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我们每一个人都渴望幸福，渴望生活在一个和平、稳定而又繁荣的社会当中。当人们的基本需要诸如食物和住所得到满足，决定我们生活品质的便是人与人的连结。这意味着，如果我和家人、亲属、朋友以及同事的关系在情感上是安全、滋养的；我可以表达我的想法并且得到理解、接纳、鼓励、同理；当美好的事情发生时能够庆祝……我便能掌握我的力量。这将在我生命遭遇困难时给予我信心、价值感和勇气。
而如果我与身边的人在关系中的状态是相互纠错、评判、指责，那么我会感到受伤、难过和孤独，我的生活也会充满压力。我相信，如果我们学习如何沟通、如何相互交谈和聆听、如何不带批评地诚实表达自己、如何带着同理心聆听……就会带来不同的关系品质。在本书中，马歇尔向我们展示了如何在日常生活中一步一步地做到这些，不论是在家庭中还是工作中，如此我们将拥有改变情境的力量，而不是让它变得更糟糕。
在这个如此多人共同生活的社会，即便我们拥有相同的愿景、梦想，要如何实现它们，每个人都可能有着不同的想法。这些不同常常引发群体内的冲突。新版中增加的章节为我们展现了如何通过非暴力沟通的调解来和平解决人与人之间的冲突。这种调解方式既能为一个安全而又和谐的社会做出贡献，也能同时培育活力以及创造力以推进社会向前发展。
于我，从马歇尔那里学习得到的重大收获是自我同理。通过自我同理，我对自己有了更多的理解和认识。例如理解自己为什么会去做那些让自己后悔的事情。这意味着，如果在行动之前就能懂得这些，我便不用如此行动。我学会了如何理解我的错误，我也学会了宽恕自己并理解这意味着什么。另外对我很有帮助的还有：如何充分地表达愤怒，让彼此加深理解并走向更深的连结；如何用不伤害关系的方式说“不”，因而我能更好地应对生活并且减少压力；在面对那些被我归类为“敌人”的人时，将他们作为“人”来看待，看到他们和我一样遭受着苦痛，他们和我一样在那一刻尽了自己最大的努力。
今日，我们正在共同面对由我们自己的思想和生活方式所造成的诸多问题，而此刻，世界召唤我们一起走向未知、绘制新的路径。当我们和自己内心最深处、最真诚的人类共同需要相连结时，我们便拥有了这份勇气。我相信中国正在朝着这个方向引领世界，而此书将带给人们一种看待世界的新方式以及新的思考和连结方式。
我也要祝贺我们在中国的第一位国际认证培训师刘轶，她亦是《非暴力沟通》新版的译者。我希望这本书能启迪更多的人们，并且召唤更多认证培训师的出现。
凯瑟琳·韩·辛格
前国际非暴力沟通中心董事会主席
“ Nonviolent Communication is hands-down one of the best books I've read as a business owner, as well as a husband and father. This book is not a new title, but for me, it does much better than other books at unveiling key principles and practices of exceptional communication. It's also the first book Satya Nadella asked his leadership team to read, which is meaningful.”
—Ben Peterson, BambooHR
Recommended by Forbes Human Resources Council as a must-read book for positive impact on how to approach work.
“One of the books I first recommended that everyone read, when I first got on, was Nonviolent Communication , which used to be able to say, look, let us make sure we are empathetic to each other's needs, because it requires that.”
—CNBC Transcript, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella Sits Down With CNBC's Jon Fortt
If empathy as a measure of emotional IQ is a predictor of success, then Nadella hit the nail on the head by inculcating the corporate giant with the trait from top to bottom. Why else is empathy important? Microsoft is both a services and a product company, and its offerings have to resonate with users. Nadella states:“You have to be able to say,‘Where is this person coming from? What makes them tick? Why are they excited or frustrated by something that is happening, whether it's about computing or beyond computing?’”
—HARRY McCRACKEN'S article in Fast Company
“I got to this book thanks to a recommendation by Satya Nadella (CEO of Microsoft). The book presents a simple technique and examples to empathize and connect with people's feelings. Instead of judging people by the message, the book helps you understand the needs behind and what feelings and emotions are driving them. Highly recommended.”
—An online reviewer
“I love this book and have recommended it to several of my coworkers. A mentor recommended the book to me when I was having trouble giving direct feedback to people that I supervise without hurting their feelings. This book helped me to remove the judgment from my message and focus on the desired outcome. It's a relatively quick read and I can easily refer back to it when preparing for a tough conversation.”
—An online reviewer
“This book was a life changer for me as I struggled in a dysfunctional workplace. It provided the skills I needed to gain respect and be able to work at my desired level of productivity. I highly recommend it for anyone who must work and live with others.”
—An online reviewer
“Nonviolent Communication can change the world. More importantly, it can change your life. I cannot recommend it highly enough.”
—JACK CANFIELD, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series
“In this book, you will find an amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment, and powerful in its results.”
—VICKI ROBIN, Your Money or Your Life
“Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication into the foreground. No matter what issue you're facing, his strategies for communicating with others will set you up to win every time.”
—TONY ROBBINS, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power
“A way for people to speak in ways that foster greater connection, understanding, compassion. It is applicable to all areas of life: how we communicate with others in intimate partnerships, business, international relations, and also how we are with ourselves—are we our own best friend or are we beating ourselves up. Learning and practicing this process has enriched my life in myriad ways.”
—An online reviewer
“Amazing. Empathy, active listening, compassion. This book will help you to raise the quality of your life, relationships with your colleagues, friends, family.”
—An online reviewer
“I have found it to probably be the single most helpful book I have read in my life, and I have probably reread it ten times.”
—An online reviewer
“I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book on communication. Amazingly easy to read, great examples, and challenging to put into practice—this book is a true gift to all of us.”
—An online reviewer
“NVC is the language of enlightenment. So simple yet so difficult. Using NVC can change your life, bring clarity to your thinking, and transform relationships.”
—An online reviewer
“If you want to be heard, and to hear what your loved ones are truly saying behind what they're saying, read this book! It will change your life.”
—An online reviewer
“Nonviolent Communication is one of the most useful processes you will ever learn.”
—WILLIAM URY, Getting to Yes
“You'll learn simple tools to defuse arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends, and other acquaintances.”
—JOHN GRAY, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
“It's a way to step out of the‘who's right, who's wrong?’conflict paradigm, and instead, to realize that people are always acting in a way to attempt to get their needs met. No one is wrong; it's just a matter of finding strategies to meet each other's needs.”
—An online reviewer
“Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg's work is intrinsically radical, it subverts our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg's distinction between punitive and protective force should be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets.”
—D. KILLIAN, reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times
“In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery, the principles and practices of Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary to the peaceful resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic or international.”
—MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, Taylor's Shelf
“Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once‘enemies’have been able to hear each other's needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new solutions to previously‘impossible’impasses. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear, easy-toread book.”
—DIANA LION, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning Wheel Magazine
“The best book I have read without a doubt. I have used all of the concepts covered in the book in my family violence intervention program and anger management classes. The people in class have loved the days we go over these ideas. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to find a healthier way to communicate and connect with other.”
—An online reviewer
“Emotions typically run high in conflict situations and when people don't have the language to articulate their feelings and what fuels them with accuracy and precision, which they often don't, it's like being on a stormy sea with no one at the helm; people get tossed about on the waves, sails get ripped and the relationship runs aground in a hurtful place that is a long shot from where it might have landed.”
—RACHELLE LAMB, NVC Trainer
“Through compelling, real life examples, Rosenberg brings the NVC process to life. My college students, especially the older ones, share with me that reading this book has changed their lives. Trying to practice the steps myself in daily interactions, at meetings, and in the classroom, has also had a powerful effect on me.”
—An online reviewer
“This book should be required reading in high school or college. The skill set of speaking our true needs taught in this book is priceless and practical. It is a must read.”
—An online reviewer
“Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do.”
—DEEPAK CHOPRA, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind
“Thought it was going to be a book on dealing with others, however the other surprise was on how it gave me the ability to see how I communicate with myself ... all the self-talk that goes on within. Now I am kinder and more understanding to me which means ... yes, I'm kinder and more understanding with others!”
—An online reviewer
“ Nonviolent Communication is THE premiere how-to guide for improving your performance at doing empathy, which is one of the fundamental competencies of Emotional Intelligence.”
—An online reviewer
“I enjoyed this chapter because it helped me translate my self-judgments into statements of my own unmet needs. I now see that when I am angry with myself it is because my actions were not in harmony with my values. Seeing things from this perspective helps me mourn my action and move into self-forgiveness by connecting with the specific need I was trying to meet when I used a strategy that I now regret.”
—An online reviewer
“This book has changed my life! What changed most was how I treat myself. Thank you Marshall!”
—An online reviewer
“In addition to saving our marriage, Nonviolent Communication is helping us repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply with our parents and siblings.”
—A reader in Arizona
“I spent forty years of my life trying to receive empathy from my dad. After only reading half of this book, I was able to express myself in a way that he was able to finally hear me and give me what I needed. It was a gift beyond words.”
—An online reviewer
“This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling cycles of argument in their relationship, and for parents who wish to influence their children's behavior by engendering compassion rather than simply achieving obedience.”
—An online reviewer
“Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr. Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world.”
—A nurse in California
“What began as a search for a better discipline system for our six-year-old has turned out to be a philosophical approach and communication tool that is transforming how we relate to each other and ourselves.”
—An online reviewer
“ Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching a compassionate way to talk to people—even if you (or they) are angry.”
—JOE VITALE, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketing
“A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication , we may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world.”
—WES TAYLOR, Progressive Health
“This is the most concise, most clearly written manual on interpersonal communication I've ever come across. I've been challenged by this book to be the change I want to see in my world.”
—An online reviewer
“I am one of those people who is highly critical of myself. This book is teaching me to love myself so I can truly care for others. It can pave the way for peace between people, different ethnic groups, countries, etc., and I believe our world really needs this.”
—An online reviewer
“Very few books have changed my life, caused me to rethink who I am and how I present myself to the world.”
—An online reviewer
“For convicts immersed in an environment which intensifies and reinforces conflict, discovering this step-by-step methodology advocating compassion through communication is enormously liberating.”
—DOW GORDON, NVC Trainer at Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional Complex, Freedom Prison Project, Seattle, Washington
“As far as nonviolence and spiritual activism, Marshall Rosenberg is it! Applying the concepts within these books will guide the reader toward fostering more compassion in the world.”
—MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, Everyday Grace and honorary chairperson, Peace Alliance
“The quality of empathy I now am able to provide has enlivened my therapy practice. This book gives me hope that I can contribute to the well-being of my clients, and also connect deeply with my friends and family. The stepby-step empathy skills in this book are learnable by anyone.”
—An online reviewer
“I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the'70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Rosenberg adds the brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking responsibility and creates a true tool.”
—An online reviewer