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Her husband, she answered, was a writer, too—at least, after a fashion. Fat men beat their wives, it is said, and he certainly looked fierce, when he caught her riffling through his papers. He pretended to slam down a marble paper-weight and crush this weak little hand (displaying the little hand in febrile motion) Actually she was searching for a silly business letter—and not in the least trying to decipher his mysterious
她回答说，她的丈夫也是一位作家，至少勉强算是。据说肥胖的男人会殴打自己的妻子，当发现妻子翻弄自己的手稿时，他肯定会火冒三丈，想出手打人。他假装气得把大理石镇纸一摔，然后握紧那只无力的拳头（摆出一副头脑发热要揍人的架势）。事实上她只是在寻找一份无聊的商务信函，毫无解读他的秘密之意。
manuscript. Oh no, it was not a work offiction which one dashes off, you know, to make money; it was a mad neurologist’s testament, a kind of Poisonous Opus as in that film. It had cost him, and would still cost him, years of toil, but the thing was of course, an absolute secret. If she mentioned it at all, she added, it was because she was drunk. She wished to be taken home or preferably to some cool quiet place with a clean bed and room service. She wore a strapless gown
哦，不，要知道那份书稿可不是为了挣钱草率写就的小说，而是一位疯狂的神经病学家的遗作，类似那部电影中的某种“有毒作品”。它已耗费了他多年心血，并且还将继续耗费下去，当然，这事绝对是个秘密。她补充道，如果她提到那份手稿，一定是因为她已醉得神志不清了。她希望有人带她回家，最好去一个凉爽、清静，有一张干净的床，又提供送餐服务的地方。她身着无吊带礼服，
and slippers of black velvet. Her bare insteps were as white as her young shoulders. Te party seemed to have degenerated into a lot of sober eyes staring at her with nasty compassion from every corner, every cushion and ashtray, and even from the hills of the spring night framed in the open french window. Mrs. Carr, her hostess, repeated what a pity it was that Philip could not come or rather that Flora could not have induced
脚蹬一双黑丝绒拖鞋。她裸露着的脚背和她充满青春活力的肩膀一样白皙。整个会场似乎蜕变出一道道冷静的目光，带着不怀好意的同情，从每个角落、每个坐垫和每个烟灰缸投向她，就连笼罩于春天夜色之中的群山也透过敞开的法式落地窗投来这样的目光。女主人卡尔夫人反复唠叨道，菲利普没来真是一大遗憾，或者说弗洛拉没能把他引诱来是一大遗憾。
him to come! I’ll drug him next time said Flora, rummaging all around her seat for her small formless vanity bag, a blind black puppy. Here it is, cried an anonymous girl, squatting quickly.
Mrs Carr’s nephew, Anthony Carr, and his wife Winny, were one of those easygoing, over-generous couples that positively crave to lend their flat to a friend, any friend, when they and their dog do not happen
我下次把他麻醉后带来，弗洛拉一边说一边在她座位下面寻找她那个没有形状的小手袋，一只盲眼小黑狗。它在这里，一位不知姓名的姑娘迅速地蹲下去大叫道。
卡尔夫人的侄子安东尼·卡尔和他的妻子温妮性情随和，慷慨有加。只要他们两口子和他们的狗碰巧不在家，他们就迫不及待要把自己的公寓借给朋友住，任何朋友都行。
to need it. Flora spotted at once the alien creams in the bathroom and the open can of Fido’s Feast next to the naked cheese in the cluttered fridge. A brief set of instructions (pertaining to the superintend[e]nt and the charwoman) ended on：“Ring up my aunt Emily Carr,”which evidently had be[en] already done to lamentation in Heaven and laughter in Hell. The double bed was made but was unfresh inside. With comic fastidiousness Flora spread
弗洛拉一眼便看到了浴室里的进口乳霜，还有一盒打开的“菲多牌”宠物狗罐头，原先就放在凌乱冰箱里没有包装的奶酪旁。还有一连串简短指令（给管家和女用人看的），最后一张上写着“打电话给我的爱米丽·卡尔姨妈”，这显然令人啼笑皆非。双人床已铺好，但被褥不是新的。挑剔得可笑的弗洛拉
her fur coat over it before undressing and lying down.
Where was the damned valise that had been brought up earlier? In the vestibule closet. Had everything to be shaken out before the pair of morocco slippers could be located foetally folded in their zippered pouch? Hiding under the shaving kit. All the towels in the bathroom, whether pink or green, were of a thick, soggy-looking, spongy-like texture.
把自己的毛皮大衣铺在床上，这才脱衣躺下。
早些时候拎上来的那只该死的小提箱在哪里？在门廊壁柜里。那双摩洛哥羊皮拖鞋是否经过了彻底除尘，才折叠成胎儿形状放入带拉链的鞋袋，
藏在剃须工具包下面？浴室里所有的浴巾，不管是粉红色还是绿色的，全都很厚，看上去湿漉漉的，质地像海绵。
Let us choose the smallest. On the way back the distal edge of the right slipper lost its grip and had to be pried at the grateful heel with a finger for shoeing-horn.
Oh hurry up, she said softly[.]
Tat first surrender of hers was a little sudden, if not downright unnerving. A pause for some light caresses, concealed embarrassment, feigned amusement, prefactory contemplation[.] She was
我们选最小号的吧。在回来的路上，右脚拖鞋边上的鞋襻掉了，只得用一根手指在迷人的脚跟那里当鞋拔才能把鞋套上。
哦，快点，她轻声说道。
她的第一次屈从即使没有让人极度不安，也有点突如其来。停下来轻抚一番，掩饰尴尬的神情，假装快乐，开始陷入沉思。
an extravagantly slender girl. Her ribs showed. Te conspicuous knobs of her hipbones framed a hollowed abdomen, so flat as to belie the notion of “belly”. Her exquisite bone structure immediately slipped into a novel—became in fact the secret structure of that novel, besides supporting a number of poems. Te cup-sized breasts of that twenty-four year old impatient beauty seemed a dozen years younger than she, with those pale squinty nipples and firm form.
她是个极为苗条的女孩，肋骨历历可数。髋骨的明显突起令腹部呈凹陷状，平得真让人以为那不是肚子。她那精致的骨架顷刻间融入一部小说，事实上成为那部小说的神秘框架，还可以成为许多诗歌的素材。经过二十四年的成长，已经迫不及待地粲然怒放的两只杯口大小的乳房光滑坚挺，浅色的乳头微微探向一边，似乎比她还年轻十几岁。
Her painted eyelids were closed. A tear of no particular meaning gemmed the hard top of her cheek. Nobody could tell what went on in that little head[.] Waves of desire rippled there, a recent lover fell back in a swoon, hygienic doubts were raised and dismissed, contempt for everyone but herself advertised with a flush of warmth its constant presence, here it is, cried what’s her name squatting quickly. My darling, dushka moya (eyebrows
她那化过妆的眼睑紧闭着。脸颊颧骨上挂着一滴并无特别含义的珍珠般的泪珠。没有人能说出她那小脑袋里在想些什么。那儿有阵阵欲望泛起的涟漪，新结识的情人在晕厥中跌落，关于卫生问题的疑虑先是产生继而消退，对除她自己之外所有人的鄙视，始终存在的一抹红晕将之彰显无遗。在这儿，哭喊着她的名字迅速地蹲下。我亲爱的，
我亲爱的
（眉毛
went up, eyes opened and closed again, she didnt meet Russians often, this should be pondered).
Masking her face, coating her side, pinaforing her stomack with kisses—all very acceptable while they remained dry.
Her frail, docile frame when turned over by hand revealed new marvels—the mobile omoplates of a child being tubbed, the incurvation of a ballerina’s spine, narrow nates
朝上，双眼时而睁开，时而闭上，她不常见到俄国人，这点应该考虑）。
遮蔽她的脸，给她的身侧盖上衣物，以亲吻护住她的腹部—所有这一切只要是干燥的便都可接受。
用手将她那柔弱而顺从的身体转过来，又能发现新的奇迹—她有着浴盆里孩子一般灵巧的肩胛骨，脊柱的曲线如同芭蕾舞女演员一般，
of an ambiguous irresistable charm (nature’s beastliest bluf, said Paul de G watching a dour old don watching boys bathing)
Only by identifying her with an unwritten, half-written, rewritten difficult book could one hope to render at last what
还有苗条的臀部，有一种暧昧而令人无法抵挡的魅力（大自然最令人厌恶的假象，保罗·德·G.说，同时眼睛盯着那个正在看男孩子们洗澡的干瘪老头）。
只有将她看作是一本还没有写、尚未写完，抑或重写的艰涩难懂的书，才有希望最终呈现出当下性爱
contemporary descriptions of intercourse so seldom convey, because newborn and thus generalized, in the sense of primitive organisms of art as opposed to the personal achievement of great English poets dealing with an evening in the country, a bit of sky in a river, the nostalgia of remote sounds—things utterly beyond the reach of Homer or Horace. Readers are directed to that book—on a very high shelf, in a very bad light—but
描写很少传达的东西，因为是新生事物，并因此被泛化，就艺术作为原始的有机体的意义而言，有别于伟大的英国诗人的个人成就，他们笔下的乡间一夜、水中的一线天际、悠远声响引发的怀旧之情—完全超出了荷马或贺拉斯的范畴。读者们被引向那本书—置于高高的书架之上，藏于幽暗的光线之中—但
already existing, as magic exists, and death, and as shall exist, from now on, the mouth she made automatically while using that towel to wipe her thighs after the promised withdrawal.
A copy of Glist’s dreadful “Glandscape” (receding ovals) adorned the wall. Vital and serene, according to philistine Flora. Auroral rumbles and bangs had begun jolting the cold misty city[.]
She consulted the onyx eye on her wrist. It was too tiny and not
已然存在，一如魔力的存在、死亡的存在；一如对方如约撤出后，她用毛巾擦着大腿时不由自主做出的嘴形，从今往后也将永远存在。
一幅格利斯的恐怖画作《腺茎图》（消逝中的椭圆）的复制品挂在墙上用作装饰。 [1] 在俗人弗洛拉眼里，这幅画既生机勃勃，又静谧安详。清晨的轰隆声开始在这个雾蒙蒙的寒冷城市沸腾开来。
她看了看自己手腕上的玛瑙眼石，实在太小了，
costly enough for its size to go right, she said (translating from Russian) and it was the first time in her stormy life that she knew anyone take of[f] his watch to make love. “But I’m sure it is sufficiently late to ring up another fellow (stretching her swift cruel arm toward the bedside telephone).”
She who mislaid everything dialled fluently a long number
“You were asleep? I’ve shattered your sleep? Tat’s what you
这种大小的不值钱，她说（是从俄语翻译过来的）在她大风大浪的一生中，他是她认识的第一个取下手表做爱的男人。“但我确信此时给另一个家伙打电话太晚了（她伸出那只敏捷而残忍的手臂去抓床边电话）。”
四处乱放东西的她流畅地拨了一个很长的号码。
“你睡了吗？我搅乱你的睡眠了吗？那是你
deserve. Now listen carefully.” And with tigerish zest, monstrously magnifying a trivial tiff she had had with him whose pyjamas (the idiot subject of the tif) were changing the while, in the spectrum of his surprise and distress, from heliotrope to a sickly gray, she dismissed the poor oaf for ever.
“Tat’s done, [”] she said, resolutely replacing the receiver. Was I game now for another round, she wanted to know.
活该。现在给我仔细听好了。”她有如老虎发威，恶狠狠地放大着他们之间的一场小争执，其时，他的睡衣（这场争执的愚蠢主题），在他惊愕和痛苦的光谱中，由淡紫转为一种病态的灰色，她将这可怜的笨蛋永远地打发掉了。
“就这样吧。”她说着便果断地挂断了电话。她想知道，自己现在是不是该开始下一轮交战。
No? Not even a quickie? Well, tant pis . Try to find me some liquor in their kitchen, and then take me home.
The position of her head, its trustful poximity, its gratefully shouldered weight, the tickle of her hair, endured all through the drive; yet she was not asleep and with the greatest exactitude had the taxi stop to let her out at the corner of Heine street, not too far from, nor too close to, her
不？连草草做个爱也不要吗？好吧，
糟透了
。那到厨房给我倒点烈酒，然后送我回家吧。
驾车途中一路忍受着她脑袋的姿势，那带着信任的亲昵，肩负的令人愉快的重量，她令人发痒的头发；然而她并没有睡着，她准确无误地让出租车司机在海涅大街街角停靠，那儿离她的家既不太远，也不太近。
house. Tis was an old villa backed by tall trees. In the shadows of a side alley a young man with a mackintosh over his white pyjamas was wringing his hands. Te street lights were going out in alternate order, the odd numbers first. Along the pavement in front of the villa her obese husband, in a rumpled black suit and tartan booties with clasps, was walking a striped cat on an overlong leash. She made for the front door.
这是一幢古老的乡间别墅，背后有茂密的参天大树。在一条僻静小巷的阴暗处，一位内穿白色睡衣、外披雨衣的年轻小伙子在不停地绞扭自己的双手。路灯交替着熄灭，奇数的在先。她肥胖的丈夫身穿一件皱巴巴的黑色西服，脚蹬一双带鞋襻的格子呢软鞋，牵着一根加长的皮带，沿着别墅前的便道在遛一只条纹猫。她朝前门走去。
Her husband followed, now carrying the cat. The scene might be called somewhat incongr[u]ous. Te animal seemed naively fascinated by the snake trailing behind on the ground.
Not wishing to harness herself to futurity, she declined to discuss another rendez-vous. To prod her slightly, a messenger called at her domicile three days later[.] He brought from the favorite florist of fashionable girls a banal bevy
她的丈夫紧随其后，这会儿他将猫抱在怀里。眼前的场景或许可以说有些不协调。这动物似乎天真地被他们身后的那条蛇给迷住了。
她不希望自己将来受到约束，所以拒绝讨论下一次约会。三天后，一位信差拿着一大捆庸俗的天堂鸟来到她的住处，这是他从时髦女孩最喜欢的花店里买的，算是对她稍加提醒。
of bird-of-paradise flowers. Cora, the mulatto chambermaid, who let him in, surveyed the shabby courier, his comic cap, his wan countenance with it[s] three days growth of blond beard, and was about to raise her chin and embrace his rustling load but he said “No, I’ve been ordered to give this to Madame herself”. “You French?”asked scornful Cora (the whole scene was pretty artificial in a fishy theatrical way). He shook his head—and here
女清洁工科拉是个黑白混血儿，她将他引进屋后，便从头到脚地打量这位衣衫褴褛的送花使者。他戴着一顶帽子，显得滑稽可笑，三天没有刮脸了，疲惫的脸上满是金色的胡须。女工正要抬起下巴，准备接过他手中那一大捆沙沙作响的鲜花，他却说：“不，他们要求我必须把花送给太太本人。”“你是法国人？”科拉嘲弄地问道（整个场面有种可疑的戏剧化的氛围，显得相当造作）。他摇头否认—
Madame appeared from the breakfast room. First of all she dismissed Cora with the strelitzias (hateful blooms, regalized bananas, really).
“Look,” she said to the beaming bum,“if you ever repeat this idiotic performance, I will never see you again. I swear I won’t! In fact, I have a great mind—” He flattened her against the wall between his outstretched arms; Flora ducked, and freed herself, and showed him the door; but the telephone was already ringing ecstatically when he reached his lodgings.
夫人吃完早餐从餐厅里走了出来。她首先让科拉拿走这些天堂鸟（让人生厌的花，真是华而不实的芭蕉属植物）。
“你给我听好了，”她对眼前这个满脸堆笑的乞丐说，“如果你再有这种白痴行径，我绝不会再见你。我发誓，绝不会再见你！实际上，我很想—”他把她夹紧在墙和他伸出的两只手臂间。弗洛拉猛然一低头，才挣脱出来，并赶他走。当他回到住处时，电话已在疯狂地响着。
[1] 此处Glist疑为Gleizes之误。文中提到的《腺茎图》（ Glandscape ）很可能是对法国画家阿尔伯特·格莱兹（Albert Gleizes，1881—1953）的系列作品《风景》（ Landscape ）的戏仿。
Her grandfather, the painter Lev Linde, emigrated in 1920 from Moscow to New York with his wife Eva and his son Adam. He also brought over a large collection of his landscapes, either unsold or loaned to him by kind friends and ignorant institutions—pictures that were said to be the glory of Russia, the pride of the people. How many times art albums had reproduced those meticulous masterpieces—clearings in pine woods, with a bear cub or two, and brown brooks between thawing snow-banks, and the vastness of purple heaths!
他的祖父列夫·林德是一位画家，一九二〇年他偕妻子艾娃和儿子亚当从莫斯科移民到纽约。他还带着收藏的大批风景画作，要么是没售出的，要么是一些好心的朋友和不懂行情的机构借给他的—这些画被称作俄国的光荣，是俄国人民的骄傲。艺术画册上曾多少次再现这些细节精美的杰作啊—松林中的片片空地上，一两只幼熊正在嬉戏；小溪两岸的积雪融化，棕色的溪流从中潺潺流过；还有一望无垠的紫色荒原！
Native “decadents” had been calling them “calendar tripe” for the last three decades; yet Linde had always had an army of stout admirers; mighty few of them turned up at his exhibitions in America. Very soon a number of unconsolable oils found themselves being shipped back to Moscow, while another batch moped in rented flats before trouping up to the attic or creeping down to the marketstall.
What can be sadder than a discouraged
在过去的三十多年里，尽管本国“颓废派艺术家”把它们称为“没有价值的挂历画”，林德还是拥有大批坚定不移的仰慕者。但在美国，前来为他的画展捧场的人却屈指可数。不久，一批极可悲的油画被运回了莫斯科，另一些则忧郁地游荡于租来的公寓里，等着在阁楼上展出，或是被偷偷运到集市上贱卖掉。
还有什么比一个失意的
artist dying not from his own commonplace maladies, but from the cancer of oblivion invading his once famous pictures such as “April in Yalta” or “Te Old Bridge[”]? Let us not dwell on the choice of the wrong place of exile. Let us not linger at that pity-ful bedside.
His son Adam Lind (he dropped the last letter on the tacite advice of a misprint in a catalogue) was more successful. By the age of thirty he had become a fashionable photographer. He married the ballerina Lanskaya,
艺术家不是死于平常的疾病，而是死于他曾经名噪一时的作品被遗忘的癌症侵袭更令人悲伤的事呢？例如《雅尔塔的四月》或《古桥》。我们别再唠叨他选错了流亡地点，也不要在他那凄凉的床边徘徊停留了。
他的儿子亚当·林德比他成功（他受一本目录上印刷错误的启发，心照不宣地漏掉了姓里的最后一个字母）。三十岁时他成为一名时尚摄影师，娶了芭蕾舞演员兰斯卡雅，
a delightful dancer, though with something fragile and gauche about her that kept her teetering on a narrow ledge between benevolent recognition and the rave reviews of nonentities. Her first lovers belonged mostly to the Union of Property Movers, simple fellows of Polish extraction; but Flora was probably Adam’s daughter. Three years after her birth Adam discovered that the boy he loved had strangled another, unattainable, boy
一个可爱的舞者，尽管感情有些脆弱，处事也不够老练，这令她在架于善意的认可与小人物的热捧之间的狭窄平台上摇摇欲坠。她的第一批情人大多属于“财产搬运工联盟”，都是淳朴的波兰裔小伙；但弗洛拉有可能是亚当的女儿。弗洛拉出生三年后，亚当才发现自己爱恋的小伙子掐死了另一个他没有得到
whom he loved even more. Adam Lind had always had an inclination for trick photography and this time, before shooting himself in a Montecarlo hotel (on the night, sad to relate, of his wife’s very real success in Piker’s “ Narcisse et Narcette ”) , he geared and focussed his camera in a corner of the drawing room so as to record the event from diferent angles. Tese automatic pictures of his last moments and of a table’s lion-paws did not come out to[o] well; but his widow
却爱得更深的男孩。亚当·林德向来偏好特技摄影，这次在蒙特卡罗的一家旅馆开枪自杀之前（说起来令人伤感，那天晚上恰逢他妻子表演的派克的《
那喀索斯与那喀塞特
》
大获成功），他在客厅的一个角落安置好照相机，调好焦距，以便从不同的角度来记录这一事件。他自动拍摄的人生的最后镜头以及餐桌狮爪脚的效果并不太好；可他的遗孀
easily sold them for the price of a flat in Paris to the local magazine Pitch which specialized in soccer and diabolical faits-divers .
With her little daughter, an English governess, a Russian nanny, and a cosmospolitan lover, she settled in Paris, then moved to Florence, sojourned in London and returned to France. Her art was not strong enough to survive the loss of good looks as well as a certain worsening flaw in her pretty but too prominent right omoplate, and by the
轻而易举地将这些照片卖给当地一家名为《音调》的杂志，该刊物专门报道足球和骇人听闻的
社会新闻
，交易所得够在巴黎买一套公寓。
她带着自己的小女儿、一位英语女家庭教师、一位俄国保姆，还有一个四海为家的情人，先在巴黎安顿下来，随后搬到了佛罗伦萨，在伦敦小住一段时间后，又回到法国。她的舞蹈艺术无法抵御美貌消逝的损耗，同时，她那虽然漂亮却过于突出的右肩胛骨也每况愈下，
age of forty or so we find her reduced to giving dancing lessons at a not quite first-rate school in Paris.
Her glamorous lovers were now replaced by an elderly but still vigorous Englishm[a]n who sought abroad a refuge from taxes and a convenient place to conduct his not quite legal transactions in the traffic of wines. He was what used to be termed a charmeur . His name, no doubt assumed, was Hubert H. Hubert.
Flora, a lovely child, as she said
在她四十岁左右时，我们发现她已沦落到去巴黎一所算不上一流的学校教授舞蹈课程。
一位上了年纪、精力却还算旺盛的英国男人则取代了她以前那些风流倜傥的情人们。此人旅居巴黎是为了寻求一个既有利于避税，又便于从事一些不那么合法的红酒交易的处所。他就是过去人们口中的一个
有诱惑力的人
。毋庸置疑，他的姓名叫休伯特·赫·休伯特。
弗洛拉是个可爱的孩子，每次谈及
herself with a slight shake (dreamy? Incredulous?) of her head every time she spoke of those prepubescent years, had a gray home life marked by ill health, and boredom. Only some very expensive, superoriental doctor with long gentle fingers could have analyzed her nightly dreams of erotic torture in so called “labs”, major and minor laboratories with red curtains. She did not remember her father and rather disliked her mother. She was often alone in
那些青春期前的岁月—那段带着疾病与厌倦烙印的家庭生活—时，她总是（梦幻般？怀疑地？）轻轻摇着头。或许只有某些收费昂贵、手指温润修长、极具东方气质的医生，才能在所谓的“实验室”—挂着红色窗帘的重点或非重点实验室—里，分析她夜间做的那些性虐待的梦。她记不得自己的父亲，更是讨厌她的母亲。她常常独自
the house with Mr. Hubert, who constantly “prowled” ( rodait ) around her, humming a monotonous tune and sort of mesmerising her, envelopping her, so to speak in some sticky invisible substance and coming closer and closer no matter what way she turned. For instance she did not dare to let her arms hang aimlessly lest her knuckles came into contact with some horrible part of that kindly but smelly and “pushing” old male.
与休伯特先生待在屋子里，休伯特总在她身边“转悠”（rodait
），嘴里哼着单调的曲子，多多少少有些迷惑着她，可以说用某种黏糊的无形物质越来越紧地围困住她，让她无论转向哪边都躲避不开。比如，她不敢让自己的胳膊随意晃动，生怕自己的指关节会触碰到这位和蔼但臭烘烘且“咄咄逼人”的老男人身上某个可怕部位。
He told her stories about his sad life, he told her about his daughter who was just like her, same age—twelve—, same eyelashes—darker than the dark blue of the iris, same hair, blondish or rather palomino, and so silky—if he could be allowed to stroke it, or l’eff leurer des levres , like this, thats all, thank you. Poor Daisy had been crushed to death by a backing lorry on a country road—short cut home from school—
他向她讲述自己可悲的人生，说起他那个像她一样的女儿，同样的年纪—都是十二岁，同样的比深蓝色鸢尾花更蓝的眼睫毛，同样黄棕色或者说如帕洛米诺马般淡褐色光滑如丝的头发—假如能允许他抚摸一下它，或是
用嘴唇轻吻一下
，像这样，这就足够了，谢谢。可怜的黛西是在穿越泥泞的建筑工地的乡间小路时被一辆倒车的卡车碾死的—那条路是由学校回家的捷径—
through a muddy construction site—abominable tragedy—her mother died of a broken heart. Mr Hubert sat on Flora’s bed and nodded his bald head acknowledging all the offences of life, and wiped his eyes with a violet handkerchief which turned orange—a little parlor trick—when he stuffed it back into his heart-pocket, and continued to nod as he tried to adjust his thick outsole to a pattern of the carpet. He looked now like a not too successful conjuror paid to tell
真是惨绝人寰的悲剧—她母亲因伤心过度而死去。休伯特先生坐在弗洛拉的床上，他那光秃秃的脑袋点了点，承认自己一生所犯的所有过错，并用一条紫色的手帕擦了擦眼睛，手帕被他塞回心形口袋时变成了橙色—不过是客厅小戏法，他在根据地毯上的图案调整自己厚厚的鞋底位置时继续点着头，此刻，他看起来就像一位不太高明的魔术师，被雇来
fairytales to a sleepy child at bedtime, but he sat a little too close. Flora wore a nightgown with short sleeves copied from that of the Montglas de Sancerre girl, a very sweet and depraved schoolmate, who taught her where to kick an enterprising gentleman.
A week or so later Flora happened to be laid up with a chest cold. The mercury went up to 38° in the late afternoon and she complained of a dull buzz
给一个犯困的孩子讲睡前童话故事，只是他坐得太近了些。弗洛拉模仿一位桑塞尔市的蒙哥拉斯姑娘的打扮，身穿一件短袖睡袍。那姑娘是她的一个非常可爱但家境贫寒的同学。她教过弗洛拉该踢一位过分大胆的绅士哪个部位。
大约一周后的一天，弗洛拉胸口发凉，卧病在床。傍晚时水银体温计显示为三十八摄氏度，她抱怨说两边太阳穴隐约发出了嗡嗡声。
in the temples. Mrs Lind cursed the old housemaid for buying asparagus instead of Asp[i]rin and hurried to the pharmacy herself. Mr Hubert had brought his pet a thoughtful present: a miniature chess set (“she knew the moves”) with tickly-looking little holes bored in the squares to admit and grip the red and white pieces; the pin-sized pawns penetrated easily, but the slightly larger noblemen had to be forced in with an ennervating joggle. The pharmacy was perhaps closed
林德太太责骂上了年纪的女用人买回来的是芦笋，而不是阿司匹林，
自己匆忙去了药店。休伯特先生颇费心思地给自己宠爱的女孩买了件礼物：一副微型国际象棋（“她懂走棋”），棋盘上有很多看着令人发痒的小孔，红白棋子可以插入这些小孔，并被卡住。大头针般大小的卒子能轻易地从中穿过，而体型稍大一点的贵族棋则需要轻轻晃动一下才能塞进去。药店大概关门了，
and she had to go to the one next to the church or else she had met some friend of hers in the street and would never return. A fourfold smell—tobacco, sweat, rum and bad teeth—emanated from poor old harmless Mr Hubert, it was all very pathetic. His fat porous nose with red nostrils full of hair nearly touched her bare throat as he helped to prop the pillows behind her shoulders, and the muddy road was again, was for ever a short cut between her and school, between school and death,
她只得去了教堂旁边的那家药店，要么就是在大街上遇到了她昔日的朋友，再也不会回来。一种混合着烟草、汗渍、朗姆酒，还有坏牙的腥臭这四种味道的气息，从可怜而又无害的老休伯特身上散发出来，这一切太可悲了。他肥大的鼻子上满是粗大的汗毛孔，红红的鼻孔里长满鼻毛，在为她支起背后的枕头时，他的鼻子几乎都要碰到她裸露的前颈；泥泞小路又出现了，它永远是一条捷径，在她与学校之间、学校与死亡之间，
with Daisy’s bycycle wobbling in the indelible fog. She, too, had “known the moves”, and had loved the en passant trick as one loves a new toy, but it cropped up so seldom, though he tried to prepare those magic positions where the ghost of a pawn can be captured on the square it has crossed.
Fever, however, turns games of skill into the stuff of night-mares. After a few minutes of play Flora grew tired of it, put a rook in her mouth, ejected it,
黛西那辆摇晃着的自行车也定格在一片无法抹去的浓雾中。弗洛拉也“懂得走棋”，曾经像喜欢一个新玩具一样对“
巧行将吃
”
这一招着迷不已，却很少有机会能使出来，尽管他努力布好局，好让那神出鬼没的卒子一越过方格便被吃掉。
然而，高烧却把这种凭借技巧取胜的游戏变成了一场噩梦。玩了几分钟后，弗洛拉就厌倦了，拿起一枚车放进嘴里又吐了出来，
clowning dully. She pushed the board away and Mr. Hubert carefully removed it to the chair that supported the tea things. Ten, with a father’s sudden concern, he said “I’m afraid you are chilly, my love,”and plunging a hand under the bedclothes from his vantage point at the footboard, he felt her shins[.] Flora uttered a yelp and then a few screams. Freeing themselves from the tumbled sheets her pedalling legs hit him in the crotch. As he lurched aside, the teapot, a saucer of raspberry jam,
没精打采地耍着宝。她把棋盘推开，休伯特先生小心翼翼地将它移到放茶具的椅子上。然后，他突然带着父亲般的关心说“宝贝，我担心你会冷”，就势从他所在的床尾板这个有利位置将一只手伸进被窝，摸到了她的小腿。弗洛拉大喊一声，接着又是几声尖叫，双腿挣扎着掀掉被单时一脚踢中了他的命根子。他身子一斜，茶壶、一碟覆盆子酱，
an[d] several tiny chessmen joined in the silly fray. Mrs Lind who had just returned and was sampling some grapes she had bought, heard the screams and the crash and arrived at a dancer’s run. She soothed the absolutely furious, deeply insulted Mr Hubert before scolding her daughter. He was a dear man, and his life lay in ruins all around him. He wanted [her] to marry him, saying she was the image of the young actress who had been his wife, and indeed to judge by the photographs
还有几个小棋子也加入了这场可笑的打斗。林德太太刚回到家，正在品尝她买回来的葡萄，听到尖叫声和哐啷声，她迈着舞蹈演员的步子跑了进来。她先是安慰了一番着实气坏了的，也深感被侮辱的休伯特先生，然后斥责了女儿。他是个仁慈的男人，但他的生活已如同一片废墟。他想娶她为妻，因为她酷似他的前妻，一位年轻的女演员，而从照片上看，
she, Madame Lanskaya, did ressemble poor Daisy’s mother.
Tere is little to add about the incidental, but not unattractive Mr Hubert H. Hubert. He lodged for another happy year in that cosy house and died of a stroke in a hotel lift after a business dinner. Going up, one would like to surmise.
兰斯卡雅夫人的确很像黛西那可怜的母亲。
对这个并非没有吸引力的次要角色，休伯特·赫·休伯特先生也没什么可补充的了。他在那所舒适的房子里又快乐地寄居了一年，一次商务晚宴结束后，突然在酒店电梯里中风死去。死于电梯上行时，人们会这样猜测。
Flora was barely fourteen when she lost her virginity to a coeval, a handsome ballboy at the Carlton Courts in Cannes. Tree or four broken porch steps—which was all that remained of an ornate public toilet or some ancient templet—smothered in mints and campanulas and surrounded by junipers, formed the site of a duty she had resolved to perform rather than a casual pleasure she was now learning to taste. She observed with quiet interest the difficulty Jules had of drawing a junior-size sheath over an
弗洛拉把童贞给了戛纳卡尔顿球场一个英俊的同龄球童，当时她年仅十四岁。三四级破损的门廊台阶—是一间华丽的公共厕所，或是一些古老垫木仅存的部分—笼罩在浓郁的薄荷与风铃草的气味之中，四周被刺柏环绕，这就是她决定要尽职而不是学着偷欢的场所。她饶有兴致地看着朱尔艰难地在自己的
organ that looked abnormally stout and at full erection had a head turned somewhat askew as if wary of receiving a backhand slap at the decisive moment. Flora let Jules do everything he desired except kiss her on the mouth, and the only words said referred to the next assignation.
One evening after a hard day picking up and tossing balls and pattering in a crouch across court between the rallies of a long tournament the poor boy, stinking more than usual, pleaded
生殖器上套一只小号的避孕套，这个完全勃起的阳物不同寻常地粗壮，龟头略偏向一边，仿佛在防备着关键时刻被反手一击。弗洛拉满足朱尔提出的所有要求，只不同意他亲吻她的嘴唇，他俩唯一说的话是关于下次的幽会。
有一次，朱尔经历了一场时间超长的比赛，因为一整天不停地捡球、投球，并在连续对打的球场上弯着腰急促地跑来跑去，可怜的男孩那天晚上散发着甚于平常的汗臭，
utter exhaustion and suggested going to a movie instead of making love; whereupon she walked away through the high heather and never saw Jules again—except when taking her tennis lessons with the stodgy old Basque in uncreased white trousers who had coached players in Odessa before World War One and still retained his efortless exquisite style.
Back in Paris[,] Flora found new lovers. With a gifted youngster from the [Lanskaya] school and another
他承认自己精疲力竭，建议那天他俩不做爱，改去看电影，于是她穿过高高的石南树丛走开了，后来再没见过他—除了在网球课上之外，给她上网球课的是一位古板的老巴斯克人
，穿着一条笔挺的白色裤子。一战前，他曾在敖德萨
当过网球教练，至今仍然保持着那种轻松而讲究的派头。
一回到巴黎，弗洛拉就有了新情人，其中一个是兰斯卡雅学院里的多才多艺的年轻人，以及一对
eager, more or less interchangeable couple she would bycycle through the Blue Fountain Forest to a romantic refuge where a sparkle of broken glass or a lace-edged rag on the moss were the only signs of an earlier period of literature. A cloudless September maddened the crickets. The girls would compare the dimensions of their companions. Exchanges would be enjoyed with giggles and cries of surprise. Games of blindman’s buff would be played in the buff. Sometimes a voyeur would be shaken out of a tree by the vigilant police.
迫切的、多少可以互换的情侣，她会骑着自行车穿过“清溪森林”，来到一个充满浪漫气息的庇护所，一块闪闪发光的玻璃碎片或青苔上一小块蕾丝花边碎布，是早期文学仅存的痕迹。九月的天空一碧如洗，蟋蟀发狂般地嘶鸣，姑娘们相互比较着各自伴侣的尺寸。交换的过程伴有阵阵窃笑和惊呼，想必十分愉快。捉迷藏的游戏得一丝不挂地玩，藏在树上的偷窥狂有时会被警觉的警察摇下来。
This is Flora of the close-set dark-blue eyes and cruel mouth recollecting in her midtwenties fragments of her past, with details lost or put back in the wrong order, TAIL betwe[e]n DELTA and SLIT, on dusty dim shelves, this is she. Everything about her is bound to remain blurry, even her name which seems to have been made expressly to have another one modelled upon it by a fantastically lucky artist. Of art, of love, of the
这就是弗洛拉，两只深蓝色的眼睛紧挨着，嘴显得有些冷峻，在自己二十几岁时回忆着零星往事，有的细节丢失了，还有些细节顺序颠三倒四。那些鸡零狗碎的男女苟合，
在落满灰尘的昏暗书架上，这就是她。有关她的一切注定都是扑朔迷离的，就连她的名字也不例外，似乎有个极为幸运的艺术家明显地效仿了她。
diference between dreaming and waking she knew nothing but would have darted at you like a flatheaded blue serpent if you questioned her.
对艺术，对爱，对梦与醒之间的差别，她都一无所知，但假如你质疑她，她会像一条蓝色扁头毒蛇一样扎向你。
She returned with her mother and Mr. Espenshade to Sutton, Mass. where she was born and now went to college in that town.
At eleven she had read A quoi revent les enfants, by a certain Dr Freud, a madman.
The extracts came in a St Leger d’Exuperse series of Les great representant de notre epoque though why great represent [atives] wrote so badly remained a mystery
她随母亲和埃斯本谢德先生一道回到了马萨诸塞的萨顿，这是她的出生地，眼下她已在此地念大学。
十一岁时，她曾读过一本名为《 什么是孩子的梦境 》的书，作者是一个叫弗洛伊德的疯子医生。 [1]
该书的摘要发表于由圣·里格公司出版的系列丛书“
我们时代的伟大代表作
”
，尽管为什么伟大代表作却写得如此糟糕这一问题依然是个谜。
A sweet Japanese girl who took Russian and French because her stepfather was half French and half Russian, taught Flora to paint her left hand up to the radial artery (one of the tenderest areas of her beauty) with minuscule information, in so called “fairy” script, regarding names, dates and ideas. Both cheats had more French than Russian; but in the latter the possible questions formed, as it were, a banal bouquet of probabilities:
一位甜美的日本姑娘教弗洛拉如何在自己左手至桡动脉一带（这是她美丽身体最敏感的部位之一）用所谓“小精灵”文字绘上缩微信息：一些名字、日期和想法。日本姑娘的继父是法俄混血儿，因此她既学俄语也学法语。这两个作弊者上法语课比俄语课更多；但上俄语课时可能遇到的问题，某种程度上都是些陈词滥调：
What kind of folklore preceded poetry in Rus?; speak a little of Lom. and Derzh.; paraphrase T’s letter to E. O.; what does I.I.’s doctor deplore about the temperature of his own hands when preparing to [ ] his patient?—such was the information demanded by the professor of Russian Literature (a forlorn looking man bored to extinction by his subject).
As to the lady who taught French Literature[,] all she needed were the names of modern French writers and their listing on Flora’s palm caused a much denser tickle[.] Especially memorable
俄国的何种民间文学先于诗歌；简述罗蒙诺索夫和杰尔查文；
解读达吉雅娜给叶甫盖尼·奥涅金的信；
在伊凡·伊里奇的医生准备为他的病人［ ］时，何以会为自己冰冷的双手而慨叹
—这些就是俄罗斯文学教授（一位满面愁容、被自己的研究课题折磨得要死的男人）所需要的信息。*至于那位教授法国文学的女士，她所需要的全部，只是现代法国作家的姓名而已；这些人名被抄列在弗洛拉的手掌上，弄得她一阵奇痒。尤为令人难忘的
Modern French writers
was the little cluster of interlocked names on the ball of Flora’s thumb: Malraux, Mauriac, Maurois, Michaux, Michima, Montherland and Morand. What amazes one is not the alliteration (a joke on the part of a mannered alphabet); not the inclusion of a foreign performer (a joke on the part of that fun loving little Japanese [girl] who would twist her limbs into a pretzel when entertaining Flora’s Lesbian friends); and not even the fact that virtually all those writers were stunning mediocrities
现代法国作家
是弗洛拉拇指指头上那一小簇交汇重叠的名字：马尔罗，莫里亚克，莫洛亚，米肖，三岛由纪夫，蒙泰朗和莫朗。
令人感到惊奇的不是这些名字的头韵（一个由造作的字母制造的笑话）；不是因为列入了一位外国演员（一个由那位爱玩乐的日本小［女孩］制造的笑话，她将自己的四肢拧成一个椒盐卷饼的形状，以逗弗洛拉的女同性恋朋友们开心）；甚至也不是那些作家实际上都平庸得令人震惊这一事实
as writers go (the first in the list being the worst); what amazes one is that they were supposed to “represent an era” and that such representants could get away with the most execrable writing, provided they represent their times.
（排名第一的作家是最糟糕的）；令人感到惊奇的，是这些人竟被认为“代表了一个时代”，以及假如他们的作品代表了他们的时代，那么即便写得极差也可以免遭指责。
[1] 《什么是孩子的梦境》 （ A quoi rêvent les enfants ）的作者系法国心理学家达妮埃尔·达洛（Danielle Dalloz）。纳博科夫似借混淆作者与作品名来讽刺弗洛伊德的《梦的解析》。
Mrs Lanskaya died on the day her daughter graduated from Sutton College. A new fountain had just been bequeat[h]ed to its campus by a former student, the widow of a shah. Generally speaking, one should carefully preserve in transliteration the feminine ending of a Russian surname (such as - aya , instead of the masculine - iy or - oy ) when the woman in question is an artistic celebrity. So let it be “Landskaya”—land and sky and the melancholy echo
兰斯卡雅夫人是在女儿从萨顿学院毕业那天去世的。一位校友，伊朗国王的遗孀，刚刚资助学院新建了一个喷泉。一般说来，如果被谈论的女士是一位艺术名流，在音译其俄文姓氏时，一定要谨慎地保留其阴性后缀（比如要用“阿雅”，而不是阳性后缀“奥伊”或“欧伊”）。那么，就叫“兰德斯卡雅”吧—大地（land）、天空（sky），以及她舞者名字的忧郁回声。
of her dancing name. Te fountain took quite a time to get correctly erected after an initial series of unevenly spaced spasms. Te potentate had been potent till the absurd age of eighty. It was a very hot day with its blue somewhat veiled. A few photograph[er]s moved among the crowd as indiferent to it as specters doing their spectral job. And certainly for no earthly reason does this passage ressemble in r[h]ythm another novel,
刚开始时喷泉的水柱间隔不均匀，过了好一阵子才喷涌得挺直稳当。荒唐的是，当权者一直到八十岁依然雄风不减。那天天气十分炎热，天空中有些许浮云。几位摄影师在人群中游走，如同幽灵履行幽灵职责般漠然。当然没有任何理由让这段情节与另一本小说《我的劳拉》节奏近似。
My Laura , where the mother appears as “Maya Umanskaya”, a fabricated film actress.
Anyway, she suddenly collapsed on the lawn in the middle of the beautiful ceremony. A remarkable picture commemorated the event in “File”. It showed Flora kneeling belatedly in the act of taking her mother’s non-existent pulse, and it also showed a man of great corpulence and fame, still unacquainted with Flora: he stood just behind her, head bared and bowed, staring at the white of her
那里面的母亲名叫“玛雅·乌曼斯卡娅”，是一位虚构的电影演员。
总之，在华美的毕业典礼进行过程中，她突然昏倒在草坪上。一张引人注目的“存档”照片留下了对这一事件的纪念。照片上，反应迟了些的弗洛拉跪在她母亲身旁，摸着母亲不再跳动的脉搏，还有一位身材极其肥胖的名人就站在她的身后，此人当时还不认识弗洛拉；他秃着头，弯着腰，眼睛盯着她
legs under her black gown and at the fair hair under her academic cap.
黑色长袍下白皙的大腿和学士帽下的金发。
A brilliant neurologist, a renowned lecturer [and] a gentleman of independent means, Dr Philip Wild had everything save an attractive exterior. However, one soon got over the shock of seeing that enormously fat creature mince toward the lectern on ridiculously small feet and of hearing the cock-a-doodle sound with which he cleared his throat before starting to enchant one with his wit. Laura disregarded the wit but was mesmerized by his fame and fortune.
作为一名出色的神经病学家，一个颇负盛名的演讲者，一位拥有足够财产可以生活优渥的绅士，菲利普·王尔德医生可谓应有尽有，就是长相寒碜了点儿。然而，在看着这一庞然大物用小得可笑的双脚碎步走向讲台，听着他如公鸡打鸣般清了清嗓子，开始用他的机智风趣蛊惑听众时，人们会很快从最初的震惊中恢复过来。劳拉对这种机智毫无兴趣，蛊惑她的是他的名望和财富。
Fans were back that summer—the summer she made up her mind that the eminent Philip Wild, PH, would marry her. She had just opened a boutique d’éventails with another Sutton coed and the Polish artist Rawitch, pronounced by some Raw Itch, by him Rah Witch. Black fans and violet ones, fans like orange sunbursts, painted fans with clubtailed Chinese butterflies[,] oh they were a great hit, and one day Wild came and bought five (five spreading out her own fingers like pleats)
那年夏天扇子再度流行，就是在这个夏天，她打定主意要让大名鼎鼎的菲利普·王尔德医生娶她。她和萨顿学院的女同学，还有一个名叫拉维奇的波兰艺术家一道开了家
精品扇子店
。有人管这位波兰艺术家叫“诺伊奇”，而他自称为“莱维奇”。
有黑色和紫罗兰色的扇子，呈旭日般橘色的扇子，绘有锤尾凤蝶的扇子，哦，它们风靡一时。有一天，王尔德到店里买了五把扇子（“五”张开她自己的手指，有如衣服上的褶皱），
for “two aunts and three nieces” who did not really exist, but nevermind, it was an unusual extravagance on his part[.] His shyness suprized and amused Flaura.
Less amusing surprises awaited her. To day after three years of marriage she had enough of his fortune and fame. He was a domestic miser. His New Jersey house was absurdly understafed. Te ranchito in Arizona had not been redecorated for years. Te villa on the
送给他的并不存在的“两个姑姑和三个侄女”，但没有关系，他难得这么奢侈一回。他的腼腆让弗洛拉又惊又喜。
但让弗洛拉惊喜的事儿后来就很少了。结婚三年后的如今，她可是受够了他的所谓财富和名望。他在家里简直是个吝啬鬼。他在新泽西的住宅用人少得可怜。亚利桑那州的墨西哥餐厅已经多年没有重新装修了。
Riviera had no swimming pool and only one bathroom. When she started to change all that, he would emit a kind of mild creak or squeak, and his brown eyes brimmed with sudden tears.
里维埃拉的别墅连个游泳池也没有，而且只有一个卫生间。当弗洛拉想要改变一下时，她丈夫就会哼哼唧唧的，那双褐色的眼睛里还会突然噙满泪水。
She saw their travels in terms of adverts and a long talcum-white beach with the tropical breeze tossing the palms and her hair; he saw it in terms of forbidden foods, frittered away time, and ghastly expenses.
她把他们的旅行视为某种广告，一片长长的、白净如洗的沙滩，热带的微风轻拂过棕榈叶和她的秀发；而他则将出游视为某种禁果，完全是虚掷光阴，还有可怕的开支。
Te novel My Laura was begun very soon after the end of the love affair it depicts, was completed in one year, published three months later[,] and promptly torn apart by a book reviewer in a leading newspaper. It grimly survived and to the accompaniment of muffled grunts on the part of the librarious fates, its invisible hoisters, it wriggled up to the top of the bestsellers’ list then started to slip, but stopped at a midway step in the vertical ice. A dozen
小说《我的劳拉》的创作开始于恋情刚结束不久，完成于一年以后，脱稿三个月后出版，很快就有一位书评人在某家权威报纸上将它批得体无完肤。它勉强存活下来，有关其命运的含混的嘀咕成了它无形的提升机，它艰难地爬升到畅销书排行榜榜首，接着排名开始下滑，但停在了垂直冰山的半道中。
sundays passed and one had the impression that Laura had somehow got stuck on the seventh step (the last respectable one) or that, perhaps, some anonymous agent working for the author was [buying] up every week just enough copies to keep Laura there; but a day came when the climber above lost his foothold and toppled down [dislodging] number seven and eight and nine in a general collapse beyond any hope of recovery.
十来周过后，《我的劳拉》似乎固定在了第七名（属于体面之列的最后一名）；或许，有某个为作者服务的匿名经纪人每周购买足够数量的书，以保持其在排行榜上的位置；但那一天到来了，排在前一位的攀登者失足摔了出去，引发了一场全面的崩塌，排名第七、第八和第九的作品也统统跌落，毫无扭转颓势的希望。
The “I” of the book is a neurotic and hesitant man of letters, who destroys his mistress in the act of portraying her. Statically—if one can put it that way—the portrait is a faithful one. Such fixed details as her trick of opening her mouth when toweling her inguen or of closing her eyes when smelling an inodorous rose are absolutely true to the original.
书中的“我”是一位神经过敏、优柔寡断的作家，他对他的情人的刻画足以毁灭她。静态观之—如果可以这么表述的话—他的刻画是忠实可靠的。用毛巾擦腹股沟时，她有意将嘴巴张开；用鼻子闻一朵没有香味的玫瑰时，她刻意闭上双眼；她这些惯常的小把戏被他刻画得绝对忠实于原型。
Similarly [the] spare prose of the author with its pruning of rich adjectives
就像作者那惜字如金的散文体，丰富的形容词被修剪得十分精炼
Philip Wild read “Laura” where he is sympath[et]ically depicted as a co[n]ventional “great s[c]ientist” and though not a single physical trait is mentioned, comes out with astounding classical clarity, under the name of Philidor Sauvage
菲利普·王尔德读了《我的劳拉》，他在书中被悲悯地描写为一个传统的“伟大科学家”，尽管没有提及任何他个人的身体特征，但被命名为“菲里多·索瓦吉”的这一形象却有着惊人的典型的清晰性。
Times Dec. 18,75
“An enk(c?) ephalin present in the brain has now been produced synthetically” “It is like morphine and other opiate drugs” Further research will show how and why “morphine has for centuries produced relief from pain and feelings of euphoria”.
(invent tradename, e.g. cephalopium[;] find substitute term for enkephalin)
I taught thought to mimick an imperial neurotransmitter an aw [e]some messenger carrying my order of self destruction to my own brain. Suicide made a pleasure,
“存在于大脑中的脑啡肽如今已可用合成技术生产。”“它就像吗啡和其他阿片类药物。”进一步的研究会证明为什么以及通过怎样的方式“数百年来吗啡可以止痛并令人产生安乐感”。
（编造商标名，比如脑鸦片［cephalopium］
；给脑啡肽找个替代术语）
我让自己的想法模仿一台特级神经信号发射器，让这个了不起的信使将自我毁灭的指令传给大脑。自杀引发了一种愉悦，
D
its tempting emptiness
D
它诱人的空虚
Settling for a single line
Te student who desires to die should learn first of all to project a mental image of himself upon his inner blackboard. This surface which at its virgin best has a dark-plum, rather than black, depth of opacity is none other than the underside of one’s closed eyelids.
To ensure a complete smoothness of background, care must be taken to eliminate the hypnagogic gargoyles and entoptic swarms which plague tired
足以造就一行诗句。
渴望死去的学生首先要学会在内心的黑板上勾勒出自己精神的影像。这个表面正是一个人闭合的眼睑之底部，其上最好原本有一块暗紫红色，而不是一片不透明而又深不见底的纯黑。
要确保背景表面完整光滑，必须小心地赶走催眠滴水兽，还有
vision after a surfeit of poring over a collection of coins or insects. Sound sleep and an eyebath should be enough to cleanse the locus.
Now comes the mental image. In preparing for my own experiments—a long fumble which these notes shall help novices to avoid—I toyed with the idea of drawing a fairly detailed, fairly recognizable portrait of myself on my private blackboard. I see myself
在凝视硬币或昆虫收藏品过久之后因视觉疲劳而出现的眼内蜂群。饱睡一觉，外加一杯洗眼液应该足以净化这些痕迹。
接下来便是精神的影像。在准备我自己的实验时—这些笔记将帮助新手们省略掉漫长的摸索过程—我漫不经心地考虑过，在自己的私人黑板上勾勒一幅细致入微、清晰可辨的自画像。我看到了壁橱镜子里
in my closet glass as an obese bulk with formless features and a sad porcine stare; but my visual imagination is nil, I am quite unable to tuck Nigel D[a]lling under my eyelid, let alone keeping him there in a fixed aspect of flesh for any length of time. I then tried various stylizations: a D[a]lling-like doll, a sketchy skeleton. Or would the letters of my name do? Its recurrent “i”
自己那肥胖的身躯，模糊的面容，猪一般可悲的目光；但我的视觉想象一片空白。我的眼皮底下根本容不下奈吉尔·达林，更不用说让他保持稳定的形态在那儿停留一段时间了。于是，我尝试着仿效各种风格，一个达林样貌的布娃娃，一副草草勾勒出来的骨架。又或者，组成我姓名的字母怎么样？反复出现的字母“i”
coinciding with our favorite pronoun suggested an elegant solution: a simple vertical line across my field of inner vision could be chalked in an instant, and what is more I could mark lightly by transverse marks the three divisions of my physical self: legs, torso, and head
恰好是我们最喜欢的人称代词“我”，它暗示了一种文雅的解决方案：我可以瞬间用粉笔画就径直穿越我脑海中内视区的一根简单的垂直线，我还能用横线轻轻标出我自己身体的三个要件：双腿、躯干和头部。
Several months have now gone since I began working—not every day and not for protracted periods—on the upright line emblemazing me. Soon, with the strong thumb of thought I could rub out its base, which corresponded to my joined feet. Being new to the process of self-deletion, I attributed the ecstatic relief of getting rid of my toes (as represented by the white pedicule I was erasing with more than masturbatory joy) to the fact that I sufered torture ever since
我开始研究这条象征我自己的垂直线至今已有数月—不过并未每天或长时间地耗在这里头。很快，用我意念中的大拇指，我可以抹掉“I”的底部，就是对应连着我的双脚的部分。在自我删除这一全新的过程中，我将去除我的脚趾所获得的莫大快慰（擦掉代表脚趾的白色残端时的感觉比手淫还爽）归因于一个事实，
the sandals of childhood were replaced by smart shoes, whose very polish reflected pain and poison. So what a delight it was to amputate my tiny feet! Yes, tiny, yet I always wanted them, rolly polly dandy that I am, to seem even smaller. Te daytime footware always hurt, always hurt. I waddled home from work and replaced the agony of my dapper oxfords by the comfort of old bed slippers. This act of mercy inevitably drew from me a volupt[u]ous
那就是自从孩提时穿的凉鞋被时髦漂亮、折射出痛苦与毒害的亮闪闪的鞋取代后，我的脚趾就一直受折磨。因此，切断我那小小的双脚是一件多么令人愉快的事啊！是的，小小的，然而过去的我，圆滚滚的花花公子，总希望它们显得更小些。白天穿的鞋子总是伤脚，总是伤脚。我下班后一瘸一拐地回到家，用床边的旧拖鞋换下光鲜亮丽的牛津鞋，疼痛这才消除。这一幸事常常让我情不自禁地发出舒服的叹息，而如果一不留神
sigh which my wife, whenever I imprudently let her hear it, denounced as vulgar, disgusting, obscene. Because [she] was a cruel lady or because she thought I might be clowning on purpose to irritate her, she once hid my slippers, hid them furthermore in separate spot[s] as one does with delicate siblings in orphanages, especially on chilly nights, but I forthwith went out and bought twenty pairs of soft, soft Carpetoes while hiding my tear-staining face under a Father Chris[t]mas mask, which frightened the shopgirls.
被我的妻子听到，她便会斥责我低俗、恶心、下流。因为她生性冷酷，也或许是因为她认为我可能是在开玩笑，故意惹她生气。有一次，她竟把我的拖鞋藏了起来，而且还将两只鞋藏在不同的地方，就像对待孤儿院里无助的兄弟俩，尤其还是在异常寒冷的夜晚。但我立即去买了二十双极软的“毛毯趾”牌拖鞋，我把泪迹斑斑的脸藏在圣诞老人的面具之下，着实把女售货员吓了一跳。
Te orange awnings of southern summers.
For a moment I wondered with some app[r]ehension if the deletion of my procreative system might produce nothing much more than a magniinner vision coulded orgasm. I was relieved to discover that the process continued sweet death’s ineffable sensation which had nothing in common with ejaculations or sneezes. Te three or four times that I reached that stage I forced myself to restore the lower half of my white “I” on my mental blackboard and thus wriggle out of my perilous trance.
南方夏日里的橙色遮雨篷。
一时间，我有些担心抹去生殖系统所带来的不过是一次被放大的性高潮。但我很欣慰地发现，这一过程延续了如同甜美的死亡般妙不可言的感觉，与射精和打喷嚏完全不可同日而语。有那么三四次我达到了那种状态，我强迫自己在脑海里的黑板上恢复我白色“I”的下半身，这才得以从危险的昏睡中挣脱出来。
I, Philip Wild[,] [l]ecturer in Experimental Psychology, University of Ganglia[, have] suffered for the last seventeen years from a humiliating stomach ailment which severely limited the jollities of companionship in small diningrooms
我，菲利普·王尔德，神经中枢大学的实验心理学讲师，在人生最后的十七年里，因为患有不光彩的胃疾而吃尽了苦头，在小餐厅里与他人共同进餐的乐趣受到了极大的限制。
I loathe my belly, that trunkful of bowels, which I have to carry around, and everything connected with it—the wrong food, heartburn, constipation’s leaden load, or else indigestion with a first installment of hot filth pouring out of me in a public toilet three minutes before a punctual engagement.
我讨厌我的肚子，那塞满腑脏的肚子，我走到哪里都不得不随身带着它。我也讨厌与肚子相关的一切—吃错的食物、胃灼热、便秘引起的肠胃重负，还有消化不良，连同我准时赴约之前三分钟在公共厕所里排出的第一批热乎乎的秽物。
Heart (or Loins?)
Tere is, there was, only one girl in my life, an object of terror and tenderness, an object too, of universal compassion on the part of millions who read about her in her lover’s books. I say “girl” and not woman, not wife nor wench. If I were writing in my first language I would have said “fille”. A sidewalk cafe, a summer-striped sunday: il regardait passer les filles — that sense. Not professional whores, not necessarily well to-do tourists but“fille” as a translation of “girl”which I now retranslate:
心脏（或生殖器官？）
无论现在还是过去，我的生命中只出现过一个姑娘，一个既可怕又温柔的实体，也是一个获得了数百万读者普遍同情的实体，那些读者从她情人撰写的小说中读到了她的故事。我称她为“姑娘”，而非“女人”或“妻子”或“少妇”。如果我用我的母语写作，我会使用“fille”
[1]
一词。在街头咖啡店，身着夏日条纹衫的星期天：
他眼睁睁地看着那些姑娘
—正是那种感觉。不是职业妓女，也未必是富有的游客，而是“fille”，这是此刻我重译“姑娘”时所用的词：
from heel to hip, then the trunk, then the head when nothing was left but a grotesque bust with staring eyes
从脚跟到臀部，再到躯体，再到头部，此时除了一个奇形怪状的上半身和目不转睛的双眼之外，什么都没有了。
Sophrosyne , a platonic term for ideal self-control stemming from man’s rational core.
节制，一个柏拉图术语，表示源自人类理性的内核的完美的自我控制。
[1] 法语， 女儿、女孩 。
I was enjoying a petit-beurre with my noontime tea when the droll configuration of that particular bisquit’s margins set into motion a train of thought that may have occurred to the reader even before it occurred to me. He knows already how much I disliked my toes. An ingrown nail on one foot and a corn on the other were now pestering me. Would it no[t] be a brilliant move, thought I, to get rid of my toes by sacrificing them to an experiment that only
我正在享用中午茶和黄油小脆饼时，饼干边缘的滑稽形状突然让我产生了一系列联想，也许会有读者先于我产生这种联想。他已经知道我对自己的脚趾深恶痛绝。一只脚上的某个趾甲长进了肉里，另一只脚上长了一个鸡眼，让我此刻深受其害。我在想，去掉脚趾，将之捐献给一场仅仅因为胆怯而延迟的实验，岂不是明智之举？
cowardness kept postponing? I had alwa[y]s restored, on my mental blackboard, the symbols of deleted organs before backing out of my trance. Scientific curiousity and plain logic demanded I prove to myself that if I left the flawed line alone, its flaw would be reflected in the condition of this or that part of my body. I dipped a last petitbeurre in my tea, swallowed the sweet mush and resolutely started to work on my wretched flesh.
我总在脱离昏睡状态之前，让代表被删除器官的符号在脑海里的黑板上恢复原状。科学的好奇心和普通逻辑要求我向自己证明，如果对这条有缺陷的垂直线置之不理，其缺陷就会在我身体的这个或那个部位反映出来。我把最后一块黄油小脆饼在茶水中蘸了蘸，咽下这甜腻黏糊的玩意，决心开始对我不幸的肉身下手。
Testing a discovery and finding it correct can be a great satisfaction but it can be also a great shock mixed with all the torments of rivalry and ignoble envy. I know at least two such rivals of mine—you, Curson, and you, Croydon—who will clap their claws like crabs in boiling water. Now when it is the discoverer himself who tests his discovery and finds that it works he will feel a torrent of pride and purity that will cause him
测试一项发现时，如果得知其结果是正确的，这会给人带来莫大的满足感，但也可能引起极大的震惊，并与由竞争和可鄙的妒忌所带来的折磨交织在一起。我至少认识两个这样的竞争对手—你，科尔森，还有你，科罗尔登—他们会像沸水里的螃蟹一样张牙舞爪。现在，正是发现者本人在测试自己的发现并验证了其正确性，他因此将迸发出自豪与纯洁的情感，这样的情感会让他
actually to pity Prof. Curson and pet Dr. Croydon (whom I see Mr West has demolished in a recent paper). We are above petty revenge.
On a hot Sunday afternoon, in my empty house—Flora and Cora being somewhere in bed with their boyfriends—I started the crucial test. Te fine base of my chalk white “I” was erazed and left erazed when I decided to break my hypnotrance. Te extermination of my ten toes had been accompanied with
怜悯科尔森教授，抚慰科罗尔登博士（我看到韦斯特先生在最近的一篇论文中诋毁了他）。我们不屑于睚眦必报。
一个炎热的周日下午，在我空荡荡的寓所里—弗洛拉、科拉正不知和她们的男朋友们在哪张床上鬼混—我开始了这个至关重要的实验。用白色粉笔画出的“I”的美妙底座被擦掉了，当我决定摆脱恍惚昏睡的状态时，它还是被抹去的样子。根除十个脚趾的过程伴随着
the usual volupty. I was lying on a mattress in my bath, with the strong beam of my shaving lamp trained on my feet. When I opened my eyes, I saw at once that my toes were intact.
After swallowing my disappointment I scrambled out of the tub, landed on the tiled floor and fell on my face. To my intense joy I could not stand properly because my ten toes were in a state of indescribable numbness. Tey looked all right, though perhaps a
一贯的舒适感。我躺在浴缸垫上，剃须灯的强光瞄准我的双脚。我睁开眼时，立刻发现脚趾依然完好无损。
强忍着内心的失望，我吃力地从浴缸里爬了出来，双脚刚踩到瓷砖铺砌的地板，就脸冲下栽倒在地。我欣喜若狂地发现，站不稳是因为十个脚趾有一种难以名状的麻木感。它们看上去完好无损，也许比
a little paler than usual, but all sensation had been slashed away by a razor of ice. I palpated warily the hallux and the four other digits of my right foot, then of my left one and all was rubber and rot. Te immediate setting in of decay was especially sensationally. I crept on all fours into the adjacent bedroom and with infinite effort into my bed.
Te rest was mere cleaning-up. In the course of the night I teased off the shrivelled white flesh and contemplated with utmost delight[.]
[before his bath]
平常看上去略显苍白，但如冰一般的剃须刀已经将所有知觉切割殆尽。我先是小心翼翼地触诊右脚的大拇指和其他四个脚趾，然后又查看左脚，它们都软如橡胶，腐如朽木。这么快就开始腐烂，实在是太妙了。我手脚并用地爬到邻近的卧室，费了九牛二虎之力才爬到床上。
剩下的只是清理工作。整个晚上我一边剔除干瘪苍白的死肉，一边欣喜若狂地沉思。
［在他洗澡之前］
I know my feet smelled despite daily baths, but this reek was something special
我知道，尽管每天洗澡，我的两脚依然散发着臭味，但这种臭味非常特别。
That test—though admit[t]edly a trivial affair—confirmed me in the belief that I was working in the right direction and that (unless some hideous wound or excruciating sickness joined the merry pallbearers) the proces[s] of dying by auto-dissolution afforded the greatest ecstasy known to man.
那次测试—尽管我承认它并非什么惊人之举—坚定了我的信念，让我确信自己的思路是正确的，也确信自动消解的死亡方式能带给人类已知的最大的快乐（除非一些可怕的伤口或造成极大痛苦的疾病也来凑热闹，加入快乐的护枢者行列）。
I expected to see at best the length [of] each foot greatly reduced with its distal edge neatly transformed into the semblance of the end of a breadloaf without any trace of toes. At worst I was ready to face an anatomical prep[ar]ation of ten bare phalanges sticking out of my feet like a skeleton’s claws. Actually all I saw was the famil[i]ar rows of digits.
我期待看到的最好情况是，每只脚的长度都有大幅度的缩减，同时其末端的边缘变得如一整块面包般干净利落，没有任何脚趾的痕迹。而我打算面对的最坏情况是，一个准备就绪的解剖手术，十个光秃秃的趾骨如同骷髅的爪子一般从我的脚上伸出来。事实上，出现在我眼前的依然是两排熟悉的脚趾。
“Install yourself,” said the youngish suntanned, cheerful Dr Aupert, indicating openheartedly an armchair at the north rim of his desk, and proceeded to explain the necessity of a surgical intervention. He showed A. N. D. one of the dark grim urograms that had been taken of A. N. D.’s rear anatomy. The globular shadow of an adenoma eclipsed the greater part of the whitish bladder. Tis
尚算年轻的奥佩尔医生晒得黝黑，显得十分愉快，指着办公桌北侧的一把扶手椅豪爽地说：“请坐。”接着他解释了外科手术治疗的必要性，从好些呈病态的黑色的尿路造影照片中拿了一张给A. N. D.看，那是在给A. N. D.作背部解剖时拍的。一个球形的腺瘤阴影遮蔽了发白的膀胱的大部分区域。这个
benign tumor had been growing on the prostate for some fifteen years and was now as many times its size. Te unfortunate gland with the great gray par[a]site clinging to it could and should be removed at once
“And if I refuse?[” ] said A[.]N[.]D.
“Ten, one of these days,
良性肿瘤在前列腺上已长了大约十五年，现在比前列腺还要大好几倍。不幸的前列腺连同依附于它的这个巨大的灰色寄生虫可以而且应当立即被切除。
“如果我不同意呢？”A. N. D.说。
“那么，总有一天，
that back[grd] keep it free from any intervention. tired eyes.
Such as hypnagogic gargoyles
or entoptic swarms*
a vertical line chalked against a plum* tinted darkness
over one’s collection of coins or insects
a manikin or a little skeleton but that demanded
这样的背景会令任何治疗都无济于事。疲惫的眼睛。
比如催眠滴水兽*或眼内蜂群*
一根垂直的粉笔线条迎面划过一块暗紫红色*
在某人的硬币或昆虫收藏之上，
一个假人或一副小小的骨架，但要求
In this very special self-hypnotic state there can be no question of getting out of touch with on[e]self and floating int[o] a normal sleep (unless you are very tired at the start)[.]
To break the trance all you do is to restore in every chalkbright details the simple picture of yourself a stylized skeleton on your men[t]al blackboard. One should remember, however, that the divine delight in destroying, say[,] one’s breastbone should not be indulged in. Enjoy the destruction but do not linger over your own ruins lest you develop an incurable illness, or die before you are ready to die.
在这种非同寻常的自我催眠的状态中，要做到物我两忘，并逐渐沉入正常的睡眠之中毫无问题（除非你一开始就异常疲惫）。
要想摆脱这种昏睡状态，只需用鲜亮的粉笔线条恢复简笔自画像的细节，在脑海中那块黑板上勾勒出一副非写实的骨架。但要切记，无论如何，都不可沉溺于摧残胸骨时产生的极致愉悦中。享受毁灭，但不要在自身的废墟上流连，以免患上不治之症，或在准备好去死之前死去。
the delight of getting under an ingrown toenail with sharp scissors and snipping off the ofending corner and the added ecstasy of finding beneath it an amber ab[s]cess whose blood flows[,] carrying away the ignoble pain[.]
But with age I could not bend any longer toward my feet and was ashamed to present them to a pedicure.
将锋利的剪刀伸入一个向内生长的趾甲下面，剪掉那个令人不适的角而产生的愉悦，加上因为发现其下还有一个琥珀色的脓肿流着脓血、带走了可恶的疼痛而额外生出的惊喜。
然而随着年龄渐长，我已不能弯下腰够到双脚，却又羞于将它们交给足疗师。
Beginning of last chapter
[Miss Ure, this is the MS of my last chapter which you will, please, type out in three copies—I need the additional one for prepub in
Bud
—or some other maga[z]ine.]
Several years ago, when I was still working at the Horloge Institute of Neurologie, a silly female interviewer introduced me in a silly radio series (“Modern Eccentrics”) as “a gentle oriental sage”, founder of
最后一章的开始部分
［尤尔小姐，这是我的小说最后一章的手稿，请打印三份，我还需要另外打一份，提前发表在《萌芽》或其他杂志上。］*
几年前，我还在“钟塔神经病学院”工作时，一个愚蠢的女性采访者在一档傻乎乎的广播系列节目（“现代怪人”）中介绍我时，称我为“温文尔雅的东方圣人”，创立了
End of penult chapter.
The manuscript in longhand of Wild’s last chapter, which at the time of his fatal heart attack, ten blocks away, his typist, Sue U, had not had the time to tackle because of urgent work for another employer[,] was deftly plucked from her hand by that other fellow to find a place of publication more permanent than Bud or Root .
倒数第二章的结尾。
当王尔德的致命心脏病发作时，他的打字员苏·尤尔距离他有十个街区之遥，当时因为忙着处理另一位雇主的紧急事务而无暇顾及王尔德手稿的最后一章，另一个家伙机灵地从苏的手中掠走了手稿，找了家比《萌芽》和《根》历史更悠久的刊物发表了。
Well, a writer of sorts. A budding and already rotting writer. After being a poor lector in some of our last dreary castles.
Yes, he’s a lecturer too[.] A rich rotten lecturer (complete misunderstanding, another world).
Whom are they talking about? Her husband I guess. Flo is horribly frank about Philipp (who could not come to the party—to any party)
.
是啊，勉强称得上是位作家。一位刚崭露头角便已开始腐烂的作家。此前，他曾是我们最后剩下的某个荒凉城堡里可怜的诵经员。
是的，他也是位讲师。一位富有的堕落的讲师（完全是误会，是另一个世界）。
他们在议论谁呢？我猜，是她的丈夫吧。弗洛拉谈及菲利普时口无遮拦得可怕（菲利普不可能来参加这个聚会—他任何聚会都不参加）。*
heart or brain—When the ray projected by me reaches the lake of Dante [or] the Island of Reil
心脏或大脑—当我发出的射线抵达但丁湖或赖尔岛时
Tornton+Smart Hum. Physiology
p.299
Wild’s [ms.]: I do not believe that the spinal cord is the only or even main conductor of the extravagant messages that reach my brain. I have to find out more about that—about the strange impression I have of there being some underpath, so to speak, along which the commands of my will power are passed to and fro along the shadow of nerves, rather [than] along the nerves proper.
桑顿研究机构+聪明的人类。生理学
第二九九页
王尔德的［手稿］：我不相信脊髓是将大量信息传送至我大脑的唯一或主要导体。我有一种奇怪的感觉：还存在某种秘密的信息传送渠道，也就是说，意志力发出的指令是沿着神经的虚影，而不是严格意义上的神经来回传送的。对此我还得作进一步研究。
Te photograph[er] was setting up
I alway[s] know she is cheating on me with a new boyfriend whenever she visits my bleak bedroom more often than once a month (which is the average since I turned sixty)[.]
摄影师已经准备就绪。
她到我灰暗的房间里来的次数超出每个月一次时（这是自我步入六十岁后她光顾我房间的平均次数），我就知道她在欺骗我，她又交上了新男友。
Te only way he could possess her was in the most [ ] position of copulation: he reclining on cushions: she sitting in the fauteuil of his flesh with her back to him. Te procedure—a few bounces over very small humps—meant nothing to her[.] She looked at the snow-scape on the footboard of the bed—at the [curtains]; and he holding her in front of him like a child being given a sleighride down a
只有在交媾时居于最［ ］的位置，他才得以占有她：他斜躺在垫子上，她坐在他的肉体扶手椅上，背对着他。整个过程—在隆起的小小肉丘上弹跳几下—对她来说毫无意义。她看着床尾板上的雪景，看着窗帘。他搂抱着坐在前面的她，她如同一个孩子坐在友善的陌生人给她的雪橇里，
short slope by a kind stranger, he saw her back, her hip[s] between his hands.
Like toads or tortoises neither saw each other’s faces See animaux
沿着一条短短的斜坡往下滑。他看着她的后背，双手捧着她的臀部。
如同蟾蜍或乌龟般看不到彼此的脸
看
动物抱对
My sexual life is virtually over but—
I saw you again, Aurora Lee, whom as a youth I had pursued with hopeless desire at high-school balls—and whom I have cornered now fifty years later, on a terrace of my dream. Your painted pout and cold gaze were, come to think of it, very like the official lips and eyes of Flora, my wayward wife, and your flimsy frock of black silk might have come from her recent wardrobe. You turned away, but could not escape, trapped.
我的性生活几乎结束了，然而—
我又见到了你，奥罗拉·李， [1] 我年轻时在高中舞会上怀着无望的渴慕追求过的人，五十年后的今天，在我梦的露台上，你无路可退。你涂满口红的小嘴、冷峻的目光，细想起来，酷似我任性的妻子弗洛拉那公认的嘴巴和眼睛。你身上穿的那件又轻又薄的黑色丝绸连衣裙或许就出自她最近的衣橱。你轻身离去，却无法逃脱，被困住了。
as you were among the close-set columns of moonlight and I lifted the hem of your dress—something I never had done in the past—and stroked, moulded, pinched ever so softly your pale prominent nates, while you stood perfectly still as if considering new possibilities of power and pleasure and interior decoration. At the height of your guarded ecstasy I thrust my cupped hand from behind between your consenting thighs and felt the sweat-stuck folds of a long scrotum and
在两道紧挨着的月光柱之间。我撩起你的裙子—这是我以前从未做过的事—如此温存地抚摸、搂抱、揉捏着你苍白的翘臀。而你则纹丝不动，安静地站在那里，似乎在思量着有关权力、玩乐和室内装潢的新的可能。在你那矜持的狂喜达到高潮时，我从后面将窝成杯状的手伸入你顺从的大腿之间，触摸到浸透了汗液的长长的阴囊，接着，再往前些，是
then, further in front, the droop of a short member. Speaking as an authority on dreams, I wish to add that this was no homosexual manifestation but a splendid example of terminal gynandrism. Young Aurora Lee (who was to be axed and chopped up at seventeen by an idiot lover, all glasses and beard) and half-impotent old Wild formed for a moment one creature. But quite apart from all that, in a more
耷拉在阴囊前面的短体，
作为一个解梦的权威人士，我想补充两句，这并非同性恋的表现，而是一个末端的雌雄同体的杰出范例。年轻的奥罗拉·李（十七岁时就被一个戴眼镜且长着一脸大胡子的白痴情人摧残得支离破碎）和半阳痿的老王尔德一时间合二为一。但撇开这一切，就某种
disgusting and delicious sense, her little bottom, so smooth, so moonlit, a replica, in fact, of her twin brother’s charms, sampled rather brutally on my last night at boarding school, remained inset in the medal[l]ion of every following day.
更为恶心、更为可口的层面而言，她小小的屁股是那么光滑，有如一轮新月般白净，简直就是她孪生兄弟魔力的复制品，我在寄宿学校的最后一个晚上曾相当粗鲁地取过样，样本依然嵌在每个翌日的徽章里。
Willpower, absolute self domination.
Electroencephalographic recordings of hypnotic “sleep” are very similar to those of the waking state and quite different from those of normal sleep; yet there are certain minute details about the pattern of the trance which are of extraordina[r]y interest and pl[a]ce it specifically apart both from sleep and [waking].
[1] Aurora Lee，王尔德的初恋情人，其名可能是对勃朗宁夫人叙事长诗《奥罗拉·利》（ Aurora Leigh ）的戏仿。
意志力，绝对自控力。
脑电图显示，催眠中的大脑状态与苏醒时的大脑状态很相似，但与正常睡眠时的状态完全不同；然而，这种恍惚昏睡的模式中有许多微妙的细节很有意思，也令它与睡眠和清醒这两种状态都明显地区别开来。
self-extinction
self-immolation, -tor
As I destroyed my thorax, I also destroyed [ ] and the [ ] and the laughing people in theaters with a not longer visible stage or screen, and the [ ] and the [ ] in the cemetery of the asym[m]-etrical heart
autosuggestion, autosug[g]etist autosuggestive
自我毁灭
自我牺牲，自我牺牲者
当我毁灭我的胸膛时，我同时毁灭了［ ］，还有［ ］，以及剧院里发出大笑的人们，有形的舞台和屏幕不复存在；同时毁灭［ ］，还有失衡的心之坟墓中的［ ］
自我暗示，自我暗示者自我暗示的
A process of self-obliteration conducted by an efort of the will. Pleasure, bordering on almost unendurable exstacy, comes from feeling the will working at a new task: an act of destruction which develops paradoxically an element of creativeness in the totally new application of totally free will. Learning to use the vigor of the body for the purpose of its own deletion[,] standing vitality on its head.
自我泯灭的过程由意志力引导。快感近乎一种几乎无法承受的狂喜，它源自对于着手一项新任务的意愿的感知：一项荒谬地衍生出了一点点创意的毁灭行为，这种创意体现在对绝对自由意志的全新的应用。学会使用自身的元气达到自我删除的目的，将元气倒过来使用。
OED
Nirvana [ ] blowing out (extinguishing), extinction, disappearance. In Buddhist theology extinction ... and absorption into the supreme spirit.
(nirvanic embrace of Brahma)
bonze=Buddhist monk
bonzery, bonzeries
the doctrine of Buddhist incarnation
Brahmahood=absorption into the divine essence.
Brahmism
(all this postulates a supreme god)
牛津英语词典
涅槃［ ］吹熄（熄灭），灭绝，消失。佛教观念中指消亡……并升华为至高的灵魂。
（涅槃是梵天的拥抱）
僧人=和尚
僧人，和尚
佛教转世的教义
梵天的境界=融入神的精髓
婆罗门教
（这一切都假定存在一位至高无上的神）
Buddhism
Nirvana=“extinction of the self” “individual existence”
“release from the cycle of incarnations”
“reunion with Brahma ( Hinduism )[”]
attained through the suppression of individ[ual] existence.
Buddhism : Beatic spiritual condition
Te religious rubbish and mysticism of oriental wisdom
Te minor poetry of mystical myths
佛教
涅槃=“自我毁灭”“个体存在”
“从轮回转世中解脱”
“与梵（印度教）结合”
通过抑制个体生存得以实现
佛教 ：至福的精神状态
宗教垃圾和东方智慧的玄想
关于神秘传说的二流诗歌
The novel Laura was sent to me by the painter Rawitch, a rejected admirer of my wife, of whom he did an exquisite oil a few years ago. Te way I was led by delicate clues and ghostly nudges to the exhibition where “Lady with Fan” was sold to me by his girl-friend, a sniggering tart with gilt fingernails, is a separate anecdote in the anthology of humiliation to which, since my marriage, I have been a constant contributor. As to the book,
画家拉维奇将小说《我的劳拉》邮寄给了我，他是一位遭到我妻子拒绝的仰慕者。几年前他为我妻子画了一幅精致的油画。我受微妙线索的引导，鬼使神差地去了那个画展，他的女友把那幅《持扇女》卖给了我。这个指甲上涂着金彩的轻佻女人一直窃笑着。自结婚以来，我就一直在为耻辱故事集源源不断地贡献素材，这次经历只不过是故事集中单独的一篇。至于这本书，
a bestseller, which the blurb described as “a roman à clef with the clef lost for ever”, the demonic hands of one of my servants, the Velvet Valet as Flora called him, kept slipping it into my visual field until I opened the damned thing and discovered it to be a maddening masterpiece
可是一部畅销之作，书上的简介将它描述为“一本永远无原型可考的
真人真事小说
”。我的一个仆人，弗洛拉管他叫“天鹅绒般柔和的贴身男仆”，他的魔爪不停地将《我的劳拉》带进我的视野。我翻开那本该死的书，发现它是一本让人气得发疯的杰作。
Winny Carr waiting for her train on the station platform of Sex, a delightful Swiss resort famed for its crimson plums[,] noticed her old friend Flora on a bench near the bookstall with a paperback in the lap. Tis was the soft cover copy of Laura issued virtually at the same time as its much stouter and comelier hardback edition. She had just bought it at the station bookstall,
温妮·卡尔在赛克斯火车站站台上等火车，赛克斯是瑞士一个风景宜人的度假胜地，以深红色的梅子闻名。她注意到老朋友弗洛拉正坐在书亭旁的一张长凳上，腿上放着一本平装书。这是《我的劳拉》的平装版，它与更为厚实考究的精装版其实是同步发行的。她刚刚在车站的书亭里买到，
and in answer to Winny’s jocular remark (“hope you’ll enjoy the story of your life”) said she doubted if she could force herself to start reading it.
Oh you must! said Winnie, it is, of course, fictionalized and all that but you’ll come face to face with yourself at every other corner. And there’s your wonderful death. Let me
面对温妮的戏谑（“希望你会享受你自己的人生故事”），弗洛拉回答说，她怀疑能否强迫自己开始读这本书。
哦，你一定要读！温妮说，当然，它是虚构的，基本上纯属虚构，但你会在每一个转角处直面你自己。还有你精彩的死亡。让我
show you your wonderful death. Damn, here’s my train. Are we going together?
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m expecting somebody. Nothing very exciting. Please, let me have my book. ”
“Oh, but I simply must find that passage for you. It’s not quite at the end. You’ll scream with laughter. It’s the craziest death in the world. [”]
“You’ll miss your train[.]” said Flora[.]
把你精彩死去的那一页翻给你看。见鬼，我的火车到站了。我们一起走吗？
“我哪里也不去，我在这里等人。没有什么特别令人兴奋的，请把我的书还给我。”
“哦，但我只是必须把那段找给你看，没在很后面，你会笑得发疯的。那是尘世间最疯狂的死亡。”
“你会错过火车的。”弗洛拉说。
Philip Wild spent most of the afternoon in the shade of a marbrosa tree (that he vaguely mistook for an opulent tropical race of the birch) sipping tea with lemon and making embryonic notes with a diminutive pencil attached to a diminutive agenda-book which seemed to melt into his broad moist palm where it would spread in sporadic crucifixions. He sat with widespread
菲利普·王尔德在一棵马波萨树的树荫下度过了几乎整个下午（他依稀把这种树误当成了一种茂密的热带桦木）。他一边啜着柠檬茶，一边用拴在一个极小的日程本上的一支极小的铅笔记录下自己刚萌生的想法，日程本似乎与他那只湿乎乎的宽大手掌融为一体，化为零落的耶稣受难像。他双腿大张地坐
legs to accom[m]odate his enormous stomack and now and then checked or made in midthought half a movement to check the fly buttons of his old fashioned white trousers. There was also the recurrent search for his pencil sharpener, which he absently put into a diferent pocket every time after use. Otherwise, between all those small movements, he sat perfectly still, like a meditative idol. Flora would be often present lolling in a deckchair,
着，好给他那巨大的肚子留出空间。他时不时检查一下他那条老式白长裤的裆部纽扣，有时因想起什么而停下动作；或隔不多久就找找他每次用过后都心不在焉地放进不同口袋里的削铅笔刀。此外，没做这些小动作时，他就纹丝不动地坐在那儿，像一尊沉思的神像。弗洛拉则常常懒洋洋地出现在一张帆布躺椅上，
moving it from time to time, circling as it were around her husband, and enclosing his chair in her progression of strewn magazines as she sought an even denser shade than the one sheltering him. Te urge to expose the maximum of naked flesh permitted by fashion was combined in her strange little mind with a dread of the least touch of tan defiling her ivory skin.
她不时挪动躺椅，似乎在围着她丈夫转，在寻找一处比遮蔽她丈夫的那块更浓密的树荫时，用她那些陆续散落的杂志将她丈夫的椅子围住。她那奇怪的小脑瓜一方面渴望依据时尚的尺度，最大限度地裸露自己的身体，另一方面又担心她那象牙白的肌肤会被晒到丁点。
To all contraceptive precautions, and indeed to orgasm at its safest and deepest, I much preferred—madly preferred—finishing off at my ease against the softest part of her thigh. Tis predilection might have been due to the unforgettable impact of my romps with schoolmates of diferent but erotically identical, sexes
与所有的避孕措施相比，甚至与最安全、最深入的性高潮相比，我更喜欢—狂热地喜欢—无拘无束地抵住她大腿最柔软的部分完成性爱之旅。这一偏好可能要归因于学生时代的风流韵事给我留下的难以抹去的影响，跟那些风格各异却同样具有性吸引力的男女同学们
he too needed
and that he would come to stay here for at least a week every other month
Tis [key] for a Teme
Begin with [poem] etc and
finish with mast and Flora, ascribe to picture
他也需要
每隔一个月，他会来待上至少一周。
这个［关键］作为主题
以［诗］等作为开篇
以桅杆和弗洛拉作为结尾。归因于图片
After a three-year separation (distant war, regular exchange of tender letters) we met again. Tough still married to that hog she kept away from him and at the moment sojourned at a central European resort in eccentric solitude. We met in a splendid park that she praised with [exaggerated] warmth—picturesque trees, blooming meado[w]s—and in a secluded part of it an ancient“rotonda” with pictures and music where
分开三年后（遥远的战争，定期温柔的信件往来），我们再次相遇。尽管她与那头猪的婚姻还维系着，但她远远地躲开他，眼下正在欧洲中部一个度假胜地离群索居。我们在一个风景优美的公园里相遇，她过于热情地赞美了公园—如画一般的树木，郁郁葱葱的草场—公园僻静处有一幢绘有图画、飘着音乐的古老“圆形建筑”，
we simply had to stop for a rest and a bite—the sisters, I mean, she said, the attendant[s] there—served iced coffee and cherry tart of quite special quality—and as she spoke I suddenly began to realise with a sense of utter depression and embarrassment that the “pavilion” was the celebrated Green Chapel of St Esmeralda and that she was brimming with religious fervor and yet miserably, desperately fearful, despite bright smiles and un air enjoué , of my insulting her by some mocking remark.
我们只是得停下来休息片刻，吃点东西—修女们，她说，我的意思是，那里的服务员—提供冰咖啡和一种特殊风味的樱桃馅饼—她说着这些时，我突然极其沮丧而尴尬地意识到，这个“亭子”就是著名的圣·埃斯梅拉达绿色小教堂；而她满怀宗教的狂热，尽管笑容明朗、
神情愉悦
，却痛苦且绝望地惧怕我用冷嘲热讽羞辱她。
I hit upon the art of thinking away my body, my being, mind itself. To think away thought—luxurious suicide, delicious dissolution! Dissolution, in fact, is a marvelously apt term here, for as you sit relaxed in this comfortable chair (narrator striking its armrests) and start destroying yourself, the first thing you feel is a mounting melting, from the feet upward
我偶然发现了这种忘却我的身体、我的存在以及思维本身的艺术。忘掉思想—奢侈的自杀，怡人的自我消亡！事实上，“自我消亡”这个措词用在这里恰如其分，因为，当你全身放松地坐在这张舒适的椅子上（叙述者敲打着扶手），并着手毁灭自己时，你首先体验到的便是自足部升腾而起的一种消融的感觉
In experimenting on oneself in order to pick out the sweetest death, one cannot, obviously, set part of one’s body on fire or drain it of blood or subject it to any other drastic operation, for the simple reason that these are one-way treatments: there is no resurrecting the organ one has destroyed. It is the ability to stop the experiment and return intact from the perilous journey that makes all the diference, once its mysterious technique
一个人在自己身上做实验，以求找到一种最痛快的死亡方式时，显然不能将自己的身体付之一炬，也不能抽干体内血液，或采取其他极端手段。原因很简单，这些方式都是单向治疗：毁坏的器官没有再生的可能。学习自我毁灭的学生，一旦掌握了神秘的实验技巧，能够中止实验并从险境中全身而退才是至关重要的。
has been mastered by the student of self-annihilation. From the preceding chapters and the footnotes to them, he has learned, I hope, how to put himself into neutral, i. e. into a harmless trance and how to get out of it by a resolute wrench of the watchful will. What cannot be taught is the specific method of dissolving one’s body, or at least part of one’s body, while tranced. A deep probe of one’s darkest self, the unraveling of subjective associations, may suddenly
我希望他能从前面的章节，以及这些章节的脚注中学会保持中立态度，也就是说，进入一种无害的昏睡状态，并学会如何用一种警觉的意志，毅然从中挣脱出来。不能教的是在昏睡中消融躯体或至少部分躯体的具体方法。对一个人最黑暗的自我的深入探索，主观联想的瓦解，可能会突然
lead to the shadow of a clue and then to the clue itself. Te only help I can provide is not even paradigmatic. For all I know, the way I found to woo death may be quite atypical; yet the story has to be told for the sake of its strange logic.
In a recurrent dream of my childhood I used to see a smudge on the wallpaper or on a whitewashed door, a nasty smudge that started to come alive,
指向线索的蛛丝马迹，进而指向线索本身。我唯一能提供的帮助甚至算不上范式。据我所知，我追求死亡的方式或许很另类，但就因为故事的逻辑诡异，所以必须讲给世人听。
在童年经常出现的梦境中，我总看到墙纸或刷白的门上有一个污点，那讨厌的东西开始动了起来，
turning into a crustacean-like monster. As its appendages began to move, a thrill of foolish horror shook me awake; but the same night or the next I would be again facing idly some wall or screen on which a spot of dirt would attract the naive sleeper’s attention by starting to grow and make groping and clasping gestures—and again I managed to wake up before its bloated bulk got unstuck from the wall. But one night
变成一个类似甲壳纲动物的怪物。它的附肢开始蠕动时，一阵可笑的恐慌令我哆嗦着从睡梦中惊醒；但同一天晚上或第二天晚上，我又会百无聊赖地看着某面墙或屏幕上的一个污点越变越大，张牙舞爪，来吸引天真睡眠者的注意力；我又一次在那个庞然大物从墙上挣脱出来前设法醒了过来。但有天晚上，
when some trick of position, some dimple of pillow, some fold of bedclothes made me feel brighter and braver than usual, I let the smudge start its evolution and, drawing on an imagined mitten, I simply rubbed out the beast. Tree or four times it appeared again in my dreams but now I welcomed its growing shape and gleefully erased it. Finally it gave up—as some day life will give up—bothering me.
我睡觉的姿势、枕头的凹痕、睡衣上的褶皱，都让我感觉自己比平时要聪明和勇敢；我任由那个污点开始演变，戴上想象的手套，简单地擦掉了这个怪物。后来有三四次它又出现在我的梦里，而此时我对它的变形报以欢迎的态度，然后开开心心地将其抹去。最后，它不再来骚扰我，就像生命总有一天也会停止骚扰我一样。
I have never derived the least joy from my legs. In fact I strongly object to the bipedal condition[.] The fatter and wiser I grew the more I abominated the task of grappling with long drawers, trousers and pyjama pants. Had I been able to bear the stink and stickiness of my own unwashed body I would have slept with all my clothes on and had valets—preferably with some experience in the tailoring of corpses—change me, say, once a week. But then,
我从未获得过任何源自我的双腿的快乐。事实上我对拥有双足的现状持有强烈的反感，随着身体发福、智慧渐长，我对穿长内裤、长外裤和睡衣裤的厌恶与日俱增。假如我能忍受不洗澡的身体的臭味和黏腻，我会和衣而睡，让男用人—优先考虑有为尸体裁剪衣服的经验的人—为我更衣，比如说，一周一次。但那时，
I also loath[e] the proximity of valets and the vile touch of their hands. Te last one I had was at least clean but he regarded the act of dressing his master as a battle of wits, he doing his best to turn the wrong outside into the right inside and I undoing his endeavors by working my right foot into my left trouser leg. Our complicated exertions, which to an onlooker might
我也厌恶男用人近身，讨厌他们肮脏的手的碰触。我用的最后一位用人至少还算干净，但他把为主人更衣视为一场智力之战，费了老半天劲把里子误翻在外面的裤子整理好，而我却将右腿伸进了左裤管，令他前功尽弃。我们的这番折腾，在一个旁观者的眼里也许
have seemed some sort of exotic wrestling match[,] would take us from one room to another and end by my sitting on the floor, exhausted and hot, with the bottom of my trousers mis-clothing my heaving abdomen.
Finally, in my sixties, I found the right person to dress and undress me: an old illusionist who is able to go behind a screen in the guise of a cossack and instantly come out at the other end as
无异于某种具有异国情调的摔跤比赛，会让我们从一个房间转战到另一个房间，直到我精疲力竭地瘫坐在地板上，热得不行，长裤的臀部位置穿到了我隆起的肚子上时才算告终。
最后，在我六十多岁时，我找到了为我穿衣、脱衣的合适人选：一位老魔术师，他能伪装成哥萨克人走到屏风后面，旋即又变身为山姆大叔从另一端走出来。
Uncle Sam. He is tasteless and rude and altogether not a nice person, but he has taught me many a subtle trick such as folding trousers properly and I think I shall keep him despite the fantastic wages the rascal asks.
他缺少品味，举止粗鲁，总之并非良善之辈；但他教会了我许多小窍门，比如如何把裤子叠得像样。尽管这无赖要价惊人，但我还是决定继续雇用他。
Every now and then she would turn up for a few moments between trains, between planes, between lovers. My morning sleep would be interrupted by heartrending sounds—a window opening, a little bustle downstairs, a trunk coming, a trunk going, distant telephone conversations that seemed to be conducted in conspiratorial whispers. If shivering in my nightshirt I dared to waylay her all she said would be “you really ought to lose some weight” or “I hope you transfered that money as I indicated”—and all doors closed again.
她总是来去匆匆，不停往返于火车、飞机与情人之间。我清晨的酣眠总是被各种令人悲伤的声音打断—开窗声、下楼时的窸窸窣窣、行李箱拖来拖去的声音、从远处传来的似乎在电话里密谋着什么的低语。如果穿着睡衣、冷得直打哆嗦的我敢拦住她不放，她便会说“你真该减肥了”或“我希望你按我说的把那笔钱转到我账上”—说完，所有门再次关闭。
the art of self-slaughter
TLS 16-1-76 “Nietz[s]che argued that the man of pure will... must recognise that that there is an appropriate time to die”
Philip Nikitin: Te act of suicide may be “criminal” in the same sense that murder is criminal but in my case it is purified and hallowed by the incredible delight it gives.
一九七六年一月十六日的《泰晤士报文学副刊》：“尼采认为，一个有纯粹意志力的人……必须承认死亡有恰当的时机。”
菲利普·尼基京：如同谋杀是犯罪一样，自杀行为或许也属同样意义上的“犯罪”，不过我的自杀行为是圣洁的，因为它给我带来了极大的乐趣。
By now I have died up to my navel some fifty times in less than three years and my fifty resurrections have shown that no damage is done to the organs involved when breaking in time out of the trance. As soon as I started yesterday to work on my torso, the act of deletion produced an ecstasy superior to anything experienced before; yet I noticed that the ecstasy was accompanied by a new feeling of anxiety and even panic.
迄今为止，我在过去不到三年的时间里死过约五十次，死亡的感觉一直延伸到肚脐眼。五十次死而复生的经历显示，当我及时从昏睡状态中挣脱出来时，身体器官都完好无损。昨天，我一开始研究我的躯体，删除的行为就立即引发了一种以前从未体验过的狂喜。尽管我也注意到，伴随着这种狂喜的还有一种新的焦虑，甚至恐慌。
How curious to recall the trouble I had in finding an adequate spot for my first experiments. Tere was an old swing hanging from a branch of an old oaktree in a corner of the garden. Its ropes looked sturdy enough; its seat was provided with a comfortable safety bar of the kind inherited nowadays by chair lifts. It had been much used years ago by my half sister, a fat dreamy pigtailed creature who died before reaching puberty. I now had to take a ladder to it, for the sentimental
第一次做实验时，为了找一个够宽敞的地方，我颇费了一番周折，回想起来还真觉得奇怪。花园角落一棵古老橡树的树枝上悬挂着一个破旧的秋千，挂秋千的绳索看上去够结实的。秋千的座位上装有现在常用于滑雪缆车的那种舒适的保险杆。多年前，我同父异母的妹妹经常坐在这里荡秋千。她是个梳着辫子、心不在焉的胖孩子，可还没进入青春期就夭折了。如今的我得借助一个梯子才能爬到秋千上，因为这个伤感的遗物
relic was lifted out of human reach by the growth of the picturesque but completely indiferent tree. I had glided with a slight oscillation into the initial stage of a particularly rich trance when the cordage burst and I was hurled, still more or less boxed[,] into a ditch full of brambles which ripped off a piece of the peacock blue dressing gown I happened to be wearing that summer day.
已跟随那棵古色古香但漠然地生长着的树一起达到了人所无法企及的高度。在秋千上轻轻一荡，我便陷入了一种极沉的昏睡状态的初始阶段。绳索崩断时，我多少有些像被一拳击中般摔了出去，掉进一条荆棘丛生的沟渠里。那个夏天我碰巧一直穿着的孔雀蓝睡袍也被撕破了。
Tinking away on[e]self
a mel[t]ing sensation
an envahissement of delicious dissolution (what a miraculous appropriate noun!)
afterefect of certain drug used by anaest [hesiologist]
I have ne[ver] been much [interested] in navel
忘我的境界
融化的感觉
甜美的自我消融的
入侵
（多么神奇又恰如其分的名词！）
麻醉学专家用过的某种药物的后效
我从未对肚脐有过多大兴趣
eface
expunge
erase
delete
rub out
wipe out
obliterate
抹去
消除
擦掉
删除
磨灭
擦净
涂去