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One day in autumn on my way back from a remote part of the country I caught cold and fell ill. Fortunately the fever attacked me in the district town at the inn; I sent for the doctor. In half—an—hour the district doctor appeared, a thin, dark—haired man of middle height. He prescribed me the usual sudorific, ordered a mustard—plaster to be put on, very deftly slid a five—rouble note up his sleeve, coughing drily and looking away as he did so, and then was getting up to go home, but somehow fell into talk and remained. I was exhausted with feverishness; I foresaw a sleepless night, and was glad of a little chat with a pleasant companion. Tea was served. My doctor began to converse freely. He was a sensible fellow, and expressed himself with vigour and some humour. Queer things happen in the world: you may live a long while with some people, and be on friendly terms with them, and never once speak openly with them from your soul; with others you have scarcely time to get acquainted, and all at once you are pouring out to him—or he to you—all your secrets, as though you were at confession. I don't know how I gained the confidence of my new friend—any way, with nothing to lead up to it, he told me a rather curious incident; and here I will report his tale for the information of the indulgent reader. I will try to tell it in the doctor's own words.
秋日里的某天，我在从一个偏远地方回来的路上着凉生病了。幸好发烧的时候，我已经来到了县城并住在了一间小旅馆里，于是我就派人去请医生。半个小时之后，县城的医生到了，他个头中等、身材瘦削、头发乌黑。他给我开了些普通的发汗药，又叫我贴上芥末膏药，非常熟练地把一张五卢布的钞票塞进了自己袖子里，同时还干咳了几声，把目光转向了别处，然后起身准备回家，却不知怎地同我开始聊天，留了下来。我由于发着高烧而极度疲倦，也预料到夜里会睡不着，所以很乐意有个和善的同伴和我聊一聊。有人把茶端了上来。我的医生就开始随意谈了起来。他是个有头脑的家伙，口齿伶俐、幽默风趣。世界上会发生些奇怪的事：也许你和某些人相处了很久，与他们关系融洽，却从不曾和他们推心置腹地交谈过；而跟有的人刚刚结识，却会立即把自己所有的秘密都一下子讲给他听，或者他讲给你听，就好像在忏悔一样。我不知道我是如何博得了我的新朋友的信任——不管怎样，他没什么缘由地就给我讲了一件相当稀奇的事；在此我就把他的故事讲给我宽容的读者听听。我尽量用那个医生的原话来讲这个故事。
"You don't happen to know, " he began in a weak and quavering voice （the common result of the use of unmixed Berezov snuff）; "you don't happen to know the judge here, Mylov, Pavel Lukitch?... You don't know him?... Well, it's all the same. " （He cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes. ） "Well, you see, the thing happened, to tell you exactly without mistake, in Lent, at the very time of the thaws. I was sitting at his house—our judge's, you know—playing preference. Our judge is a good fellow, and fond of playing preference. Suddenly" （the doctor made frequent use of this word, suddenly） "they tell me, 'There's a servant asking for you.’ I say, ' What does he want? 'They say, ' He has brought a note—it must be from a patient.’ 'Give me the note, ' I say. So it is from a patient—well and good—you understand—it's our bread and butter.... But this is how it was: a lady, a widow, writes to me; she says, 'My daughter is dying. Come, for God's sake! ' she says; 'and the horses have been sent for you. '... Well, that's all right. But she was twenty miles from the town, and it was midnight out of doors, and the roads in such a state, my word! And as she was poor herself, one could not expect more than two silver roubles, and even that problematic; and perhaps it might only be a matter of a roll of linen and a sack of oatmeal in payment. However, duty, you know, before everything: a fellow—creature may be dying. I hand over my cards at once to Kalliopin, the member of the provincial commission, and return home. I look; a wretched little trap was standing at the steps, with peasant's horses, fat—too fat—and their coat as shaggy as felt; and the coachman sitting with his cap off out of respect. Well, I think to myself, 'It's clear, my friend, these patients aren't rolling in riches. '... You smile; but I tell you, a poor man like me has to take everything into consideration.... If the coachman sits like a prince, and doesn't touch his cap, and even sneers at you behind his beard, and flicks his whip—then you may bet on six roubles. But this case, I saw, had a very different air. However, I think there's no help for it; duty before everything. I snatch up the most necessary drugs, and set off. Will you believe it? I only just managed to get there at all. The road was infernal: streams, snow, watercourses, and the dyke had suddenly burst there—that was the worst of it! However, I arrived at last. It was a little thatched house. There was a light in the windows; that meant they expected me. I was met by an old lady, very venerable, in a cap. 'Save her! ' she says; 'she is dying. ' I say, 'Pray don't distress yourself—Where is the invalid?’ ' Come this way. 'I see a clean little room, a lamp in the corner; on the bed a girl of twenty, unconscious. She was in a burning heat, and breathing heavily—it was fever. There were two other girls, her sisters, scared and in tears. ' Yesterday, ' t hey tell me, 'she was perfectly well and had a good appetite; this morning she complained of her head, and this evening, suddenly, you see, like this. ' I say again: 'Pray don't be uneasy.’ It's a doctor's duty, you know—and I went up to her and bled her, told them to put on a mustard—plaster, and prescribed a mixture. Meantime I looked at her; I looked at her, you know—there, by God! I had never seen such a face! —she was a beauty, in a word! I felt quite shaken with pity. Such lovely features; such eyes!... But, thank God! she became easier; she fell into a perspiration, seemed to come to her senses, looked round, smiled, and passed her hand over her face.... Her sisters bent over her. They ask, ' How are you? '' All right, 'she says, and turns away. I looked at her; she had fallen asleep. ' Well, 'I say, ' now the patient should be left alone. 'So we all went out on tiptoe; only a maid remained, in case she was wanted. In the parlour there was a samovar standing on the table, and a bottle of rum; in our profession one can't get on without it. They gave me tea; asked me to stop the night.... I consented: where could I go, indeed, at that time of night? The old lady kept groaning. ' What is it? 'I say; ' she will live; don't worry yourself; you had better take a little rest yourself; it is about two o'clock.’ 'But will you send to wake me if anything happens? ' 'Yes, yes. ' The old lady went away, and the girls too went to their own room; they made up a bed for me in the parlour. Well, I went to bed—but I could not get to sleep, for a wonder! for in reality I was very tired. I could not get my patient out of my head. At last I could not put up with it any longer; I got up suddenly; I think to myself, 'I will go and see how the patient is getting on. ' Her bedroom was next to the parlour. Well, I got up, and gently opened the door—how my heart beat! I looked in: the servant was asleep, her mouth wide open, and even snoring, the wretch! but the patient lay with her face towards me, and her arms flung wide apart, poor girl! I went up to her... when suddenly she opened her eyes and stared at me! 'Who is it? who is it? ' I was in confusion. 'Don't be alarmed, madam, ' I say; 'I am the doctor; I have come to see how you feel. ' 'You the doctor? ' 'Yes, the doctor; your mother sent for me from the town; we have bled you, madam; now pray go to sleep, and in a day or two, please God! we will set you on your feet again. ' 'Ah, yes, yes, doctor, don't let me die... please, please.’ ' Why do you talk like that? God bless you! 'She is in a fever again, I think to myself; I felt her pulse; yes, she was feverish. She looked at me, and then took me by the hand. ' I will tell you why I don't want to die; I will tell you.... Now we are alone; and only, please don't you... not to anyone... Listen....’ I bent down; she moved her lips quite to my ear; she touched my cheek with her hair—I confess my head went round—and began to whisper.... I could make out nothing of it.... Ah, she was delirious!... She whispered and whispered, but so quickly, and as if it were not in Russian; at last she finished, and shivering dropped her head on the pillow, and threatened me with her finger: " Remember, doctor, to no one. "I calmed her somehow, gave her something to drink, waked the servant, and went away.”
“您肯定认识，” 他用一种微弱、颤抖的声音开始说（这是因为他吸了纯正的别列佐夫鼻烟）， “您肯定认识这里的法官帕韦尔•卢基奇•梅洛夫吧？您不认识他？哦，那没关系。” （他清了清嗓子，揉了揉眼睛。） “喏，您瞧，事情是这样的，给您照实说吧，那是大斋节，正好是解冻的时候。我正坐在他家里——我们法官的家里，您知道——正在玩三人牌戏。我们的法官是个好人，喜欢玩三人牌戏。突然” （这个医生常常用 “突然” 这个词） “他们对我说， ‘有个仆人找您。’ 我说， ‘他有什么事吗？’ 他们说， ‘他带来了一张字条——一定是病人送来的。’ ‘把字条给我。’ 我说。果然是病人写来的——很好——您了解的——这是我们的饭碗嘛……但事情是这样的：是一位守寡的夫人写给我的，她写道， ‘我女儿生命垂危。来一趟吧，看在上帝的份上！’ 她写道， ‘我已经派马车去接您了。’ ……嗯，这倒是没什么。可她家离县城有二十英里，而且当时已是半夜，路况又糟，哎呀！何况她很穷，不能指望会得到两个银卢布以上的诊费，就连这点钱还成问题呢，没准只会给一卷亚麻布或一袋燕麦片什么的当报酬。不过，您知道，责任重于一切：人都快死了。我立刻把自己的牌交给了省委委员卡利奥宾，然后就回家了。我一瞧，台阶前停着一辆破破烂烂的双轮轻便小马车，还有几匹农家的马，很肥——特别肥——它们身上的毛就像毡子般蓬松，马车夫坐在那里，已经摘下了帽子，聊表尊敬。嗯，我心想， ‘很明显，我的朋友啊，这些病人可不富有啊。’ ……您笑了，可我告诉您，像我这样的穷人，凡事都得考虑考虑……要是马车夫像个贵族似的坐着，也不脱帽致敬，胡子下面甚至露出嘲笑的表情，还轻摇着马鞭——那你准能拿到六卢布。但是这一次，我看出来了，情况可不是这样的。不过，我觉得也是没有办法，责任重于一切。我抓起一些最常用的药物，便出发了。您相信吗？我差点就到不了那里了。路况糟透了：有溪流，有雪，有河道，堤坝还突然决了口——没有比这更糟的了！不过，我最后还是到了。那是一间由茅草盖成的小房子。窗户上亮着灯，想必他们是在等我。一位带着便帽的老夫人恭恭敬敬地来迎接我。 ‘救救她吧！’ 她说， ‘她快不行了。’ 我说， ‘请您别着急——病人在哪里？’ ‘来这边。’ 我看见一间整洁的小房间，墙角点着一盏灯，床上躺着一个二十来岁的女孩，已经不省人事了。她体温很高、呼吸困难——得的是热病。房间里还有两个女孩，是她的姐妹，她们都被吓坏了，眼里噙着泪水。 ‘昨天，’ 她们告诉我， ‘她还好好的，胃口也不错；今天早上她嚷着头疼，到了晚上突然，您瞧，突然就变成这样了。’ 我又说道： ‘请别担心。’ 您知道，这是医生的责任，然后我走到她跟前，给她放了血，叫她们给她贴上芥末膏药，然后又开了一副混合药剂。这时候我看了看她，我看着她，您知道——呀，上帝啊！我从没见过这么美的脸蛋！总而言之，她是个美人！我心里充满了怜惜之情。这样可爱的容貌，这样一双眼睛！不过，谢天谢地！她好些了，开始出汗，看上去清醒些了；她向四周看了看，笑了一下，用手摸了摸脸……她的姐妹们俯下身去。她们问： ‘你怎么样了？’ ‘还行。’ 她说道，然后把脸转了过去。我看了看她，她已经睡着了。 ‘好啦，’ 我说， ‘现在让病人自己呆会儿吧。’ 于是我们所有人都踮着脚尖出去了，只留下了一个女仆在那里随时伺候。客厅里的桌子上摆着一套茶炊，还有一壶朗姆酒，干我们这行是少不了它的。她们给我倒了茶，请我留宿……我答应了：其实，这大晚上的我还能去哪里呀？老太太一直在叹气。 ‘怎么了？’ 我说， ‘她会活下来的，您别太担心了，您还是自己好好休息一下吧，都差不多两点钟了。’ ‘但是如果有什么事的话，请您叫人喊醒我。’ ‘好的，好的。’ 老太太走了，那两个女孩也各自回房了，她们给我在客厅里铺了张床。唉，我躺在床上，却睡不着，多么奇怪呀！事实上我已经很累了。我一直想着我的病人。最后，我再也忍受不了了，我忽地起来了，心想： ‘我要去看看病人现在怎么样了。’ 她的卧室就挨着客厅。然后我下了床，轻轻地打开了门——我的心跳得很厉害！我往里一看：那个女仆已经睡着了，她的嘴张得很大，还在打呼噜，这个坏家伙！而病人则脸朝我躺着，双臂打开，这可怜的姑娘！我朝她走了过去……她突然睁开了眼睛，盯着我！ ‘谁呀？谁呀？’ 我不知所措起来。 ‘别怕，女士，’ 我说， ‘我是医生，我来看看您怎么样了。’ ‘您是医生？’ ‘对，我是医生，您母亲派人把我从城里接了过来，我们已经给您放了血，女士，现在请睡会吧，再过一两天，上帝保佑，我们就会让您康复的。’ ‘啊，好呀，好呀，医生，别让我死啊……求求您，求求您了。’ ‘您怎么这么说啊？上帝会保佑您的！’ 她又发烧了，我心想；我给她把了把脉，果然，她又烧起来了。她看着我，然后握住了我的手。 ‘我告诉您为什么我不想死，我告诉您……现在只有我们两个人，只是请您不要……不要告诉任何人……您听我说……我俯下了身子，她把嘴唇凑到了我耳朵旁边，她的头发触碰着我的脸颊——老实说，我头都晕了——然后她开始小声说……我什么都听不懂……啊，她语无伦次了……她小声地说呀说，但是说得很快，好像不是在说俄语，最后她说完了，哆嗦了一下，头就倒在了枕头上，然后伸出手指警告我说： ‘记住啊，医生，不准跟任何人说。’ 我好不容易才让她安静了下来，给她喝了点水，叫醒了侍女，便出去了。”
At this point the doctor again took snuff with exasperated energy, and for a moment seemed stupefied by its effects.
讲到这里，医生又使劲地吸了一口鼻烟，接着像是在烟的作用下他愣了一会儿。
"However, " he continued, "the next day, contrary to my expectations, the patient was no better. I thought and thought, and suddenly decided to remain there, even though my other patients were expecting me.... And you know one can't afford to disregard that; one's practice suffers if one does. But, in the first place, the patient was really in danger; and secondly, to tell the truth, I felt strongly drawn to her. Besides, I liked the whole family. Though they were really badly off, they were singularly, I may say, cultivated people.... Their father had been a learned man, an author; he died, of course, in poverty, but he had managed before he died to give his children an excellent education; he left a lot of books too. Either because I looked after the invalid very carefully, or for some other reason; any way, I can venture to say all the household loved me as if I were one of the family.... Meantime the roads were in a worse state than ever; all communications, so to say, were cut off completely; even medicine could with difficulty be got from the town.... The sick girl was not getting better. Day after day, and day after day... but... here.... " （The doctor made a brief pause. ） "I declare I don't know how to tell you. "... （He again took snuff, coughed, and swallowed a little tea. ） "I will tell you without beating about the bush. My patient... how should I say?... Well, she had fallen in love with me... or, no, it was not that she was in love... however... really, how should one say? '（The doctor looked down and grew red. ）" No, he went on quickly, in love, indeed! A man should not over—estimate himself. She was an educated girl, clever and well—read, and I had even forgotten my Latin, one may say, completely. As to appearance（the doctor looked himself over with a smile）I am nothing to boast of there either. But God Almighty did not make me a fool; I don't take black for white; I know a thing or two; I could see very clearly, for instance, that Alexandra Andreevna—that was her name—did not feel love for me, but had a friendly, so to say, inclination—a respect or something for me. Though she herself perhaps mistook this sentiment, anyway this was her attitude; you may form your own judgment of it. But, added the doctor, who had brought out all these disconnected sentences without taking breath, and with obvious embarrassment, I seem to be wandering rather—you won't understand anything like this.... There, with your leave, I will relate it all in order.”
“然而，” 他继续说， “第二天，与我的预料相反，病人并没有好转。我左思右想，突然决定留在那里，尽管还有其他病人在等我……您也知道对病人可怠慢不得，不然以后的业务会受影响的。不过，首先，那个病人确实是处于危险之中；其次，说老实话，我深深地被她吸引住了。此外，我也挺喜欢她们全家人的。尽管她们实在很穷，但是可以说，她们是非常有教养的人……她们的父亲是个学识渊博的人，是个作家；虽然他因贫困而去世，但是他在生前尽力让孩子们受到了很好的教育，他还留下了许多书。或许因为我非常细心地照料病人，或是别的其他原因，不管怎样，我敢说，她们家所有的人都很喜欢我，待我就像亲人一样……那时候，路况比之前更糟了，可以说，所有的交通都完全中断了，就连药材都很难从城里弄来……那个生病的女孩并没有好起来。日复一日，天复一天……但是……这……” （医生停了一小会儿。） “我真不知道怎么跟您讲。” ……（他又吸起了鼻烟，咳了一声，喝了一口茶。） “我就不拐弯抹角了。我的病人……我该怎么说呢？嗯，她爱上我了……或者，不是，她也不是爱上……不过……真的，该怎么说呢？” （医生红着脸低下了头。） “不，” 他继续快速说道， “怎么能说爱上呀！人不应该高估自己。她是个有教养的女孩，聪明博学，可我连拉丁文都忘了，可以说，忘光了。至于外貌” （医生笑着打量了下自己） “我也没有什么可以夸耀的。不过全能的上帝并没把我造成傻瓜，我不会把白的说成是黑的，我还是知道一点东西的，我很清楚，譬如说，亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜——那是她的名字——并没有爱上我，但是对我有一种友好的，所谓的好感——对我的一种尊敬或什么。虽然或许她自己把这种感情搞混了，不过不管怎样，这就是她的态度，您可以自己判断。不过，” 医生一口气说出这么话，断断续续的，还明显有点尴尬， “我好像说乱了——这样说您也听不明白……嗯，如果您允许，我就把一切照顺序讲给您听吧。”
He drank off a glass of tea, and began in a calmer voice.
他喝完一杯茶后，开始用较为平静的语调讲了起来。
"Well, then. My patient kept getting worse and worse. You are not a doctor, my good sir; you cannot understand what passes in a poor fellow's heart, especially at first, when he begins to suspect that the disease is getting the upper hand of him. What becomes of his belief in himself? You suddenly grow so timid; it's indescribable. You fancy then that you have forgotten everything you knew, and that the patient has no faith in you, and that other people begin to notice how distracted you are, and tell you the symptoms with reluctance; that they are looking at you suspiciously, whispering.... Ah! it's horrid! There must be a remedy, you think, for this disease, if one could find it. Isn't this it? You try—no, that's not it! You don't allow the medicine the necessary time to do good.... You clutch at one thing, then at another. Sometimes you take up a book of medical prescriptions—here it is, you think! Sometimes, by Jove, you pick one out by chance, thinking to leave it to fate.... But meantime a fellow—creature's dying, and another doctor would have saved him. 'We must have a consultation, ' you say; 'I will not take the responsibility on myself. ' And what a fool you look at such times! Well, in time you learn to bear it; it's nothing to you. A man has died—but it's not your fault; you treated him by the rules. But what's still more torture to you is to see blind faith in you, and to feel yourself that you are not able to be of use. Well, it was just this blind faith that the whole of Alexandra Andreevna's family had in me; they had forgotten to think that their daughter was in danger. I, too, on my side assure them that it's nothing, but meantime my heart sinks into my boots. To add to our troubles, the roads were in such a state that the coachman was gone for whole days together to get medicine. And I never left the patient's room; I could not tear myself away; I tell her amusing stories, you know, and play cards with her. I watch by her side at night. The old mother thanks me with tears in her eyes; but I think to myself, 'I don't deserve your gratitude.’ I frankly confess to you—there is no object in concealing it now—I was in love with my patient. And Alexandra Andreevna had grown fond of me; she would not sometimes let anyone be in her room but me. She began to talk to me, to ask me questions; where I had studied, how I lived, who are my people, whom I go to see. I feel that she ought not to talk; but to forbid her to—to forbid her resolutely, you know—I could not. Sometimes I held my head in my hands, and asked myself' What are you doing, villain? '... And she would take my hand and hold it, give me a long, long look, and turn away, sigh, and say, ' How good you are! 'Her hands were so feverish, her eyes so large and languid.... ' Yes, 'she says, ' you are a good, kind man; you are not like our neighbours.... No, you are not like that.... Why did I not know you till now! '' Alexandra Andreevna, calm yourself, 'I say.... ' I feel, believe me, I don't know how I have gained... but there, calm yourself.... All will be right; you will be well again.’ And meanwhile I must tell you, " continued the doctor, bending forward and raising his eyebrows, "that they associated very little with the neighbours, because the smaller people were not on their level, and pride hindered them from being friendly with the rich. I tell you, they were an exceptionally cultivated family; so you know it was gratifying for me. She would only take her medicine from my hands... she would lift herself up, poor girl, with my aid, take it, and gaze at me.... My heart felt as if it were bursting. And meanwhile she was growing worse and worse, worse and worse, all the time; she will die, I think to myself; she must die. Believe me, I would sooner have gone to the grave myself; and here were her mother and sisters watching me, looking into my eyes... and their faith in me was wearing away. 'Well? how is she? ' 'Oh, all right, all right! ' All right, indeed! My mind was failing me. Well, I was sitting one night alone again by my patient. The maid was sitting there too, and snoring away in full swing; I can't find fault with the poor girl, though; she was worn out too. Alexandra Andreevna had felt very unwell all the evening; she was very feverish. Until midnight she kept tossing about; at last she seemed to fall asleep; at least, she lay still without stirring. The lamp was burning in the corner before the holy image. I sat there, you know, with my head bent; I even dozed a little. Suddenly it seemed as though someone touched me in the side; I turned round.... Good God! Alexandra Andreevna was gazing with intent eyes at me... her lips parted, her cheeks seemed burning. 'What is it? ' 'Doctor, shall I die? ' 'Merciful Heavens! ' 'No, doctor, no; please don't tell me I shall live... don't say so.... If you knew.... Listen! for God's sake don't conceal my real position, ' and her breath came so fast. 'If I can know for certain that I must die... then I will tell you all—all!’ ' Alexandra Andreevna, I beg! '' Listen; I have not been asleep at all. I have been looking at you a long while. For God's sake!... I believe in you; you are a good man, an honest man; I entreat you by all that is sacred in the world—tell me the truth! If you knew how important it is for me.... Doctor, for God's sake tell me.... Am I in danger?” 'What can I tell you, Alexandra Andreevna, pray? ' 'For God's sake, I beseech you!’ ' I can't disguise from you, 'I say, ' Alexandra Andreevna; you are certainly in danger; but God is merciful. '' I shall die, I shall die. 'And it seemed as though she were pleased; her face grew so bright; I was alarmed. ' Don't be afraid, don't be afraid! I am not frightened of death at all.’ She suddenly sat up and leaned on her elbow. 'Now... yes, now I can tell you that I thank you with my whole heart... that you are kind and good—that I love you!’ I stare at her, like one possessed; it was terrible for me, you know. ' Do you hear, I love you! '' Alexandra Andreevna, how have I deserved—’ 'No, no, you don' t —you don't understand me. '... And suddenly she stretched out her arms, and taking my head in her hands, she kissed it.... Believe me, I almost screamed aloud.... I threw myself on my knees, and buried my head in the pillow. She did not speak; her fingers trembled in my hair; I listen; she is weeping. I began to soothe her, to assure her.... I really don't know what I did say to her. 'You will wake up the girl, ' I say to her; 'Alexandra Andreevna, I thank you... believe me... calm yourself. ' 'Enough, enough! ' she persisted; 'never mind all of them; let them wake, then; let them come in—it does not matter; am dying, you see.... And what do you fear? Lift up your head.... Or, perhaps, you don't love me; perhaps I am wrong.... In that case, forgive me.’ ' Alexandra Andreevna, what are you saying!... I love you, Alexandra Andreevna. " She looked straight into my eyes, and opened her arms wide. 'Then take me in your arms. ' I tell you frankly, I don't know how it was I did not go mad that night. I feel that my patient is killing herself; I see that she is not fully herself; I understand, too, that if she did not consider herself on the point of death, she would never have thought of me; and, indeed, say what you will, it's hard to die at twenty without having known love; this was what was torturing her; this was why, in despair, she caught at me—do you understand now? But she held me in her arms, and would not let me go. 'Have pity on me, Alexandra Andreevna, and have pity on yourself, ' I say. 'Why, ' she says; 'what is there to think of? You know I must die. ' This she repeated incessantly.... 'If I knew that I should return to life, and be a proper young lady again, I should be ashamed... of course, ashamed... but why now? ' 'But who has said you will die? ' 'Oh, no, leave off! you will not deceive me; you don't know how to lie—look at your face.’ ' You shall live, Alexandra Andreevna; I will cure you; we will ask your mother's blessing... we will be united—we will be happy.’ 'No, no, I have your word; I must die... you have promised me... you have told me. ' It was cruel for me—cruel for many reasons. And see what trifling things can do sometimes; it seems nothing at all, but it's painful. It occurred to her to ask me, what is my name; not my surname, but my first name. I must needs be so unlucky as to be called Trifon. Yes, indeed; Trifon Ivanitch. Every one in the house called me doctor. However, there's no help for it. I say, 'Trifon, madam. ' She frowned, shook her head, and muttered something in French—ah, something unpleasant, of course! —and then she laughed—disagreeably too. Well, I spent the whole night with her in this way. Before morning I went away, feeling as though I were mad. When I went again into her room it was daytime, after morning tea. Good God! I could scarcely recognise her: people are laid in their grave looking better than that. I swear to you, on my honour, I don't understand—I absolutely don't understand—now, how I lived through that experience. Three days and nights my patient still lingered on. And what nights! What things she said to me! And on the last night—only imagine to yourself—I was sitting near her, and kept praying to God for one thing only: 'Take her, ' I said, 'quickly, and me with her. ' Suddenly the old mother comes unexpectedly into the room. I had already the evening before told her—the mother—there was little hope, and it would be well to send for a priest. When the sick girl saw her mother she said: 'It's very well you have come; look at us, we love one another—we have given each other our word.’ ' What does she say, doctor? what does she say? 'I turned livid. ' She is wandering, 'I say; ' t he fever. ' But she: 'Hush, hush; you told me something quite different just now, and have taken my ring. Why do you pretend? My mother is good—she will forgive —she will understand—and I am dying.... I have no need to tell lies; give me your hand.’ I jumped up and ran out of the room. The old lady, of course, guessed how it was.”
“嗯，是这样的。我的病人的情况越来越糟糕了。您不是医生，我的好先生，您不会理解我们这些可怜的家伙的心情，特别是在他刚开始意识到他控制不了病情的时候。他的信心跑到哪里去了？你会突然变得很胆小，那真无法形容。那时候你会觉得你把所有知道的东西都忘了，病人对你没有信心了，其他人也开始注意到你有多么慌张，他们不情愿地把症状告诉你；他们一边用怀疑的眼光看着你，一边嘀嘀咕咕……啊！真是糟透了！你心想，一定会有一种药能治这种病，只要能找到它。这种药不行吗？你试了试——不对，不是它！你还没等到药起作用……你一会儿用这种药，一会儿用那种药。有时候你拿起一本药典——就在这里，你心想！有时候，天哪，你碰巧找出了一种药，想碰运气看看……但是这个时候，病人快不行了，或许别的医生本能救活他。 ‘我们必须得会诊，’ 你说， ‘我可不会自己担责任。’ 这种时候，你看上去多像个傻子啊！不过，时间长了你就学会去承受这种压力了，这对你来说也不算什么了。人死了，可那又不是你的错，你已经照规矩给他治疗了。但还有更折磨你的事，那就是看到别人对自己盲目地信任，而你却感觉自己无能为力。唉，亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜全家正是这样盲目地信任我，她们都忘了她们家的女儿还处在危险之中。至于我，则让她们相信这病不要紧，可同时我自己却担心得要命。雪上加霜的是，路况又那么糟，马车夫去城里拿药要走好几天。我一步都没有离开过病人的房间，我不忍心离开，我给她讲有趣的故事，您知道，还陪她玩牌。我夜里也守在她身旁。老太太含着泪感谢我，但我心里想着： ‘我不值得您感激。’ 我坦白对您说吧——现在也没必要隐瞒了——我爱上了我的病人。亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜对我的好感也与日俱增，有时候，她不让除了我之外的任何人进她的卧室。她开始和我聊天，问我一些问题：问我在哪里上的学，生活过得怎样，有些什么亲人，和什么人来往。我知道她不应该说话，但是要阻止她——完全不让她讲话，您知道，我做不到。有时候我抱着头，问自己： ‘你在干什么啊，混蛋？……’ 她也会抓着我的手不放，久久地凝视着我，然后转过身去，叹口气说道， ‘您真好！’ 她的手滚烫滚烫的，眼睛睁得很大，却没有神采…… ‘是呀，’ 她说， ‘您是个善良的好人，您不像我们的那些邻居……不，您一点儿也不像那样……为什么我到现在才认识您呀！’ ‘亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜，请您冷静下来，’ 我说…… ‘我觉得，相信我，我不知道我是怎么赢得……但是，请镇定点……一切都会好起来的，您会恢复的。’ 说到这里，我应该告诉您，” 医生向前倾了倾，挑了挑眉毛，继续说道， “她们和邻居很少来往，因为地位低的人跟她们不在一个档次上，而傲气又阻止她们去巴结那些富人。我告诉您，她们一家人都非常有修养，所以您知道，我觉得很欣慰。她只吃我递给她的药……可怜的姑娘，她会在我的帮助下自己坐起来，把药吃了，然后盯着我看……我的心像是要爆炸了。这期间她的病也越来越严重，越来越严重了，一直都是这样，她要死了，我心想，她肯定活不了了。相信我，我自己也很快就会进坟墓去，而这时她的母亲和两位姐姐都在看着我，看着我的双眼……她们对我的信任也在渐渐消失。 ‘嗯？她怎么样了？’ ‘哦，还好，还好！’ 什么还好！我的脑子也不清醒了。唉，有一天晚上我独自守在病人的床边。女仆也坐在那里，大声地打着鼾，不过，我也不能怪这个可怜的丫头，她也累得不行了。亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜整个晚上都很不舒服，她烧得很厉害。她一直翻来覆去折腾到半夜，最后好像睡着了，至少，她静静地躺着不动了。墙角的那盏灯在圣像前亮着。我坐在那里，您知道，耷拉着脑袋，甚至还打了个小盹。突然好像有人从侧面碰了我一下，我转过身去……天哪！亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜目不转睛地盯着我……嘴唇张开着，脸颊烧得通红。 ‘怎么了？’ ‘医生，我要死了吗？’ ‘仁慈的上帝啊！’ ‘别，医生，别，请不要说我会活下去……不要那样说……要是您知道……听着！看在上帝的份上请不要隐瞒我的真实情况，’ 她的呼吸变得很急促， ‘如果我知道自己必死无疑……那么我会告诉您一切——一切！’ ‘亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜，我求您了！’ ‘听着，我根本没有睡着。我看了您很长时间了。看在上帝的份上……我信任您，您是个好人，是个诚实的人，我恳求您，为了世上神圣的一切——对我说实话吧！您要是知道这对我有多么重要……医生，看在上帝的份上告诉我吧……我现在是不是处于危险中？’ ‘我能对您说什么呢？亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜，求求你了？’ ‘看在上帝的份上，我求求您了！’ ‘我不能对您隐瞒，’ 我说， ‘亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜，您的确处于危险中，但是上帝是仁慈的。’ ‘我要死了，我要死了。’ 她看上去似乎很高兴，脸上也有了光彩，我被吓到了。 ‘别害怕，别害怕！我一点都不怕死。’ 她突然坐了起来，倚靠在胳膊肘上。 ‘现在……对，现在我可以告诉您，我全心全意地感谢您……您是那么的仁慈善良——我爱您！’ 我看着她，像着了魔一般，您知道，我很害怕。 ‘您听见了吗，我爱您！’ ‘亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜，我怎么值得——’ ‘不，不，您不——您不理解我。’ ……她突然伸出胳膊，抱住了我的头，然后亲了一下……真的，我差点就大喊出来……我扑通跪了下来，把头埋在了枕头里。她没有说话，手指在我发间发抖，我听见她在哭泣。我开始安慰她，向她保证……我真的不知道自己对她说了些什么。 ‘您会把那丫头吵醒的，’ 我对她说， ‘亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜，我感谢您……真的……请冷静点。’ ‘够了，够了！’ 她一再说道， ‘别去管她们了，让她们醒来吧，让她们都进来吧——不要紧，我都要死了，您瞧……您怕什么呢？您抬起头来……或者，也许您并不爱我，也许我错了……要是那样的话，请原谅我。’ ‘亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜，您在说什么呀！……我爱您，亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜。’ 她直直地看着我的眼睛，然后大大地张开了双臂。 ‘那么抱着我吧。’ 我坦白地讲，我都不知道那一夜我怎么没有疯掉。我觉得我的病人正在自我毁灭，我看得出她有点神志不清，我也理解，要不是她认为自己快要死了，她是绝不会想到我的；再说，确实是，您想想看，二十岁还没有爱过就要死了，确实是挺痛苦的，这就是她痛苦的原因，这就是为什么，她在绝望中抓住了我——您现在明白了吧？可是她抱住了我，不让我走。 ‘可怜可怜我，亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜，也可怜可怜您自己吧。’ 我说。 ‘为什么，’ 她说， ‘还有什么好考虑的？您知道我死定了。’ 她不断地重复这句话…… ‘要是我知道我会活下来，再做一个体面的小姐，我会害臊的……当然，会害臊的……可现在有什么关系呢？’ ‘可是谁说您要死了？’ ‘哦，别，别这么说了！您骗不了我，您都不知道怎么撒谎——瞧瞧您的脸。’ ‘您会活下来的，亚历山德拉•安德列叶夫娜，我会治好您的，我们会请求您母亲给我们祝福……我们会结为夫妻，我们会幸福的。’ ‘不，不，我相信您说的话，我肯定会死……您答应过我的……您已经告诉我了。’ 这让我很痛苦，有很多事让我痛苦。您瞧，有时候那些琐碎的小事却很有威力，它们看上去没什么，但是却叫人很痛苦。她忽然问我，我的名字是什么，不是姓，而是名字。而我偏偏很不幸地叫特里丰。对，就是这样，我叫特里丰•伊万诺维奇。她家的每个人都叫我医生。不过，那也没用了。我说： ‘特里丰，女士。’ 她皱了皱眉，摇了摇头，用法语喃喃地说了些什么——唉，当然是些不好听的话——然后她笑了，也笑得不大愉快。唉，就这样我跟她度过了整个晚上。黎明前我走了出去，感觉自己像疯了似的。当我再次走进她的房间时，已经是白天，喝过早茶以后了。我的上帝呀！我差点就没认出她来：放在棺材里的人看上去都要比她好些。我以我的名誉对您发誓，我不知道——我完全不知道——唉，我当时是怎么熬过来的。我的病人又挣扎了三天三夜。多么痛苦的夜晚啊! 她都对我说了些什么啊！最后那个晚上，您自己想象一下吧：我坐在她旁边，一直向上帝请求一件事： ‘带她走吧，’ 我说， ‘快点吧，把我同她一起带走。’ 突然，老太太意外地走进房来。我已经在前一天晚上告诉她——这位母亲——希望很渺茫了，最好还是去请位牧师来。生病的女孩一看见她母亲就说： ‘太好了，您来了，看看我们，我们爱着对方——我们都互相发过誓了。’ ‘她在说什么啊，医生？她在说什么呀？’ 我吓得面色发青。 ‘她在说胡话呢，’ 我说， ‘因为发烧。’ 可是她说： ‘嘘，嘘，您刚才跟我说的可不是这些，您还收了我的戒指呢。您为什么要假装呢？我母亲人很好，她会原谅的，她会理解的，我快不行了……我没必要撒谎了，把您的手给我。’ 我跳了起来，跑出了房间。老太太当然猜到了是怎么回事。”
"I will not, however, weary you any longer, and to me too, of course, it's painful to recall all this. My patient passed away the next day. God rest her soul! ' t he doctor added, speaking quickly and with a sigh. " Before her death she asked her family to go out and leave me alone with her. "
“不过，我不想再打扰您了，当然了，对于我来说，回忆这件事也很痛苦。我的病人第二天就去世了。上帝让她安息吧！” 医生快速地补充道，还叹了口气， “她临终前，让家人都出去了，只留我单独陪她。”
‘"Forgive me, " she said; "I am perhaps to blame towards you... my illness... but believe me, I have loved no one more than you... do not forget me... keep my ring. "’
“ ‘原谅我，’ 她说， ‘我也许会责怪您……我的病……但是相信我，我从没有像爱您一样地爱过别人……不要忘了我……保管好我的戒指。’”
The doctor turned away; I took his hand.
医生把脸转了过去，我握住了他的手。
"Ah! " he said, "let us talk of something else, or would you care to play preference for a small stake? It is not for people like me to give way to exalted emotions. There's only one thing for me to think of; how to keep the children from crying and the wife from scolding. Since then, you know, I have had time to enter into lawful wed—lock, as they say.... Oh... I took a merchant's daughter—seven thousand for her dowry. Her name's Akulina; it goes well with Trifon. She is an ill—tempered woman, I must tell you, but luckily she's asleep all day.... Well, shall it be preference?”
“唉！” 他说， “咱们聊点儿别的吧，或者，您想不想玩三人牌戏，玩小点？像我这种人不该陷入那种高尚的感情中。我只要为一件事情操心，那就是怎样才能让孩子不哭哭闹闹，让老婆不骂骂咧咧的。从那以后，您知道，我也步入了合法的婚姻殿堂……哦……我取了个商人的女儿，她有七千卢布的嫁妆。她叫阿库丽娜，跟特里丰这个名字倒是挺配的。我得告诉您，她是个暴脾气的女人，不过幸运的是，她整天都在睡觉……唉，玩三人牌戏吗？”
We sat down to preference for halfpenny points. Trifon Ivanitch won two roubles and a half from me, and went home late, well pleased with his success.
我们坐下来玩起了三人牌戏，半便士一局。特里丰•伊万诺维奇赢了我两个半卢布，很晚的时候，他才满意地带着战利品回去。
CHAPTER V MY NEIGHBOUR RADILOV