下载掌阅APP，畅读海量书库
立即打开
瑞安：我今年 50 岁，但谁有必要知道我的真实年龄呢？而不管我处在什么年纪，对我想做的那些事来说总是错误的年纪。
全文共 848 个词， By Orla Ryan， FT’s Middle East and Africa news editor
The young family next door. That’s what she called us. I laughed, embarrassed, and corrected her: we’re a couple, we have young children, but we’re not exactly young.
隔壁那对年轻人。她这样称呼我们。我笑了，挺不好意思的，并纠正她说：我们是两口子，孩子们还小，但我们可不年轻了。
This year, we both hit our half-century and maybe it’s the four-year-old trailing behind me, a hesitant manner or a lack of gravitas but people often assume I’m younger than I am, at least by a few years and sometimes —on a good day — by as much as a decade. Just weeks from a big birthday, I wondered if instead of putting my neighbour — a 54-year-old with two adult children — straight, I should stay silent. Actors hide their age because they don’t want to be typecast. Maybe I don’t want to be typecast either. Who needs to know your real age anyway?
今年，我们俩都年到半百，也许因为身后跟着四岁的孩子，再加上神色犹豫，或不怎么严肃，人们常认为我比实际岁数年轻，少则几岁，有时——哪天运气好——多则十岁。再过几周就是我 50 岁的生日了，我在想，与其纠正我的邻居——54 岁，两个孩子都成年了——我是不是该保持沉默。演员隐瞒自己的年龄因为他们不想总演同一类角色。也许我也不想让别人对我形成固定印象。再说谁有必要知道你的真实岁数？
Not recruiters, a friend tells me, though she is aware they can join up the dots on your LinkedIn profile to hazard a decent guess. Or even managers, who assume that once you pass 40 you’ll be stuck in your ways, lack energy and be too distracted by childcare to focus.
招聘人员不必知道，一位朋友告诉我，尽管她知道他们可以把你领英（LinkedIn）个人资料上的点点滴滴串联起来，大胆地做出八九不离十的猜测。甚至管理人员也不必知道，他们认为一旦你年过 40，你的行为方式就定型了，你会缺乏活力，并且会因为照顾孩子而无法专心工作。
Maybe not even colleagues, who assign you negative traits on the basis of your age. Stay put for too long and you’re a stick-in-the-mud. Move around and that looks a bit suspicious, even age-inappropriate. I can’t be the only 50-year-old to find junior jobs appealing, now that I’m old enough to appreciate things that at the time I worried were beneath me. But you’re supposed to make way for the young, not try to take their jobs.
或许就连同事也没必要知道，他们会根据你的年龄认为你有些缺点。一份工作做得太久，你就是个守旧的家伙。老换工作又显得不太可靠，甚至与年龄不符。在上了 50 岁的人中，我不可能是唯一一个认为初级工作有吸引力的人，因为我已经年长到能理解并享受那些我曾不屑去做的事情。但世人认为你应该给年轻人让路，而不是试着抢走他们的工作。
And it’s that fluidity I miss — a sensation that has only been exacerbated by the pandemic. If there’s an ideal age, I’d peg it at 35, young enough to have potential, old enough not to be easily cowed. But then, whatever age I’ve been, it’s always been the wrong one for what I’ve wanted to do — go to the pub, get the glamorous job, have children.
我怀念的是那种不稳定性——一种因为这场新冠大流行有增无减的感觉。如果存在一个理想的年纪，我会认为是 35 岁，足够年轻还有潜力可挖，足够年长不易被困难吓倒。然而，不管我处在什么年纪，对于我想做的事来说——泡吧，找刺激的工作，要孩子——总是错误的年纪。
For years, I eyed people who do things in the correct and age-appropriate order — grad trainee job, late-twenties wedding, early-thirties kids — with a degree of suspicion. What was missing in their soul to allow them to hit every mark with such choreographed precision? Am I the only one to ever mess up?
多年来，我一直带着某种程度的怀疑审视着那些按照正确的顺序、在什么年龄就做什么事的人——毕业后实习、二十多岁结婚、三十出头生子。他们的灵魂中到底缺失了什么，让他们能够以如此刻意安排的精确度击中每一个人生目标？而我又是唯一一个搞乱顺序的人吗？
Each age requires a degree of fakery. As a teenager, I feigned interest in obscure indie bands. Now, I feign interest in the world of interiors. So maybe I should just pretend to be 35, tell myself that’s what I am and never volunteer the information. It wouldn’t, after all, be an active lie; in most cases, it would just be an omission or a failure to correct. A mere smudging of the truth.
每个年龄段都需要一定程度的伪装。十几岁时，我假装对不知名的独立乐队感兴趣。现在，我假装对内心世界感兴趣。因此或许我应该假装自己是 35 岁，告诉自己我就是这么年轻，而且绝不主动透露年龄。毕竟，这不是主动说谎；在大多数情况下，只是没有提及或未去纠正。只是让实情有点模糊罢了。
But while I think I can pass for younger and may confuse those my age or older, the real judge — the youth themselves — can suss out the truth. I operate on, let’s say, a less frenetic frequency. I don’t — as my kids do— jump out of bed and run up and down the stairs twice just to burn off the early morning buzz. They know my real age.
但虽然我觉得自己可以冒充年轻人，或许也能迷惑那些与我同龄或比我年长的人，但真正的审判者，即年轻人，他们能够发现真相。比方说，我工作没那么狂热了。我不会像我的孩子们那样，从床上跳起来，在楼梯跑上跑下两趟，就为了消耗掉清晨的兴奋。他们知道我的实际岁数。
There are other signifiers. The music really is too loud, I tell them as I turn down the pop they prefer on Radio 1 and try to tune it back into the discussion programmes and documentaries of Radio 4. I look at people who go on pub crawls and wonder why someone would leave a perfectly good seat in one place to go to another where you may not get one. What were the Tier 2 lockdown rules — table for six with food and a 10pm finish— other than a normal night out with friends?
还有其他表征。音乐实在太吵了，我一边对他们说，一边把广播一台（Radio 1）他们喜爱的流行音乐关小，一边试着将频道调回广播四台（Radio 4）的对话节目和纪录片。我看着那些换场子喝酒的人，想知道怎么有人会离开一家酒馆的绝佳位子，去另一家可能找不到好位子的地方接着喝。抛开正常时期晚上和朋友出去玩不谈，现在二级封锁的规定是什么来着？每张桌子限六人就餐，并且要在晚上 10 点前结束。
There are advantages to getting older. Many big decisions, the ones regarding family, career, children, have been made. There is a security in that. There is also something amazing in having made it this far. As my son said, most dinosaurs only lived to 50. Looked at from that perspective, it’s ridiculous to be embarrassed by old age.
年纪渐长也有好处。很多有关家庭、事业、子女的重大决定都已做出。这里面有种安全感。能活到当下也有些神奇。正如我儿子所说，大多数恐龙只活到 50 岁。那样看来，为年纪大难为情还挺可笑的。
I was once told — at a party in west Africa where none of the important people would speak to me — that no one would take me seriously until I reached 50, that only then would I be able to live my life on my own terms. The world, or at least Europe, is getting older. In this sense I am not out of touch. I am part of a growing demographic. Maybe, finally, I am where it’s at.
我曾在西非参加过一场聚会，在场的重要人物没有一位会和我说话，当时有人跟我说，50 岁前没有人会把我当回事，只有到那时，我才能以自己的方式生活。这个世界，至少是欧洲，正在变老。从这个意义上讲，我还没与现实脱节。我是一个正在增长的群体的一分子。也许我终于属于一个受关注的群体了。
Still, it is hard to shake the dread of moving into an older age bracket. I always loathed ticking the 35-44 box on surveys instead of the much more fun-sounding 25-34 one. Just like I always made myself tick the right box, I can’t bring myself to lie about my age. I don’t have the guile or the energy to keep up the pretence for very long. Maybe that’s because I’m getting old. I wish the cheaper Saga insurance for the over-fifties made up for the huge sense of loss. But I’m not sure that it does.
尽管如此，步入老年群体的恐惧还是很难摆脱。我总是讨厌在调查表上 35 至 44 岁一栏打勾，而不是听起来更有趣的 25 至 34 岁一栏。正如我总让自己在正确的年龄框里打勾一样，我无法让自己在年龄上撒谎。我没有心机或精力使这个假象维持很久。可能是因为我在变老。我真希望面向 50 岁以上人群的，更便宜的Saga保险（Saga Insurance）能弥补这种巨大的失落感。可我不确定它可以。