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第二部分
汉英翻译对比评析

在欣赏之余,还要学会对比。有对比才能体会差异和更多的方法。先自己做题,然后再对照评析。

案例1

本部分内容选自2007年实考试题,译文一为官方译文,译文二为韩老师参考译文。

■ 翻译原文

能源是人类社会赖以生存和发展的重要物质基础。纵观人类社会发展的历史,人类文明的每一次重大进步都伴随着能源的改进和更替。能源的开发利用极大地推进了世界经济和人类社会的发展。

译文一:

Energy is an essential material basis for human survival and development. Over the entire history of mankind, each and every significant step in the progress of human civilization has been accompanied by energy innovations and substitutions. The development and utilization of energy has enormously boosted the development of the world economy and human society.

译文二:

Energy serves as a crucial material/physical basis that sustains the human society. If we look at how the human society has evolved and prospered, we will understand that revolutionary energy upgrading has accompanied major human progress every step of the way. Energy development and exploitation has played a key role in driving the world economy and human society forward/has given a strong boost to global socio-economic development.

■ 对比评析

①第一个考查点是“生存和发展”的处理,我们经常谈到生存权和发展权,对应的英文是right to subsistence and development,很多人会条件反射为survival,其实survival的动词本身已经告诉你它的含义了,是从灾难等中幸存下来的意思,而subsistence强调的是延续下去,我们中文经常提到的最低生活保障用的也是该词subsistence allowance。在译文二中,直接借鉴英文中的常见表达,sustain一词在这里应该比较贴切,发展一词则无需译出,因为sustain本身就是一直延续下去,这里涉及汉语与英语包含关系的处理。当然,应试时也可借鉴官方译文,也算中规中矩,但读来少了些英文的立体感,因为英文多用一些实义、形象动词达到提升语言张力的目的。

②“纵观……”的处理在译文二中依然借鉴了大家经常在外文演讲中看到的句式,比译文一要更为立体。译文一在整个句子的处理上严格按照中文行文结构,属于“语法上准确”的行文。在译文二中,将“能源的改进和更替”整合为upgrading,因为upgrade一词也包含了更替的概念,升级换代就是要新旧交替。

③在第三句的翻译中,译文一属于典型同声传译“顺句驱动”的作法,而且词性、结构都不作调整,但是笔译比口译要求更高,平时训练也要广阅读、勤思考,大家在英译汉时肯定不会按照英文的结构和措辞原封不动地搬到中文里来,但是在汉译英时大家却特别机械,这是值得翻译界思考的问题。

案例2

■ 翻译原文

过去100多年里,发达国家先后完成了工业化,消耗了地球上大量的自然资源,特别是能源资源。当前,一些发展中国家正在步入工业化阶段,能源消费增加是经济社会发展的客观必然。

译文一:

Over more than 100 years in the past, developed countries have completed their industrialization, consuming an enormous quantity of natural resources, especially energy resources, in the process. Today, some developing countries are ushering in their own era of industrialization, and an increase of energy consumption is inevitable for their economic and social development.

译文二:

The past century and more has seen developed countries get fully industrialized at the cost/expense of enormous natural resources, particularly energy sources. At this point, some developing countries are in the midst of industrialization where increases in energy consumption are part of what it takes to grow their economies and improve social well-being/As some developing countries are on track to industrialization, their socio-economic development will naturally entail more energy consumption.

■ 对比评析

①译文一对第一句的处理还算恰当,逻辑梳理比较清楚。但在译文二中,使用了at the cost of来凸显逻辑关系,句子更加紧凑,其实有经验的翻译都不会照字译字,都会搜肠刮肚地寻找英文中的对等句型或词组,而非追求字字对等、句句同行。

②译文一对第二个句子的处理欠妥。中文很显然前后是有微弱因果关系,或者说前者是给出了事实、背景,应该想到英文的as+句子这样的句式。译文一还有一个典型的介词使用问题,就是上升、下降、增加、减少后的介词是in…,如:油价的上升rise in oil prices,粮价的下降 fall in food prices。这在英文新闻中比比皆是,平时学习应注意总结。

案例3

■ 翻译原文

中国是目前世界上第二位能源生产国和消费国。能源供应持续增长,为经济社会发展提供了重要的支撑。能源消费的快速增长,为世界能源市场创造了广阔的发展空间。中国已经成为世界能源市场不可或缺的重要组成部分,对维护全球能源安全,正在发挥着越来越重要的积极作用。

译文一:

China is now the world’s second-largest energy producer and consumer. The sustained growth of energy supply has provided an important support for the country’s economic growth and social progress, while the rapid expansion of energy consumption has created a vast scope for the global energy market. As an irreplaceable component of the world energy market, China plays an increasingly important role in maintaining global energy security.

译文二:

China represents the world’s second largest energy producer and consumer. Rising energy supply serves as a strong underpinner/driver for socio-economic development in China, while rapid increase in energy use promises a huge market potential for energy producers worldwide. As an integral part of/indispensable part of the world energy market, China is becoming increasingly crucial/instrumental/pivotal to global energy security.

■ 对比评析

①译文一对第一个句子的处理比较合理,逻辑梳理到位,而且将第二、第三句通过逻辑梳理进行了整合。在译文二中则进行了具象化、形象化处理,使行文更符合英文特点。

②在最后一句的处理上,译文一过于机械对等。初学者见到“发挥作用”马上会想到play a role in…,殊不知英文中有许多表达都要比play a role更常用,如:make a difference in, contribute to…, serve to do sth.…,等等。在译文二中,大家要注意“维护全球能源安全”“维护”并没有翻译,而是通过上下文体现出这层意思。这也是汉英翻译时的一个特点,很多中文中的动词在翻译成英文时都会变换词性或者干脆通过介词隐藏起来,比如:共同努力建设一个更加美好的世界work together for a better a world,“建设”就不需要译出。这样的例子也是随处可见。

案例4

■ 翻译原文

第一,中国和平崛起就是要充分利用世界和平的大好时机,努力发展和壮大自己。同时又以自己的发展,维护世界和平。

第二,中国的崛起应把基点主要放在自己的力量上,独立自主、自力更生,艰苦奋斗,依靠广阔的国内市场、充足的劳动力资源和雄厚的资金储备以及改革带来的机制创新。

译文一:

Firstly, in promoting China’s peaceful rise, we must take full advantage of the very good opportunity of world peace to endeavor to develop and strengthen ourselves, and at the same time safeguard world peace with our own development.

Secondly, the rise of China can only be based on our own strength and on our independent, self-reliant and hard efforts. It also has to be based on the broad market of China, the abundant human resources and capital reserves as well as the innovation of our systems as a result of reform.

译文二:

First, it means we must seize upon the exciting opportunity of the prevailing peace worldwide to boost our own development as a way of safeguarding world peace.

Second, we must rely largely on our own to push for China’s rise. That means we must make full use of our vast market, abundant labor force and large capital reserve and embrace institutional innovation brought about by reform programs.

■ 对比评析

①在译文一中句子结构稍显啰唆,不够精练。“to endeavor to develop…”to使用过多,让英文失去语感,这就好比写中文时“的”使用过多一样。“发展和壮大”是同一概念,可减译。其实中文的下一句“以自己的发展”已经告诉你“壮大”一词只是为了加强中文的语气。在译文二中则将两者整合,意思为发展自己并以此来维护世界和平,体现“简约为上”的翻译原则。

②译文一在对第二段的处理中显然犯了见山是山的错误。“放在自己的力量上,独立自主、自力更生”都在传达同一个信息,就是依靠自己。而中文后面的信息是对上述信息的一个具体说明,译文一逻辑没有梳理清楚,句子松散不堪。 qEJ4j3WalmsmNYvU7bJsHGsb0hAXWUbCq41OCI4da+0EArOdy9I1caqsdpOoHKp6

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