懊恼
Regret
作者：莫泊桑
by Guy de Maupassant
萨瓦尔先生，在芒特城里被称为“萨瓦尔神父”，刚刚从床上起来。
Monsieur Saval, who was called in Mantes "Father Saval," had just risen from bed.
他在哭泣。
He was weeping.
这是一个萧条的秋季的一天，落叶纷飞。
It was a dull autumn day; the leaves were falling.
这些树叶在雨中纷纷坠落，像是一场更厚重更缓慢的雨。
They fell slowly in the rain, like a heavier and slower rain.
萨瓦尔先生情绪低落。
M. Saval was not in good spirits.
他从壁炉走到窗前，又从窗前走回壁炉。
He walked from the fireplace to the window, and from the window to the fireplace.
人生总会有暗淡的日子。
Life has its sombre days.
在他看来，自己仅仅只有一些暗淡的日子了，因为他已经六十二岁了。
It would no longer have any but sombre days for him, for he had reached the age of sixty-two.
他很孤单，过着老单身汉的生活，没有人陪伴他。
He is alone, an old bachelor, with nobody about him.
这样孤孤单单地一个人死去，没有任何人在身边陪伴，真叫人悲哀啊！
How sad it is to die alone, all alone, without any one who is devoted to you!
他深思着自己这么单调、这么空虚的人生。
He pondered over his life, so barren, so empty.
他回想起往日的生活，想起他的童年时光，他的家，以及和父母一起居住过的那所房子；想起他的大学时光，他做的那些荒唐愚蠢的事情；还想起他在巴黎学法律的那段时光，父亲的病和父亲的去世。
He recalled former days, the days of his childhood, the home, the house of his parents; his college days, his follies; the time he studied law in Paris, his father's illness, his death.
以后他就回家和他母亲一起住了。
He then returned to live with his mother.
他们平静地生活在一起，并没有渴求什么。
They lived together very quietly, and desired nothing more.
最后母亲也去世了。
At last the mother died.
人生真是悲惨啊！
How sad life is!
从那以后他就孤独地生活着，现在也要轮到他了，因为他很快也要死了。
He lived alone since then, and now, in his turn, he, too, will soon be dead.
他将消失，这将是一切的终结。
He will disappear, and that will be the end.
地球上将再也不会有保尔·萨瓦尔了。
There will be no more of Paul Saval upon the earth.
何等可怕的事！
What a frightful thing!
其他的人将继续爱着，笑着。
Other people will love, will laugh.
是的，他们依然可以快乐地活着，而他却将不再存在了！
Yes, people will go on amusing themselves, and he will no longer exist!
在死亡的永恒必然性的控制下，还有人可以笑、行乐、快乐地活着，难道不奇怪吗？
Is it not strange that people can laugh, amuse themselves, be joyful under that eternal certainty of death?
如果死亡只是可能发生的事情，那么人们可以寄希望于此；但是不然，死亡是不可避免的，就像白昼之后是黑夜一样不可避免。
If this death were only probable, one could then have hope; but no, it is inevitable, as inevitable as that night follows the day.
但是，要是他的人生是充实的该多好！
If, however, his life had been full!
要是他之前做过一些事情；要是他从前有过冒险、快乐、成功、某种形式的或其他形式的满足。
If he had done something; if he had had adventures, great pleasures, success, satisfaction of some kind or another.
然而没有，什么都没有。
But no, nothing.
他除了按时起床、吃饭、就寝以外，什么事都没有做。
He had done nothing, nothing but rise from bed, eat, at the same hours, and go to bed again.
他就这样生活到了六十二岁。
And he had gone on like that to the age of sixty-two years.
他甚至没有像其他男人一样娶过妻子。
He had not even taken unto himself a wife, as other men do.
为什么呢？
Why?
对呀，他为什么没有娶妻呢？
Yes, why was it that he had not married?
他本来可以的，因为他拥有相当可观的财产。
He might have done so, for he possessed considerable means.
难道是他缺少机会？
Had he lacked an opportunity?
可能吧！
Perhaps!
但是一个人是可以创造机会的。
But one can create opportunities.
他是一个很冷漠的人；这才是原因所在。
He was indifferent; that was all.
冷漠一直是他最大的障碍，他的缺点，他的恶习。
Indifference had been his greatest drawback, his defect, his vice.
世上不知有多少男人因为冷漠毁了自己的一生啊！
How many men wreck their lives through indifference!
起床、活动、散步、谈话、研究问题对于一些人来说是如此地困难。
It is so difficult for some natures to get out of bed, to move about, to take long walks, to speak, to study any question.
他甚至没有被人爱过。
He had not even been loved.
从来没有一个女人曾躺靠在他的胸膛，完全地热烈地爱过他。
No woman had reposed on his bosom, in a complete abandon of love.
他不知道盼望佳人的甜蜜痛苦，牵手时那种神圣的心灵感应，以及感情获得成功时的狂热兴奋。
He knew nothing of the delicious anguish of expectation, the divine vibration of a hand in yours, of the ecstasy of triumphant passion.
当两个人的双唇第一次相触的时候，当四条胳膊搂在一起，这两个人每个人都感到不可言喻的幸福，并且两个人都为对方而着迷的时候，那是一种怎样超乎人世的幸福淹没你的心田。
What superhuman happiness must overflow your heart, when lips encounter lips for the first time, when the grasp of four arms makes one being of you, a being unutterably happy, two beings infatuated with one another.
萨瓦尔先生在炉火前面坐下，脚踩在炉围上，身上披着一件长袍。
M. Saval was sitting before the fire, his feet on the fender, in his dressing gown.
确实，他的人生毁了，完全毁了。
Assuredly his life had been spoiled, completely spoiled.
然而他却也爱过。
He had, however, loved.
他曾经秘密地痛苦地冷漠地爱着一个人，就像他处理事情一贯的风格一样。
He had loved secretly, sadly, and indifferently, in a manner characteristic of him in everything.
是的，他曾经爱上了他的一个老朋友，桑德尔夫人，她是他老朋友桑德尔的妻子。
Yes, he had loved his old friend, Madame Sandres, the wife of his old companion, Sandres.
唉！要是他在她结婚之前就认识她该多好呀！
Ah! if he had known her as a young girl!
但是他遇见她的时候已经太晚了；她已经结婚了。
But he had met her too late; she was already married.
毫无疑问，他本来可以向她求爱！
Unquestionably, he would have asked her hand!
尽管如此，自从他第一天看到她后，他是怎样无时无刻地爱她啊！
How he had loved her, nevertheless, without respite, since the first day he set eyes on her!
他记起了每次与她见面的激动情感，每次和她分手的时候的悲伤情绪，还有那许多因为思念她而无眠的夜晚。
He recalled his emotion every time he saw her, his grief on leaving her, the many nights that he could not sleep, because he was thinking of her.
等到早上起来，他就比前一天晚上稍微理智一些。
On rising in the morning he was somewhat more rational than on the previous evening.
这是为什么呢？
Why?
她从前是多么漂亮、优雅，有着一头漂亮的卷发，并且总是笑容满面。
How pretty she was formerly, so dainty, with fair curly hair, and always laughing.
桑德尔不是她本应该嫁给的男人。
Sandres was not the man she should have chosen.
她现在五十二岁了。
She was now fifty-two years of age.
她看起来还是快乐的。
She seemed happy.
哎！要是她从前爱他该有多好啊；是的，要是她从前爱他！
Ah! if she had only loved him in days gone by; yes, if she had only loved him!
为什么她没有爱他，他，萨瓦尔，萨瓦尔明白他是如此爱她，是的，她，桑德尔夫人！
And why should she not have loved him, he, Saval, seeing that he loved her so much, yes, she, Madame Sandres!
要是她能猜到就好了。
If only she could have guessed.
难道她就一点也没猜到？一点也没看破？一点也没明白？
Had she not guessed anything, seen anything, comprehended anything?
她那时候是怎么想的？
What would she have thought?
倘若他那时候向她表白了，她会如何答复呢？
If he had spoken, what would she have answered?
萨瓦尔问了自己无数其他的问题。
And Saval asked himself a thousand other things.
他回顾了他的一生，极力回忆起一大堆细节。
He reviewed his whole life, seeking to recall a multitude of details.
他回忆起从前彻夜呆在桑德尔家里的情形，那时候他的妻子是那么年轻，那么迷人。
He recalled all the long evenings spent at the house of Sandres, when the latter's wife was young, and so charming.
他回忆起许多她对他说过的话，还有她说话时的语调，她意味深长的微笑。
He recalled many things that she had said to him, the intonations of her voice, the little significant smiles that meant so much.
他回忆起他们三个人每逢星期日在塞纳河畔散步和在草地上吃午餐的情景，因为那时候桑德尔在一个下属区任职。
He recalled their walks, the three of them together, along the banks of the Seine, their luncheon on the grass on Sundays, for Sandres was employed at the subprefecture.
突然那个清晰的回忆涌上了他的心头：他和她在河岸边的一片小树林里度过的某个下午。
And all at once the distinct recollection came to him of an afternoon spent with her in a little wood on the banks of the river.
那天早上，他们用篮子装好食物，就出发了。
They had set out in the morning, carrying their provisions in baskets.
那是一个明亮的春天的早上，一个令人陶醉的日子。
It was a bright spring morning, one of those days which intoxicate one.
所有的一切都是新鲜的，所有的一切都是快乐的。
Everything smells fresh, everything seems happy.
鸟叫声听起来更加愉悦，它们也更敏捷地飞着。
The voices of the birds sound more joyous, and they fly more swiftly.
他们就在柳树下面的草地上吃午餐，那个地方离河水很近，河水在太阳光下熠熠发光。
They had luncheon on the grass, under the willow trees, quite close to the water, which glittered in the sun's rays.
空气中弥漫着香气，充满了新鲜植物的气味；他们高兴地呼吸着这香气。
The air was balmy, charged with the odors of fresh vegetation; they drank it in with delight.
那天，一切都是那么美好！
How pleasant everything was on that day!
午饭后，桑德尔躺在草地上睡着了。
After lunch, Sandres went to sleep on the broad of his back.
“这是我一生中最甜美的午觉。”他醒来的时候说道。
"The best nap I had in my life," said he, when he woke up.
桑德尔夫人挽着萨瓦尔的胳膊，开始沿着河岸散步。
Madame Sandres had taken the arm of Saval, and they started to walk along the river bank.
她温柔地靠着他的胳膊。
She leaned tenderly on his arm.
她笑了，对他说：“我陶醉了，朋友，完全陶醉了。”
She laughed and said to him: "I am intoxicated, my friend, I am quite intoxicated."
他看着她，心都发抖了。
He looked at her, his heart going pit-a-pat.
他觉得自己脸色变得苍白，害怕自己可能看她的时候太过大胆，害怕自己发抖的手泄露了他对她的爱。
He felt himself grow pale, fearful that he might have looked too boldly at her, and that the trembling of his hand had revealed his passion.
她用野花和荷花扎成一个花环戴在头上，然后问他：“你看我这样漂亮吗？”
She had made a wreath of wild flowers and water-lilies, and she asked him: "Do I look pretty like that?"
他没有回答——因为他找不到回答的话，他宁愿跪下来——她突然大笑，一种生气的不满的笑声，接着说：“笨蛋，你怎么啦？
As he did not answer—for he could find nothing to say, he would have liked to go down on his knees—she burst out laughing, a sort of annoyed, displeased laugh, as she said: "Great goose, what ails you?
你好歹说句话呀。”
You might at least say something."
他几乎要哭出来了，却依然说不出一个字。
He felt like crying, but could not even yet find a word to say.
所有这些事情现在都历历在目，形象得就像那天发生的一样。
All these things came back to him now, as vividly as on the day when they took place.
为什么她对他说：“笨蛋，你怎么啦？
Why had she said this to him, "Great goose, what ails you?
你好歹说句话呀！”
You might at least say something!"
他记起她当时是多么温柔地靠着他的胳膊。
And he recalled how tenderly she had leaned on his arm.
在经过一个阴凉的树下时，他感觉到她的耳朵触碰到了他的脸颊。他却迅速将头避开，害怕她认为他太随便了。
And in passing under a shady tree he had felt her ear brushing his cheek, and he had moved his head abruptly, lest she should suppose he was too familiar.
等到他说出了一声：“我们不是该回去了吗？”她用一种异样的眼光看了看他。
When he had said to her: "Is it not time to return?" she darted a singular look at him.“
当然，”她说，“当然，”她说的时候带着一种奇特的神情。
"Certainly," she said, "certainly," regarding him at the same time in a curious manner.
他那时并没有对此认真想过，但是现在这整件事在他看起来都相当清晰了。
He had not thought of it at the time, but now the whole thing appeared to him quite plain.
“你要怎样就怎样，我的朋友。
"Just as you like, my friend.
如果你累了，我们就回去吧。”
If you are tired let us go back."
他回答道：“我现在并不累；但是桑德尔现在可能醒了。”
And he had answered: "I am not fatigued; but Sandres may be awake now."
她说：“如果你是害怕我丈夫醒了，那就是另一回事了。
And she had said: "If you are afraid of my husband's being awake, that is another thing.
那我们回去吧。”
Let us return."
在回去的路上，她一直保持沉默，不再倚靠着他的胳膊了。
On their way back she remained silent, and leaned no longer on his arm.
为什么？
Why?
那时候他从来没想过问自己“为什么”。
At that time it had never occurred to him, to ask himself "why."
现在他似乎明白了一些他那时不明白的事情。
Now he seemed to apprehend something that he had not then understood.
难道？
Could it?
萨瓦尔先生感觉到自己脸红了，于是他突然站起来，似乎年轻了三十岁，并且听到桑德尔夫人说：“我爱你。”
M. Saval felt himself blush, and he got up at a bound, as if he were thirty years younger and had heard Madame Sandres say, "I love you."
这可能吗？
Was it possible?
刚刚冒出的这种想法折磨着他。
That idea which had just entered his mind tortured him.
从前他居然没有看见，没有猜到，这可能吗？
Was it possible that he had not seen, had not guessed?
噢！如果那是真的，如果他就与这个幸福的机会失之交臂！他心想：“我一定要弄明白。
Oh! if that were true, if he had let this opportunity of happiness pass without taking advantage of it! he said to himself: "I must know.
我不能一直这样疑惑下去。
I cannot remain in this state of doubt.
我必须弄明白！”
I must know!"
他想：“我现在六十二岁，她五十八岁；我现在是可以向她询问这件事的，并且也不会冒犯到她。”
He thought: "I am sixty-two years of age, she is fifty-eight; I may ask her that now without giving offense."
于是，他出门了。
He started out.
桑德尔先生的家就在这条街的另一边，差不多就在他家对面。
The Sandres" house was situated on the other side of the street, almost directly opposite his own.
他穿过马路，走到家门口敲了敲门，矮小的女仆开了门。
He went across and knocked at the door, and a little servant opened it.
“萨瓦尔先生，您这会儿就来了！
"You here at this hour, Saval!
出什么意外了吗？”
Has some accident happened to you?"
“没有，我的孩子，”他回答，“不过你去告诉你的女主人，说我想马上和她谈谈。”
"No, my girl," he replied; "but go and tell your mistress that I want to speak to her at once."
“太太正在制过冬的梨子酱，她现在在储藏室呢。
"The fact is madame is preserving pears for the winter, and she is in the preserving room.
她还没有梳妆，您能谅解的。”
She is not dressed, you understand."
“是的，但是你去和她说，我有一件很重要的事情要和她谈。”
"Yes, but go and tell her that I wish to see her on a very important matter."
女仆走开了，萨瓦尔先生开始焦躁地大步在客厅里走来走去。
The little servant went away, and Saval began to walk, with long, nervous strides, up and down the drawing-room.
然而他一点也没有觉得尴尬。
He did not feel in the least embarrassed, however.
哈！他只是去问她一些事情，就像要向她询问菜谱一样。
Oh! he was merely going to ask her something, as he would have asked her about some cooking recipe.
他已经六十二岁了！
He was sixty-two years of age!
门开了，夫人进来了。
The door opened and madame appeared.
她现在是一个滚圆肥胖的妇人，脸颊圆鼓鼓的，并且笑声也很洪亮。
She was now a large woman, fat and round, with full cheeks and a sonorous laugh.
她走了过来，两只手伸得离身体很远，两只袖子卷着，赤裸裸的胳膊上沾满了水果汁。
She walked with her arms away from her sides and her sleeves tucked up, her bare arms all covered with fruit juice.
她焦急地问：
She asked anxiously:
“怎么了，我的朋友？
"What is the matter with you, my friend?
你没有生病吧？”
You are not ill, are you?"
“没有，亲爱的朋友；我想要来问你一件事，一件对我来说非常重要的事情，一件让我心神不宁的事情，我想要你许诺你会坦诚地回答我。”
"No, my dear friend; but I wish to ask you one thing, which to me is of the first importance, something which is torturing my heart, and I want you to promise that you will answer me frankly."
她笑着说：“我一直都很坦诚。
She laughed, "I am always frank.
说吧。”
Say on."
“好的。
"Well, then.
自从我第一天见到你，我就爱上了你。
I have loved you from the first day I ever saw you.
你有没有怀疑过这件事？”
Can you have any doubt of this?"
她带着有点像以前一样的语调笑着回答道：
She responded, laughing, with something of her former tone of voice.
“笨蛋！你怎么了？
"Great goose! what ails you?
从第一天起我就知道了！”
I knew it from the very first day!"
萨瓦尔开始发抖。
Saval began to tremble.
他吞吞吐吐地说：“你早知道？
He stammered out: "You knew it?
那么……”
Then …”
他停住了。
He stopped.
她追问：“那么什么？”
She asked: "Then?"
他回答：
He answered:
“那么——你是怎么想的呢？
"Then—what did you think?
那——那——你那时候想怎样答复我呢？”
What—what—what would you have answered?"
她突然大笑起来。
She broke into a peal of laughter.
一些果汁顺着了她的指尖滴到了地毯上。
Some of the juice ran off the tips of her fingers on to the carpet.
“什么？”
"What?"
“我？
"I?
不过你那时候也没有问过我呀。
Why, you did not ask me anything.
那时候不应该由我向你挑明啊！”
It was not for me to declare myself!"
于是他向她跟前走了一步。
He then advanced a step toward her.
“告诉我——告诉我……
"Tell me—tell me …
你可记得那天桑德尔在午饭后倒在草地上睡着了……我们两个人一起散步到河的拐弯处，在……下面。”
You remember the day when Sandres went to sleep on the grass after lunch …when we had walked together as far as the bend of the river, below ..."
他期盼着答复。
He waited, expectantly.
她停住不笑了，愣着眼睛盯住他。
She had ceased to laugh, and looked at him, straight in the eyes.
“是的，我确实记得。”
"Yes, certainly, I remember it."
他全身发抖，接着说：
He answered, trembling all over:
“既然如此——那一天——如果我肯——如果我肯——肯冒险的话——那么你会怎么办？”
"Well—that day—if I had been—if I had been—venturesome—what would you have done?"
她开始笑，只有幸福的女人才能像她这样笑，她没有什么事情好懊悔的，接着她用一种夹杂着反讽口气的声音清楚诚实地回答：
She began to laugh as only a happy woman can laugh, who has nothing to regret, and responded frankly, in a clear voice tinged with irony:
“我就会顺从于你，我的朋友。”
"I would have yielded, my friend."
随后她立即转身，又回去做梨子酱了。
She then turned on her heels and went back to her jam-making.
萨瓦尔冲到街上，十分沮丧，好像他遇到了什么大灾难似的。
Saval rushed into the street, cast down, as though he had met with some disaster.
他在雨中迈着大步走着，一直走到了河岸边，并没有想他要走到哪儿去。
He walked with giant strides through the rain, straight on, until he reached the river bank, without thinking where he was going.
然后他向右拐，沿着河岸直走。
He then turned to the right and followed the river.
他似乎受了某种本能的驱使，走了很长一段时间。
He walked a long time, as if urged on by some instinct.
他的衣服都湿透了，流着水，帽子也变了样，软得像一块破布，还像屋顶一样滴着水。
His clothes were running with water, his hat was out of shape, as soft as a rag, and dripping like a roof.
他一直走着，一直向前走着。
He walked on, straight in front of him.
最后，他来到了多年前他们吃午餐的地方，那个他一想起内心就饱受折磨的地方。
At last, he came to the place where they had lunched on that day so long ago, the recollection of which tortured his heart.
他坐在那些没有叶子的树的底下，哭泣着。
He sat down under the leafless trees, and wept.
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