在欣赏之余,还要学会对比。有对比才能体会差异和更多的方法。先自己做题,然后再对照评析。
选自2006年实考试题,译文一为官方译文,译文二为韩老师参考译文。
■ 翻译原文
维护世界和平,促进共同发展,谋求合作共赢,是各国人民的共同愿望,也是不可抗拒的当今时代潮流。中国高举和平、发展、合作的旗帜,坚持走和平发展道路,与世界各国一道,共同致力于建设一个持久和平、共同繁荣的和谐世界。
■ 参考译文
译文一:
To uphold world peace, promote common development and seek cooperation and winwin is the common wish of the people around the world and an irresistible trend of our times. Committed to peace, development and cooperation, China pursues a road of peaceful development, and endeavors to build, together with other countries, a harmonious world of enduring peace and common prosperity.
译文二:
Universal peace, common/inclusive development and win-win cooperation represents the shared aspiration of all peoples across the world/a universal aspiration and an irresistible/ irreversible trend of our times. On this very note, China remains committed to a road of peaceful development as it seeks to work with other countries to build a harmonious world of enduring peace and common prosperity/where all live in peace and prosperity/where peace prevails and prosperity reaches all corners/a world of peace and prosperity for all.
■ 对比评析
①在第一句中,大家会发现这是一个中文比较常见的句式,按照结构分析,“维护世界和平,促进共同发展,谋求合作共赢”是主语,而主语的特点是动宾结构,按照语法要求,有两个解决方案,即“to do sth. is”或者“doing sth. is”,官方译文是严格按照原文结构组句。而在译文二中,则省略了动词,为什么?大家在练习英译汉时会发现,很多时候英译汉必须添加动词才能达意,这是因为中文使用动词的频率要远远多于英语,而英文中通过介词的灵活使用可以隐藏动词,比如:work together for a peaceful and prosperous world,译成中文是:共同努力建设一个和平与繁荣的世界,“建设”一词英文中是不需要译出的,翻译中这样的例子不胜枚举,大家在后续练习中多加留意。
②第二个是涉及两个句子的逻辑关系问题。如前所述,中文句子之间逻辑内隐,英译时必须外显,所以必须分析两者之间有何关系。显然,两者之间是微弱的因果关系,前者给出了一个大背景。再来看第二个句子,大家再用“三步走”的逻辑切分法分析一下,很明显,“高举……的旗帜”和“坚持……道路”都是idea/principle,可单独成句。中间是第二步“do sth.”,“与……一道,共同致力于……”前后重复,后面信息是第三步“目标”,句子结构非常清晰。译文一中第二句“Committed to peace, development and cooperation,”行文没有问题,之前我们也说过,谈到理念或者原则时第一选词是 be committed to,但是这里有一个问题,就是在第一句中提到了和平、发展和合作,第二句中再次重复出现,在英文中似乎属于赘述,因为英文多用替换词或者代词来避免词的重复使用。“China pursues a road of peaceful development, and endeavors to build, together with other countries, a harmonious world of enduring peace and common prosperity.”这一句中两个分句之间似乎也并不是并列,因为中文最后一个句子很显然是为了阐述一个目标。
③鉴于上述分析,在译文二中,在前两个句子中间使用On this very note/in this connection/in this context/given this等等之类的词点明逻辑关系,同时避免了词的重复使用。“as it seeks to do sth.”是英文中使用特别多的一种用法,意思等同于大家最熟悉但是英文中现在使用较少的in order to。事实上,大家今后阅读英文报纸、杂志或书籍时一定要注意看母语人士使用哪些词汇来阐述目的,其他常用的词组包括:as a way to do sth./as a way of doing sth./in an attempt to do sth./in an effort to do sth./as it works to do sth./as it looks to do sth.,记住:翻译绝不是字字词词对等,而是概念或信息对等。另一个语法准确但英文中使用较少的例子是“我们要努力……”,刚刚接触翻译的学员脱口而出“make efforts to do sth.”,事实上英文绝没有这么贫乏,常用的句式如:we will seek to do sth./we will work to do sth./we will look to do sth.,“我们要……”并不是大家熟悉的“we should”,should 给人生硬、命令的感觉,英文中可以使用“we must do sth./we need to do sth./it makes sense to do sth.”等等,当然改掉一些用词习惯需要大家持续不断地阅读和积累,假以时日,你也会成为翻译中的佼佼者!
④有的学员可能会有疑问,考试时应该直译还是意译呢?其实,大家不妨看看官方给的参考译文,绝对不是照字译字的所谓直译,而是在照顾原文意思的基础上做到行文流畅。大家对好译文还是有一个共同标尺的,即:只要你译出的文章不偏离原文主旨,而且给读者的感觉是流畅写作而不是生硬译作,都是上乘佳作,如前所述,“翻译就是写作”!
■ 翻译原文
目前,中国经济总量居世界第六,进出口贸易总额居世界第四。中国之所以能够发生这样巨大的变化,最关键的原因是我们始终坚持走中国特色社会主义道路,始终坚持改革开放,激发了全体人民的积极性、主动性、创造性。
■ 参考译文
译文一:
China now is the world’s sixth largest economy and the fourth largest trader. The reason why China has produced such tremendous changes is because we have adhered to the road of building socialism with Chinese characteristics and persevered in reform and opening-up, thus galvanizing the Chinese people’s initiative, enthusiasm and creativity.
译文二:
China today represents the 6th largest economy and the 4th biggest foreign trader in the world. The transformation that has taken place in China can be best explained by the fact that we have remained committed to reform and opening-up and the building of socialism with distinctive Chinese features, thereby unleashing/unlocking people’s enthusiasm, motivation and creativity.
■ 对比评析
①第一个句子中使用了英文的拟人化表达。这样的例子比比皆是,如:中国是世界上……的第一大出口国、进口国,中国……的产量居世界首位、是……的第一消费大国等等,英文都采用拟人化处理为:the largest/biggest/leading exporter/importer/producer/consumer of…。
②第二个句子难点依然是结构的处理。“原因是我们坚持了……,而后者又激发了……”很显然是一个递进关系。英文对递进关系的处理往往采用,“doing…”的结构。此处“我们始终坚持……”依然采用“we remain committed to sth.”表达的依然是idea/principle,译文一使用了英文的实义动词进行了处理,读来略显生硬。
③大家今后学习时不妨注意英文中对as/ing/with的使用,如果掌握了这三种句式结构,你的英文将会有质的提升。“as”通常放在句首后加句子,句子时态为一般现在时,表示给出事实或背景,相当于中文的“随着……”、“在……的情况下/背景下”,如:随着人口的不断老龄化,随着经济的不断发展,随着居民收入的不断提高。英文可套用公式,译为:“as population ages, as the economy grows, as people’s income increases”;在全球金融危机不断蔓延的大背景下可译为:as global financial crisis spreads/unfolds。“ing”在上面已经提到了,是主句中主语行为造成的结果,是对主句中谓语动词造成影响的补充说明,相当于中文的“……,使……”,如:改革开放增加了城乡居民的收入,使人民的生活水平迈上新的台阶,英文可译为:Reform and opening-up has increased people’s income, (thereby) improving their livelihood/moving people’s living standard to the next level.“with sb. doing sth./done”与“ing”句式的功能相同,“…, with sb. doing sth.”相当于“……,使……”,与“ing”句式的区别在于“ing”动作的发出者与主句主语是同一个主体,而“with sb. doing sth.”很显然后者动作的发出者与主句主语不是同一主体。举例来说,大雨造成500栋房屋受损,5 000人被迫紧急转移,英文可译为:The downpour damaged 500 houses, with 5,000 people fleeing their homes/being evacuated. 通过例句,大家可以发现,掌握了as/ing/with的灵活句式应用,可以让英文读来更加简练,今后在阅读时一定要注意这三个句式在具体语境下的使用。可以不夸张地说,谁尽早熟练掌握了这三个句式,谁就能尽早步入汉英翻译的殿堂!
■ 翻译原文
中国虽然取得了很大的发展成就,但中国人口多,底子薄,生产力不发达,发展很不平衡,生态环境、自然资源与经济社会发展的矛盾比较突出。虽然中国人均国内生产总值已经突破1 000美元,但仍排在世界一百位以后。中国要实现现代化,使全体人民都过上富裕生活,还需要进行长期不懈的艰苦奋斗。
■ 参考译文
译文一:
Though China has achieved impressive results in its development, there are still many acute problems, such as overpopulation, weak economic foundation, underdeveloped productivity, highly uneven development, and a fairly sharp contradiction between the country’s ecological environment and natural resources on the one hand and its economic and social development on the other. China’s per capita GDP, though reaching the record high of 1,000 US dollars last year, still ranks behind the 100th place in the world. To make China’s modernization program a success and deliver a prosperous life for all the Chinese people still requires a long and uphill battle.
译文二:
For all the remarkable gains China has scored, many challenges still lie ahead/remain out there. China is burdened/saddled with a large population, built on a weak economic foundation, and challenged by underdeveloped productivity and disparities in development. The fast-growing economy is also struggling with an acute/salient imbalance between ecological wellbeing and natural resource availability on the one hand and socio-economic development on the other. China’s per capita GDP has exceeded/topped US$1,000, but has yet to rank among top 100 on the world’s list. That means China still has a long, hard journey to go before it can achieve full modernization and prosperity for all.
■ 对比评析
①在第一句中,很显然是一个转折关系,但是后面的成分太多。英文有一个大致的规律,并列部分一般为两到三个,而中文的流水账式的句子可能多达七八个并列,怎么办?按照英文特点合理切分是上策。译文一是典型直译,属于口译语体甚至是同传顺句驱动的处理方法。在行文中大家要注意冠词的使用。我们说:lay a solid foundation, 很显然foundation 可以作为可数名词,而且economic foundation 前面还有weak,显然前面少了一个冠词“a”。最大的问题还是出现在了“矛盾比较突出”这里,典型的Chinglish,有经验的翻译在处理“矛盾”二字时都会十分小心,其实这里的矛盾就是强调无法取得二者的平衡,很难balance或者reconcile这两个方面,名词“矛盾”首选imbalance,国内英译稿绝大部分也是选用该词。在译文二中,选择了“for all the…”这种句式表达转折逻辑,遵循英文句子宜短不宜长的原则,果断切分断句。之后的并列成分并没有如汉语一一罗列,而是采用了灵活动词词组,让英文句子产生形象或立体化。关于发展不平衡或者差距这类的词,大家多阅读英文杂志会发现,母语者更多会选用disparities这个词,如:urban-rural disparities/income disparities,当然这不是说gap/divide不可以,而是翻译也要入乡随俗,英文里哪些词最常用我们就采用“拿来主义”,直接借鉴即可。另一个例子就是“目前”,我们习惯了at present,事实上你会发现这个表达在英文里真的并不常见,反倒是“at the moment, at this point”出现频率更多,大家不妨到google上求证一下。
②“虽然中国人均国内生产总值已经突破1 000美元,但仍排在世界一百位以后。”该句相对简单,但是译文一结构欠妥,英文很少把though放在这样一个位置,后面还要搭配ing。Though在英文中似乎放在句末的情况居多,结构为:…, though. 其实转折部分前半句作为陈述句,在后半句加一个but就完全可以解决问题,口译课我也跟学员反复强调这种处理方式,至少不会出错。
③“中国要实现现代化,使全体人民都过上富裕生活,还需要进行长期不懈的艰苦奋斗。”这个句子要用到基本句式结构“we have to do sth. if we are to do sth. else”或者“we still have a long way to go before we can do sth.”,语感较好、阅读量较大的学员应该对这样的句式非常熟悉。译文一还是有一些硬伤,如:deliver sth. to sb.,不是for sb.,“a long and uphill battle”缺乏语感,英文中两个形容词中间多数情况下并不需要加and,学员可以自己到google查证一下,如:The UK faces a long,uphill battle that is only just beginning.在译文二中大家还要培养语感,学习that means在英文中如何连接句子,承上启下。