购买
下载掌阅APP,畅读海量书库
立即打开
畅读海量书库
扫码下载掌阅APP

第三节
语篇分析&谋篇布局

语篇综述

本篇文章的体裁是记叙文,主题是人与自然中的人与动物。Becky是一个三岁的可爱女孩,因为哥哥和姐姐去读书了,一个人在家无聊,于是平日里总是会假想一些可爱的小动物出来自娱自乐;有一天,Becky叫妈妈去看看她的新宠“狗狗”,说“狗狗”很渴而且不会走路;后来,妈妈就跟着Becky一路来到森林,却发现那并不是一条狗,而是一只狼。

文章的开头主要交代故事发生的场景,着重介绍了故事的主角Becky。在这些语言描写中,读者脑海中会闪现出一个三岁的可爱天真的女孩形象。比如,Becky兴奋地冲进家里,拉扯着妈妈的牛仔裤,棕色的眼睛祈求着,用稚嫩的语言描述着自己的所见。在后续的故事发展阶段,读者们还能继续欣赏到作者对于不同角色的语言描写。这些都是值得学生学习模仿的。

文章的结尾是妈妈将Becky抱在怀里跑回家,个别学生的思路就带偏了,以为是女孩被狼咬了,受伤了。而且把第一段段首句提到的“爸爸也来了”,误以为是来射杀狼的,全然忽视了和爸爸一起来的还有兽医,也自动忽略了第二段的段首句“Becky给狼取名为Ralph,并天天给狼送水和食物”。

第一段段首句提到兽医来了,那肯定是为了救治狼,所以才有第二段Becky天天来给狼送水和食物的情节。爸爸一起来是为了帮忙,毕竟狼那么大,那么重,难以移动。在第二段的续写中,经过兽医和Becky的照顾,狼逐渐恢复,而缺少玩伴的Becky也有了忠实的伙伴。

试题再现

读后续写(满分25分)

阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。

Becky and the Wolf

With all her big brothers and sisters off to school, our ranch became a lonely place for our three-year-old daughter, Becky. She longed for playmates. We promised to buy her a puppy but in the meantime, “pretend” puppies popped up nearly every day.

I had just finished washing the lunch dishes when the screen door slammed and Becky rushed in, cheeks flushed with excitement. “Mama.” she cried. “Come see my new doggy. I gave him water two times already. He’s so thirsty.”

I sighed. Another of Becky’s imaginary dogs.

She tugged at my jeans, her brown eyes pleading. “Please come, Mama. He’s crying—and he can’t walk.”

“Can’t walk?” Now that was a twist. All her previous make-believe dogs could do marvelous things. Why suddenly a dog that couldn’t walk?

I followed her, parted the thorny branches and raised my hand against the glare of the Arizona sun. A numbing chill gripped me.

There she was, sitting on her heels, toes dug firmly in the sand, and cradled in her lap was the unmistakable head of a wolf.

“Becky.” My mouth felt dry. “Don’t move.” I stepped closer. Pale-yellow eyes narrowed. Black lips tightened, exposing double sets of two-inch fangs (牙). Suddenly the wolf trembled. Its teeth clacked, and a piteous whine (可怜的哀鸣) rose from its throat.

“It’s all right, boy,” Becky crooned. “Don’t be afraid. That’s my mama, and she loves you, too.”

Then the unbelievable happened. As her tiny hands stroked the great shaggy head, I heard the gentle thump, thump, thumping of the wolf’s tail from deep inside the stump.

I had to get Becky away. “Honey.” My throat tightened. “Put his head down and come to Mama. We’ll go find help.”

Reluctantly, Becky got up and kissed the wolf on the nose before she walked slowly into my outstretched arms. Sad yellow eyes followed her. Then the wolf’s head sank to the ground. With Becky safe in my arms, I ran to our home.

注意:

1. 续写词数应为150左右;

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

That afternoon my husband, Bill, and our veterinarian (兽医) , Doc, came to see the wolf.

Becky named the wolf Ralph and carried food and water to the stump every day.

写作步骤

Step 1: Grasp the outline.

把握记叙文的六要素:时间、地点、人物、起因、经过和结果。把握故事梗概。

Step 2: List the plot.

梳理情节,了解文章的主旨大意,并初步确定续写的方向和细节。

Step 3: Trace more clues.

文章通常会提供很多线索,提示情节的发展或时空变化,以及人物个性特点或情感变化,帮助学生构思情节,明确故事的主题,提供写作方向。

Step 4: Construct the plots and explore the theme.

按照原文故事发生的逻辑谋篇布局。情节的发展要符合原文情节的内在逻辑,符合现实发生的可能性。

分析主要人物的性格特征和文章的情节及线索来思考文章的主题,挖掘作者想表达的情感和写作意图。

Step 5: Complete and polish the story.

根据已知情节、主题、线索和所给段首句对文章结局进行合理推测、建构,培养和训练自己的逻辑思维及推理能力,完成故事。

注意续写文章要根据原文的语言风格,模仿原文语言特点进行创造性的表达。最后书写时要注意字迹清楚端正。

参考范文

Possible Version:

That afternoon my husband, Bill, and our veterinarian (兽医) , Doc, came to see the wolf. Doc found the wolf was badly wounded. Just then, Becky emerged from the bushes and hauled the animal’s head onto her lap once more. This time I wasn’t the only one who heard the thumping of the wolf’s tail. Observing the trust the animal had in Becky, Doc said to her, “Suppose you and I tend to him together.” Minutes later, as Becky reassured the stricken beast, Doc gave him a shot. The yellow eyes closed. After hauling the massive body out of the stump together with Bill, Doc cleaned the wound and gave the patient a dose of medicine.

Becky named the wolf Ralph and carried food and water to the stump every day. At five days, Doc came every day to give him more doses of medicine. Later, he checked Ralph from time to time. Ralph’s recovery was not easy. Becky even massaged the leg for him. From the way he lowered his eyelids, we knew he endured great pain, but not once did he ever try to bite the hands of those who cared for him. Four months passed before Ralph finally stood unaided. As his strength grew, Ralph followed Becky all over the ranch. Becky was not lonely any more. hPSfdEctM4SKsPL8/t5MjueLCo8lnEuk8qOMZbEeyOIMZDtqETH1WGYhggZRpoaQ

点击中间区域
呼出菜单
上一章
目录
下一章
×