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1. 人际沟通的能力 可以习得。无论你性格内向还是外向，你都需要他人。但是，沟通的目的是加深你的人际关系，而不是拓宽你的人际关系。人际关系的深度远远比广度重要。因此，别急吼吼地在社交媒体上结识更多朋友。相反，请将注意力放在你真正想与之建立更深刻、更有意义的关系的人身上。对于那些已经淡出你生活的重要人士，努力修复与他们的关系。你不能，也不应该独自一人生活在这个世界上。
2. 沟通技能好比人体肌肉，请定期锻炼它 。多项研究表明，孤独不仅不利于我们的心理健康，也不利于我们的生理健康。你在注重饮食和锻炼的同时，不妨多多思考如何提高自己的人际关系技能。你可以寻找那些志同道合的人，也可以加入一些俱乐部，参加一些社交活动或志愿者服务，通过这些方式找到归属感。
3 . 我们同属一个世界、一个部落 。请尽可能避免使用分裂主义、部落主义语言。攻击他人、侮辱他人不会让你的形象更高大。面对你的劲敌和持相反价值观的人，也要努力去理解他们。你不必去喜欢他们，也不必去认可他们，但请努力理解他们。这是战胜分裂主义的关键。有时候，使用侮辱性的仇恨言词或许极具诱惑力，但请不要沉迷于它。这些语言贬低的不是别人，而是你自己。
4. 团结他人，关心他人 。努力去团结、去理解那些生活在同一社区的年轻人和老年人。判断一个社区是否健康，就看该群体中不同年龄段的人是否沟通融洽。去拜访你的邻居，记住他们孩子的名字，帮助年迈的邻居取快递，修剪自家草坪的时候顺便帮助他们修剪草坪。这些小事可以增进邻里之间的关系。如果你实在太忙，没时间做这些，你可以间接做出一些努力。你可以根据自己的价值观，选择性地赞助或者支持某个公益活动、某个环保组织或其他社区团体。
5. 与最亲近的人建立亲密关系 。和你的孩子、父母、祖父母相处时，别光询问他们做没做作业、看没看医生、吃没吃药。你得花些时间认真倾听他们，了解他们真正在乎什么。在之后的章节中，我们将介绍打造亲密关系的具体技巧。在阅读下一章之前，请问问自己，你的人际关系需要改善吗？你又是否愿意做出改变呢？
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[3] 参见克莱默·赖特（Keramet Reiter）的作品《鹈鹕湾监狱和单独囚禁的兴起》（ 23/7: Pelican Bay Prison and the rise of long-term solitary confinement for more on this issue ）。
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