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As you know, persuasive writing is not a soft skill—it is economically and professionally central to your success in corporate America. Persuasive writing confers a competitive advantage and allows you to highlight your relevance, which in turn helps you keep your job, strengthen your relationships, and win more business.
If you want to write persuasively, forget about building to your conclusions and sounding like the genius you wish you were. Then, apply the following five principles:
Organize your content so that your communications deliver the outcomes you want.
You have no claim on your readers’ time, so if there’s even a chance readers could respond to the opening sentence of your document or email by saying “So what?” or by asking “And how is this relevant or important to me?” you need to revise the opening so they know exactly why they should keep reading.
Here are a few typical irritatingly useless opening sentences from email; all fail the “So what?” test, and work better than Ambien or narcolepsy at putting readers to sleep.
My name is John Grant, and I work in the marketing department at Branding, Inc.
I have attached a summary of the analysis we conducted last week of the Gigabyte Gateway.
Over the past few months the procurement department has been evaluating its vendor relationships as well as the expectations associated with those relationships.
The following sentences pass the “So what?” test, making clear to readers why they should keep reading, especially if they want to be loved.
I work with Anne Bradstreet at Branding, Inc., and am wondering if you have any data on teenage users of your social networking site.
Please let me know if you have any questions about the attached summary of our analysis of the Gigabyte Gateway.
We would like to meet with you next week to talk about our relationship in the coming year.
Your readers pay attention to the first sentence or two of every paragraph, and then they drop like flies . In fact, by the middle of the second sentence, most readers are already thinking about whether they can last another hour without a plate of fries. That’s why putting your key points first is critical.
So, never organize academically; in other words, never write to build suspense. We have mystery novels for this.
The team’s analysis is enhanced through a continuous and lively dialogue between all team members and management. An important part of the team’s role is to communicate their views to the entire management team. Managers play a pivotal role as it is their responsibility to challenge and question analysts’ views and assumptions continually. In the end, we believe better client recommendations are made as a result of this rigorous ongoing discussion.
Unlike the poorly organized paragraph above, the following passage begins by highlighting information that’s compelling for readers; when you are trying to decide what information should go in the first sentence—in client correspondence in particular—stay away from beginning with details about yourself or your firm; readers will find this as off-putting as people who wear ties identifying them by name (RON).
Instead, make your first sentences serve your clients’ or readers’ needs by focusing on the value you offer.
We provide you with better recommendations as a result of our rigorous review and discussion. To ensure that our decisions are informed by a thoughtful and demanding review:
In the poorly organized original below, you’ll see how overloading your openings with details and failing the “So what?” test will make readers’ eyeballs spin like slot machine tumblers in seizure-like displays of frustration.
Re: Concern
Dear Tony,
As you asked at our meeting last week, I’ve completed a multiple regression analysis of the twelve factors that are impeding our ability to address the lack of an efficient way for us to evaluate the ROI generated by our internal training indicatives (as stipulated by policy #2451a, in effect as of 10.09.10). This lack is counterproductive to our Training Goals and fosters mistrust. My analysis was not fruitful and therefore, I would like to make another suggestion about how to get the new Training Assessment done. Since it involves so many divisions and activities, I recommend that we establish a coordinated system between our divisions because doing so would be a good test of our new cooperative environment and help us assess both our abilities and this training initiative.
I’ll call you soon to follow up. In the meantime, you can reach me either by email or on my cell phone at 123.456.7890. Thanks.
Lucia
No emotionally healthy person will read past the phrase “multiple regression analysis” unless threatened with a hog-stunner. Think of it this way: if you begin any document with a series of details strung together like cheap plastic beads, you’ll cheapen your ideas, and readers will know you shop for meaning at the intellectual equivalent of Wal-Mart.
Let your first sentence shine by immediately making clear why readers need to keep reading.
Re: Recommendation for addressing assessment of new training initiative
Dear Tony,
I have a solution for addressing the issues raised last week about our new Training Initiative.
I recommend that we establish a coordinated system between our divisions as a test of our new cooperative environment and to help us assess the Training Initiative.
Right now, we have no system to ensure our divisions can work together, which is counterproductive to our training goals and fosters mistrust.
I’ll call you soon to follow up. In the meantime, you can reach me either by email or by cell at 123.456.7890. Thanks.
Lucia
When you are done writing, review your topic sentences and make sure they create an outline of your key points .
Dear Dr. Thomas,
I am contacting you on behalf of Western University (WU) to request your participation in an Animal Facilities Benchmark Study .
WU has hired my firm, Academic Consulting, to conduct a comprehensive assessment of research administration. As part of this assessment, we are working with Dr. Beth Zelano, the Director of WU’s Center for Comparative Medicine, to gather data on staffing levels and animal use volume in facilities at peer research institutions.
How you can benefit from participating in this study
We will share all of the data collected with all the institutions that provided the data. In addition to WU, we have also contacted Duke University, Emory University, Stanford University, the University of Illinois at Chicago, the University of Michigan, Washington University, and Yale University.
The information we are seeking
The attached spreadsheet shows the information we are seeking. This data should be relatively easy to compile, particularly the census data, which is similar to what is required for AAALAC accredited institutions. For this study, we have targeted Directors, Assistant Directors, Facility Managers, and Business Managers. If you feel someone else at your institution would be more appropriate to complete the template, please let us know his or her name and email address.
Timeframe
We ask that you please return the completed template by
June 6, 2010
. I will be happy to answer any of your questions; please just call or email me.
Thank you for considering our request.
To determine what content and details you should include and what you should exclude, you need to distinguish relevant from irrelevant details.
Relevant details help improve both your readers’ understanding and the quality of the decisions they make; irrelevant details make readers want to orchestrate your transfer to the godforsaken settlement of Wayfar on the planet Tatoonine.
So how much detail do your readers need? Not this much:
Martha,
I know that you are probably not the correct person to contact about this, but I thought you could possibly point me in the right direction. I found a position for one of my friends on the job post page on the intranet and he ended up getting the interview and being hired back in June. I know he put my name down as a referral on the application and he mentioned it in the interview process to his HR contact. We were told in our orientation that if you bring people into the company who get hired you receive a referral bonus after their first six months. Well my friend’s six-month anniversary is coming up at the end of November and I was looking to find the correct contact to make sure I would be receiving the bonus and around when it could be expected. I would greatly appreciate any advice you could give me. Thanks.
Will Martha live long enough to care about the writer’s endless, narcissistic detail? No. Now read the revision that follows.
Martha,
Do you know who in HR handles referral bonuses? If you are not the right person to contact, can you point me in the right direction? I would love to collect my bonus!
Thanks for your help.
Now, consider the next example from an industry analysis, which calls to mind Isaiah 6:11: “Then said I, Lord, how long?” All the writer needed to do in this document was explain the kinds of coal the company mines.
Coal Overview
Coal is classified as a fossil fuel. It is an organic, combustible sedimentary rock derived from vegetation that accumulated under conditions that prevented complete decay. Coal is generally classified into five major categories based on the amount of transformation undergone from the earlier plant and peat stages, heating value, and other characteristics:
Furthermore, coal can have two additional classifications: (1) Steam, also called thermal, and (2) Metallurgical, also called coking. The most significant distinguishing characteristic is whether or not the coal is agglomerating (to make into or become an untidy mass). Of the five ranks listed above, bituminous is commonly agglomerating and, hence, all bituminous coals are coking coals, but not all have the other necessary characteristics (low sulfur, etc.) to make them metallurgical. This does not preclude these coals from being used as steam coal and, in fact, a vast majority is consumed as steam coal. The basic requirements for a coking coal to have the designation of a metallurgical coal are: volatile matter up to 35%; low sulfur content (less than 1.25%); and a reasonably low, but uniform ash content (ash content of less than 8%). These general requirements have become even less specific over the years as coke producers, especially the Japanese, have greatly improved their techniques for blending metallurgical coals to produce very high-quality coke.
Such overstuffed writing demands that your readers have the cognitive stamina to keep scrolling down until they finally unearth something meaningful. Most readers don’t—and they won’t be convinced of your intelligence by having to sift through endless detail. Notice how the following revision spares readers frustration and saves them time.
Coal Overview
Baron Co. mines two kinds of coal:
As we often say to our husbands, “Just because you know something doesn’t make it useful or interesting to anyone else.” Same goes for your readers.
Distinguish yourself from your competition and sharpen your competitive advantage by showing clients how they’ll benefit, thanks to you and your firm. In other words, be sure to:
Instead of focusing on the customer’s needs and offering solutions, the next example focuses on how wonderful Community Bank is and sounds like a form letter that could be sent to any customer.
Dear Mr. Mather:
Thank you for the opportunity to submit this proposal for your banking relationship.
Community Bank, a wholly owned subsidiary of Banner Bank-corp, Inc., is a $700 million community bank, serving customers throughout Macomb County and the surrounding communities. We are part of one of the largest networks of community banks in the Macomb area, delivering financial products and services to one of every five households in the Macomb area through 180 locations.
Community Bank would welcome the opportunity to develop a long-term relationship with Research Inc. This proposal and pricing information serves as an example of our interest and desire to do business with Research Inc. Our approach is to proactively work with our clients to help them find solutions to their banking needs. We enlist the expertise of our Community associates as part of the relationship and make recommendations to improve on the services that clients are currently receiving at this time.
This proposal summarizes a term loan and a revolving line of credit. In addition, other bank products and services are discussed.
Very truly yours,
T. Tomlins
Now consider the revised customer letter that identifies the client-specific benefits of doing business with Community Bank, and focuses more on the customer and less on the bank.
Dear Mr. Mather,
We are pleased to submit the following proposal for our banking relationship with you. We want your business, and we are committed to doing all we can to exceed your expectations by providing products and services that will help you achieve your goals.
We have customized our recommendations based on your objectives, and are confident we can:
You can count on us to put our extensive resources to work to help you find the best possible solutions to your banking needs. To that end, we will enlist the expertise of our experienced Community Bank team, who will help you improve the services you now receive and help you meet tomorrow’s challenges.
I look forward to talking with you about the enclosed proposal and pricing information, which summarizes a term loan, a revolving line of credit, and other bank products and services designed to help your business succeed.
Next steps
I will call you on Monday to follow up. In the meantime, you can always reach me at 312.000.0000.
Again, thank you for your interest in doing business with us.
Sincerely yours,
T. Tomlins
So put your readers first—put first what will serve their needs, and leave out what you know, but they don’t need.