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Judy Belmont
Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don't understand?
If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!
The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This article will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places! Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.
1. Positive people don't confuse quitting with letting go
Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgment to let go of negative forces in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to the phinciples which goes:
I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life;
To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones;
And to have the wisdom to know the difference!
2. Positive people don't just have a good day—they make a good day
Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.
3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past
Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong—in the past where they happened. They don't spend much time pining for the good old days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for selfflagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.
4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person
The most positive people are the most grateful people. They do not focus on the potholes of their lives. They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences. They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.
5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities
Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can't do. They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities. They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.
6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!
Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.
7. Positive people smile a lot!
When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of selfrespect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!
8. People who are positive are great communicators
They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life. They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else's blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse. They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.
9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness
One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time. Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.
10. Positive person are empowered people—they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life
Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.
How about you? How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself? If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it—if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?
你是否在等待发生什么可以改变命运的大事件，借此过上自己想要的生活，这样你才能更积极地对待生活？你是否发现自己的幸福感是有条件的，认为必须发生某些事才能让你更快乐？你是否认为自己的生活压力过大，除了“紧张”以外别无他法，而其他人都无法理解？
如果你对以上任何一个问题回答了“是”，你可能已经在消极情绪中沉溺太久！
以下是一些无论遇到何事都能保持乐观的小窍门。这篇文章将帮助你避免不当地寻找心理学家所说的“积极性”。来看看乐观人群必有的10个好习惯。
1. 乐观人群懂得放手与顺其自然的区别
乐观人群不会纠结于那些会给他们带来负面影响的思想、信仰，甚至是人，他们相信自己的判断，会让生活中的负面压力顺其自然。尤其是在人际关系方面，他们认可这样的原则：
对于给我的生活带来积极影响的人，我会尽我所能去信任他们；
对于给我带来消极影响的人，我会保持距离，或者任由他们而去；
而且，我有分辨这两种人之间不同的智慧！
2. 乐观人群不仅会享受美好的一天——还会创造美好的一天
乐观人群的字典里很少会有“等待”、“希望”、“企盼”这样的词汇。反之，他们总是用那些强而有力、积极主动的字眼，而不会用那些被动的字眼。被动性会导致人缺乏参与精神，而乐观人群会积极参与到自己的人生规划中。在艰难时期，他们会用行动来改善自己的感受，而不是仅仅盼着坏情绪消失。
3. 对于乐观人群来说，过去只停留在过去
好的和坏的回忆都应该留在原地——也就是事情发生的过去。乐观人群不会花很多时间来怀念美好 的旧时光，因为他们正忙着创造新的回忆。过去那些负面回忆不是用来让你自责不已的，也不是让你毫无意义地后悔，而是让你在后悔中吸取经验教训，然后让其成为走向更美好未来的垫脚石。
4. 乐观人群都是懂得感恩的人
最乐观的人往往也是最懂得感恩的人。他们不会揪着生活中的坎坷不放，而会用全新的感官和体验，去关注生活中每天都在等待着他们的宝藏。在他们眼中，生活就是一个充满了传奇的宝库。
5. 乐观人群不会为自己的局限所困，而会被自己的潜能所激励
乐观人群会关注自己所能做的，而不是他们所不能做的。他们不会愚钝地相信每个问题都会有完美的解决办法，他们只是确信每个问题都有许多解决办法和可能性。他们绝不会原地祈祷事情出现转机，而会毫无畏惧地尝试用新办法解决老问题。
6. 乐观人群不会让恐惧妨碍他们的生活！
乐观人群明白，那些被恐惧所束缚和牵绊的人永远无法真正活出自己的人生。他们也会保持适当的谨慎，但不会让恐惧阻止他们对新事物的尝试。他们深知，失败也是通往成功的必经之路。他们坚信，哪怕被生活中的挫折或自己犯下的错误所打倒，他们也可以重新站起来，因为他们对于自己的复原能力有着强烈的信念。
7. 乐观人群常常微笑！
如果你感到积极乐观，你也会发自内心地微笑，而且这种微笑是具有传染性的。此外，和乐观人群相处越久的人，也就越容易微笑！乐观人群能够发现生活的闪光点，而且富有幽默感，即便是拿自己开玩笑也毫不介意。他们有很强的自尊，但不会把自己太当回事儿！
8. 乐观人群十分善于交流
乐观人群明白，积极自信的交流是日常生活中与他人沟通的唯一方式。他们会避免批判性的、愤怒的交谈，也不会因为他人出言不逊就以牙还牙。相反，他们在自我表达时善于运用机智和策略。他们还充满自信，绝不会任人摆布，也不会亦步亦趋地跟着别人犯错误。
9. 乐观人群明白，你活得越长，痛苦和悲伤也会越多
对乐观人群一个最常见的误解就是，他们每时每刻都是快乐的。这简直是大错特错。任何一个头脑正常的人都不可能永远快乐。悲伤、愤怒和失望也是生命中非常重要的情绪。如果你只拥有否定和肤浅的情绪，如何能做到对他人感同身受呢？乐观人群在面对各种情绪时不会逃避，他们认为情绪上的治愈过程会让他们体验多种情感，而不仅仅是快乐这一种。一个乐观的人总是相信，黑暗的尽头必有光明。
10. 乐观人群善于掌控自己的人生——他们不会责怪他人，也不会做生活的受害者
乐观人群会向有能力且可靠的人寻求帮助和支持。他们很明确自己的基本人权，而且非常维护自己的尊严，因此不会扮演受害者的角色。乐观人群拥有积极的心态，绝不会心存怨恨。宽容有助于乐观人群抛弃愁苦，让他们的生活变得更美好。
那么，你呢？你在自己身上找到了多少积极人群的习惯呢？如果你仅仅是缺乏这10种习惯中的几条，你可能就会发现，你所期待的彩虹尽头的宝藏也不像传说中的那样。它怎么可能如你所期——如果你还继续保持一种消极的态度？
【名人语库】
Optimist: A man who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.
【 W. Winchell 】
乐观主义者：被狮子逼上了树但仍能欣赏风景的人。
【华尔特·温切尔（美国评论家、演员）】