Her thus turning her back on me was fortunately not, for my just preoccupations, a snub that could check the growth of our mutual esteem.
然后她转身就走了,幸运的是,尽管我刚才有些偏见,却不会影响其检验我们之间相互增进的真诚。
We met, after I had brought home little Miles, more intimately than ever on the ground of my stupefaction, my general emotion: so monstrous was I then ready to pronounce it that such a child as had now been revealed to me should be under an interdict.
我把小迈尔斯带回家后,我们又碰到了,在我的麻木状态下,我们比以往更加亲密了,我主要的感觉是:我能马上做出判断,这个孩子让我觉得特别怪异,他应该被隔绝起来。
I was a little late on the scene, and I felt, as he stood wistfully looking out for me before the door of the inn at which the coach had put him down, that I had seen him, on the instant, without and within, in the great glow of freshness, the same positive fragrance of purity, in which I had, from the first moment, seen his little sister. He was incredibly beautiful, and Mrs. Grose had put her finger on it: everything but a sort of passion of tenderness for him was swept away by his presence. What I then and there took him to my heart for was something divine that I have never found to the same degree in any child—his indescribable little air of knowing nothing in the world but love.
我到那里的时候有点迟了,马车把他放在一个小旅馆门前,他就站在那里充满渴望地张望着找我,我立刻感到曾见过他,他身上由内至外散发着蓬勃朝气,还有第一次见他小妹妹时一样纯洁的积极气息。他俊俏得令人难以置信,格罗斯太太曾说过,他的外表掩盖了所有的品质,只留下一种令人顿生怜爱之心的气质。当时,深深打动我内心的是,在他身上没有一种气息,就是只知道爱而不谙世事的特点,这确实不可思议,我从未在其他任何一个和他同龄的孩子身上发现这种神圣的品质。
It would have been impossible to carry a bad name with a greater sweetness of innocence, and by the time I had got back to Bly with him I remained merely bewildered—so far, that is, as I was not outraged—by the sense of the horrible letter locked up in my room, in a drawer.
真是不太可能把一个坏孩子的名声与这么一个纯洁乖巧的孩子联系在一起。在我和他一起回到布莱的时候,我仍然只是对那封一直锁在我抽屉里的可怕的信感到困惑,但是我并不生气。
As soon as I could compass a private word with Mrs. Grose I declared to her that it was grotesque. She promptly understood me. "You mean the cruel charge—?”
只要一有机会,我就和格罗斯太太私下交谈,跟她提起这一怪事。她立即明白了我的意思: “你指的是那残酷的指责?”
"It doesn't live an instant. My dear woman, LOOK at him!” She smiled at my pretention to have discovered his charm.
“这指责经不住考验。亲爱的女士,瞧瞧他!” 她因为我发现了迈尔斯的魅力而朝我微笑着。
"I assure you, miss, I do nothing else! What will you say, then? " she immediately added.
“我保证,小姐,我其他什么也没做!那你会说些什么呢?” 她马上补充说。
"In answer to the letter? " I had made up my mind. "Nothing. "
“关于如何回复那封信吗?” 我已决定了, “什么都不说。”
"And to his uncle? "
“对他叔叔呢?”
I was incisive. "Nothing. "
我敏锐地说: “什么也不说。”
"And to the boy himself? "
“那对这个小男孩呢?”
I was wonderful. "Nothing. " She gave with her apron a great wipe to her mouth. "Then I'll stand by you. We'll see it out.”
我有点奇怪: “什么也不提。” 她用围裙使劲地擦了下嘴。 “那么我会支持你。我们等着瞧吧。”
"We'll see it out!” I ardently echoed, giving her my hand to make it a vow. She held me there a moment, then whisked up her apron again with her detached hand. " Would you mind, miss, if I used the freedom—” "To kiss me? No! " I took the good creature in my arms and, after we had embraced like sisters, felt still more fortified and indignant.
“我们等着瞧吧!” 我热切地附和着,把手递给她握手发誓。她握了一会儿我的手便松开了,然后又突然用她松开的手把围裙撩了起来: “你是否介意,小姐,如果我——” “亲吻我?不要!” 我把这个可爱的女人拥入怀里,在我们如同姐妹般拥抱之后,我觉得我们的关系加强了,对学校的做法更气愤了。
This, at all events, was for the time: a time so full that, as I recall the way it went, it reminds me of all the art I now need to make it a little distinct. What I look back at with amazement is the situation I accepted.
这些,不管怎样,要靠时间来证明。而这段时间是一段充实的日子,现在回忆起来,我得费尽力气才能说得清楚一些。现在回过头来想想,令我吃惊的是,那种情形我竟接受了。
I had undertaken, with my companion, to see it out, and I was under a charm, apparently, that could smooth away the extent and the far and difficult connections of such an effort.
我和我的同伴格罗斯太太着手要搞清楚这件事,一种克服一切艰难险阻的魔力驱使着我这样做。
I was lifted aloft on a great wave of infatuation and pity.
我被迷恋和同情汹涌的波涛冲得飘飘然。
I found it simple, in my ignorance, my confusion, and perhaps my conceit, to assume that I could deal with a boy whose education for the world was all on the point of beginning.
在我的无知、困惑或可能是自负下,我发现应对一个刚刚开始认识世界的孩子是如此简单。
I am unable even to remember at this day what proposal I framed for the end of his holidays and the resumption of his studies.
我现在甚至记不得在他假期结束后,我制定了什么规划,如何恢复他的学习。
Lessons with me, indeed, that charming summer, we all had a theory that he was to have; but I now feel that, for weeks, the lessons must have been rather my own. I learned something—at first, certainly—that had not been one of the teachings of my small, smothered life; learned to be amused, and even amusing, and not to think for the morrow. It was the first time, in a manner, that I had known space and air and freedom, all the music of summer and all the mystery of nature.
的确,在那个难忘的夏天,我们都认为他跟着我学了很多课程,但我现在觉得,那几周下来,我自己学到了更多的东西。最初,我学到了一些东西,当然,都是我以前狭小而又令人窒息的生活中所无法学到的。我学会了开心和幽默,而不去想第二天会怎样。在某种程度上,这是我生平第一次懂得空间、清新的空气和自由的生活,还有夏日里所有的音乐、以及大自然的所有奥妙。
And then there was consideration—and consideration was sweet.
我当时还是心有顾虑,但顾虑都是甜美的。
Oh, it was a trap—not designed, but deep—to my imagination, to my delicacy, perhaps to my vanity; to whatever, in me, was most excitable. The best way to picture it all is to say that I was off my guard. They gave me so little trouble—they were of a gentleness so extraordinary. I used to speculate—but even this with a dim disconnectedness—as to how the rough future (for all futures are rough! )would handle them and might bruise them.
哦,这是一个陷阱——不是预先设计好的,却又很深——是对我的想象、我的细致,也许是我的虚荣的一个陷阱,不管是什么,我的内心都非常激动。用一句话最准确地描述这种情景,那就是我放松了警戒。他们很少给我惹麻烦——他们是如此乖巧。我常推想他们将来会遇到怎样的困难和挫折的历练(因为所有人的未来都是艰难的)——尽管这些跟目前没有什么关联。
They had the bloom of health and happiness; and yet, as if I had been in charge of a pair of little grandees, of princes of the blood, for whom everything, to be right, would have to be enclosed and protected, the only form that, in my fancy, the afteryears could take for them was that of a romantic, a really royal extension of the garden and the park.
他们健康幸福地成长着,就好像我一直在照顾一对皇族子弟,对于他们来说,按照常理,所有的事都应该与世隔绝并受到保护。在我的臆想中,他们今后生活的唯一形式就是享受浪漫,过着真正皇家般无忧和快乐的生活。
It may be, of course, above all, that what suddenly broke into this gives the previous time a charm of stillness—that hush in which something gathers or crouches.
当然,如此珍贵的平静时光下可能隐藏、聚积着什么,然后突然爆发出来。
The change was actually like the spring of a beast.
这个变化就像猛兽要觉醒似的。
In the first weeks the days were long; they often, at their finest, gave me what I used to call my own hour, the hour when, for my pupils, teatime and bedtime having come and gone, I had, before my final retirement, a small interval alone. Much as I liked my companions, this hour was the thing in the day I liked most; and I liked it best of all when, as the light faded—or rather, I should say, the day lingered and the last calls of the last birds sounded, in a flushed sky, from the old trees—I could take a turn into the grounds and enjoy, almost with a sense of property that amused and flattered me, the beauty and dignity of the place. It was a pleasure at these moments to feel myself tranquil and justified; doubtless, perhaps, also to reflect that by my discretion, my quiet good sense and general high propriety, I was giving pleasure—if he ever thought of it! —To the person to whose pressure I had responded.
刚开始的几周白天比较长,他们经常慷慨地给予我所谓的自由支配的时间,就是我的学生喝茶、就寝的时间,在真正的休息之前,那短暂的间隔就是我的时间。就像我喜欢我的学生们一样,这段时间是一天中我最喜欢的。而且我还最喜欢在天色渐暗,或者夕阳西下、最后几只鸟鸣啼归巢的时候,在红彤彤的天空下,绕过一片老树,来到野外散步,用一种为我独有的快乐和满足,享受这里的美丽与高贵。毫无疑问,在这样的时刻,能够感受自己内心的宁静和平和,真是一种乐趣;抑或回想着,通过我的细心、理智和大方得体的行为,我也许正向和我承受同样压力的人传播快乐——如果他也这么想的话。
What I was doing was what he had earnestly hoped and directly asked of me, and that I COULD, after all, do it proved even a greater joy than I had expected. I daresay I fancied myself, in short, a remarkable young woman took comfort in the faith that this would more publicly appear.
我正在做的,恰恰是他所真诚期望并直接向我请求的事,而且我可以做到,毕竟,它带给我的快乐比我预想的还要多。简而言之,我敢说我将自己幻想为这样一个优秀的年轻女子,她坚信一种信念会成真,来安慰自己。
Well, I needed to be remarkable to offer a front to the remarkable things that presently gave their first sign.
然而,我需要时刻关注事情发生前首先露出的端倪。
It was plump, one afternoon, in the middle of my very hour: the children were tucked away, and I had come out for my stroll.
一天下午,在我的自由时间,孩子们去吃东西了,我一个人到外面散步。
One of the thoughts that, as I don't in the least shrink now from noting, used to be with me in these wanderings was that it would be as charming as a charming story suddenly to meet someone.
有一个想法,即便我现在一点也不怕把它记录下来,但那时一直在我脑海中:当我出门散步时如果偶遇某人,一定会跟故事里说的一样浪漫。
Someone would appear there at the turn of a path and would stand before me and smile and approve. I didn't ask more than that—I only asked that he should KNOW; and the only way to be sure he knew would be to see it, and the kind light of it, in his handsome face.
那人会出现在小路的拐弯处,站在我面前,冲着我颔首微笑。我不会多问他任何问题,我只问他该知道的,而且唯一可以确信他知道的方法,就是看他俊俏的脸庞上那种亲切的光芒。
That was exactly present to me—by which I mean the face was—when, on the first of these occasions, at the end of a long June day, I stopped short on emerging from one of the plantations and coming into view of the house. What arrested me on the spot—and with a shock much greater than any vision had allowed for—was the sense that my imagination had, in a flash, turned real. He did stand there! —But high up, beyond the lawn and at the very top of the tower to which, on that first morning, little Flora had conducted me.
它真的出现了,我的意思是,在最初的那几天里,这张脸真的出现在我面前了,六月漫长的一天傍晚,我从种植园里出来,观赏房子的时候,那张脸就出现了,我突然停下了脚步。我呆立在原地,比看到任何景象都更为吃惊,我的幻想竟在一瞬间变成了现实。他的确站在那里!但他却站在草坪的另一端,那幢高高的塔顶处,第一天早上,小弗洛拉曾带我去过那里。
This tower was one of a pair—square, incongruous, crenelated structures—that were distinguished, for some reason, though I could see little difference, as the new and the old. They flanked opposite ends of the house and were probably architectural absurdities, redeemed in a measure indeed by not being wholly disengaged nor of a height too pretentious, dating, in their gingerbread antiquity, from a romantic revival that was already a respectable past.
这幢塔楼是双塔中的一个——方形、不对称的雉堞状的结构,它们是不同的,尽管我几乎看不出两幢塔楼间有什么差别,但是一新一旧还是能区分开来。它们座落在房子的两侧,几乎是建筑中的荒谬之物,不过两塔却并没有完全分离,高度也合乎常理,就还说得过去。从浪漫主义复兴时期算起,也已有其光辉的历史了。
I admired them, had fancies about them, for we could all profit in a degree, especially when they loomed through the dusk, by the grandeur of their actual battlements; yet it was not at such an elevation that the figure I had so often invoked seemed most in place.
我崇拜它们,对它们充满种种幻想,因为某种程度上,我们从中都会有所感悟,尤其在黄昏时分,若隐若现中,可以看出塔楼城垛的庄严。然而我想象中经常出现的那个人不应该出现在如此高的地方。
It produced in me, this figure, in the clear twilight, I remember, two distinct gasps of emotion, which were, sharply, the shock of my first and that of my second surprise. My second was a violent perception of the mistake of my first: the man who met my eyes was not the person I had precipitately supposed.
我记得当时,在清晰的暮色中,他给了我两种完全不同的情感的冲击,很明显,第一种是震惊,第二种是惊奇。后一种是我猛然意识到前一种感觉的错误:进入我视线的那个人并不是我原本设想的人。
There came to me thus a bewilderment of vision of which, after these years, there is no living view that I can hope to give.
因此,这个场景让我很困惑,这些年后,我甚至无法想起任何一个真实的画面。
An unknown man in a lonely place is a permitted object of fear to a young woman privately bred; and the figure that faced me was—a few more seconds assured me—as little anyone else I knew as it was the image that had been in my mind.
一个完全陌生的人在一个无人之处,对一个不谙世事的年轻女子来说,是够可怕的,而面对我的那个人——几秒过后,我确信——我完全不认识他,他不是一直在我脑海中的那个影像。
I had not seen it in Harley Street—I had not seen it anywhere.
在哈利街我没见过他——任何别的地方也没有。
The place, moreover, in the strangest way in the world, had, on the instant, and by the very fact of its appearance, become a solitude. To me at least, making my statement here with a deliberation with which I have never made it, the whole feeling of the moment returns. It was as if, while I took in—what I did take in—all the rest of the scene had been stricken with death. I can hear again, as I write, the intense hush in which the sounds of evening dropped.
而且,这个地方以世界上最怪异的方式,瞬间由于这张脸的出现而变得如此荒僻。至少对于我来说,在这里用一种我从未用过的缜密陈述来讲,那就是所有的感觉又重现了。那种感觉——我的确觉得——就好像所有其他场景刹那被死亡击中而凝滞。写到这里,我再一次听到了夜幕降临时骤然的静默。
The rooks stopped cawing in the golden sky, and the friendly hour lost, for the minute, all its voice. But there was no other change in nature, unless indeed it were a change that I saw with a stranger sharpness. The gold was still in the sky, the clearness in the air, and the man who looked at me over the battlements was as definite as a picture in a frame.
在洒满金光的天幕中,乌鸦不再聒噪,喧闹的时刻瞬间变得沉寂。但自然的景致没有怎么变化,变化的是,我清晰地看到了那个陌生人。金霞满天,空气依然清新,在城垛口看着我的那个人就像是画夹中的人一样清晰。
That's how I thought, with extraordinary quickness, of each person that he might have been and that he was not.
我在脑海中快速闪念着,他也许是抑或不是的每一个人。
We were confronted across our distance quite long enough for me to ask myself with intensity who then he was and to feel, as an effect of my inability to say, a wonder that in a few instants more became intense.
我们之间的间隔足够远,使得我不停地问自己他会是谁,而我却感到自己实在说不出来他到底是谁,这种疑虑很快变得更加强烈。
The great question, or one of these, is, afterward, I know, with regard to certain matters, the question of how long they have lasted. Well, this matter of mine, think what you will of it, lasted while I caught at a dozen possibilities, none of which made a difference for the better, that I could see, in there having been in the house—and for how long, above all? —A person of whom I was in ignorance.
一个很大的问题或者问题之一是,这种情境到底已经持续了多长时间。是啊,我所处的这种情境——想想你会想到什么——究竟持续了多久?而我想到了很多种可能性,但没有一个对解决我的问题有用。我也明白,在这房子里已经有一个这样的人,而我对其却一无所知。那是一个我一无所知的人。
It lasted while I just bridled a little with the sense that my office demanded that there should be no such ignorance and no such person.
这个问题一直萦绕着我,我用理智控制了一下自己,我的工作要求不能出现这种无知和这类的人。
It lasted while this visitant, at all events—and there was a touch of the strange freedom, as I remember, in the sign of familiarity of his wearing no hat—seemed to fix me, from his position, with just the question, just the scrutiny through the fading light, that his own presence provoked. We were too far apart to call to each other, but there was a moment at which, at shorter range, some challenge between us, breaking the hush, would have been the right result of our straight mutual stare. He was in one of the angles, the one away from the house, very erect, as it struck me, and with both hands on the ledge.
这个陌生人还是站在那里,但我当时有一种奇特的自由感觉,我清楚地记得,他没有戴帽子,穿着随便,从他所呆的地方,穿过从他身上产生的幽暗的光线,他似乎带着疑虑和思忖注视着我,这似乎治愈了我。我们隔得太远而不能彼此说话,但有一刻,稍近一点,我们之间相互较量、相互注视的眼神打破了这种沉默。使我惊奇的是,他在离房子较远的一个角度上,站得非常笔直,双手放在突起的垛口上。
So I saw him as I see the letters I form on this page; then, exactly, after a minute, as if to add to the spectacle, he slowly changed his place—passed, looking at me hard all the while, to the opposite corner of the platform. Yes, I had the sharpest sense that during this transit he never took his eyes from me, and I can see at this moment the way his hand, as he went, passed from one of the crenelations to the next. He stopped at the other corner, but less long, and even as he turned away still markedly fixed me. He turned away; that was all I knew.
现在我看到自己在书页上记下的文字,就好像见到了他。过了一会儿,确切地说,似乎为了更近地观察景致,他慢慢改换了站立的地方,一直紧紧地盯着我,走到了平台的对角处。是的,我的直觉强烈地告诉自己,在挪动地点的过程中,他的视线从未从我身上离开过,此时我还能看到他在移动的过程中,手从一个垛口移到下一个垛口的样子。他在另一个角落停了没多久,甚至在他离开时,他仍旧在注视着我。他转身离去。这就是我所知道的一切。