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考场例文评析

1. 作文题目

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

例文(3分)

Right now adults have different points of view about live. Independent from their parents as soon as possible or continue to lo live with their parents. Live with your parents have many differents advantage. First, some people don’t want to have resposabilities. they want their parents still take the desicion For example. House’s responsibilities or pays Secound, When peoples live with their parents they dont expend a lot of money for haouse or food. I Third, they belief that their family is a great company. But in the other hand, when people live along have important advantage. For example. They live independient, they dont heve, limitation in their own house. They dont need to negotiate with other persons or family. Morover, they have a graet oportunity to learn about how administarte a house, amd what is the real value of the money. They can understand everytuhing about responsibilities in their house. Finally They have more freedom.

Both live independient and live with your parents have many different disadvantage. On 1 the first points of view, live independient, the most important problem is money and expensive. For example, right now young adults need to find a good job for live in a good place I because rents are expensive. It is the same with food and services. They need to have a excellent imcome to live in good conditions. Also, they need to work in the house along because dont have company. They need to clean, do the laundry, buy the food, and cook along. Although people think live independient. have a huge sacrifies. also live with their parents it is difficult and have a lot of disadvantage. For example, when people live with thier parents nave many different limitation with activities in the houss, every time need to negociate with your family in addition.

2. 分析报告
Development:

The essay is somewhat developed and is longer than the average essay with a score of 3.

Organization:

It has a coherent organization based on describing the pros and cons of living apart from one’s parents and lving with them, with supporting points. In some cases, however, this approach leads to redundancy, especially toward the end of the essay.

Language Use:

Even discounting typographical mistakes, the various errors clearly reveal weakness in command of language (“Live with your parents have many differents advantage”, “the most important problem is... expensive”,). Meaning is also sometimes obscured (“house’s resonsabilities or pays”, “ they need to work in the house along because dont have company”)

练习

品评他人文章能给考生自己启发。请阅读下面六篇文章并尝试打分和评价,答案见附录。

Topic: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Essay One

Independence! Who doesn’t want independence? But the bigger question is how much of all independence is being discussed here? Generally, when teenagers grow up, their needs and habit of living change. Some would like their parents to be in control of the major decisions of their lives, while on the other hand, some would not like their parents to be involved in any sort of decision making process of their lives. In my opinion, the young adults should always consult their parents as their guides. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.

Let’s assume a teenager grows up into a young adult. Now a major decision that he/she might have had to make was to what college/university they were going to attend. If we assume that the person seek complete independence from the early age, then they are generally going to make the decision themselves. But even if they made this decision by themself, what is the probability that this is the best desicion. We all would agree that the best lesson learned is from a mistake. but why even let that happen? This is the most important decision they would have to mae so far, and if they don’t ask around, if they don’t look at the wider picture, how are they supposed to end up at their very best opportunity? This IS what is known as a making/breaking point because this decision of theirs can make or break a very powerful potential future.

Now, suppose they passed the first make/break point. Then comes another one when they are going to marry. Normally, in the western culture, the man and the woman choose their marriage partners themselves, so this is not much of an important issue here. But, what about the cultures that predominantly have arranged marriages? in that case, choosing a husband or a wife could be a huge decision, because generally the marriages are not as easily broken as in the western culture. So, when it comes to this point, one would definitely want to know their parents thinking and their previous experiance. Tills could come in very handy when one has a choice to make.

To sum it up, it is very good idea to ask for parents guides, and is never a bad a Idea to give up a part of independence for a better future.

Essay Two

Young adults show different patterns of behavior when they have to decide whether continuing to live with their family or not. For instance, in United States young adults prefer to live separated from they parents as soon as possible. This tendency reflects wises of freedom and independence. Altough these behavior has remarkable advantages and disadvantage, the advantage can overwhelm the negative effects.

It is important to recognize that by living separated from parents or family can be more risked than living with them. many young adults are victims of group pressure and gangs because of theirs parents absence.

However, a significant advantage of living by onself is that people develop ledearship skills. Individuals that live by themselves learn to do and sustain their own decisions. On the contrary, people who live with their parents are more shy and less confident. For instance, many of the greatest world leaders are or have been people that were separated from their parents when they were kids.

Another advantage of living indepently is that peolpe can fully develop their creative potential. When people is forced to difficult situations, they can surprise us with outstanding abilities and values that otherwise remained hidden. A good example are blind people, these person show a remarkable ability for art and music. In a similar way, when parents are absent or too away for help, individuals manage to survive and be successful.

Essay Three

These days most of the youngs adults wants to live independence from their parents. In my case I want to live independence only in my college years because I believ in heterogeneous family

Nowadays young adults want to live independence because of privacy and second reasons is if they live independence then they will also learn take care of themself.

Essay Four

Topic: Some people tend to work only for money, while others believe that people should enjoy what they do. Which opinion do you prefer? Explain why.

Working is for what purpose? Is it only for money or for enjoyment? I ill say I work not only enjoy what I do but also work for money. However, the portion between these two different kinds of ideas is not the same.

I found one Chinese saying is correct. “If you are interested in your job, if you do enjoy what you did, you will find the life is more easy to you.” With this kind of thinking, you will not treat your job as a load. You can compliment the tasks more easily with your concentration and your utter. Another famous saying is that “God only helps those who help themselves”. If you always say sadness to yourself, if you always complain the others, you will lose your time. You can not do anything effectively.

If you enjoy your job, you can think how to improve your working ability further more. It makes you learning more and more. You improved yourself in such a way. This is very useful and important not only to an individual, but also to the company or the society. Only in this way, the company will be improved, and the society will be improved.

Then, because of your hard learning and effectively working, your work might to be valued by your boss or by the others; you might to be promoted by your boss. You can find your potential working ability out.You might happy at yourself. You can have such a pride sense after your success. And, you might gain more money. Don’t you think that it is a very good ring in your daily life? After gaining more, you can enjoy your life with smile; you can have a good mood to your family, to your friends, to your colleagues, to your job... And, then, another good circle started and created by your own.

If you only work for money, you will find that you paid more than the salary you gained. You might complain the others. You might have bad relationship with the others. You might think that working is the worst thing in the world. How poor the thing is. I do not hope I am a person who only has sad and unlucky things. And, I hope everyone could enjoy what they did and enjoy their life too. (390)

Essay Five

Topic: Inventions such as eyeglasses and sewing machine have had an important effect on our lives. Choose another invention that you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.

I ride bicycle to go to work every day and have a deep impression that bicycle is very convenient in our daily life. Beijing is called a city of bicycles. There are various kinds of bicycles from small to big ones ridden in all sorts of streets. My director, Professor Li, began to learn riding a bicycle last year when she was fifty-three years old, and now she can ride her small bike to go to and back from the laboratory everyday.

The bicycle lets us go anywhere nearby easily. In China, there are not any private cars since an ordinary family can not afford it. Bicycles can save time and make the owners quicker when traffic jam occurs in rush hours or any other troublesome periods. Usually, riding a bicycle can do favor to a person’s health. In mordern times, life is very busy and time seems limited. Using the time of riding a bike to train one’s body is a good way to follow.

In the beautiful seasons of spring and autumn, riding a bicycle to travel and appreciate the natural views is a wonderful experience. We can see buds on the tree branches, flowers in bloom, blue sky with white cloud and so on. With the breeze kissing our faces, it’s a feeling beyond description.

Comparing with cars, riding a bicycle has no environment problems, It is harmless to the air and people’s health. On the other hand, It saves energy and parking places. And it has less possibility of traffic jam than driving a car. Bicycle has been important in human life throughout the period after it was intented. I believe it will be very necessary in the future. (313)

Essay Six

Topic: “It’s better to make wrong decision than make no decision at all.” Do you agree or disagree with the statement. Give reasons or specific examples to illustrate your answer.

I agree with it. Making wrong decision better than making no decision at all. This is an effective word to myself.

I remembered one little case during my school life. That was in a final term exam. All of us must make multiple choice using our knowledge. The grading standard was very clear: Right choice, posited scores; No choice, without any marks; Wrong choice, negative scores. Facing one difficult question, I hesitated and used a long time to think it over. Frankly speaking, I dare to lose my scores if I selected the wrong choice. However, like a simple man, I want to gain high scores. Finally, I wrote down my answer to the question on the paper. After the examination, I still can remember what the question is. I rushed out of the classroom and found out my book. Reviewed all information concerned, I found that I made a wrong choice at all. That means that my score was lower than with no choice. I was not very happy with my score. But, I am very happy that I learned how and why I was wrong. That question and the correct answer were kept into my mind very deeply. Several days later, our teacher returned our examination paper to us. It was true that I made the wrong choice. I read the question and answer again. Afterwards, I have never had the same error any more. Even though some of my score lost, I learned more perfectly.

Maybe you will think the above is only a small case. However, in your life, how many choices are in front of you waiting for your decision. Once you step onto that cross, what will do? Only observing, watching or waiting? Maybe you might find that waiting is the most safety way to solve the problem. But what you gained is time passing only. You can not learn any thing through it. People should learn more and more not only through book reading but his mistakes as well. (337) 3dKmxHLTg5PlDn+EWkXSZTTf/J5w4y4mBkwAykxz3nhOirGO4jya2Wn/aI41AEnY

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