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现在我们来看看5分作文与7分作文的各项评分对比。
Topic:
International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?
International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?
In my opinion advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Firstly, many countries like Egypt or Thailand live from tourism. Lots of people work there as a seilsmens or tourist guides. These countries without support of tourists wouldn’t be able to function properly.
Secondly, in countries visited by tourists are plenty of places where people just can’t pass because of rare animals or plants.
Another thing is that people like traveling and seeing new exotic places. They like lie on the beach or swim in ocean.
Furthermore, tourism is now more growing industry highering tousands of people. There are makeing new places to work and to have fun.
But on the other hand, people often forget that they aren’t the only beings on the planet.
Many tourists are living garbage just anywhere. Some of them wan’t an exotic souvenir so they pay for illegal things like dead or live animals or some sculpture.
To sum up I think international traveling is a good thing but people must realise that there is something else besides them. They need to know that flora and fauna needs to be protected. People have to enjoy their holidays but alsow protect environment.
Task Response
The essay question has been copied and used as the introduction (paragraph 1). Once these 34 words are taken off the word count, the response is 194 words which falls behind the requirement and so loses marks. Nevertheless, the topic is addressed and a relevant position is expressed, although there are patches—as in the third paragraph—where the development is unclear. Other ideas are more relevant but are sometimes insufficiently developed.
●引言第一段照抄原文。一旦把照抄的34个单词去掉，文章只有194个单词，字数不够，要扣分。
●内容切题，并给出了观点，但第三段有拼凑之嫌，论述不清。
●其他论点与主题相关，但是有时候没有进行充分的展开论述。
Coherence and Cohesion
The candidate’s ideas are clearly organised, and there is an overall progression within the response. There is some effective use of a range of cohesive devices (e.g. connectives like “Secondly” and “Furthermore”). Referencing is also sometimes used effectively (e.g. in paragraph 4, the use of “they” in the second sentence to refer to “people” in the first sentence). However, there is also some mechanical over-use of linkers in places (e.g. “But on the other hand,” in paragraph 6). As well, paragraphs are sometimes rather too short and inappropriate.
●考生论点组织清晰，层次分明。
●运用了一些有效的连接词（如Secondly、Furthermore）。
●指代运用合理（如第四段第二句话中的they指代的是第一句话中的people）。
●有些地方过度机械地运用连接词（如第六段中的But on the other hand）。
●同时，有些段落太短且不合理。
Lexical Resource
A range of vocabulary is attempted, and this is adequate for a good response to the task. However, the control of the vocabulary is weak, and there are frequent spelling errors which can cause some difficulties for the reader (e.g. “seilsmens” instead of “salesmen” in paragraph 2). This lowers the mark.
●试图运用多种表达方式，值得赞许。
●词汇控制能力弱，经常会有影响读者理解的拼写错误（如第二段把“salesmen”拼写成“seilsmens”）。
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The candidate uses a mix of simple and complex structures with frequent subordinate clauses. The control of complex structures is variable, and although errors are noticeable, they only rarely make it difficult to understand the message.
●考生运用了长短句和很多从句。
●复杂句式的运用中既有亮点，也有硬伤，不过没有造成太大的理解困难。
Tourism is a very big industry in the modern time and is growing quite rapidly. Thousands of people travel everywhere to various destinations every year. Arguments have come up regarding the benefits and negative impacts of tourism in places and on its local inhabitants and environment; however, I believe there are more advantages than disadvantages of international tourism.
People travel for various reasons; we travel for business purposes, holidays, visit friends and relatives etc. Travelling is mostly seen as a recreational activity. Tourism has many advantages. Tourism can play a tremendous part in a countrys economy, the more tourists visit a country and spend money there, the better it is for the country; that way more money is circulated within the country and even the stability of their currencys rate of exchange persists if not improve. Vendors and shops get to sell more goods and make an income. Tourism also has its non-monetary advantages; it brings cultures and people closer. People from all around the world get to share their culture with each other and even learn more. This is a good opportunity in education.
Tourism seems to have some disadvantages too; However, I believe the problems caused by tourism are not something that cannot be solved or prevented. A lot of people believe that tourism can destroy or deviate culture and causes quite an impact on visited locations, such as pollution and littering. People can adhere to their own beliefs and way of life if they want to; no one can really forcefully influence someone to change from their morals and ethics. Pollution can be avoided by increasing usage of environmental friendly vehicles used for tours and rents, warnings and visual education on littering and smoking, specific times can be allocated for tours to certain areas, such as peak times where local inhabitants feel uncomfortable due to too many foreigners.
Where there are problems there can always be solutions. Tourism brings great amount of advantages for any place in many ways and is a “win-win” exchange process. The very few problems caused can always be avoided or taken care of. I believe tourism should be highly promoted, specially in traditional and poor countries with natural beauty such as Thailand.
Task Response
The candidate addresses both aspects of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. Main ideas are generally clear and relevant, although some supporting ideas lack focus, as in the opening of paragraph 2.
●考生写出了任务的两方观点，并给出了清晰的立场。
●主要论点与主题基本明确相关，但有些论据不够严谨、紧凑，如第二段的开头。
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are generally well organised, and there is a clear overall progression with only minor lapses where points are not well-integrated into the argument. A range of cohesive devices is used effectively, although there is some under-use of connectives and substitution, and some lapses in the use of referencing.
●论点组织合理，层次分明，只有少数地方存在偏题现象。
●连接词运用有效，但是关联词和替代词运用太少，有些指代使用的错误。
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary is used with some flexibility and precision. The candidate has a good awareness of style and collocation, although occasional awkward expressions or incorrect word choices and word form lower the mark.
●用词生动准确。
●考生文体意识强，词语搭配也很讲究，但依然存在一些问题：偶尔语言不够地道，用词不正确，单词形式错误。
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of sentence structures is used with a high level of accuracy resulting in frequent error-free sentences. Minor systematic errors persist, however, and punctuation is unhelpful at times.
●句子结构多样，运用准确。
●出现少量句法错误，标点符号错误较多。