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1.大制服
在圣安东尼奥的莱克兰空军基地的头三天，我们被从一个地方赶到另一个地方去理发、照相、领制服。回到营房之后，训练指导员让我们穿上制服，在营房前原地解散。但是，我些制服特别大。我们列队的时候，中士和他的副手就站在门边。“我们得将一些人弄回去重新量一下，”他说，“最后那个人走了两步，他的制服才动。”
Large Uniforms
During our first three days at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, we were herded from place to place for haircuts, shots and uniforms. Back in our barracks, the drill instructor told us to put on our uniforms and fall out in front of the building. Some of the uniforms, however, were extremely large. As we filed outside, the sergeant stood by the door with his assistant. "We have to take some of these people back for refitting," he said. "That last man took two steps before his uniform moved."
2.快速反应
我和连长在面试我们炮兵部队侦察中士一职的候选人。被选的士兵要求有敏锐的观察力及快速的反应力。在一次面试时，连长指着一英里外的一座小山问一名年轻的中士：“你能看见那座山吗？”
“是的，长官。”他回答道。
“你能看见那座山上的无线电天线吗？”那士兵又说他能。“那么，”连长接着说：“你能看见停在天线上的那只鸟吗？”
那名中士身体前倾，眼睛眯成一条缝。“看不见，长官，”他说，“但我听见它在唱歌。”
他得到了那份工作。
Quick Reaction
My battery commander and I were interviewing candidates for a position as reconnaissance sergeant in our artillery unit. The selected soldier needed to have keen eyesight, plus the ability to react quickly. During one interview, the commander pointed to a hill about a mile away and asked a young sergeant, "Can you see that hill over there?"
"Yes, sir." he replied.
"Can you see the radio antenna on that hill?" Again, the soldier said that he could. "Well, then," the commander went on, "Can you see that bird sitting on the antenna?"
The sergeant leaned forward and squinted. "No, sir," he said, "but I can hear it is singing."
He got the job.
3.视力训练
班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫的回答：
“十六个士兵和一个中士，长官。”
“正确。可你如何知道那儿有一个中士？”
“他不干活，长官。”
Visual Training
The squad were having "visual training". One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied:
"Sexteen men and a sergeant, sir."
"Right; but how do you know there's a sergeant there?"
"He's not doing any digging, sir."
4.速度限制
我作为美国空军人员分遣部队的一员驻扎在英国皇家空军某某地，那里有一条狭窄的马路蜿蜒穿过拥挤的居民区。因为多次出现汽车撞伤行人一类不甚严重的车祸，美国空军司令员决定将车速限制在每小时三英里。
新的车速限制公布后不久，一名骑警中士因一名吉普车司机开车时速达五英里而给他开了一张超速传票。
我很想知道骑警是怎样如此精确地知道那辆吉普车的速度的。“我遛达着要在邮局关门之前到达那里，”他解释道：“当我超过吉普车时，我注意到计速器指向了每小时五英里。”
Speed Limit
The British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent of USAF personnel had one narrow road winding through the crowded residential area. After a rash of minor vehicle pedestrian accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed limit to three m.p.h.
Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant issued a speeding citation to a jeep driver for going five m.p.h. I was curious to know how the MP had determined the jeep's speed so exactly. "I was jogging to get to the PX before it closed," he explained, "and as I passed the jeep, I noticed that the speedometer read five m.p.h."
5.西点军校
父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好认我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”
一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
6.真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远!
第一次世界大战期间，一场大战役正在进行。枪炮轰鸣，子弹横飞。这样持续了一小时后，有个士兵认为战斗太危险了，所以他离开前线，开始逃离战场。走了一个小时后，他看见一个军官朝他走过来。军官拦住他，问道：“你到哪儿去？”
“长官，我正尽力躲开身后正在进行的战斗。”士兵回答说。
“你知道我是谁吗？”军官生气地说：“我是你们的指挥官。”
士兵听了十分惊讶地说：“天哪，真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远!”
I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!
A big battle was going on during the First World War. Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere. After an hour of this, one of the soldier decided that the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to go away from the battle. After he had walked for an hour, he saw an officer coming towards him. The officer stopped him and said, "Where are you going?"
"I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battle that's going on behind us, sir." the soldier answered.
"Do you know who I am?" the officer said to him angerly. "I'm your commanding officer."
The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said, "My God, I didn't know that I was so far back already!"
7.正是士兵
作为一名新上任的步兵中尉，我通过擦拭自己的M-16式自动步枪给全排作个榜样。我们一块擦枪，一名战士抱怨由于M-16的枪栓枪膛的特别凹形结构，擦起来十分困难。
“中尉，应该制造一种擦这枪的工具。”士兵说。
“已经制造出来了。”一军士尖叫。
“真的？”我十分诧异，纳闷为什么我们没有定购这种工具。
“真的，长官，”军士答道，“它就是士兵。”
None Other Than a Soldier
As a newly commissinaed infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my platoon by cleaning my own M-16 rifle. While we were working on the weapons, one soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M-16's bolt and chamber, which makes it difficult to clean.
"Lieutenant, they need to make something to clean this with," the soldier said.
"They do," piped up a sergeant.
"Really," I said with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered such a tool.
"Yes, sir," replied the sergeant. "It's called a soldier."
8.最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何都能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."