2

Scott was remembering that conversation a week or so later, when, after applying for every job he could think of, he ended up working the counter at an ice cream shop. “Welcome!” he said, trying to sound cheerful. “Would you like to try our mango smoothie?”

“Uh, no thanks,” the customer said. He looked at the menu, but Scott didn’t think he’d actually read it, judging from what he said. “Um, I will have...I’ll have a burger, please.”

“Oh, we don’t...we don’t make that,” Scott said.

“Pretzel. Hot pretzel, like, mustard...in mustard dip?”

Trying to be patient, Scott said, “It’s ice cream.”

“I’ll just do with whatever’s hot and fresh,” the customer said.

Scott shook his head. “Dude,” he said. Some people...

His manager, Dale, called from his office doorway. “Can I see you in the back, chief ?” Scott looked over at him. “Pronto,” Dale added.

“Sure thing, Dale,” Scott said. He turned to his coworker, a teenage girl who treated Scott like he was somebody’s grandfather. “Darby, could you just, uh...take care of this idiot? Thanks.”

He walked back to his manager’s office and found Dale sitting at his desk, arms folded. “Hey, Dale.”

“Come on in. Pull up some chair.” Dale picked up a folder from his desk. “Three years in prison, huh?”

Scott sighed. “You found out.”

“We always find out,” Dale said, as if they were some kind of super-secret spy agency instead of an ice cream chain.

“Look, I’m sorry, all right, but I...No one would hire me.” Scott didn’t know what else to say.

“Breaking and entering,” Dale said. “Grand larceny.”

“Look, I’m—I’m sorry, I, you know, it was...” Scott was floundering. “I—I don’t do it anymore, I just try to...”

Then Dale caught him completely by surprise and threw Scott a salute. “Respect,” he said. “I couldn’t be happier about it.”

Scott blinked. “Really?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Over Scott’s thanks, Dale went on, a goofy smile on his face like he was talking to a celebrity. “You really stuck it to those billionaires, and the more I read about what you did and stuff, I’m like...‘Wow, I know this guy? I’m in charge of this guy? Wow!’ ”

Scott had never been congratulated for his criminal career before, and so he wasn’t sure what to say. He decided to stay grateful. “Well, I’m very happy in this job, and I’m...I really just appreciate the opportunities and—”

“Yeah, yeah...Well, you’re fired, of course.” Dale still had that weird smile on his face. “I can’t really keep you on.”

For the second time in a few seconds, Scott blinked in surprise. “Wait, what? Fired?”

Dale nodded. “Yeah.”

“Dale, look, it wasn’t a violent crime,” Scott protested. “I mean, I’m a good worker.”

“No, it wasn’t a violent crime. It was a cool crime.” Now Scott was completely confused. Dale admired him and was firing him all at once. “I’ll tell you what, though,” Dale went on. “This’d be totally off the books, off the records, but, uh...if you want to grab you one of those mango smoothies on your way out the door, I’ll just pretend I didn’t see it.”

Scott took it. Why not? It was all he was going to get.

He walked back to the hotel room he shared with Luis and found a huge party going on one floor down. The hotel was not a quiet place. Luis was stirring something at the kitchen counter. “Hey, Scotty, what’s up?” he said. “I thought you were supposed to be at work.”

“I was,” Scott said glumly. “I got fired.”

“Damn!” Luis drew the word out. “They find out who you are?”

“Yeah.”

Like everyone knew it, Luis said, “They always find out, bro.”

Scott noticed two other guys sitting at the kitchen table, one tapping away at a laptop and the other just hanging out.

One moment of seriousness was about all Luis could manage. “You want some waffles?”

“Yeah, I’ll take a waffle.”

Luis noticed Scott eyeing the two newcomers. “Oh. That’s Kurt. He was in Folsom for five years. He’s a wizard on that laptop.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kurt said.

“Yeah, nice to meet you, too,” Scott said. He had a bad feeling about why Luis would have a hacker in the room. “And who are you?” he asked the second guy.

“Dave.” After a long pause, Dave added, “Nice work on the Vista job.”

“Vista job? Yes,” Kurt said. He had a thick Russian accent. “No, no, I have heard of this robbery.”

Word gets around, Scott thought. “Well, technically, I didn’t rob them. Robbery involves threat. I hate violence; I burgled them. I’m a cat burglar.”

“You mean you’re a wuss,” Dave said.

Scott thought about this. “Yeah.”

Luis knew Kurt hadn’t heard the whole Vista story, so he launched into it while he served the waffles. “They were overcharging the customers, right? And it added up to millions. He blows the whistle and he gets fired. And what does he do? He hacks into the security system and transfers millions back to the people that they stole it from. Posts all the bank records online.”

“And he drove dude’s Bentley into a swimming pool,” Dave added, his voice full of admiration.

Scott pinned Luis with a look. “What are you doing? Hm?”

Luis played innocent. “Oh, I...”

“Why are you telling my life story to these guys? What do you want?”

Luis gave up pretending. “Okay,” he said. “My cousin talked to this guy two weeks ago about this little, perfect job.”

“No way,” Scott said. He took another bite of waffle.

“No, no, no, wait! This guy, this guy fits your MO.”

“No! I’m finished, man. I’m not going back to jail.”

But Luis wasn’t going to let it go. “It’s some retired millionaire living off his golden parachute. It’s a perfect Scott Lang mark.”

“I don’t care,” Scott said. If this was how it was going to be living with Luis, he was going to look for another place to live. “I’m out.”