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技巧七:副词去留“有分寸”

主要是指中文外宣材料中动词前多数情况下都有副词构成四字句增强气势,是中文行文习惯使然,中翻英时除非确有必要,否则可酌情去掉这些副词。同样,有时在英文行文时需要添加适当副词来加强语感。副词与形容词同属于表态判断词,需要在平时阅读英文时多加学习借鉴!

鉴赏实例1

■ 翻译原文

中国古代圣人孔子曾说过:“劳心者治人,劳力者治于人。”这句话反映了中国传统文化中人的地位等级的划分,也直接影响了人们对职业的选择。

■ 参考译文

Confucius, an ancient Chinese sage, once said, “Those who work with mental power manage those who work with physical strength.”That tells a lot about how men are traditionally stratified in China and dictates how people weigh career choices.

■ 译文剖析

“反映了中国传统文化中人的地位等级的划分”必须简化后再行翻译,“划分”一词本身也是动词,考虑还原为动词形式,而“地位等级划分”本身也有动词形式“stratify”;“传统文化中”如果按照中文字字对译会失去语感,将其转化为副词“traditionally”后整个句子就鲜活了起来;“直接影响了人们对职业的选择”中“选择”一词本身也是动词,也可还原为动词形式进行翻译。译文中“tell a lot about”和“dictate”都属于从写作的高度翻译的范例。

鉴赏实例2

■ 翻译原文

现代意义上的“白领阶层”是让人羡慕的对象,而“蓝领阶层”即使工资较高,仍有被人看不起的压力。

■ 参考译文

White-collar workers are the envy of the public today while blue-collar laborers are generally looked down upon, even if their salary earnings are tellingly handsome.

■ 译文剖析

该句案例重点学习添加适当副词增强可读性。“现代意义上的‘白领阶层’”就是“今天的所谓白领”,“让人羡慕的对象”对应英文的既有表达“the envy of sb.”,“仍有被人看不起的压力”中“压力”属于宏观概括词,具体所指为“被人看不起”,舍宏观取具体即可。在具体行文上,添加了“be generally looked down upon”和“salary earnings are tellingly handsome”,凸显英文语感。

鉴赏实例3

■ 翻译原文

在中国,还有另外一句流传甚广的话,叫做“无商不奸”,认为商人“唯利是图”,与君子重义轻利的追求背道而驰,所以在传统文化中经商是被人看不起的职业。

■ 参考译文

There is another widespread Chinese saying that goes, “businessmen are invariably dishonest.”Businessmen are traditionally viewed as being solely profit-driven. They are deemed to be poles apart from true gentlemen who put justice before material gains. Business, in this sense, is a profession that is conventionally frowned upon.

■ 译文剖析

“无商不奸”的含义即“所有商人都很奸猾”,借用了英文“invariably”凸显语感。“认为商人唯利是图”也是通常认为,所以在译文中添加了“be traditionally viewed as”凸显逻辑。“在传统文化中经商是被看不起的职业”再次出现了“在传统文化中”,借鉴之前的案例,处理为“traditionally”或“conventionally”。另外,“君子重义轻利的追求”也不能字字对译,“追求”依然是宏观概括词,果断删除,将之前的具体信息阐述出来即可。

真题实例1

■ 翻译原文

下一步,我们将坚定不移地推进金融市场化改革,健全现代金融体系,加快发展多层次资本市场,稳步推进利率市场化、汇率市场化的改革。

■ 参考译文

Going forward, we will remain committed to market-based/market-driven/market-oriented financial reform. We will work to refine/modernize/improve modern financial system, accelerate the development of a multi-tiered capital market, and advance the reform of making interest and exchange rates more market-based.

■ 译文剖析

本段中“坚定不移地推进”直译为“steadfastly”,但是这样感觉过于机械生硬,其实意思就是“继续推进”,借用英文的“remain committed to”即可轻松解决问题。“稳步推进”也是为了构成中文的四字句而添加的副词,没有必要译出“steadily”,“推进利率和汇率市场化”属于相对固定的表达,采用“make sth. +形容词或者比较级”的形式即可。

真题实例2

■ 翻译原文

同时,深化境外战略投资者与中资银行的合作,稳步推进股票、债券、保险市场对外开放,促进人民币跨境使用,逐步实现人民币资本项目可兑换,拓展金融业对外开放的广度和深度。以开放促改革发展、促转型创新,实现中国经济持续健康发展,也会给世界经济增长及金融业发展提供机遇。

■ 参考译文

Meanwhile, we seek to deepen cooperation between foreign strategic investors and Chinese banks. We will advance the deregulation of stock, bond and insurance markets/ expand access to...for foreign investors/open...wider to outside competition. We will encourage the international use of RMB and push for RMB convertibility under capital account. That is how we can provide deeper and wider access to the Chinese banking sector for global investors/actors. We must advance reform, development, transformation and innovation through opening-up. That will keep the Chinese economy sound and sustainable and generate exciting opportunities for world economic growth and the global financial market.

■ 译文剖析

1.“深化境外战略投资者与中资银行的合作,稳步推进股票、债券、保险市场对外开放,促进人民币跨境使用,逐步实现人民币资本项目可兑换,拓展金融业对外开放的广度和深度”需要梳理逻辑关系,先按照“三步走”的原则判定是否为典型的“三步走”逻辑框架。经分析后,该句体现了“三步走”的后两步,即“做什么”和“目标”。具体行文上,“稳步推进”中的“稳步”以及“逐步实现”中的“逐步”都没有刻意翻译。

2.“以开放促改革发展、促转型创新,实现中国经济持续健康发展,也会给世界经济增长及金融业发展提供机遇”也需要首先梳理逻辑关系。分析后就会发现,其实逻辑关系就是“这样做会实现中国的发展,也会为世界提供机遇”。行文时,按照“宜短不宜长”的原则,切分为两个句子处理。

真题实例3

■ 翻译原文

中国特色社会主义法律体系的形成,总体上解决了有法可依的问题。在这种情况下,有法必依、执法必严、违法必究的问题就显得更突出、更紧迫。这也是广大人民群众和社会各方面普遍关注的问题。因此,我们要采取以下措施,切实保障宪法和法律的有效实施。

■ 参考译文

1. 官方译文:

The formation of a socialist system of laws with Chinese characteristics has generally solved the problem of having laws for people to follow. In these circumstances, the problem of ensuring that laws are observed and strictly enforced and that lawbreakers are prosecuted has become more pronounced and pressing. This is also an issue the masses have shown interest in and which has generated strong reactions from all sides. Therefore, as we continue to strengthen legislative work, we need to take active and effective measures to genuinely guarantee the effective enforcement of the Constitution and laws.

2. 韩老师译文:

Overall, there are laws to go by with a socialist legal system with Chinese characteristics in place. But a more prominent and pressing challenge before us is to ensure that laws are abided by and enforced to the letter and that law-breakers are held punishable/accountable. This also represents an issue of common concern for all segments of the society. In this connection/Such being the case/As such, we must take the following steps to ensure effective enforcement of the Constitution and laws.

■ 译文剖析

1. 大家不妨先认真对比官方译文和本人提供的译文的差异之处,然后思考为什么会有这些差异。第一个地方就是“解决了有法可依的问题”,这也是大家初学翻译时遇到的问题:“解决了……的问题”到底该怎么处理?既然解决了这个问题,也就是说现在已经有法可依了,只要直接传递信息就可以了,不用像中文那样拐弯抹角。另一个经典案例就是“解决了看病难、看病贵的问题”,就是看病不再那么难、那么贵,即看病更方便、更便宜了。其实这也体现了中英文两种语言的差异:中文喜欢拐弯抹角,英文喜欢直抒胸臆,仅此而已。

2. “在这种情况下,有法必依、执法必严、违法必究的问题就显得更突出、更紧迫。”中文讲得很明确,是“这种情况”,官方译文为“in these circumstances”,属于错译。这里也再次出现了“……的问题”,此处的“问题”属于宏观概括词,具体所指为前面的信息“有法必依、执法必严、违法必究”,本人在译文中添加了动词“ensure”,确保了句意完整、通顺。

3. “这也是广大人民群众和社会各方面普遍关注的问题。”该句中文有重复,“广大人民群众”和“社会各方面”两者之间有交叉,“社会各方面”就包括了“广大人民群众”,再次提醒大家汉译英时一定要对中文原文持批判式的态度,否则就会东施效颦,不知所云。

4. “因此,我们要采取以下措施,切实保障宪法和法律的有效实施。”该句中“切实保障”中的“切实”也是为了形成中文的四字句而添加的,官方译文中将其译为“genuinely guarantee”语感顿失,“guarantee”本身就含有“genuinely”的概念,就如同“衷心感谢……”,英语母语者就直接说“Thank you for...”,这样显得更真诚可信。 cnQQKEZjB3X+06CKzDW//shuueDU2SxJJtHRiItRlrG8WGjEHgr9Auh76IvAi4Wj

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