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The right attitude—the will to talk even when it might not be comfortable at first—is another basic ingredient for becoming a better talker. After that fiasco on the radio in Miami, I formed that attitude. When I managed to survive that case of "mike fright," I made a commitment to myself that I was going to do two things:
I was going to keep right on talking.
I was going to improve my ability to talk by working at it—hard.
What did I do? Everything. I hosted the morning show. I did the weather. I filled in as the afternoon sports reporter. The business report. I anchored the news. I gave speeches. If somebody called in sick or wanted to take a day off, I volunteered to work a double shift. I grabbed every opportunity I could to do as much talking on the air as possible. My objective was to be on the air and to be a success at it, so I told myself I was doing just what Ted Williams did when he felt it was necessary—I was taking extra batting practice.
You can take batting practice as a talker, too. In addition to consulting books and, now, videos on how to talk, there’s a lot you can do yourself. You can talk out loud to yourself around your house or apartment. I do. Not often, I hasten to add, but sometimes. I live alone, so from time to time I’ll say a few words off the cuff or try out something I might want to say later in a speech or on one of my shows. There’s no reason for me to feel embarrassed about it because there’s nobody else around anyhow. You can do the same thing even if you don’t live alone. You can go into a room by yourself, or into the basement, or use the time when you’re driving your car. And then you can practice simply talking better.
You can also stand in front of a mirror and talk to the image. This is a common technique, especially for people trying to improve their ability as public speakers. But it works for everyday conversation, too. And it helps you to train yourself to make good eye-to-eye contact because you’re automatically looking at the image across from you, your reflection in the mirror.
Don’t send for the man in the white jacket and the net to come and get me when I tell you this next technique—talking to your dog, or your cat, or your bird, or your goldfish. Pet talk is a great way to practice talking to others—and you don’t have to worry about being talked back to or getting interrupted.
Besides the willingness to work on it, you need at least two other ingredients to be a good conversationalist: a sincere interest in the other person and an openness to them about yourself.
I think it’s apparent to viewers of my nightly talk shows on CNN that I’m interested in my guests. I make sure to look them right in the eye. (The failure to do this is the downfall of many people and one we will talk about later.) Then I lean forward on my chair and I ask them a question about themselves.
I respect everyone on my shows—from presidents and Hall of Fame athletes to Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy of the Muppets, and yes, I’ve had them on, too. You cannot talk to people successfully if they think you are not interested in what they have to say or you have no respect for them.
I remember something Will Rogers once said: "Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects." It’s worth remembering this whether you’re talking to one person on your way to work or to a TV guest in front of an audience of ten million people. The corollary of this is that everybody is an expert on something. Everybody’s got at least one subject they love to talk about.
Always respect that expertise. Your listeners will always be able to tell whether you respect them. If they feel you do, they will listen more attentively as you talk. If they don’t, nothing you say or do will win them back to what you’re talking about.
The remaining ingredient in my formula for success is an openness about yourself while you are talking to others, like my candor with my audience when I developed that severe case of mike fright my first morning on the air. The golden rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you—applies to conversation, too. You should be as open and honest with your conversational partners as you’d want them to be with you.
This doesn’t mean you should talk about yourself all the time or divulge personal secrets. In fact, just the opposite. Would you want to hear about your neighbor’s gallstones? Your co-worker’s weekend with her mother-in -law? Probably not, so don’t use yours as material for conversation.
At the same time, you should be willing to reveal the kind of information that you’d ask of another person. Telling people what your background is, what your likes and dislikes are, is part of the give and take of conversation. It’s how we get to know people.
Regis Philbin and Kathie Lee Gifford are good examples of talkers who exhibit an openness about themselves when they are talking to their guests. They come into your room easily and naturally, and they’re not afraid to exhibit their tastes or to tell stories on themselves. Without making themselves the focus of their talk, they are themselves. They don’t try to fake it. If their story or their guest produces a sentimental tone or some other kind of emotion, they are not ashamed to show their feelings. Regis and Kathie Lee obviously know there’s nothing wrong with showing a sentimental side if it’s a sentimental moment, or fear or sadness or whatever the story or the guest might involve. The audiences in the studio and at home see that and relate to their openness and their obvious genuineness.
Anybody I’ve ever talked to for more than a few minutes knows at least two things about me: 1) I’m from Brooklyn, and 2) I’m Jewish.
How come they know that about me? Because I share my background with everyone I come in contact with. It’s a part of me, deep inside. And I’m proud both of being Jewish and of coming from Brooklyn. So, many of my conversations are dotted with references by me to my background. I enjoy sharing it with people.
If I were a stutterer, I would share that with the person I’m talking to. "It’s n-n-nice to m-m-meet you. M-m-my name is Larry King. I have this problem of s-s-stuttering, but I’m happy to talk to you."
Now you’ve gotten your condition out in the open. You don’t have to be afraid to talk to the other person, because you’ve just shared your situation, which they would find out immediately anyhow, and you’ve been up front about it, so there is no pretense. The conversation takes on a freedom that will enable both of you to enjoy it more. It won’t cure your stuttering, but it will help you be a better talker, while also winning the respect of the person you’ve started talking to.
Mel Tillis, the country-western singer, takes this approach. He has enjoyed a highly successful singing career and is absolutely charming as a guest in an interview, even though he’s a stutterer. It doesn’t show up when he’s singing, but it does when he’s talking. Instead of letting it bother him, Mel is completely up front about it, jokes about it, and is so completely at ease in being himself that he puts you at ease, too.
I had a guest on my TV show in Florida who was born with a cleft palate and spoke in a way that was not at all easy to understand. But he was delighted to be on my show and talk about himself. He was a multimillionaire despite what some people would consider a handicap. Guess what he did to become a multimillionaire? He was a salesman. But he approached anyone he was talking to with no pretense and no attempt to hide the obvious—that he "talked funny." He became successful because he adjusted to his situation and helped others do the same.