If life were like a computer

假如生活是一台电脑

You are too late

on a bus a man discovered a pickpocket's hand thrust into his pocket.

“sorry，”he said to the pickpocket，“you are too late. My wife did it before you.”

你太晚了

在公共汽车上，有个人发现小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里。

“对不起，”他对小偷说，“你太晚了，我妻子在你之前就做过同样的事情了。”

★★★★★★

It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner，“What is your offense？”

“I did my Christmas shopping early this year，”cried the prisoner.

“There's nothing wrong with that，”said the Judge.“How early were you doing this shopping？”

“Before the store opened，”answered the prisoner.

圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦地问犯人：“你做了什么坏事啊？”

“我今年圣诞节购物早了些。”犯人回答。

“这么做没错啊”，法官说：“到底多早之前啊？”

“商店开门之前。”犯人答道。

★★★★★★

Problem with gas

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says，“Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent.As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office.You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent.”The doctor says，“I see.Here's a prescription.Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week.”The next week the lady goes back.“Doctor，”she says，“I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts……although still silent……stink terribly.”The doctor says,“Good!Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing.”

放屁的问题

有位小老太太去看医生，她对医生说：“医生，我有爱放屁的毛病。其实也不是大问题，因为我放屁不臭而且没声音。事实上，自从我进了你办公室后，已经放了至少20个屁了，但是你并不知道对吧，因为我的屁不臭，而且还没声音。”医生说：“好的，我明白了。吃这个药片，一天三次连续吃七天，下星期你再来。”一个星期后，老太太来了，“医生，你到底给的我什么药，现在我放屁还是没声音，但是怎么这么臭！”医生说：“太好了！既然你的嗅觉正常了，我们开始治听觉吧。”

★★★★★★

If life were like a computer

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.You could click on“find”（Ctrl, F）to recover your lost remote control and car keys.To get your daily exercise, just click on“run”！If you mess up your life, you could always press“Ctrl, Alt, Delete”and start all over！

假如生活是一台电脑

你可以通过控制面板增加或者删除一些人；可以把孩子放进回收站，然后在你喜欢的时候再还原；可以通过调整显示器的设置让外表更好看；可以在吵闹的时候关掉音箱；可以点击“搜索”找到丢失了的遥控器和车钥匙；锻炼身体的时候，点击“运行”。要是你的生活一团糟，同时按下“ctrl, alt, delete”键，一切就会重新开始。