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第四节
小试牛刀

模拟演练 One Alaska Night

读后续写(满分25分)

阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。

One Alaska Night

A root tripped me and threw me flat in the trail (小路). I lay there for a moment, too tired to get up. “This is crazy,” I said to myself. I never should have started out alone. I don’t know this part of Alaska well enough. It was a 10-mile hike through the woods to the ranch, where my friend Connie Maxwell and her father were waiting for me. I didn’t know how far I had gone.

Suddenly, I had the feeling of something crawling against my cheek. It was a clump (簇) of brown fur, caught on a branch. One glance and I knew it had come from an Alaskan brown bear. The truth came to me with a shock. I hadn’t been following a path made by man. I had been following a bear trail!

I was lost! I wanted to dash madly through the trees anywhere away from this trail. But I got hold of myself. After all, I had some sense of direction. I decided on a course that I thought would take me to the ranch.

I was really tired and it was getting dark when I burst out of the woods. Ahead, I saw a log cabin (小木屋) in the middle of a grassland. This certainly wasn’t the ranch!

There was something strange about that cabin, with its closed door and boarded-up windows. Those windows seemed to stare at me—like the empty eyes of a skull (骷髅)! A story Connie had told me popped into my head. Something about Bear Butler, a crazy hunter who had lived in these woods. Also there was something about five miners who had come to this part of Alaska and never been seen again. Had Bear Butler killed the miners? And—was I looking at the crazy hunter’s cabin?

I turned to go back. But one glance into the black forest changed my mind.

Close to the cabin, I came upon a pile of wood and a stump with its top covered with ax (斧头) marks.

注意:

1. 续写词数应为150左右;

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

I moved on to the cabin and pushed on the door.

Connie and her father woke me the next morning.

思路拓展

1、故事梗概

本文的体裁是记叙文。主题是人与自然、人与自我。故事有着明确的主线和情节发展方向。该续写场景也是森林,经历也都是历险:从遇险到脱险。但该故事中的“我”没有遇到实际上的危险,都是“我”脑海中的想象。虽然如此,却非常符合该年龄孩子该有的独自一人夜间穿越森林时的内心活动和行为。

前文讲述的是“我”徒步十英里,横穿阿拉斯加的一个森林去一个农场看“我”的朋友Connie。“我”对这个地方不是很熟悉,所以走着走着就被树枝绊倒了,然后发现树枝上挂着熊的毛发。“我”不禁汗毛倒竖,“我”正走在一条“熊出没”的小路上,而不是人走的小路。还好,“我”控制住了自己,没有乱跑,而是朝着“我”认为的能走出森林的路走去。最终,“我”来到一片草地,还有一间小木屋。小木屋是那个“猎熊”疯猎人的吗?据说五个矿工消失在这片森林?看看黝黑的森林,“我”最终还是推开了小木屋的门……第二天早上,Connie和她爸爸把“我”叫醒……

学生在看懂故事情节、主题之外,还要学会赏析文章的语言特点,体会作者的写作意图和情感态度,最后写出与原文故事情节、语言风格、主题相一致的文章。

2、写作步骤

Step 1: Grasp the outline.

把握记叙文的六要素,把握故事梗概。

Step 2: List the plot.

梳理情节:前文情节比较简单,学生抓住主线而不是细节,就不容易偏离故事主要情节。原文人物关系简单,大部分都是“我”的心理活动描写。仔细阅读这篇文章,有助于学生模仿学习最难写的心理活动,以及有关森林的环境描写。

由于读后续写是记叙文,而该文主角也没有遇到真正的危险,所以遇到熊的可能性就不用考虑了。而前文中提及的猎人、矿工都需要利用起来。

综上,初步确定续写的方向和细节。第一段首句提到“我”推开门,接下来就是描述小木屋里面的布置,即环境描写,以及“我”的行为动作和心理活动。第二段首句提到“我”一早被“我”的朋友和她父亲叫醒,所以第一段可以写一夜无事,有惊无险。同时,白天和夜晚的感觉是不一样的,对于“我”夜间的胡思乱想,在第二段也该有个合理的解释。

Step 3: Trace more clues.

文章通常会提供很多线索,提示情节的发展、时空变化、人物个性特点或情感变化,帮助学生构思情节,明确故事的主题,提供写作方向。

前文除了主要情节之外还隐藏着不少线索可供参考。例如,由于“I don’t know this part of Alaska well enough.”,所以作者才会走到了“熊道”上,才有后面的胡思乱想。那么在文章结束时,对作者的一些疑问必然会有所解释。

例如,“Had Bear Butler killed the miners?”这一问题的答案,必定会出现在续写第二段,从而实现前后呼应。

再由“A story Connie had told me popped into my head. Something about Bear Butler, a crazy hunter who had lived in these woods.”可知,对于“我”的胡思乱想,作为故事讲述者的Connie或者她的爸爸会有答案。

学生可以顺着这些线索构思情节,水到渠成,不会出现偏题。

Step 4: Construct the plots and explore the theme.

学生应按照原文故事发生的逻辑谋篇布局,情节的发展要符合原文情节的内在逻辑,符合现实发生的可能性。

这两段续写内容都是相当开放性的,可以写的内容非常多,主要培养学生的发散性思维。第一段可以写的内容很多,比如开门时让你惊恐的声音,屋内的陈设。由于第二段段首是黎明,可见木屋里并没有发生危险,所以第一段段末可以提及入睡,毕竟在森林里跋涉了一整天,终于有个屋子可以安顿一晚,可以增加环境描写、心理描写和动作描写。第二段则应该就前文提到的疑问,给出合理的答案。

Step 5: Complete and polish the story.

学生根据已知情节、主题、线索和所给段首句对文章结局进行合理推测、建构,培养和训练自己的逻辑思维及推理能力,完成故事。

注意续写文章要根据原文的语言风格,模仿原文语言特点进行创造性的表达。例如原文有对森林的风景描写,那么在续写中也不妨使用景色描写,衬托当时或欣赏美景喜悦的心情或因迷路沮丧紧张的心情。

最后书写时要注意字迹清楚端正。 F+8AiwMMl09jPFVId6dY28Hr+s8tUXYwHQM7TJ2WCUd23fhFtKJCAr25dFgIIXba

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