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第三节
语篇分析& 谋篇布局

语篇综述

本篇读后续写的原文故事里的主要人物只有“我”和“我最小的儿子”。故事情节简单:母亲节前一天晚上,“我”的两个较大的孩子提到他们为“我”准备了“惊喜”;第二天一早小儿子就不见了,房间里没人,即使全家人都出动了也没有找到,最终只能报警;然后“我”想起孩子曾经去过的地方——“我”曾经工作过的花园,还没去找过,于是慢慢驱车一路寻找。

原文很容易理解,因此学生在续写情节上不会跑偏,就算没有续写段首句的提示,也能猜到孩子肯定是找到了,那么他为什么一早要去花园?根据前面的两处暗示“花园”和“年纪稍大一些的孩子们提到自己为母亲准备了母亲节礼物”,也就不难猜到原因了。续写部分可以提到其他非主要人物,比如警察,比如两个较大孩子的情感和动作等,也不可以不提及,只要构思合理即可。续写题目的本意就是考查学生的发散性思维和创造性思维,所以没有所谓的标准答案。要知道,高考阅卷时并不提供范文。

此外,该续写题目并不难,因为课堂上学过的常见的动作描写、情感描写、心理活动描写或者环境描写都是可用的素材。

试题再现

读后续写(满分25分)

阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。

The Mother’s Day My Little Boy Disappeared

The night before Mother’s Day there were broad hints passed across the table from the two older children that tomorrow morning I would be happily surprised by what they had gotten me as presents. The youngest was silent. Then they went to bed.

The next morning, around six, my daughter came into my room and said, “Justin’s not in his bed.” I sprang from my own, assuming he had gone downstairs to watch television. He hadn’t. I called out through the house. No answer. Was he hiding? I looked everywhere—under beds, in closets (衣橱) and finally, outside.

Since it was a Sunday, nobody was awake. The usual busy streets were quiet, his bicycle was on the porch (门廊), and my thoughts were jumbled (纷乱). The empty bed, the flung covers (掀开的被子), the shoes he did not stop to put on—any other time of day I could find reasons for his being gone. But at 6 a.m. on a Sunday, Mother’s Day, I could find none. How terrible!

After rousing the whole family and sending everyone up and down the streets and alleys for 20 minutes of calling, I went to the telephone, dialed the police and lived out my worst fear—I put in a missing-child report.

“Somebody,” an officer said, “will be right over.” I put down the telephone and tried to think where else he might have gone, or why. There was, I dimly hoped, one more possibility, the garden where I worked, four blocks away. I could think of no reason why he would go there. He had never gone by himself. But it was the only place I hadn’t tried, and after getting in the car, I drove slowly toward it. First block nothing—second and third empty too.

注意:

1. 续写词数应为150左右;

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

But at the end of the fourth block, I saw him walking toward me with his head down.

Then I told him we had better go home and tell the policemen that everything was all right.

写作步骤

Step 1: Grasp the outline.

把握记叙文的六要素:时间、地点、人物、起因、经过和结果。把握故事梗概。

Step 2: List the plot.

梳理情节,了解文章的主旨大意,并初步确定续写的方向和细节。

Step 3: Trace more clues.

文章通常会提供很多线索,提示情节的发展或时空变化,以及人物个性特点或情感变化,帮助学生构思情节,明确故事的主题,提供写作方向。

Step 4: Construct the plots and explore the theme.

按照原文故事发生的逻辑谋篇布局。情节的发展要符合原文情节的内在逻辑,符合现实发生的可能性。

分析主要人物的性格特征和文章的情节及线索来思考文章的主题,挖掘作者想表达的情感和写作意图。

Step 5: Complete and polish the story.

根据已知情节、主题、线索和所给段首句对文章结局进行合理推测、建构,培养和训练自己的逻辑思维及推理能力,完成故事。

注意续写文章要根据原文的语言风格,模仿原文语言特点进行创造性的表达。最后书写时要注意字迹清楚端正。

参考范文

Possible Version:

But at the end of the fourth block, I saw him walking toward me with his head down. He was in his pajamas, with bare feet. I slammed my brakes, flung open the car door and felt every valve in my heart open with relief. “Why?” I asked as he got into the car. He began to cry. “It was Mother’s Day and I thought I could find some flowers to pick. But it was closed.” Holding him tightly and patting his back softly, I told him no flower could ever mean as much to me as he did.

Then I told him we had better go home and tell the policemen that everything was all right. “The policemen?” he exclaimed, looking up, his eyes wide. “Yes, when I couldn’t find you, I called the police.” I explained. His face took on an intensely interested expression. The sadness of Mother’s Day had been replaced by a more interesting thought line, which kept him upright on the seat as we drove home. I looked at Justin’s face and this snapshot will always be engraved in my memory. IcoVy8E5Ae0kV36KlNXmHLnlHbD6fBF5gdathtC43sRq2dIkBJjqZM7VTFLuyVig

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