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(excerpt)
The next day, Monday, instead of getting a ride home with Fran—Fran says she likes to give rides, she needs the chance to talk, and she won’t share gas expenses, absolutely not—Maya goes to the periodicals room of the library. There are newspapers from everywhere, even from Madagascar and New Caledonia. She thinks of the periodicals room as an asylum for homesick aliens. There are two aliens already in the room, both Orientals, both absorbed in the politics and gossip of their far off homes.
She goes straight to the newspapers from India. She bunches her raincoat like a bolster to make herself more comfortable. There’s so much to catch up on. A village headman, a known Congress-Indira party worker, has been shot at by scooter-riding snipers. An Indian pugilist has won an international medal—in Nepal. A child drawing well water—the reporter calls the child “a neo-Buddhist, a convert from the now-outlawed untouchable caste”—has been stoned. An editorial explains that the story about stoning is not a story about caste but about failed idealism; a story about promises of green fields and clean, potable water broken, a story about bribes paid and wells not dug. But no, thinks Maya, it’s about caste.
Out here, in the heartland of the new world, the India of serious newspapers unsettles. Maya longs again to feel what she had felt in the Chatterjis’ living room: virtues made physical. It is a familiar feeling, a longing. Had a suitable man presented himself in the reading room at that instant, she would have seduced him. She goes on to the stack of India Abroads, reads through matrimonial columns, and steals an issue to take home.
Indian men want Indian brides. Married Indian men want Indian mistresses. All over America, “handsome, tall, fair” engineers, doctors, data processors—the new pioneers—cry their eerie love calls.
Maya runs a finger down the first column; her finger tip, dark with newsprint, stops at random.
Hello! Hi! Yes, you are the one I’m looking for. You are the new emancipated Indo-American woman. You have a zest for life. You are at ease in USA and yet your ethics are rooted in Indian tradition. The man of your dreams has come. Yours truly is handsome, ear-nose-throat specialist, well-settled in Connecticut. Age is 41 but never married, physically fit, sportsmanly, and strong. I adore idealism, poetry, beauty. I abhor smugness, passivity, caste system. Write with recent photo. Better still, call!!!
Maya calls. Hullo, hullo, hullo! She hears immigrant lovers cry in crowded shopping malls. Yes, you who are at ease in both worlds, you are the one. She feels she has a fair chance.
A man answers. “Ashoke Mehta speaking.”
She speaks quickly into the bright-red mouthpiece of her telephone. He will be in Chicago, in transit, passing through O’Hare. United counter, Saturday, two p.m. As easy as that.
“Good,” Ashoke Mehta says. “For these encounters I, too, prefer a neutral zone.”
On Saturday at exactly two o’clock the man of Maya’s dreams floats toward her as lovers used to in shampoo commercials. The United counter is a loud, harassed place but passengers and piled-up luggage fall away from him. Full-cheeked and fleshy-lipped, he is handsome. He hasn’t lied. He is serene, assured, a Hindu ... touching down in Illinois.
She can’t move. She feels ugly and unworthy. Her adult life no longer seems miraculously rebellious; it is grim, it is perverse. She has accomplished nothing. She has changed her citizenship but she hasn’t broken through into the light, the vigor, the hustle of the New World. She is stuck in dead space.
“Hullo, hullo!” Their fingers touch.
Oh, the excitement! Ashoke Mehta’s palm feels so right in the small of her back. Hullo, hullo, hullo. He pushes her out of the reach of anti-Khomeini Iranians, Hare Krishnas, American Fascists, men with fierce wants, and guides her to an empty gate. They have less than an hour.
“What would you like, Maya?”
She knows he can read her mind, she knows her thoughts are open to him. You, she’s almost giddy with the thought, with simple desire. “From the snack bar,” he says, as though to clarify. “I’m afraid I’m starved.”
Below them, where the light is strong and hurtful, a Boeing is being serviced. “Nothing,” she says.
He leans forward. She can feel the nap of his scarf—she recognizes the Cambridge colors—she can smell the wool of his Icelandic sweater. She runs her hand along the scarf, then against the flesh of his neck. “Only the impulsive ones call,” he says.
The immigrant courtship proceeds. It’s easy, he’s good with facts. He knows how to come across to a stranger who may end up a lover, a spouse. He makes over a hundred thousand. He owns a house in Hartford, and two income properties in Newark. He plays the market but he’s cautious. He’s good at badminton but plays handball to keep in shape. He watches all the sports on television. Last August he visited Copenhagen, Helsinki and Leningrad. Once upon a time he collected stamps but now he doesn’t have hobbies, except for reading. He counts himself an intellectual, he spends too much on books. Ludlum, Forsyth, Maclnnes; other names she doesn’t catch. She suppresses a smile, she’s told him only she’s a graduate student. He’s not without his vices. He’s a spender, not a saver. He’s a sensualist: good food—all foods, but easy on the Indian—good wine. Some temptations he doesn’t try to resist.
And I, she wants to ask, do I tempt?
“Now tell me about yourself, Maya.” He makes it easy for her. “Have you ever been in love?”
“No.”
“But many have loved you, I can see that.” He says it not unkindly. It is the fate of women like her, and men like him. Their karmic duty, to be loved. It is expected, not judged. She feels he can see them all, the sad parade of need and demand. This isn’t the time to reveal all.
And so the courtship enters a second phase.
When she gets back to Cedar Falls, Ted Suminski is standing on the front porch. It’s late at night, chilly. He is wearing a down vest. She’s never seen him on the porch. In fact there’s no chair to sit on. He looks chilled through. He’s waited around a while.
“Hi.” She has her keys ready. This isn’t the night to offer the sixpack in the fridge. He looks expectant, ready to pounce.
“Hi.” He looks like a man who might have aimed the dart at her. What has he done to his wife, his kids? Why isn’t there at least a dog? “Say, I left a note upstairs.”
The note is written in Magic Marker and thumb-tacked to her apartment door. DUE TO PERSONAL REASONS, NAMELY REMARRIAGE, I REQUEST THAT YOU VACATE MY PLACE AT THE END OF THE SEMESTER.
Maya takes the note down and retacks it to the kitchen wall. The whole wall is like a bulletin board, made of some new, crumbly building-material. Her kitchen, Ted Suminski had told her, was once a child’s bedroom. Suminski in love: the idea stuns her. She has misread her landlord. The dart at her window speaks of no twisted fantasy. The landlord wants the tenant out.
She gets a glass out of the kitchen cabinet, gets out a tray of ice, pours herself a shot of Fran’s bourbon. She is happy for Ted Suminski. She is. She wants to tell someone how moved she’d been by Mrs. Chatterji’s singing. How she’d felt in O’Hare, even about Dr. Rab Chatterji in the car. But Fran is not the person. No one she’s ever met is the person. She can’t talk about the dead space she lives in. She wishes Ashoke Mehta would call. Right now.
Weeks pass. Then two months. She finds a new room, signs another lease. Her new landlord calls himself Fred. He has no arms, but he helps her move her things. He drives between Ted Suminski’s place and his twice in his station wagon. He uses his toes the way Maya uses her fingers. He likes to do things. He pushes garbage sacks full of Maya’s clothes up the stairs.
“It’s all right to stare,” Fred says. “Hell, I would.”
That first afternoon in Fred’s rooming house, they share a Chianti. Fred wants to cook her pork chops but he’s a little shy about Indians and meat. Is it beef, or pork? Or any meat? She says it’s okay, any meat, but not tonight. He has an ex-wife in Des Moines, two kids in Portland, Oregon. The kids are both normal; he’s the only freak in the family. But he’s self-reliant. He shops in the supermarket like anyone else, he carries out the garbage, shovels the snow off the sidewalk. He needs Maya’s help with one thing. Just one thing. The box of Tide is a bit too heavy to manage. Could she get him the giant size every so often and leave it in the basement?
The dead space need not suffocate. Over the months, Fred and she will settle into companionship. She has never slept with a man without arms. Two wounded people, he will joke during their nightly contortions. It will shock her, this assumed equivalence with a man so strikingly deficient. She knows she is strange, and lonely, but being Indian is not the same, she would have thought, as being a freak.
One night in spring, Fred’s phone rings. “Ashoke Mehta speaking.” None of this “do you remember me?” nonsense. The ... has tracked her down. He hasn’t forgotten. “Hullo,” he says, in their special way. And because she doesn’t answer back, “Hullo, hullo, hullo.” She is aware of Fred in the back of the room. He is lighting a cigarette with his toes.
“Yes,” she says, “I remember.”
“I had to take care of a problem,” Ashoke Mehta says. “You know that I have my vices. That time at O’Hare I was honest with you.”
She is breathless.
“Who is it, May?” asks Fred.
“You also have a problem,” says the voice. His laugh echoes. “You will come to Hartford, I know.”
When she moves out, she tells herself, it will not be the end of Fred’s world.