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第三节
语篇分析&谋篇布局

语篇综述

本篇读后续写题目的原文来自 www.washingtonian.com ,体裁是记叙文,情景现场是森林,经历是历险:从遇险到脱险。本文主题是人与自我和人与自然——克服困境、利用环境生存、反思自我。学生在看懂故事情节、主题之外,还要学会赏析文章的语言特点,体会作者的写作意图和情感态度,最后写出与原文故事情节、语言风格、主题相一致的文章。

本文故事很长,讲述的是92岁高龄的Bill McDonnell因猎鹿季节的到来,不顾妻子的劝阻,一定要去森林打猎,结果迷路,在森林中独自一人寻路,直至被搜救队找到的故事。故事按照时间顺序展开,不同时间分割清晰。由于Bill在森林中不停走动寻找返途之路,所以会有空间的变化,而且在不同时空,Bill的心情也不一样。所以不同时空的时间线索和情感变化线索为暗线贯穿全文脉络。

时空线索:猎鹿季节到来→妻子劝阻无效→坚持独自去森林→认错路→

迷路→手机无信号,卫星电话没有电→不断尝试原路返回

情感变化:开心→自信→自责→重燃信心

值得一提的是原文文末说Bill虽然答应儿子不再单独一个人去森林,但是他对于最初走错的那条路还是念念不忘,希望能再次一探究竟。这说明他对大自然有着无比的热爱。

试题再现

读后续写(满分25分)

阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。

A 92-year-old Hunter Lost in the Woods

Bill McDonnell, a soldier when young, was 92 years old now, still healthy and strong. He loved hunting very much. On December 15, Bill decided to go hunting in Shenandoah Mountain the next day as deer season had begun. His wife Joanna McDonnell intended to let their son Bill McDonnell Jr. accompany him, but Bill Jr. had a football game that day. Bill McDonnell said he could manage all by himself. Joanna then required Bill to be out of the woods by 2 pm and home by 3 pm, plenty of time before sunset.

The next morning, Bill woke up at four, grabbed his muzzleloader (前装枪), and steered his Jeep toward Shenandoah Mountain. At the end of the old Laurel Run logging road, he began to walk. It was about 7:30 am and 25 degrees when the sun peeked through the trees.

Not long into the hike, he came upon a path he didn’t remember. Maybe this was a secret route to the king of all bucks (雄鹿). He took it.

Then, around 11 am, he came into a clearing (林中空地) along a ridgeline (山脊线). He had walked farther than he had expected. It seemed that his path up the mountain had meandered quite a bit. Bill figured he could drop into the valley, hunt a bit and then go back home. But when he snaked down through the forest, he found there was no path at all. The forest was thick. It was hard to tell the direction now. “No, I’m not lost,” he told himself.

By around 2 pm, Bill stopped somewhere in the valley, exhausted. “I’ll get it figured out,” he said to himself. He took out his phone to call his wife, but the phone had died. He dug into his pants for the GPS device he always brought in case of emergency and pushed the “on” button. Nothing. He had forgotten to charge it the night before.

His eyes caught a stand of tall trees. He remembered admiring the line of fantastic oaks and pines earlier. Reach them and the car wouldn’t be that far off. It meant he would have to cover some ground.

注意:

1. 续写词数应为150左右;

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

He was moving slower and slower, Joanna’s 3 pm deadline having passed.

It was about 9:45 pm when Bill heard the whoop-whoop-whoop of a helicopter.

写作步骤

Step 1: Grasp the outline.

把握记叙文的六要素:时间、地点、人物、起因、经过和结果。把握故事梗概。

Step 2: List the plot.

梳理情节,了解文章的主旨大意,并初步确定续写的方向和细节。

Step 3: Trace more clues.

文章通常会提供很多线索,提示情节的发展或时空变化,以及人物个性特点或情感变化,帮助学生构思情节,明确故事的主题,提供写作方向。

Step 4: Construct the plots and explore the theme.

按照原文故事发生的逻辑谋篇布局。情节的发展要符合原文情节的内在逻辑,符合现实发生的可能性。

分析主要人物的性格特征和文章的情节及线索来思考文章的主题,挖掘作者想表达的情感和写作意图。

Step 5: Complete and polish the story.

根据已知情节、主题、线索和所给段首句对文章结局进行合理推测、建构,培养和训练自己的逻辑思维及推理能力,完成故事。

注意续写文章要根据原文的语言风格,模仿原文语言特点进行创造性的表达。最后书写时要注意字迹清楚端正。

参考范文

Possible Version:

He was moving slower and slower, Joanna’s 3 pm deadline having passed. He knew Joanna must be worrying about him, but he had no way to contact her now. He should have listened to her, not to hunt alone. With great difficulty, he kept walking up the mountain as he remembered, in the hope of reaching his Jeep. But before he found the familiar route, the sun began to slip down below the mountain ridge behind him and then the forest turned pitch-black. Luckily, he brought a flashlight with him. He found himself a place to rest and waited for help.

It was about 9:45 pm when Bill heard the whoop-whoop-whoop of a helicopter. “They come to rescue me!” he felt excited, relieved as well. Bill got to his feet, and turned on his flashlight. He somehow managed to arrive at an open place nearby so that the trees would not block the helicopter. “Here! I’m here!” he shouted, waving his flashlight wildly to attract the helicopter. Thanks to his flashlight, the helicopter spotted him easily. It hovered directly above him and a strong rope dropped down. He was rescued eventually. XF3Yf5xz6AGUV3j/vLIGPxh1gAg+ZVKgyDoMSvtx2XIEC7Ev4GApoqvof0cQExTT

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