梦中的孩子：一场空想

Dream Children a Reverie

CHILDREN love to listen to stories about their elders, when they were children; to stretch their imagination to the conception of a traditionary great—uncle, or grandame, whom they never saw.

小孩喜欢听长辈们孩提时代的故事，展开想象，塑造出某位耳闻却从来没见过的叔公或祖母的形象。

It was in this spirit that my little ones crept about me the other evening to hear about their great—grandmother Field, who lived in a great house in Norfolk (a hundred times bigger than that in which they and papa lived) which had been the scene—so at least it was generally believed in that part of the country—of the tragic incidents which they had lately become familiar with from the ballad of the Children in the Wood.

几天前的一个晚上，我那两个小家伙正是怀着这种心思在我身边磨蹭，要听听他们的曾祖母菲尔德的故事。曾祖母住在诺福克郡的一座大宅子里（那可比他们和爸爸住的房子要大上百倍）。那里曾是——至少那一带的人都普遍认为是——他们最近熟悉的、《林中的孩子》那首歌谣里悲惨故事的发生地。

Certain it is that the whole story of the children and their cruel uncle was to be seen fairly carved out in wood upon the chimney—piece of the great hall, the whole story down to the Robin Redbreasts, till a foolish rich Person pulled it down to set up a marble one of modern invention in its stead, with no story upon it.

本来，那两个孩子和他们残忍的叔叔的整个故事是清楚地刻在大厅壁炉的木板上的，从开头直到结尾红胸脯知更鸟的情节都有。但后来，一个愚蠢的阔佬把那块木板卸了下来，换上了一块当代发明出的大理石炉面，上面没有故事。

Here Alice put out one of her dear mother's looks, too tender to be called upbraiding.

听到这儿，艾丽斯脸上浮现出一副与她亲爱的妈妈一样的神情。那神情太过温柔，简直算不上嗔容。

Then I went on to say, how religious and how good their great—grandmother Field was, how beloved and respected by every body, though she was not indeed the mistress of this great house, but had only the charge of it (and yet in some respects she might be said to be the mistress of it too) committed to her by the owner, who preferred living in a newer and more fashionable mansion which he had purchased somewhere in the adjoining county; but still she lived in it in a manner as if it had been her own, and kept up the dignity of the great house in a sort while she lived, which afterwards came to decay, and was nearly pulled down, and all its old ornaments stripped and carried away to the owner's other house, where they were set up, and looked as awkward as if some one were to carry away the old tombs they had seen lately at the Abbey, and stick them up in Lady C. 's tawdry gilt drawing—room.

接着，我又继续讲他们的曾祖母菲尔德是多么虔诚，多么善良，受人爱戴和尊敬。她并不是那所大宅的主人，只因房主在邻郡另外购置了更新更入时的宅院，并选择迁入新居，托她看管旧居（从某种意义上说，她也可以算是房子的主人）。但是，她把那儿当成自己的家居住，在世时始终都维持着宅子的体面。后来，宅子破败了，差点儿倒塌，屋里的旧摆设都被拆卸一空，运往房主的另一所房子。它们摆放在新居里看起来很别扭，好像有人把自己最近在威斯敏斯特大教堂看到的古墓给搬了出来，硬是放到了某位贵妇金光闪闪却俗不可耐的客厅里。

Here John smiled, as much as to say, "that would be foolish indeed. " And then I told how, when she came to die, her funeral was attended by a concourse of all the poor, and some of the gentry too, of the neighbourhood for many miles round, to show their respect for her memory, because she had been such a good and religious woman; so good indeed that she knew all the Psaltery by heart, ay, and a great part of the Testament besides.

听到这里，约翰笑了，像是在说： “实在太蠢了。” 然后，我又讲述了她去世时，方圆好几英里的所有穷人和一些乡绅都来参加了她的葬礼。他们来表达对她的尊敬和哀思之情，因为她是一位如此善良而虔诚的人，可以背下所有的赞美诗，嗯，还有《圣约》的大部分内容。

Here little Alice spread her hands.

小艾丽斯听罢，摊开了双手。

Then I told what a tall, upright, graceful person their great—grandmother Field once was; and how in her youth she was esteemed the best dancer—here Alice's little right foot played an involuntary movement, till, upon my looking grave, it desisted—the best dancer, I was saying, in the county, till a cruel disease, called a cancer, came, and bowed her down with pain; but it could never bend her good spirits, or make them stoop, but they were still upright, because she was so good and religious.

我又接着说，他们的曾祖母菲尔德曾是个高挑、挺拔、优雅的人。她年轻时被大家公认为舞跳得最好的人——这时，艾丽斯的右脚不由自主地动了一下，见我一脸严肃，才停住了——刚才说到她是舞跳得最好的人。后来，她被一种叫作癌症的可怕疾病压垮了，受尽了痛苦。但是，癌症永远都压不弯也压不垮她高尚的意念。她的意念依然屹立挺拔，因为她太善良，太虔诚了。

Then I told how she was used to sleep by herself in a lone chamber of the great lone house; and how she believed that an apparition of two infants was to be seen at midnight gliding up and down the great staircase near where she slept, but she said "those innocents would do her no harm; " and how frightened I used to be, though in those days I had my maid to sleep with me, because I was never half so good or religious as she—and yet I never saw the infants.

我接着又说，以前她独自一人睡在那空荡荡的大房子里一个单独的房间内。她觉得半夜里可以看到两个婴儿的幽灵在她房间旁边那长长的楼梯上滑上滑下，但她说 “那两个单纯的孩子不会伤害她” 。但那时，虽然有女仆和我睡在一起，我还是害怕得很，因为我还不及曾祖母一半善良和虔诚——不过，我也从没见过那两个婴儿。

Here John expanded all his eye—brows and tried to look courageous.

约翰听了，便舒展眉头，想摆出勇敢的样子。

Then I told how good she was to all her grand—children, having us to the great—house in the holydays, where I in particular used to spend many hours by myself, in gazing upon the old busts of the Twelve Caesars, that had been Emperors of Rome, till the old marble heads would seem to live again, or I to be turned into marble with them; how I never could be tired with roaming about that huge mansion, with its vast empty rooms, with their worn—out hangings, fluttering tapestry, and carved oaken pannels, with the gilding almost rubbed out—sometimes in the spacious old—fashioned gardens, which I had almost to myself, unless when now and then a solitary gardening man would cross me—and how the nectarines and peaches hung upon the walls, without my ever offering to pluck them, because they were forbidden fruit, unless now and then, —and because I had more pleasure in strolling about among the old melancholy—looking yew trees, or the firs, and picking up the red berries, and the fir apples, which were good for nothing but to look at—or in lying out upon a fresh grass, with all the fine garden smells around me—or basking in the orangery, till I could fancy myself ripening too along with the oranges and the limes in that grateful warmth—or in watching the dace that darted to and fro in the fish—pond, at the bottom of the garden, with here and there a great sulky pike hanging midway down the water in silent state, as if it mocked at their impertinent friskings, —I had more pleasure in these busy—idle diversions than in all the sweet flavours of peaches, nectarines, oranges, and such like common baits of children.

然后，我又说她对孙辈很好，每逢节假日就让我们去大宅子里玩。尤其是我，常常独自一人在大宅子里花数个时辰盯着那十二座罗马凯撒大帝的古老胸像出神，直盯到那古老的大理石头像仿佛活了过来，或者我自己也变成了同它们一样的大理石像。我在那所巨大的宅子里转悠时，从不觉得累。那儿有好多空荡荡的大房间，里面有破旧的帷幔、飘动的挂毯，还有雕了花的橡木板，上面的镀金快要完全剥落了。我有时到那座古老空旷的大花园里去玩，除了偶尔会碰上个孤零零的花匠，那花园简直就是我一个人的天下——油桃和蜜桃从墙上垂下，但我从不会去摘，只偶尔破几次例，因为那是禁果。因为我更喜欢在那些散发着忧郁之气的老紫杉或枞树间徜徉，捡捡红浆果和枞果，可惜那些果子都是中看不中吃——或者便是躺在嫩草地上，满园芳香环绕周身——或是在橘园里沐浴着阳光，想象自己同那些橘子、橙子一道在这令人愉悦的暖阳之下成熟——再或者就是去花园深处的鱼池边看鲦鱼在水中窜来窜去，到处有条发怒的大梭子鱼一动不动地停在池水一半深度的地方，仿佛在嘲笑那些小鱼举止轻浮。我更喜欢这类忙中带闲的消遣，而非一般吸引孩子的蜜桃、油桃和橘子的香味。

Here John slyly deposited back upon the plate a bunch of grapes, which, not unobserved by Alice, he had meditated dividing with her, and both seemed willing to relinquish them for the present as irrelevant.

听我这么一说，约翰便悄悄把一串葡萄放回到盘子里，艾丽斯也瞧见了。约翰本打算与她分着吃，但眼下似乎不妥，所以两人都愿意暂且割爱。

Then in somewhat a more heightened tone, I told how, though their great—grandmother Field loved all her grand—children, yet in an especial manner she might be said to love their uncle, John L—because he was so handsome and spirited a youth, and a king to the rest of us; and, instead of moping about in solitary corners, like some of us, he would mount the most mettlesome horse he could get, when but an imp no bigger than themselves, and make it carry him half over the county in a morning, and join the hunters when there were any out—and yet he loved the old great house and gardens too, but had too much spirit to be always pent up within their boundaries—and how their uncle grew up to man's estate as brave as he was handsome, to the admiration of every body, but of their great—grandmother Field most especially; and how he used to carry me upon his back when I was a lame—footed boy—for he was a good bit older than me—many a mile when I could not walk pain; —and how in after life he became lame—footed too, and I did not always (I fear) make allowances enough for him when he was impatient, and in pain, nor remember sufficiently how considerate he had been to me when I was lame—footed; and how when he died, though he had not been dead an hour, it seemed as if he had died a great while ago, such a distance there is betwixt life and death; and how I bore his death as I thought pretty well at first, but afterwards it haunted me; and though I did not cry or take it to heart as some do, and as I think he would have done if I had died, yet I missed him all day long, and knew not till then how much I had love him. I missed his kindness, and I missed his crossness, and wished him to be alive again, to be quarrelling with him (for we quarreled sometimes), rather than not have him again, and was as uneasy without him, as he their poor uncle must have been when the doctor took his limb.

然后，我提高了些音调，说虽然曾祖母菲尔德对孙辈们都十分疼爱，但她尤其喜爱他们的伯父，约翰·兰——因为他是个十分帅气活泼的小伙子，对我们来说，他就是个王。他不会像我们中某些人那样徘徊在荒凉的角落里，而是会跨上他所能得到的性子最烈的马。那时，他只是个不比马大的顽童，却驱马一上午穿过半个郡。要是有猎户外出，他还会加入他们。他也很喜欢那所古老的大宅和花园，但他精力充沛，宅子的院墙关他不住。我还讲了他们的伯父长大成人，勇敢英俊，人人称羡，曾祖母菲尔德就更是欢喜得不行。那时我腿瘸，他又比我大了好多岁。我腿疼走不了路的时候，他便将我背在背上，走好几英里的路。可是后来，他自己也瘸了。他烦躁、疼痛的时候，我却没那么（我恐怕是这样）体谅他，也不太记得过去我自己腿瘸的时候，他对我是多么体贴。再后来，他过世了。虽然他才走不久，但生死两隔，他似乎已经去世很久了。起初我以为自己接受了他的故去，但后来却久久不得释怀。我并没有像别人那样痛哭伤怀（我想倘若我死了，他一定会这样），但我整日都在思念他，直到那时我才知道自己有多么爱他。我想念他的友好，想念他的暴躁，只盼他能复生，即便是与他吵嘴（有时我们也会吵架），也不要再也见不到他。失去了他，我心神不安，就像这位可怜的伯父当年被医生截去腿时的心情一样。

Here the children fell a crying, and asked if their little mourning which they had on was not for uncle John, and they looked up, and prayed me not to go on about their uncle, but to tell them, some stories about their pretty dead mother.

听到这里，孩子们大哭起来，并问我他们穿的小丧服是不是为约翰伯伯穿的。他们仰起头，请求我不要再讲这位伯父了，还是讲讲他们那已故的美丽的妈妈吧。

Then I told how for seven long years, in hope sometimes, sometimes in despair, yet persisting ever, I courted the fair Alice W—n; and, as much as children could understand, I explained to them what coyness, and difficulty, and denial meant in maidens—when suddenly, turning to Alice, the soul of the first Alice looked out at her eyes with such a reality of re—presentment, that I became in doubt which of them stood there before me, or whose that bright hair was; and while I stood gazing, both the children gradually grew fainter to my view, receding, and still receding till nothing at last but two mournful features were seen in the uttermost distance, which, without speech, strangely impressed upon me the effects of speech; "We are not of Alice, nor of thee, nor are we children at all. The children of Alice called Bartrum father. We are nothing; less than nothing, and dreams. We are only what might have been, and must wait upon the tedious shores of Lethe millions of ages before we have existence, and a nam" —and immediately awaking, I found myself quietly seated in my bachelor arm—chair, where I had fallen asleep, with the faithful Bridget unchanged by my side—but John L. (or James Elia) was gone for ever.

于是，我便讲了自己整整七年，时而满怀希望，时而深陷绝望，一直追求美丽的艾丽斯·温。然后，我又尽量用孩子能够理解的语言，向他们解释了少女的羞怯、犹豫和回绝意味着什么——这时，我转向艾丽斯，猛然发现她的双眸中流露出已故艾丽斯的眼波，活灵活现得让我都开始分不清站在我眼前的究竟是哪个艾丽斯，也辨不明那一头明亮的头发究竟是谁的。我站着凝视他们时，那两个孩子却在我眼前渐渐模糊，渐渐退后，最后只在无限茫远之处剩了两副愁容。他们没有开口，但奇怪的是，我可以听到他们在说： “我们不是艾丽斯的孩子，也不是你的，我们根本就不是孩子。艾丽斯的孩子是管巴特姆叫爸爸的。我们是虚无，甚至连虚无都算不上，不过是场梦而已。我们只是某种可能，必须在忘川河畔苦苦等待百万年方能转世成人，有姓有名。” 这时，我猛然惊醒，发现自己安安静静地坐在我的单身汉扶手椅上，刚才就是这样睡着的。忠诚的布丽奇特仍然陪在我的身边——但约翰·兰（或詹姆斯·伊莱亚）却永远消失了。