购买
下载掌阅APP,畅读海量书库
立即打开
畅读海量书库
扫码下载掌阅APP

第一章 生活的开端2

All this while the storm increased, and the sea went very high, though nothing like what I have seen many times since; no, nor what I saw a few days after; but it was enough to affect me then, who was but a young sailor, and had never known anything of the matter. I expected every wave would have swallowed us up, and that every time the ship fell down, as I thought it did, in the trough or hollow of the sea, we should never rise more; in this agony of mind, I made many vows and resolutions that if it would please God to spare my life in this one voyage, if ever I got once my foot upon dry land again, I would go directly home to my father, and never set it into a ship again while I lived; that I would take his advice, and never run myself into such miseries as these any more. Now I saw plainly the goodness of his observations about the middle station of life, how easy, how comfortably he had lived all his days and never had been exposed to tempests at sea or troubles on shore; and I resolved that I would, like a true repenting prodigal, go home to my father.

这个时候,风暴的势头更猛了,海面骤然升起。虽然这和我以后多次所见的情形是不能比的,也比不上几天后我见到的类似情况。但是它也足以吓到我这个对航海毫无经验的年轻水手了。我觉得每一个波浪都可能将我们吞没。每次船跌进海上的水涡的时候我都觉得船沉到了海里,而我们再也浮不上来了。在这种惶恐的状态下我无数次地发誓,无数次地表明决心:如果这次出航,上帝能给我一条生路,只要我的双脚能再次安全踏上地面,我会马上回到家中的父亲身旁,有生之年再也不上船半步。我会听他的建议,再也不自找苦吃。现在,我清楚地意识到父亲对中间状态的生活看法确实是对的。他的一生是如此舒适安逸,从未经历过海上的风浪和陆上的困苦。我决心像个真正的回头浪子那样,回到家中父亲的身边。

These wise and sober thoughts continued all the while the storm lasted, and indeed some time after; but the next day the wind was abated, and the sea calmer, and I began to be a little inured to it; however, I was very grave for all that day, being also a little seasick still; but towards night the weather cleared up, the wind was quite over, and a charming fine evening followed; the sun went down perfectly clear, and rose so the next morning; and having little or no wind, and a smooth sea, the sun shining upon it, the sight was, as I thought, the most delightful that ever I saw.

风暴持续期间以及以后的一段时间之内,我都有着这种清醒明智的想法。但是第二天风势变弱了,海面平静些了,我对这一切也有些习惯了。但是我还是成天愁容不展,还有些晕船。快到晚上的时候天气变晴了,风差不多停了,一个美丽晴朗的夜晚来临了。当天晚上的日落和第二天早晨的日出都很明朗宁静。太阳照耀下的海面上风平浪静,我觉得这是我见过的最怡人的景象。

I had slept well in the night, and was now no more seasick, but very cheerful, looking with wonder upon the sea that was so rough and terrible the day before, and could be so calm and so pleasant in so little a time after. And now, lest my good resolutions should continue, my companion, who had enticed me away, comes to me; "Well, Bob, " says he, clapping me upon the shoulder, "how do you do after it? I warrant you were frighted, weren't you, last night, when it blew but a capful of wind? " "A capful d'ye calls it? " said I; "'t was a terrible storm. " "A storm, you fool you, " replies he; "do you call that a storm? why, it was nothing at all; give us but a good ship and sea room, and we think nothing of such a squall of wind as that; but you're but a freshwater sailor, Bob. Come, let us make a bowl of punch, and we'll forget all that; d'ye see what charming weather't is now? " To make short this sad part of my story, we went the way of all sailors; the punch was made and I was made half drunk with it: and in that one night's wickedness I drowned all my repentance, all my reflections upon my past conduct, all my resolutions for the future. In a word, as the sea was returned to its smoothness of surface and settled calmness by the abatement of that storm, so the hurry of my thoughts being over, my fears and apprehensions of being swallowed up by the sea being forgotten, and the current of my former desires returned, I entirely forgot the vows and promises that I made in my distress. I found, indeed, some intervals of reflection; and the serious thoughts did, as it were, endeavor to return again sometimes; but I shook them off, and roused myself from them as it were from a distemper, and applying myself to drinking and company, soon mastered the return of those fits—for so I called them; and I had in five or six days got as complete a victory over conscience as any young fellow that resolved not to be troubled with it could desire. But I was to have another trial for it still; and Providence, as in such cases generally it does, resolved to leave me entirely without excuse; for if I would not take this for a deliverance, the next was to be such a one as the worst and most hardened wretch among us would confess both the danger and the mercy of.

我晚上睡得很好,现在已经不太晕船了,心情也不错。我惊奇地看着前一天还翻腾咆哮的大海,它竟然在这么短的时间之内就变得如此平静怡人。那时我那诱导我出海的朋友怕我真的决心不再出海,就来看我: “嘿,鲍勃,” 他说,同时在我肩膀上拍了几下, “风浪过后你感觉如何?我敢说那天晚上吹起的一股微风吓到你了吧?” “你管那叫一股微风?” 我说, “那可是场可怕的风暴啊。” “一场风暴?你这个傻瓜,” 他回答道, “你把那叫风暴?嗨,那算什么啊!只要我们有艘好船,海面也够宽,我们对这么一点点风根本不在乎。不过你只是个新手,所以也不奇怪,鲍勃。来,我们去喝碗潘趣酒,把这些都忘了吧。没看见现在的天气多好吗?” 关于我的伤心往事我就长话短说,我们像所有的水手一样,弄了些潘趣酒,我喝了个大醉。那天晚上我行为放纵,把自己的后悔之情、对自己过去行为的反思和对未来的决心统统抛到了脑后。总之,当风暴过去之后,海面又变得光滑而平静,我那些纷乱的想法也消失了。我忘记了对被大海吞没的恐惧,以前的热望又回到心头。我完全忘了自己在困境中所立下的誓言和所下的决心。我发现,在有些时候一些忏悔和反思确实会像以往那样不时回到我的脑中,但是我拼命摆脱它们,像是要从坏脾气中解脱一般,我通过和别人一起喝酒胡闹让自己从中振作起来。不久之后,我就控制住了这些冲动,不让它们回到我的脑中。不出五六天的时间,我就像所有决心不顾良心、追随欲望的年轻人所希望的那样,完全战胜了良知。但是,我因此注定会遇到另一个灾难。正如一贯的情形,老天决心毫不手软地惩罚我,而我也没有任何借口。我没有把上次的经历当作上帝的救赎,下次的灾祸就要厉害得多,就连我们当中最凶险无情的水手都要害怕、求饶。

The sixth day of our being at sea we came into Yarmouth Roads; the wind having been contrary and the weather calm, we had made but little way since the storm. Here we were obliged to come to an anchor, and here we lay, the wind continuing contrary—viz. at southwest—for seven or eight days, during which time a great many ships from Newcastle came into the same Roads, as the common harbour where the ships might wait for a wind for the river.

我们在出海的第六天到达了雅茅斯锚地。风暴之后天气晴好,但一直刮着逆风,所以我们的船行驶的路程不算远。我们不得不在这里找了一处地方抛锚,停了下来。逆风继续从西南方向吹来,一直吹了七八天。很多从纽卡斯尔来的船也驶进了这个锚地。因为这是一个方便船只停靠以等待顺风,然后驶入河道的公共港口。

We had not, however, rid here so long but we should have tided it up the river, but that the wind blew too fresh, and after we had laid four or five days, blew very hard. However, the Roads being reckoned as good as a harbour, the anchorage good, and our ground—tackle very strong, our men were unconcerned, and not in the least apprehensive of danger, but spent the time in rest and mirth, after the manner of the sea; but the eighth day, in the morning, the wind increased, and we had all hands at work to strike our topmasts, and make everything snug and close, that the ship might ride as easy as possible. By noon the sea went very high indeed, and our ship rode forecastle in, shipped several seas, and we thought once or twice our anchor had come home; upon which our master ordered out the sheet anchor, so that we rode with two anchors ahead, and the cables veered out to the bitter end.

然而我们不该在这里停这么久的。我们本应该随着潮水驶进河口。但是风太紧,在我们停了四五天后刮得更猛了。但是这个锚地是个公认的上好港口。我们的锚质量很好,各种锚泊索具也很结实,因此我们的水手都不以为意,毫无对危险的忧惧,继续按海上的生活方式休息玩乐。但在第八天早晨,风刮得猛了。我们所有人都忙着降下中桅,并且把所有东西都紧挨着收拾起来,以便让船安稳地停泊。中午的时候浪势很高,有好几次,我们的船头没入了水中,漫进了不少海水。有一两次我们以为我们的船脱锚了,船长便下令把备用大锚放下,于是我们在船头放了两个锚才泊好船,将锚索放到了最长。

By this time it blew a terrible storm indeed; and now I began to see terror and amazement in the faces even of the seamen themselves. The master, though vigilant in the business of preserving the ship, yet as he went in and out of his cabin by me, I could hear him softly to himself say, several times, "Lord is merciful to us! We shall be all lost! We shall be all undone! " And the like. During these first hurries I was stupid, lying still in my cabin, which was in the steerage, and cannot describe my temper: I could ill resume the first penitence which I had so apparently trampled upon and hardened myself against: I thought the bitterness of death had been past, and that this would be nothing like the first; but when the master himself came by me, as I said just now, and said we should be all lost, I was dreadfully frighted. I got up out of my cabin and looked out; but such a dismal sight I never saw: the sea ran mountains high, and broke upon us every three or four minutes; when I could look about, I could see nothing but distress round us; two ships that rode near us, we found, had cut their masts by the board, being deep laden; and our men cried out that a ship which rode about a mile ahead of us was foundered. Two more ships, being driven from their anchors, were run out of the Roads to sea, at all adventures, and that with not a mast standing. The light ships fared the best, as not so much labouring in the sea; but two or three of them drove, and came close by us, running away with only their spritsail out before the wind.

这个时候的风暴确实可怕。现在我在水手们的脸上开始看到惊恐的表情了。尽管船长谨慎地力求保护好船,但是他在自己的舱房进进出出,从我身边经过的时侯,我能听到他对自己几次轻声低语: “上帝啊,对我们发发慈悲吧!我们快不行了!我们要完了!” 以及类似的话。在起初的这些纷扰中我茫然无措,静静地躺在我那位于船头的舱房中,无法形容自己的心情。我没有像第一次那样悔恨不已——这悔恨已被我辜负践踏。我变得麻木了。我以为死亡的痛苦已经成为过去,这次和上次的情况并不相同。但是当船长从我身边经过,像我刚刚描述的那样说出 “我们快不行了” 的时候,我简直惊恐万分。我从自己的舱房走出来并向外望去,眼前是一片我从未见过的悲惨景象。海上掀起和山峰一般高的巨浪,每隔三四分钟就向我们打来。举目四望,我们周围的情况已经糟到了极点。两艘停泊在我们近处载重较大、吃水较深的船,船舷的桅杆都被砍掉了。我们的人惊呼,一艘停泊在我们前面大概一海里的船已经沉了。还有两艘船被吹得脱了锚,只好冒险从锚地向大海行驶,连桅杆都不剩了。小船的情况最好,因为它们在海上行驶比较容易。但也有两三只随风从我们的船附近飘过,它们只剩下撑杆帆,随风飘摇而去。

Towards evening the mate and boatswain begged the master of our ship to let them cut away the foremast, which he was very unwilling to do; but the boatswain protesting to him that if he did not the ship would founder, he consented; and when they had cut away the foremast, the mainmast stood so loose, and shook the ship so much, they were obliged to cut that away also, and make a clear deck.

傍晚将至之时,大副和水手长请求船长让他们把前桅砍掉,船长对此很不情愿。但是水手长向他抗议道:如果他不同意的话,船就会沉没。船长终于同意了。他们刚砍下前桅,主桅就摇摆失控了,船摇晃得厉害,他们只能将主桅也砍下了。这下甲板变得空荡荡的。

Any one may judge what a condition I must be in at all this, who was but a young sailor, and who had been in such a fright before at but a little. But if I can express at this distance the thoughts I had about me at that time, I was in tenfold more horror of mind upon account of my former convictions, and the having returned from them to the resolutions I had wickedly taken at first, then I was at death itself; and these, added to the terror of the storm, put me into such a condition that I can by no words describe it. But the worst was not come yet; the storm continued with such fury that the seamen themselves acknowledged they had never seen a worse. We had a good ship, but she was deep laden, and wallowed in the sea, so that the seamen every now and then cried out she would founder. It was my advantage in one respect that I did not know what they meant by FOUNDER till I inquired. However, the storm was so violent that I saw, what is not often seen, the master, the boatswain, and some others more sensible than the rest, at their prayers, and expecting every moment when the ship would go to the bottom. In the middle of the night, and under all the rest of our distresses, one of the men that had been down to see cried out we had sprung a leak; another said there was four feet water in the hold. Then all hands were called to the pump. At that word, my heart, as I thought, died within me: and I fell backwards upon the side of my bed where I sat, into the cabin. However, the men roused me, and told me that I, that was able to do nothing before, was as well able to pump as another; at which I stirred up and went to the pump, and worked very heartily. While this was doing the master, seeing some light colliers, who, not able to ride out the storm were obliged to slip and run away to sea, and would come near us, ordered to fire a gun as a signal of distress. I, who knew nothing what they meant, thought the ship had broken, or some dreadful thing happened. In a word, I was so surprised that I fell down in a swoon. As this was a time when everybody had his own life to think of, nobody minded me, or what was become of me; but another man stepped up to the pump, and thrusting me aside with his foot, let me lie, thinking I had been dead; and it was a great while before I came to myself.

谁都能想象到我在那种情况下的状态。我只是个年轻的航海新手,这之前的小风浪已经让我心惊胆战了。时至今日,如果现在来表述自己当时的想法,比起死亡,那时更让我害怕的是自己违背了过去的忏悔,于是又像起初那样在危难中下了决心,我的这种恐惧要比对死亡本身的害怕还深。这种心绪加上对风暴的恐惧,令我现在也无法用言语表达当时的状态。但是当时的情况还不是最糟的。风暴继续猛烈地刮着,水手们自己都承认他们从未见过比这更猛烈的风暴。我们的船很坚固,但是由于载重太沉而吃水很深,一直在海里摇摆,于是水手们不时地叫喊着船要沉了。在我问过他们之前,我并不知道他们说的 “沉” 是什么意思,这在某种程度上对我来说倒是好事。但是风暴太猛烈了。我看到了一般不容易看到的情况:船长、水手长和其他一些较为明智的人都在祈祷,认为船随时都会沉入海底。半夜时分,去底舱检查的人中有一个跑上来大喊 “我们的船漏水了” ,还有一个人说底舱已经积了四英尺的水了,这让我们悲惨的境遇雪上加霜。于是全体人员都被召集去抽水。听到那些话时,我感觉自己已经心死。之前我还坐在舱房里我自己的床边上,听到那些话之后,我便一下子向后倒在了床上。但是有人把我叫醒了,还说虽然以前我什么都不会做,但现在至少能去帮忙抽水。我振作起来,来到抽水机旁边,奋力地干起活来。在大家干活的时候,船长看到几只小煤船由于不能抗击风暴,被迫漂向大海。他下令在小船靠近我们的时候鸣枪求救。我不知道为什么要鸣枪,还以为船已经破了,或是某些可怕的事情发生了。总之,我惊吓过度,晕倒在抽水机旁。这时,人人只考虑如何自保,没有人来管我的死活,看看我到底是怎么了。另一个人上前抽水,一脚把我踢到旁边,任由我躺着,他应该是觉得我已经死了。过了很久我才醒过来。

We worked on; but the water increasing in the hold, it was apparent that the ship would founder; and though the storm began to abate a little, yet it was not possible she could swim till we might run into any port; so the master continued firing guns for help; and a light ship, who had rid it out just ahead of us, ventured a boat out to help us. It was with the utmost hazard the boat came near us; but it was impossible for us to get on board, or for the boat to lie near the ship's side, till at last the men rowing very heartily, and venturing their lives to save ours, our men cast them a rope over the stern with a buoy to it, and then veered it out a great length, which they, after much labour and hazard, took hold of, and we hauled them close under our stern, and got all into their boat. It was to no purpose for them or us, after we were in the boat, to think of reaching their own ship; so all agreed to let her drive, and only to pull her in towards shore as much as we could; and our master promised them, that if the boat was staved upon shore, he would make it good to their master: so partly rowing and partly driving, our boat went away to the northward, sloping towards the shore almost as far as Winter ton Ness.

我们继续抽水。但是水不断没入底舱,船明摆着就要沉了。虽然风暴开始有所减弱,但是船已经不足以撑到我们驶入任何口岸之时了。船长继续鸣枪求救。一艘小船顶着风暴漂到我们前面,放下了一只小艇来救我们。小艇冒着极大的危险向我们靠近,但是我们没办法登上小船,小船也没办法靠近我们的大船。最终,小艇上的人卖力划桨,冒着生命危险来救我们,我们从船尾向他们抛了一根带浮筒的绳子,并且拼命把绳子放长,小艇上的人冒着风险努力着,最后抓住了绳子。我们把小艇拖近我们的船尾,然后所有人都登上了小艇。我们登上小艇后,无论是他们还是我们都不可能回到他们原先的船上了。因此所有人都同意让小艇随波逐流,我们只能尽力让它向岸边漂。我们的船长向他们允诺,如果小艇在岸边触礁的话,他一定会原价赔偿给他们的船长。于是我们边划着小艇边让它随波漂流,我们的小艇向北漂去,几乎到了温特顿岬角。

We were not much more than a quarter of an hour out of our ship till we saw her sink, and then I understood for the first time what was meant by a ship foundering in the sea. I must acknowledge I had hardly eyes to look up when the seamen told me she was sinking; for from the moment that they rather put me into the boat than that I might be said to go in, my heart was, as it were, dead within me, partly with fright, partly with horror of mind, and the thoughts of what was yet before me.

离开我们的船不到一刻钟,我们就看见它沉了下去,那时我第一次理解了海上沉船的含义。我必须承认,当水手告诉我船在下沉时我根本就不敢抬头看。与其说那时是我自己爬进小艇的,不如说是他们把我弄进去的。从那一刻起我就真的心死了。一方面是被此景吓到了,另一方面是生死未卜的想法让我心中感到害怕。

While we were in this condition—the men yet labouring at the oar to bring the boat near the shore—we could see (when, our boat mounting the waves, we were able to see the shore)a great many people running along the strand to assist us when we should come near; but we made but slow way towards the shore; nor were we able to reach the shore till, being past the lighthouse at Winter ton, the shore falls off to the westward towards Cromer, and so the land broke off a little the violence of the wind. Here we got in, and though not without much difficulty, got all safe on shore, and walked afterwards on foot to Yarmouth, where, as unfortunate men, we were used with great humanity, as well by the magistrates of the town, who assigned us good quarters, as by particular merchants and owners of ships, and had money given us sufficient to carry us either to London or back to Hull as we thought fit.

虽然我们身处如此境遇,但是水手们仍卖力划桨,想把小艇划到靠近岸边的地方。我们的小艇被冲到浪尖的时候,我们已经能看到海岸了。我们还看见很多人沿着海岸奔跑,想在小艇靠岸的时候帮助我们。但是我们向海岸进发的速度太慢,无法靠近海岸。直到我们划过了温特顿灯塔,海岸由此向下凹陷,向西边的克罗默延伸开去。这样,陆地挡住了一些猛烈的风。我们在这里靠了岸,费尽周折之后所有人都安全地上了岸。之后我们步行去往雅茅斯。在那里我们这些遭难之人得到了热情的接待,市政官员、富商和船主给我们安排好住宿,还拿出了足够的钱让我们凭自己的意愿选择去伦敦或是回赫尔。

Had I now had the sense to have gone back to Hull, and have gone home, I had been happy, and my father, as in our blessed Savior's parable, had even killed the fatted calf for me; for hearing the ship I went away in was cast away in Yarmouth Roads, it was a great while before he had any assurances that I was not drowned.

如果我当时有点理智的话就应该回到赫尔,回到家中。我会幸福,父亲也会像我主耶稣的寓言里所讲的那样,宰杀肥牛来迎接我的归来。因为父母听说我所乘的船在雅茅斯锚地失事了,过了很久才知道我没有被淹死。

But my ill fate pushed me on now with obstinacy that nothing could resist; and though I had several times loud calls from my reason and my more composed judgment to go home, yet I had no power to do it. I know not what to call this, nor will I urge that it is a secret overruling decree, that hurries us on to be the instruments of our own destruction, even though it is before us, and that we rush upon it with our eyes open. Certainly, nothing but some such decreed unavoidable misery, which it was impossible for me to escape, could have pushed me forward against the calm reasoning and persuasions of my most retired thoughts, and against two such visible instructions as I had met with in my first attempt.

但是我悲惨的命运总是不可抗拒地使我不思悔改。虽然有几次,当我沉下心来认真思考之时,理智曾召唤我回家,但是我没有力量去这样做。我不知道对此应该如何相称,不得不说这是神秘而无法抗拒的天意。它使得我们自己走上绝路,即使知道前方就是毁灭的深渊,我们还是会眼睁睁地往里跳。当然了,正是这样注定无法避免的悲惨命运让我无处可逃,让我不顾沉着的理智和内心深处引退的信念,不愿从初次出海遭遇的两次仍历历在目的不幸中吸取教训。

My comrade, who had helped to harden me before, and who was the master's son, was now less forward than I. The first time he spoke to me after we were at Yarmouth, which was not till two or three days, for we were separated in the town to several quarters; I say, the first time he saw me, it appeared his tone was altered; and, looking very melancholy, and shaking his head, he asked me how I did, and telling his father who I was, and how I had come this voyage only for a trial, in order to go further abroad, his father, turning to me with a very grave and concerned tone "Young man, " says he, "you ought never to go to sea any more; you ought to take this for a plain and visible token that you are not to be a seafaring man. " "Why, sir, " said I, "will you go to sea no more? " "That is another case, " said he; "it is my calling, and therefore my duty; but as you made this voyage on trial, you see what a taste Heaven has given you of what you are to expect if you persist. Perhaps this has all befallen us on your account, like Jonah in the ship of Tarshish. Pray, " continues he, "what are you; and on what account did you go to sea? " Upon that I told him some of my story; at the end of which he burst out into a strange kind of passion: "What had I done, " says he, "that such an unhappy wretch should come into my ship? I would not set my foot in the same ship with thee again for a thousand pounds. " This indeed was, as I said, an excursion of his spirits, which were yet agitated by the sense of his loss, and was farther than he could have authority to go. However, he afterwards talked very gravely to me, exhorting me to go back to my father, and not tempt Providence to my ruin, telling me I might see a visible hand of Heaven against me. "And, young man, " said he, "depend upon it, if you do not go back, wherever you go, you will meet with nothing but disasters and disappointments, till your father's words are fulfilled upon you. "

是我的朋友,也就是船长的儿子诱导我出的海。现在他反而不如我有勇气了。在雅茅斯时我们被安排在市里几个不同的地方住宿,所以两三天后他才第一次见到我,同我交谈了起来。在这次交谈中,他的口气发生了改变。他看上去很沮丧,总是摇着头。他问我近况如何,又告诉他父亲,我这次航海只是一次体验,为的是以后远洋。他的父亲转向我,用非常严肃和关切的口气说: “年轻人,你不应该再出海了。你应该把这次的经验当作明白无误的预兆,你不适合航海。” “为什么啊,先生,” 我说, “你不再出海了吗?” “那不是一回事,” 他说, “航海是我的职业。所以它也是我的责任。虽然你把这次出航当作一种尝试,但你看,老天已经让你尝到苦头了。你的坚持是不会有好处的。也许这次灾难降临到我们身上也是因为你,就像约拿登上了他施的船一般。请问,” 他继续说道, “你是什么人?为什么要出海?” 因此我告诉了他一些自己的经历。令人惊诧的是,我讲完后他勃然大怒: “我到底做了什么坏事,竟然让你这个扫把星上了我的船?我决不再和你坐一条船,就算给我一千英镑,我也决不答应。” 在我看来,他发脾气是因为性情狂躁,而沉船的损失又让他愈加恼怒。他的行为很过分,其实他根本没权力这么指责我。但是之后他跟我非常严肃地谈了一番。他劝诫我回到父亲身边,不要惹怒老天而招致毁灭。他说我应该看到老天对我的反对。 “还有,年轻人,” 他说, “你要相信我的话,如果你不回家,不论你到哪里都只会遇到灾祸,只会失望,直到你父亲的话在你身上得到验证。”

We parted soon after; for I made him little answer, and I saw him no more; which way he went I knew not. As for me, having some money in my pocket, I traveled to London by land; and there, as well as on the road, had many struggles with myself what course of life I should take, and whether I should go home or to sea.

很快我们就分道扬镳了,因为我没有回复他。以后我也没有再见过他,他后来去哪里了,我一点儿也不知道。说到我自己,我口袋里有些钱,于是从陆路去了伦敦。不论是在路上还是在伦敦,我都在和自己作斗争。我不清楚我应该选哪条路,不清楚我是该回家还是该出海。

As to going home, shame opposed the best motions that offered to my thoughts, and it immediately occurred to me how I should be laughed at among the neighbours, and should be ashamed to see, not my father and mother only, but even everybody else; from whence I have since often observed, how incongruous and irrational the common temper of mankind is, especially of youth, to that reason which ought to guide them in such cases—viz. that they are not ashamed to sin, and yet are ashamed to repent; not ashamed of the action for which they ought justly to be esteemed fools, but are ashamed of the returning, which only can make them be esteemed wise men.

回家本是最好的选择,可羞愧感让我放弃了这个正确的想法。我马上就想到邻居们会如何嘲笑我。我将不仅仅羞于见到父母,还将羞于见到所有人。我后来常常想到这件事,常人的脾性是多么自相矛盾而愚蠢不堪啊,年轻人尤其是这样。在这种情况下,他们本应该听理智的教导。他们不觉得犯罪有什么可耻,却觉得悔罪才可耻;不觉得做傻事有什么可耻,反而觉得改正过错才可耻。其实只有改正过错才能使他们成为受人尊敬的智者。

In this state of life, however, I remained some time, uncertain what measures to take, and what course of life to lead. An irresistible reluctance continued to going home; and as I stayed away a while, the remembrance of the distress I had been in wore off, and as that abated, the little motion I had in my desires to return wore off with it, till at last I quite laid aside the thoughts of it, and looked out for a voyage.

然而,我在这样的状态里生活了一段时间,不知道该采取什么行动,该去过什么样的生活。不过,我对回家这一念头却保持着难以抑制的反感。就这样,我在外面过了一段时间,那些关于灾难的记忆变得模糊了。随着我对它的逐渐忘却,我所犹豫动摇的回家的想法也淡去了,终于我把这个念头抛到了一边。我又开始向往起出海了。

CHAPTER II Slavery and Escape KDsAaYfuBZzuTvWZf/ZyyHZqhekspWA8aAFiVsbK8XykqSNEsYoHfTMsYOFGzkAR

点击中间区域
呼出菜单
上一章
目录
下一章
×