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第三章
I served Edward as his second clerk faithfully, punctually, diligently. What was given me to do I had the power and the determination to do well. Mr. Crimsworth watched sharply for defects, but found none. He set Timothy Steighton, his favourite and head man, to watch also. Tim was baffled. I was as exact as himself, and quicker. Mr. Crimsworth made inquiries as to how I lived whether I got into debt. No; my accounts with my landlady were always straight. I had hired small lodgings, which I contrived to pay for out of a slender fund, the accumulated savings of my Eton pocket-money; for as it had ever been abhorrent to my nature to ask pecuniary assistance, I had early acquired habits of self-denying economy, husbanding my monthly allowance with anxious care, in order to obviate the danger of being forced, in some moment of future exigency, to beg additional aid. I remember many called me miser at the time, and I used to couple the reproach with this consolation-better to be misunderstood now than repulsed hereafter. At this day I had my reward. I had had it before, when on parting with my irritated uncles one of them threw down on the table before me a e5note, which I was able to leave there, saying that my travelling expenses were already provided for. Mr. Crimsworth employed Tim to find out whether my landlady had any complaint to make on the score of my morals. She answered that she believed I was a very religious man, and asked Tim, in her turn, if he thought I had any intention of going into the Church some day; for, she said, she had had young curates to lodge in her house who were nothing equal to me for steadiness and quietness. Tim was' a religious man 'himself-indeed, he was' a joined Methodist, ' which did not (be it understood) prevent him from being at the same time an engrained rascal; and he came away much posed at hearing this account of my piety. Having imparted it to Mr. Crimsworth, that gentleman, who himself frequented no place of worship, and owned no God but Mammon, turned the information into a weapon of attack against the equability of my temper. He commenced a series of covert sneers, of which I did not at first perceive the drift, till my landlady happened to relate the conversation she had had with Mr. Steighton. This enlightened me. Afterwards I came to the counting-house prepared, and managed to receive the mill-owner's blasphemous sarcasms, when next levelled at me, on a buckler of impenetrable indifference. Ere long he tired of wasting his ammunition on a statue, but he did not throw away the shafts-he only kept them quiet in his quiver. Once during my clerkship I had an invitation to Crimsworth Hall. It was on the occasion of a large party given in honour of the master's birthday. He had always been accustomed to invite his clerks on similar anniversaries, and could not well pass me over. I was, however, kept strictly in the background. Mrs. Crimsworth, elegantly dressed in satin and lace, blooming in youth and health, vouchsafed me no more notice than was expressed by a distant move; Crimsworth, of course, never spoke to me. I was introduced to none of the band of young ladies who, enveloped in silvery clouds of white gauze and muslin, sat in array against me on the opposite side of a long and large room; in fact, I was fairly isolated, and could but contemplate the shining ones from afar, and when weary of such a dazzling scene, turn for a change to the consideration of the carpet pattern. Mr. Crimsworth, standing on the rug, his elbow supported by the marble mantelpiece, and about him a group of very pretty girls, with whom he conversed gaily-Mr. Crimsworth, thus placed, glanced at me. I looked weary, solitary, kept down like some desolate tutor or governess. He was satisfied. Dancing began. I should have liked well enough to be introduced to some pleasing and intelligent girl, and to have freedom and opportunity to show that I could both feel and communicate the pleasure of social intercourse, that I was not, in short, a block or a piece of furniture, but an acting, thinking, sentient man. Many smiling faces and graceful figures glided past me, but the smiles were lavished on other eyes, the figures sustained by other hands than mine. I turned away tantalized, left the dancers, and wandered into the oak-panelled dining-room. No fibre of sympathy united me to any living thing in this house. I looked for and found my mother's picture. I took a waX-taper from a stand, and held it up. I gazed long earnestly; my heart grew to the image. My mother, I perceived, had bequeathed to me much of her features and countenance-her forehead, her eyes, her complexion. No regular beauty pleases egotistical human beings so much as a softened and refined likeness of themselves; for this reason, fathers regard with complacency the lineaments of their daughters' faces, where frequently their own similitude is found flatteringly associated with softness of hue and delicacy of outline. I was just wondering how that picture, to me so interesting, would strike an impartial spectator, when a voice close behind me pronounced the words, - 'Humph! there's some sense in that face. ' I turned. At my elbow stood a tall man, young, though probably five or six years older than I, in other respects of an appearance the opposite to commonplace-though just now, as I am not disposed to paint his portrait in detail, the reader must be content with the silhouette I have just thrown off; it was all I myself saw of him for the moment. I did not investigate the colour of his eyebrows, nor of his eyes either. I saw his stature, and the outline of his shape. I saw, too, his fastidious-looking retrousse nose. These observations, few in number, and general in character (the last excepted), sufficed, for they enabled me to recognize him. 'Good-evening, Mr. Hunsden, ' muttered I with a bow; and then, like a shy noodle as I was, I began moving away, and why? Simply because Mr. Hunsden was a manufacturer and a mill-owner, and I was only a clerk, and my instinct propelled me from my superior. I had frequently seen Hunsden in Bigben Close, where he came almost weekly to transact business with Mr. Crimsworth, but I had never spoken to him, nor he to me, and I owed him a sort of involuntary grudge, because he had more than once been the tacit witness of insults offered by Edward to me. I had the conviction that he could only regard me as a poor-spirited slave, wherefore I now went about to shun his presence and eschew his conversation. 'Where are you going? ' asked he, as I edged off sideways. I had already noticed that Mr. Hunsden indulged in abrupt forms of speech, and I perversely said to myself, - 'He thinks he may speak as he likes to a poor clerk, but my mood is not, perhaps, so supple as he deems it, and his rough freedom pleases me not at all. ' I made some slight reply, rather indifferent than courteous, and continued to move away. He coolly planted himself in my path. 'Stay here awhile, ' said he- ‘it is so hot in the dancing-room; besides, you don't dance. You have not had a partner tonight. 'He was right, and as he spoke neither his look, tone, nor manner displeased me. My amour-propre was propitiated. He had not addressed me out of condescension, but because, having repaired to the cool dining-room for refreshment, he now wanted some one to talk to by way of temporary amusement. I hate to be condescended to, but I like well enough to oblige. I stayed. ' That is a good picture, 'he continued, recurring to the portrait. ' Do you consider the face pretty? 'I asked. ' Pretty! No. How can it be pretty, with sunk eyes and hollow cheeks? But it is peculiar; it seems to think. You could have a talk with that woman, if she were alive, on other subjects than dress, visiting, and compliments. 'I agreed with him, but did not say so. He went on. ' Not that I admire a head of that sort; it wants character and force. There's too much of the sensitive (so he articulated it, curling his lip at the same time) in that mouth; besides, there is aristocrat written on the brow and defined in the figure. I hate your aristocrats. '' You think, then, Mr. Hunsden, that patrician descent may be read in a distinctive cast of form and features? '' Patrician descent be hanged! Who doubts that your lordlings may have their "distinctive cast of form and features" as much as we shire tradesmen have ours? But which is the best? Not theirs assuredly. As to their women, it is a little different. They cultivate beauty from childhood upwards, and may by care and training attain to a certain degree of excellence in that point, just like the oriental odalisques. Yet even this superiority is doubtful. Compare the figure in that frame with Mrs. Edward Crimsworth. Which is the finer animal? 'I replied quietly, ' Compare yourself and Mr. Edward Crimsworth, Mr. Hunsden. '' Oh, Crimsworth is better filled up than I am, I know; besides, he has a straight nose, arched eyebrows, and all that. But these advantages-if they are advantages-he did not inherit from his mother, the patrician, but from his father, old Crimsworth, who, my father says, was as veritable a shire blue-dyer as ever put indigo in a vat, yet withal the handsomest man in the three ridings. It is you, William, who are the aristocrat of your family, and you are not as fine a fellow as your plebeian brother by a long chalk. 'There was something in Mr. Hunsden's point-blank mode of speech which rather pleased me than otherwise, because it set me at my ease. I continued the conversation with a degree of interest. ' How do you happen to know that I am Mr. Crimsworth's brother? I thought you and everybody else looked upon me only in the light of a poor clerk. '' Well, and so we do; and what are you but a poor clerk? You do Crimsworth's work, and he gives you wages-shabby wages they are too. 'I was silent. Hunsden's language now bordered on the impertinent, still his manner did not offend me in the least; it only piqued my curiosity. I wanted him to go on, which he did in a little while. ' This world is an absurd one, 'said he. ' Why so, Mr. Hunsden? '' I wonder you should ask. You are yourself a strong proof of the absurdity I allude to. 'I was determined he should explain himself of his own accord, without my pressing him so to do, so I resumed my silence. ' Is it your intention to become a tradesman? 'he inquired presently. ' It was my serious intention three months ago. '' Humph! The more fool you. You look like a tradesman. What a practical, businesslike face you have! '' My face is as the Lord made it, Mr. Hunsden. '' The Lord never made either your face or head for X-. What good can your bumps of ideality, comparison, self-esteem, conscientiousness, do you here? But if you like Bigben Close, stay there. It's your own affair, not mine. '' Perhaps I have no choice. '' Well, I care nought about it. It will make little difference to me what you do or where you go; but I 'm cool now-want to dance again; and I see such a fine girl sitting in the corner of the sofa there by her mamma. See if I don't get her for a partner in a jiffy! There's Waddy-Sam Waddy-making up to her. Won't I cut him out? ' And Mr. Hunsden strode away. I watched him through the open folding-doors. He outstripped Waddy, applied for the hand of the fine girl, and led her off triumphant. She was a tall, well-made, full-formed, dashingly-dressed young woman, much in the style of Mrs. E. Crimsworth. Hunsden whirled her through the waltz with spirit; he kept at her side during the remainder of the evening, and I read in her animated and gratified countenance that he succeeded in making himself perfectly agreeable. The mamma, too (a stout person in a turban-Mrs. Lupton by name), looked well pleased; prophetic visions probably flattered her inward eye. The Hunsdens were of an old stem; and scornful as Yorke (such was my late interlocutor's name) professed to be of the advantages of birth, in his secret heart he well knew and fully appreciated the distinction his ancient if not high lineage conferred on him in a mushroom place like X-, concerning whose inhabitants it was proverbially said that not one in a thousand knew his own grandfather. Moreover, the Hunsdens, once rich, were still independent; and report affirmed that Yorke bade fair, by his success in business, to restore to pristine prosperity the partially decayed fortunes of his house. These circumstances considered, Mrs. Lupton's broad face might well wear a smile of complacency as she contemplated the heir of Hunsden Wood occupied in paying assiduous court to her darling Sarah Martha. I, however, whose observations being less anxious were likely to be more accurate, soon saw that the grounds for maternal self-congratulation were slight indeed. The gentleman appeared to me much more desirous of making than susceptible of receiving an impression. I know not what it was in Mr. Hunsden that, as I watched him (I had nothing better to do), suggested to me, every now and then, the idea of a foreigner. In form and features he might be pronounced English, though even there one caught a dash of something Gallic; but he had no English shyness. He had learned somewhere, somehow, the art of setting himself quite at his ease, and of allowing no insular timidity to intervene as a barrier between him and his convenience or pleasure. Refinement he did not affect, yet vulgar he could not be called. He was not odd no quiz-yet he resembled no one else I had ever seen before. His general bearing intimated complete, sovereign satisfaction with himself; yet at times an indescribable shade passed like an eclipse over his countenance, and seemed to me like the sign of a sudden and strong inward doubt of himself, his words and actions-an energetic discontent at his life or his social position, his future prospects or his mental attainments, I know not which; perhaps, after all, it might only be a bilious caprice.
我恪尽职守地当着爱德华的二等秘书，守时又勤恳。他分配给我的工作，我有能力也有决心去做好它。克利姆斯沃思先生严格地检查着我的工作是否有疏漏，但是一处也找不到。他还吩咐他的心腹，首席秘书蒂莫西? 斯泰格顿来监视我的工作。蒂姆也未有所获。我，和他一样，做事精密，但比他快。克利姆斯沃思先生问我怎么生活，是否欠了钱。不，我与房东的账目总是很清楚的。我用我在伊顿节省积攒的一点微薄的零花钱设法租了一小间房屋。因为我生性讨厌向别人借钱，所以我早就养成了经济上克制自己的习惯，对每月的开销都是精打细算，为的就是避免将来出现紧急情况而不得不求助他人的险境。我记得当时很多人叫我守财奴，而对于这些责骂，我这样安慰自己--与其被人误解也不要日后招人嫌。今天我总算有回报了。
过去我就有过这样的回报，在和那些被惹恼的舅父们分别时，其中一位在我面前的桌上扔了一张五英镑的纸币，但我把钱留在那里没拿，说我的路费已经有了。克利姆斯沃思先生还吩咐蒂姆去打听我的房东是否对我的品行有什么不满。房东太太回答说她相信我是个非常虔诚的教徒，她甚至还反问蒂姆，问他是否认为我打算日后进教堂任职；她说她曾经有几位年轻的房客是助理牧师，那些人一点都不及我稳重、安静。蒂姆自己也是个 “虔诚的教徒” --事实上，他是个 “卫理公会教徒” ，这不影响他同时又是个十足的混蛋（随你怎么理解）；听人说我很虔诚，他很为难地离开了。他把了解的一切都告知了克利姆斯沃思先生，可这个正人君子自己从没去过教堂，他不相信上帝，只相信财神，把这消息当成对付我文静性格的武器。他开始在背后一再嘲笑我，起初我没觉察出来这种意味，直到有一天房东太太偶然提及她和斯泰格顿先生的那次谈话。我这才醒悟过来。
从此以后，我去账房时都会做好准备，设法接受工厂主对我的侮辱、嘲弄，当下一轮攻击再对准我时，只能碰上一个用冷漠铸成的难以穿透的圆盾。不久他便厌倦了这种把弹药浪费在雕塑身上的攻击，但他并没有丢弃利箭--他只是悄悄地把它们放在箭囊中。在我工作期间，我曾经应邀去过克利姆斯沃思公馆一次。那次是去参加主人庆祝生日举办的一次大型晚会。在类似的纪念日里，他通常会邀请自己的职员参加，不请我也说不过去。但我只被安排在一个不引人注意的地方。克利姆斯沃思太太身着绣边绸缎，很是优雅，显出一副青春焕发、神采飞扬的样子，她没怎么理我，只是远远跟我打了个招呼；当然，克利姆斯沃思先生从没有和我说过话。在这间又长又大的房间的另一边坐着一排青年女子，他们穿着白云般的薄纱和薄棉布衣服，正好在我的对面，但没人给我引见她们中的任何一个。实际上，我很孤独，只能注视着远处那些闪耀的身影。当厌倦这令人目眩的场景时，我便低头研究起地毯图案来。克利姆斯沃思先生站在地毯上，手肘支在大理石壁炉上，与一群围在他身边的十分美丽的女子愉快地交谈着--克里姆斯沃思先生，就在这时，瞥了我一眼。我看起来一副厌倦、孤独的样子，活像一个被冷落的家庭教师。他感到心满意足。舞会开始了。
我多希望有人把我引见给一位招人喜欢、聪明伶俐的姑娘，也希望有自由和机会向人展示，我也能领略并传达社交的乐趣，总之，我不是一块木头或一件家具，而是一个有活动能力、善于思考的有血有肉的人。一张张笑脸，一个个优美的身影从我眼前飘然而过，但这些笑脸是摆给别人看的，这些身影是由他人而非我的手牵着。我感到可望而不可及，便转身离开那些舞者，漫步到橡木镶嵌的餐厅里。这个公馆里的一切生物对我没有丝毫的同情。我寻找着母亲的画像，终于，找到了。我从烛台上拿下一根蜡烛，举了起来。我热切地久久凝视着画像，整个心都扑在画像上。我发现，我遗传了母亲的大致相貌与面容--她的前额、眼睛与肤色。
自负的人不管看到多么标致的美人也不及看到自己被润色、被美化的形象高兴。正是出于这个原因，父亲们会心满意足地看着女儿的脸形，时常在她们的脸上发现自己的影子，更讨他们喜欢的是，她们的脸色更加柔和，线条更加优美。我在想，这幅画对我来说很有意思，却不知一个没有私心的观众会怎么看，突然背后很近的地方有人说道： “嗯！这张脸有点意思。” 我转过身去。在我的身边站着一位高大的男子，虽然他可能比我大五六岁，但也很年轻。从其它方面看，他的容貌显得与众不同--尽管我现在还没详细描述他的外貌，读者肯定会对我刚才的勾勒满意的，暂时我看到的就是这些。我没有细看他眉毛的颜色，也没有看他眼睛的颜色。但我看清楚了他的身材，他的轮廓。我还看到了他的朝天鼻，看起来一副吹毛求疵的样子。这些观察很简单，也很笼统（最后一点除外），可这样就够了，因为已经足以让我记住此人。
“晚上好，亨斯登先生。” 我弯腰致敬，低声问候道。说完，我开始往外走，像一个害羞的傻瓜一样。为什么会这样？原因很简单，因为亨斯登先生是个制造商，也是个工厂主，而我只是个职员，我下意识地逼迫自己远离职位比我高的人。我在比格本大院经常见到亨斯登先生，他几乎每周都去那里同克利姆斯沃思先生谈生意，但我从未与他说过话，他也没有同我交谈过，我不由自主地对他有些怨意，因为他不止一次目睹爱德华侮辱我而默不作声。我确信他只把我看成是一个懦弱的奴隶，因此我走开了，避免同他碰面和交谈。
“你上哪儿去？” 当我徐徐走到一旁时他问道。我早注意到亨斯登先生喜欢突如其来地发话，我固执地自言自语: “他以为他可以随便对一个小小的职员发话，但我的个性绝不是他想像的那么温顺，他那粗暴的随性真让我讨厌。” 我冷淡地、不太礼貌地敷衍了他几句，继续往前走。他冷冷地拦住了我。 “在这儿呆一会儿，” 他说道， “舞厅里太热了，况且你又不跳舞。你今晚没有舞伴。” 他说得没错，但他说话的表情、语气以及态度都没有令我厌烦。这使我的自尊心得到了宽慰。他跟我搭话并不是屈尊俯就，而是因为到凉快的餐厅里提一下神时，他需要有一个人陪他说说话，暂时娱乐娱乐。我讨厌向别人屈服，但我喜欢帮助别人。于是我留下来了。 “那是一幅不错的画像。” 他继续说道，话题又回到画像上。 “你觉得画中的脸庞漂亮吗？” 我问道。 “漂亮！不。眼睛深陷，双颊凹陷，怎么称得上漂亮呢？但是这幅画很特别，画里的人像是在沉思。如果这个女人还活着，你可以和她聊聊除了衣饰、社交以及恭维话之外的话题。” 我同意他的看法，只是没有说出来。他继续说。 “我不欣赏这样的头脑，画中的人缺乏个性，缺乏力量。唇齿间显露出一副多愁善感的样子（他说这话的同时努努嘴），而且，在她的眉宇间、身形中都显露出一股贵族的气质。我讨厌那些贵族。” “那么，亨斯登先生，你是觉得贵族出身可以从独特的外貌和面容中看出来吗？” “让贵族血统见鬼去吧！谁都知道那些小老爷们有 ‘独特的外貌与面容’, 就像我们郡上的商人也有我们自己的特征一样。哪一种更好？肯定不是他们的。至于贵族女人，那就有所不同了。她们从小便开始悉心打扮，经由精心照料与教导已相当漂亮，就像东方宫廷的嫔妃一般。但是，即使拥有这种优势也不见得会占上风。拿这幅画像和克利姆斯沃思太太比比看。哪个更漂亮？”
我平静地回答： “不如拿你自己和克利姆斯沃思先生比比，亨斯登先生。” “哦，克利姆斯沃思先生比我英俊，这我知道。而且他鼻子笔直，眉毛弯起，其他也都比我强。但是这些优点--如果这些算优点的话--都不是从他那贵族出身的母亲身上遗传下来的，而是从他父亲，老克利姆斯沃思身上继承下来的，我父亲经常说老克利姆斯沃思先是个真正出类拔萃的杰出人物，而且还是三个行政区里最英俊的男子。倒是你，威廉，你才是你们家有贵族气质的人，但你的英俊和你那平民气的哥哥相比差一大截。” 亨斯登先生的话说得有些道理，他直率的说话方式反倒令我欣喜，因为这种方式使我相当自在。我饶有兴致地与他继续交谈着。 “你是怎么知道我是克利姆斯沃思先生的弟弟的？我以为你和其他人一样，都只把我当成一个普通的小职员。” “不错，我们是这么认为的。你难道不只是一个小职员吗？你在克利姆斯沃思这里做事，他付你薪水--也是极少的薪水。” 我无言以对。亨斯登先生说话开始变得傲慢起来了，但他的态度一点也没有惹恼我，只是激起我的好奇心。我希望他接着说，他也确实继续说了一会儿。 “这是个荒唐的世界。” 他说道。 “为什么这么说，亨斯登先生？”
“我就知道你会这么问。你自己就是我说的荒唐的最有力的证明。” 我想他没有我的追问也会解释他的说法，所以我保持沉默。我肯定我不追问他也会解释他的说法，所以我保持沉默。 “你打算成为商人吗？” 他接着问道。 “这个打算我三个月前认真考虑过。” “唉！你真傻。你看起来像个商人。你的脸看起来多像一张务实的、商人的脸啊！” “我的脸是上帝创造的，亨斯登先生。” “上帝给你这张脸、这个头脑，并不是要你留在X镇的。你善于想象，有对比的能力，你的自尊，你的勤恳的本性在这里能发挥什么作用呢？但是如果你喜欢比格本大院，你就呆在这儿吧。这是你自己的事，不关我的事。” “也许，我没有其他选择了。” “那我就管不着了。你做什么，你去哪里对我来说没有什么区别。我现在已经凉下来了--我想再去跳舞。我看到有个不错的女孩和她母亲坐在沙发的角落。看看我能不能一会儿就让她成为我的舞伴。
沃迪--萨姆·沃迪正朝她走去。我能阻止他吗？” 亨斯登先生大步走开了。我透过敞开的折叠门看着他。他超过沃迪去邀请那位美丽的姑娘，并得意洋洋地牵走了她。那位年轻姑娘身材高挑，体态匀称丰满，衣着华丽，颇有一番爱德华·克利姆斯沃思太太的风韵。亨斯登先生带着她带劲地旋转着跳完整个华尔兹舞曲。晚上剩下的时间他都陪伴在她身边，我从姑娘神采飞扬、心满意足的表情里看得出亨斯登先生已经成功获取了姑娘的芳心。姑娘的母亲（一位裹着穆斯林头巾的矮胖女士，即勒普顿太太）看上去也很高兴。她也许是打心眼里为女儿的前景感到满意。亨斯登家族是个古老的家族；尽管约克（这是刚才与我谈话的人的名字）总是宣称自己如何不屑那显耀的出身，但内心里他很清楚，也很感激他那古老的--也许算不上显赫的--家系给他在X镇这样快速发展的地方带来的优越感。这里的居民都知道，一千个居民里也没有一个知道他们自己的祖父是谁的。再说了，亨斯登家族过去富有，至今经济上仍很独立。有人断言，约克在生意上十分成功，很有可能重振家业，恢复原先丧失的部分家产。考虑到这些现实，勒普顿太太看到亨斯登伍德的继承人忙着向她的宝贝女儿萨拉·马撒献殷勤时，她宽大的脸庞露出满意的笑容。但我可以说是旁观者清，于是很快便发现令这位母亲喜悦的理由实在是不够充足。
亨斯登先生看起来更像是想让自己在别人心中留下好印象，而不太在乎别人给他留下了什么印象。我不清楚亨斯登先生是什么样的人，但是当我注视着他（我别无它事可做），他不时会给我一种外国人的感觉。从外貌和面容上看，他称得上是个英国人，尽管有些特征像高卢人；但他却没有英国人特有的羞怯。不知他从哪里学了处之泰然的技巧，他从来不会让保守的羞涩干涉他的自由与快乐。高雅倒说不上，但他绝不是粗俗之人。他不是奇怪的人--但他却不像我之前见过的任何一个人。他整体的举止风度显示他对自己十分满意。但有时候一种莫名其妙的阴影犹如月食笼罩着他的脸一般一闪而过，我觉得这像是一种信号，显示了他内心突然对自己和自己的言行产生了强烈的怀疑--我不知道是对生活、社会地位、将来的前景、还是对智力水平的强烈的不满。或许，说到底这也只是他脾气暴躁，性格阴晴不定罢了。