。
那段时间里，我染上了许多奇怪的喜好和习惯，其中一些可以追溯到某种外在原因，而另一些则无法解释。我对女人的耳环十分反感，但对其他装饰品，如手镯，视设计不同，或多或少都会喜欢。看到珍珠会让我发狂，但我却会被闪闪发光的水晶或棱角分明、表明平滑的物体所吸引。我不会去碰别人的头发，除非被人用枪抵着。一看到桃子我就会发烧。如果房子里有一块樟脑丸，会使我感到强烈的不适。即使是现在，我也无法对我的一些怪癖无动于衷。当我把小方块碎纸丢到盛满汤汁的盘子里时，总能感觉到嘴里有一种恶心的怪味。我数着走路的步数，计算着汤碟、咖啡杯和食物的体积，否则我的这顿饭就索然无味。我的所有日常行为重复的次数都必须能被三整除，如果不是，我会强迫自己重新做一遍，哪怕要花上几个小时。
Up to the age of eight years, my character was weak and vacillating. I had neither courage or strength to form a firm resolve. My feelings came in waves and surges and vibrated unceasingly between extremes. My wishes were of consuming force and like the heads of the hydra, they multiplied. I was oppressed by thoughts of pain in life and death and religious fear. I was swayed by superstitious belief and lived in constant dread of the spirit of evil, of ghosts and ogres and other unholy monsters of the dark. Then, all at once, there came a tremendous change which altered the course of my whole existence.
Of all things I liked books the best. My father had a large library and whenever I could manage I tried to satisfy my passion for reading.He did not permit it and would fly into a rage when he caught me in the act. He hid the candles when he found that I was reading in secret.He did not want me to spoil my eyes. But I obtained tallow, made the wicking and cast the sticks into tin forms, and every night I would bush the keyhole and the cracks and read, often till dawn, when all others slept and my mother started on her arduous daily task. On one occasion I came across a novel entitled “Abafi”, a Serbian translation of a well known Hungarian writer, Josika. This work somehow awakened my dormant powers of will and I began to practise self-control. At first my resolutions faded like snow in April, but in a little while I conquered my weakness and felt a pleasure I never knew before—that of doing as I willed. In the course of time this vigorous mental exercise became second nature. At the outset my wishes had to be subdued but gradually desire and will grew to be identical. After years of such discipline I gained so complete a mastery over myself that I toyed with passions which have meant destruction to some of the strongest men. At a certain age I contracted a mania for gambling which greatly worried my parents.To sit down to a game of cards was for me the quintessence of pleasure.My father led an exemplary life and could not excuse the senseless waste of time and money in which I indulged. I had a strong resolve but my philosophy was bad. I would say to him, “I can stop whenever I please but is it worth while to give up that which I would purchase with the joys of Paradise?” On frequent occasions he gave vent to his anger and contempt but my mother was different. She understood the character of men and knew that one’s salvation could only be brought about thru his own efforts. One afternoon, I remember, when I had lost all my money and was craving for a game, she came to me with a roll of bills and said, “Go and enjoy yourself. The sooner you lose all we possess the better it will be. I know that you will get over it.” She was right. I conquered my passion then and there and only regretted that it had not been a hundred times as strong. I not only vanquished but tore it from my heart so as not to leave even a trace of desire. Ever since that time I have been as indifferent to any form of gambling as to picking teeth.
直到 8 岁，我的性格都很优柔寡断。我既没有勇气，也没有能力去做决断。我的情绪跌宕起伏，在两个极端之间不停摇摆。我的欲望十分旺盛，像九头蛇的头一样，恣意生长。生与死的痛苦和对宗教的恐惧折磨着我，迷信的观念左右着我，一直活在对邪灵、鬼魂、食人魔以及其他暗黑恶怪的恐怖阴影中。然后，突然之间，一次巨变修正了我整个的人生轨迹。
在所有的事物中，我最喜欢的是书。我父亲有一个很大的藏书室，只要一有机会我就会去读书。可他不允许我这样做，一旦被他逮个正着，他就会大发雷霆。当他发现我在偷偷看书，就把蜡烛藏了起来。他不想我什么书都看。但我弄到了牛油，制作了灯芯，自制了蜡烛棒，每天晚上我都会堵住钥匙孔和门缝，在里面看书，常常看到天亮，那时其他人都还在睡梦中，而母亲已经开始了她一天繁重的工作。有一次，我偶然读到一本名为《阿巴菲》
的小说，是匈牙利著名作家约西卡（Josika）的塞尔维亚语译本。这部作品不知何故唤醒了我沉睡的意志力，我开始练习自我控制。起初，我的决心像四月的雪一样转瞬消融，但没过多久，我战胜了自己的弱点，感受到了一种前所未有的快乐——做自己想做的事。随着时间的推移，这种高强度的精神锻炼成了我的第二天性。一开始，我必须要压制欲望，但渐渐地，欲望和意志变得一致。经过多年训练，我已经做到能完全自控，哪怕是面对一些可以毁人一生的欲望，也可以进退自如。有段时间，我染上了赌博，这让我的父母非常担心。坐下来打牌对我来说是最大的快乐。我父亲的生活堪称楷模，他无法原谅我沉溺于打牌，毫无意义地浪费时间和金钱。虽然我有很强的自制力，但我的人生观却很糟糕。我对他说：“我可以随时停止，但这种天堂都买不到的快乐，我就这么放弃，值得吗？”为此他多次大发雷霆，对我嗤之以鼻，但母亲却不同。她洞悉人性，知道一个人的救赎只能通过自己来实现。我记得那是一个下午，我输光了所有的钱，正渴望着再赌一场时，她拿着一沓钞票走到我面前说：“去玩吧。把我们的钱输光，越快越好。我知道你会征服它的。”她是对的。我当场改过自新，只是遗憾这种欲望没再强烈一百倍。我不仅战胜了它，而且把它从我的心中连根拔掉，再无半点眷恋。从那时起，我对任何形式的赌博都像对剔牙一样完全没了兴趣。
During another period I smoked excessively, threatening to ruin my health. Then my will asserted itself and I not only stopt but destroyed all inclination. Long ago I suffered from heart trouble until I discovered that it was due to the innocent cup of coffee I consumed every morning. I discontinued at once, although I confess it was not an easy task. In this way I checked and bridled other habits and passions and have not only preserved my life but derived an immense amount of satisfaction from what most men would consider privation and sacrifice.
After finishing the studies at the Polytechnic Institute and University I had a complete nervous breakdown and while the malady lasted I observed many phenomena strange and unbelievable.
还有一段时间，我烟抽得很凶，危害到了我的健康。后来我的意志力证明了自己，我不仅戒了烟，而且根除了所有的不良嗜好。很久以前，我曾患过心脏病，我发现这跟我每天早上喝的那杯无辜的咖啡有关，尽管我承认这不是一件容易的事，但我还是戒掉了。通过这种方式，我约束和克服了其他的坏习惯，这不仅保住了我的生命，而且从大多数人认为是徒劳无益的事情中获得了巨大的满足。
在完成格拉茨理工大学的学业后，我的精神彻底崩溃，在患病期间，我观察到了许多匪夷所思的现象。