The next day commenced as before, getting up and dressing by rushlight; but this morning we were obliged to dispense with the ceremony of washing; the water in the pitchers was frozen. A change had taken place in the weather the preceding evening, and a keen north-east wind, whistling through the crevices of our bedroom windows all night long, had made us shiver in our beds, and turned the contents of the ewers to ice.
第二天开始了,像之前一样,借着灯芯草蜡烛的光起床穿衣。但今天早上我们不得不免掉洗脸的仪式,因为罐里的水结冰了。昨天晚上天气变得恶劣,刺骨的东北风整晚都从床边的窗户缝里呼啸而来,我们在被窝里冻得发抖,罐里的水也结了冰。
Before the long hour and a half of prayers and Bible reading was over, I felt ready to perish with cold. Breakfast time came at last, and this morning the porridge was not burnt; the quality was eatable, the quantity small. How small my portion seemed! I wished it had been doubled.
长达一个半小时的祷告和阅读《圣经》尚未结束,我已经感觉要冻死了。终于吃早饭了。今早的粥没有烧糊,倒还能吃,但量有些少。我的那份看起来多少啊!我希望是双份的。
In the course of the day I was enrolled a member of the fourth class, and regular tasks and occupations were assigned me: hitherto, I had only been a spectator of the proceedings at Lowood; I was now to become an actor therein. At first, being little accustomed to learn by heart, the lessons appeared to me both long and difficult; the frequent change from task to task, too, bewildered me;and I was glad when, about three o'clock in the afternoon, Miss Smith put into my hands a border of muslin two yards long, together with needle, thimble, &c., and sent me to sit in a quiet corner of the schoolroom, with directions to hem the same. At that hour most of the others were sewing likewise; but one class still stood round Miss Scatcherd's chair reading, and as all was quiet, the subject of their lessons could be heard, together with the manner in which each girl acquitted herself, and the animadversions or commendations of Miss Scatcherd on the performance. It was English history: among the readers I observed my acquaintance of the verandah: at the commencement of the lesson, her place had been at the top of the class, but for some error of pronunciation, or some inattention to stops, she was suddenly sent to the very bottom. Even in that obscure position, Miss Scatcherd continued to make her an object of constant notice: she was continually addressing to her such phrases as the following:—
白天上课我被安排到了四班,还分配了定期的任务和工作。迄今为止,我在洛伍德只是一个旁观者,现在,我要成为其中一员了。一开始,我还不习惯背书,那些课文对我来说又长又难,不断变化的任务更让我眼花缭乱。下午三点钟左右,我很高兴史密斯小姐塞给我一块两码长的棉布,还有针和顶针一类的东西。她让我坐在教室一个安静的角落,照着样子缝一条滚边。那时,大部分人都在做针线,但是有一个班仍然围在斯卡查德小姐椅边读书。四周很安静,可以听清她们读书的内容和她们的表现,以及斯卡查德小姐的责骂和表扬。内容是英国历史,我注意到在走廊上认识的那个女孩子。刚上课时,她站在班级最前面,但由于发音错误和停顿疏忽,她突然被赶到了最后。即使在那么不起眼的位子,斯卡查德小姐仍一直注意她,不停地用下面的话对她说:
"Burns" (such it seems was her name: the girls here were all called by their surnames, as boys are elsewhere), "Burns, you are standing on the side of your shoe; turn your toes out immediately.""Burns, you poke your chin most unpleasantly; draw it in.""Burns, I insist on your holding your head up; I will not have you before me in that attitude," &c. &c.
“伯恩斯(这好像是她的姓,这里的女孩子都以姓相称,就像其他地方的男孩子一样)。”“伯恩斯,你把鞋子踩偏了,赶紧把脚趾伸直。”“伯恩斯,你的下巴伸得太难看,收回去。”“伯恩斯,你给我把头抬起来,我不允许你在我面前摆这种姿势。”等等。
A chapter having been read through twice, the books were closed and the girls examined. The lesson had comprised part of the reign of Charles I., and there were sundry questions about tonnage and poundage and ship money, which most of them appeared unable to answer; still, every little difficulty was solved instantly when it reached Burns: her memory seemed to have retained the substance of the whole lesson, and she was ready with answers on every point. I kept expecting that Miss Scatcherd would praise her attention; but, instead of that, she suddenly cried out—
一章读了两遍后,合上书本,老师开始提问。这课是关于查理一世统治时期的,老师问了各种各样的问题,像吨位、磅数、造船费,多数看起来都无法回答。而每次一轮到伯恩斯,所有难题便迎刃而解,她似乎把整整一课的内容都记下来了,什么问题都难不倒她。我一直期待着斯卡查德小姐会表扬她的专注,然而,她却大声喊道:
"You dirty, disagreeable girl! you have never cleaned your nails this morning!"
“你这个脏兮兮的烦人丫头!你整个早上都没洗指甲!”
Burns made no answer: I wondered at her silence. "Why," thought I, "does she not explain that she could neither clean her nails nor wash her face, as the water was frozen?"
伯恩斯没有说话,我对她的沉默感到不解。“为什么,”我想,“她为什么不解释她既没洗脸也没洗指甲是因为水都结冰了呢?”
My attention was now called off by Miss Smith desiring me to hold a skein of thread: while she was winding it, she talked to me from time to time, asking whether I had ever been at school before, whether I could mark, stitch, knit, &c.; till she dismissed me, I could not pursue my observations on Miss Scatcherd's movements. When I returned to my seat, that lady was just delivering an order of which I did not catch the import; but Burns immediately left the class, and going into the small inner room where the books were kept, returned in half a minute, carrying in her hand a bundle of twigs tied together at one end. This ominous tool she presented to Miss Scatcherd with a respectful courtesy; then she quietly, and without being told, unloosed her pinafore, and the teacher instantly and sharply inflicted on her neck a dozen strokes with the bunch of twigs. Not a tear rose to Burns' eye; and, while I paused from my sewing, because my fingers quivered at this spectacle with a sentiment of unavailing and impotent anger, not a feature of her pensive face altered its ordinary expression.
我的注意力被史密斯小姐打断,她叫我拿着一束线,她好绕成团。她还不时跟我聊天,问我以前有没有上过学,问我会不会划线、针法、编织,等等。直到她放我走,我才能继续观察斯卡查德小姐的行为。当我回到座位上时,她正在发号施令,不过我没明白是什么意思。只见伯恩斯随即离开了教室,去了一间放书的小屋,半分钟后,她抱着一捆一端系在一起的细树枝回来了。她恭恭敬敬地行了屈膝礼,把这可怕的刑具递给斯卡查德小姐。她不声不响,自觉地解开围裙,老师二话不说便用那树枝狠狠地在她脖子上抽了十几下。伯恩斯一滴眼泪都没有掉。我停下手中的活儿,因为我的手指在颤抖,我感到无能为力的悲愤,而伯恩斯忧郁的面容却跟平时一样。
"Hardened girl!"exclaimed Miss Scatcherd; "nothing can correct you of your slatternly habits: carry the rod away.”
“顽固不化!”斯卡查德小姐喊道,“什么都改不了你邋遢的毛病,把棍子拿走。”
Burns obeyed: I looked at her narrowly as she emerged from the book closet; she was just putting back her handkerchief into her pocket, and the trace of a tear glistened on her thin cheek.
伯恩斯照做了。她从藏书间回来时,我仔细看着她,她刚把手绢放进口袋,一滴泪痕在她瘦弱的脸颊上泛着光。
The play hour in the evening I thought the pleasantest fraction of the day at Lowood: the bit of bread, the draught of coffee swallowed at five o'clock had revived vitality, if it had not satisfied hunger: the long restraint of the day was slackened; the schoolroom felt warmer than in the morning—its fires being allowed to burn a little more brightly, to supply, in some measure, the place of candles, not yet introduced: the ruddy gloaming, the licensed uproar, the confusion of many voices gave one a welcome sense of liberty.
晚上的游戏时间是洛伍德一天里最快乐的时光。五点钟吃的一点面包,一口咖啡,虽然没有解决饥饿,也算让人恢复了活力。一天的紧张松弛下来,教室也比早上暖和——火烧得旺了些,这样多少代替了还没点上的蜡烛。通红的火光、放肆的喧嚣、混乱的声音,让人感受到一种欢快自由的气息。
On the evening of the day on which I had seen Miss Scatcherd flog her pupil, Burns, I wandered as usual among the forms and tables and laughing groups without a companion, yet not feeling lonely:when I passed the windows, I now and then lifted a blind, and looked out; it snowed fast, a drift was already forming against the lower panes; putting my ear close to the window, I could distinguish from the gleeful tumult within, the disconsolate moan of the wind outside.
在我看到斯卡查德抽打伯恩斯的那个晚上,我像往常一样游荡在桌凳和欢笑的人群之间,独自一人却并不感到孤独。我经过窗户时,时不时地拉起百叶窗,向外望去。外面雪花飘飘,窗玻璃下方已堆起一层。把耳朵贴近窗户,就可以分清窗内欢快的喧闹声和窗外风儿忧郁的哀怨声。
Probably, if I had lately left a good home and kind parents, this would have been the hour when I should most keenly have regretted the separation; that wind would then have saddened my heart; this obscure chaos would have disturbed my peace! As it was, I derived from both a strange excitement, and reckless and feverish, I wished the wind to howl more wildly, the gloom to deepen to darkness, and the confusion to rise to clamour.
如果我刚刚离开温暖的家和慈祥的父母,也许此刻我将为这分离而甚为懊悔。外面的风会让我黯然神伤,这嘈杂的喧闹也会打破内心的平静。而事实上,我感到莫名其妙的兴奋,狂热又不顾一切,我希望这风吹得更猛烈,阴天更加黑暗,喧嚣达至鼎沸。
Jumping over forms, and creeping under tables, I made my way to one of the fire-places; there, kneeling by the high wire fender, I found Burns, absorbed, silent, abstracted from all round her by the companionship of a book, which she read by the dim glare of the embers.
我从凳子上跳过,从桌子底下爬到炉火一边。我看到了伯恩斯,她跪在高高的铁丝网炉围边,在余火微暗的光中默默读书,远离周围的一切,忘我而出神。
"Is it still ' Rasselas '?"I asked, coming behind her.
“还是《拉塞拉斯》呀?”我在她身后问道。
"Yes," she said, "and I have just finished it."
“是的,”她说,“我刚刚读完。”
And in five minutes more she shut it up. I was glad of this. "Now," thought I, "I can perhaps get her to talk."I sat down by her on the floor.
五分钟之内,她合上了书。这正合我意。“现在,”我想,“也许我能跟她聊天了。”我挨着她坐在地板上。
"What is your name besides Burns?"
“除了伯恩斯,你还叫什么啊?”
"Helen."
“海伦。”
"Do you come a long way from here?"
“你家离这儿远吗?”
"I come from a place farther north, quite on the borders of Scotland."
“我从很北边的地方来,靠近苏格兰的边界。”
"Will you ever go back?"
“你还会回去吗?”
"I hope so; but nobody can be sure of the future."
“希望能,但未来谁也说不准。”
"You must wish to leave Lowood?"
“你一定想离开洛伍德吧?”
"No! why should I? I was sent to Lowood to get an education; and it would be of no use going away until I have attained that object."
“不!我为什么要离开呢?我是被送来接受教育的,在没有达到目的之前离开,那就没用了。”
"But that teacher, Miss Scatcherd, is so cruel to you?"
“但是,那位老师,斯卡查德小姐,对你那么残酷。”
"Cruel? Not at all! She is severe: she dislikes my faults.”
“残酷?才不是呢!她只是严厉,她不喜欢我犯错误。”
"And if I were in your place I should dislike her; I should resist her. If she struck me with that rod, I should get it from her hand; I should break it under her nose."
“如果我是你的话,我会讨厌她,反抗她。她要是抽我,我就把棍子从她手里抢过来,还要在她眼皮底下折断。”
"Probably you would do nothing of the sort: but if you did, Mr. Brocklehurst would expel you from the school; that would be a great grief to your relations. It is far better to endure patiently a smart which nobody feels but yourself, than to commit a hasty action whose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you; and besides, the Bible bids us return good for evil.”
“也许你未必会这样做。不过,如果你做了,布罗克赫斯特先生会把你从学校开除,那会让你的亲人很伤心。对于除了自己无人知晓的痛楚,最好还是忍着,否则草率的举动带来的恶果将累及亲友。而且,《圣经》也告诉我们要以德报怨。”
"But then it seems disgraceful to be flogged, and to be sent to stand in the middle of a room full of people; and you are such a great girl: I am far younger than you, and I could not bear it.”
“但是被人鞭打、在满是人的屋子中间罚站,真是太丢脸了。何况你都是大姑娘了,我比你小得多都忍受不了。”
"Yet it would be your duty to bear it, if you could not avoid it: it is weak and silly to say you CANNOT BEAR what it is your fate to be required to bear.”
“若是无法避免,忍受就是你的责任。对于命运要你承受的责任说‘我不能忍受’,是懦弱,是愚蠢。”
I heard her with wonder: I could not comprehend this doctrine of endurance; and still less could I understand or sympathise with the forbearance she expressed for her chastiser. Still I felt that Helen Burns considered things by a light invisible to my eyes. I suspected she might be right and I wrong; but I would not ponder the matter deeply; like Felix, I put it off to a more convenient season.
我不解地听着,我无法理解这种忍受的信条,更无法理解或是认同她对惩罚者的宽容。我想海伦·伯恩斯考虑事情时,有一种我看不到的洞察力。我猜也许她是对的我是错的,但我不想深究,就像费利克斯一样,先把它束之高阁,有空再去管它。
"You say you have faults, Helen: what are they? To me you seem very good.”
“你说你有缺点,海伦,是什么呀?我觉得你挺好的。”
"Then learn from me, not to judge by appearances: I am, as Miss Scatcherd said, slatternly; I seldom put, and never keep, things, in order; I am careless; I forget rules; I read when I should learn my lessons; I have no method; and sometimes I say, like you, I cannot BEAR to be subjected to systematic arrangements. This is all very provoking to Miss Scatcherd, who is naturally neat, punctual, and particular.”
“那么听我的话,不要以貌取人。就像斯卡查德小姐说的,我邋里邋遢;很少收拾东西,从不把它们摆放整齐;很粗心,记不住条令;该学习时反而看闲书;做事没条理;我有时像你一样,不能忍受井井有条的安排。这些都会惹恼斯卡查德小姐,她天生爱干净,守时又挑剔。”
"And cross and cruel," I added; but Helen Burns would not admit my addition: she kept silence.
“并且爱生气还狠心。”我补充道。但海伦·伯恩斯并不认可,她保持沉默。
"Is Miss Temple as severe to you as Miss Scatcherd?"
“坦普尔小姐对你像斯卡查德小姐那么严厉吗?”
At the utterance of Miss Temple's name, a soft smile flitted over her grave face.
一提到坦普尔小姐的名字,一丝温柔的微笑在她阴郁的脸上掠过。
"Miss Temple is full of goodness; it pains her to be severe to any one, even the worst in the school: she sees my errors, and tells me of them gently; and, if I do anything worthy of praise, she gives me my meed liberally. One strong proof of my wretchedly defective nature is, that even her expostulations, so mild, so rational, have not influence to cure me of my faults; and even her praise, though I value it most highly, cannot stimulate me to continued care and foresight.”
“坦普尔小姐心地善良,不忍心对任何人严厉,哪怕是学校最差的学生。她看到我的错误时,会温柔地告诉我。如果我做了值得表扬的事,她也会大为赞赏。我天性顽劣,最有力的证明就是,即使她的劝告如此温和有理,我还是改不了那些坏毛病。哪怕她的赞赏也无法让我保持小心谨慎,即便我很珍惜她的赞赏。”
"That is curious," said I, "it is so easy to be careful."
“这很奇怪,”我说,“小心很容易做到呀。”
"For YOU I have no doubt it is. I observed you in your class this morning, and saw you were closely attentive: your thoughts never seemed to wander while Miss Miller explained the lesson and questioned you. Now, mine continually rove away; when I should be listening to Miss Scatcherd, and collecting all she says with assiduity, often I lose the very sound of her voice; I fall into a sort of dream. Sometimes I think I am in Northumberland, and that the noises I hear round me are the bubbling of a little brook which runs through Deepden, near our house;—then, when it comes to my turn to reply, I have to be awakened; and having heard nothing of what was read for listening to the visionary brook, I have no answer ready.”
“对你来说我毫不怀疑。今天早上我观察到,你在班上全神贯注,米勒小姐解释问题和提问你时,你的思维从不四处游荡。而我总是胡思乱想,当我应该一丝不苟地听斯卡查德小姐讲课时,我常常神游四方,对她的声音充耳不闻。有时我以为自己在诺森伯兰郡,我听到我家旁边小溪的潺潺声,它流经迪普登。然后轮到我回答问题时,我才如梦初醒。因为听想象中的溪水听得入神,不知道老师读了些什么,当然答不上来。”
"Yet how well you replied this afternoon."
“但是今天下午你答得多好啊!”
"It was mere chance; the subject on which we had been reading had interested me. This afternoon, instead of dreaming of Deepden, I was wondering how a man who wished to do right could act so unjustly and unwisely as Charles the First sometimes did; and I thought what a pity it was that, with his integrity and conscientiousness, he could see no farther than the prerogatives of the crown. If he had but been able to look to a distance, and see how what they call the spirit of the age was tending! Still, I like Charles—I respect him—I pity him, poor murdered king! Yes, his enemies were the worst: they shed blood they had no right to shed. How dared they kill him!”
“那只是偶然,我刚好对我们读的那部分课感兴趣。今天下午,我没有梦到迪普登,而是思考为什么一心向善的人会做既不公正也不明智的事,就像查理一世有时那样。我觉得很遗憾,那样正直尽责的人居然为王权所困。如果他能眼光放长远些,能够明白人们所说的时代精神的大趋势该多好啊!我还是喜欢查理——我尊敬他——我替他惋惜——遭人谋杀的可怜国王!对,他的敌人才是最坏的,他们没有权利谋害他。他们怎么敢杀他!”
Helen was talking to herself now: she had forgotten I could not very well understand her—that I was ignorant, or nearly so, of the subject she discussed. I recalled her to my level.
海伦现在自言自语,她忘了我不能完全理解她的话——我对她谈论的话题差不多一无所知。我又把她扯回我的水平:
"And when Miss Temple teaches you, do your thoughts wander then?"
“坦普尔小姐给你上课时,你会走神吗?”
"No, certainly, not often; because Miss Temple has generally something to say which is newer than my own reflections; her language is singularly agreeable to me, and the information she communicates is often just what I wished to gain."
“当然不会,不常走神。因为坦普尔小姐通常会讲一些我想不到的东西,她的语言超乎寻常地与我相契合,她要传达的信息也正是我期待的。”
"Well, then, with Miss Temple you are good?"
“那么在坦普尔小姐的课上你表现很好?”
"Yes, in a passive way: I make no effort; I follow as inclination guides me. There is no merit in such goodness.”
“是,但是被动的。我并不努力,只是跟着感觉走罢了。这没什么了不起的。”
"A great deal: you are good to those who are good to you. It is all I ever desire to be. If people were always kind and obedient to those who are cruel and unjust, the wicked people would have it all their own way: they would never feel afraid, and so they would never alter, but would grow worse and worse. When we are struck at without a reason, we should strike back again very hard; I am sure we should—so hard as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again.”
“这很了不起,别人对你好,你也对他们好。这是我一直想做的。如果人们对那些既狠心又不公道的人一直友好和善、言听计从,那些恶人就会越发地肆无忌惮,不知悔改,越来越坏。当我们无故挨打时我们应该狠狠回击,我想我们应该这样做——狠狠教训那些欺负我们的人,让他们不敢再胡来。”
"You will change your mind, I hope, when you grow older: as yet you are but a little untaught girl.”
“我希望你长大后能改变这种想法,现在你还是个没受过教育的小女孩儿。”
"But I feel this, Helen; I must dislike those who, whatever I do to please them, persist in disliking me; I must resist those who punish me unjustly. It is as natural as that I should love those who show me affection, or submit to punishment when I feel it is deserved."
“但我觉得就是这样,海伦,我不喜欢那些人,即便我费尽心思讨好,他们依然不喜欢我,我就是要反抗那些无缘无故惩罚我的人。这是人之常情,就像我喜欢那些喜欢我的人,或是心甘情愿接受应有的惩罚那样。”
"Heathens and savage tribes hold that doctrine, but Christians and civilised nations disown it."
“异教徒或是荒蛮之族才主张这种信条,为基督教徒和文明之邦所不齿。”
"How? I don't understand."
“为什么?我不明白。”
"It is not violence that best overcomes hate—or vengeance that most certainly heals injury.”
“暴力并不能战胜仇恨,报复当然也不能治愈创伤。”
"What then?"
“那什么可以?”
"Read the New Testament , and observe what Christ says, and how He acts; make His word your rule, and His conduct your example.”
“读读《新约》吧,看看基督怎么说,以他的话为指导,以他的行为做榜样。”
"What does He say?"
“他都说了些什么?”
"Love your enemies; bless them that curse you; do good to them that hate you and despitefully use you."
“爱你们的敌人,祝福那些诅咒者,向恨你、刁难你的人行善。”
"Then I should love Mrs. Reed, which I cannot do; I should bless her son John, which is impossible."
“那么我应该爱里德夫人,这我做不到;为她的儿子约翰祝福,这不可能。”
In her turn, Helen Burns asked me to explain, and I proceeded forthwith to pour out, in my own way, the tale of my sufferings and resentments. Bitter and truculent when excited, I spoke as I felt, without reserve or softening.
这次轮到海伦·伯恩斯让我解释了。我立即用自己的方式倾诉起来,把我的苦难和愤恨一吐为快。我一激动就尖酸刻薄,怎么想就怎么说,毫无保留也毫不嘴软。
Helen heard me patiently to the end: I expected she would then make a remark, but she said nothing.
海伦耐心地听我说完,我原本期待她会发表议论,但她什么也没说。
"Well," I asked impatiently, "is not Mrs. Reed a hard-hearted, bad woman?”
“那么,”我不耐烦地问,“难道里德夫人不是个硬心肠的坏女人吗?”
"She has been unkind to you, no doubt; because you see, she dislikes your cast of character, as Miss Scatcherd does mine; but how minutely you remember all she has done and said to you! What a singularly deep impression her injustice seems to have made on your heart! No ill-usage so brands its record on my feelings. Would you not be happier if you tried to forget her severity, together with the passionate emotions it excited? Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs. We are, and must be, one and all, burdened with faults in this world: but the time will soon come when, I trust, we shall put them off in putting off our corruptible bodies;when debasement and sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh, and only the spark of the spirit will remain,—the impalpable principle of light and thought, pure as when it left the Creator to inspire the creature:whence it came it will return; perhaps again to be communicated to some being higher than man—perhaps to pass through gradations of glory, from the pale human soul to brighten to the seraph! Surely it will never, on the contrary, be suffered to degenerate from man to fiend? No; I cannot believe that: I hold another creed: which no one ever taught me, and which I seldom mention; but in which I delight, and to which I cling: for it extends hope to all: it makes Eternity a rest—a mighty home, not a terror and an abyss. Besides, with this creed, I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime; I can so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last: with this creed revenge never worries my heart, degradation never too deeply disgusts me, injustice never crushes me too low: I live in calm, looking to the end.”
“她对你不好,毋庸置疑,你看到了,她不喜欢你的个性,就像斯卡查德小姐不喜欢我一样。但是你竟把她的一言一行记得如此清晰!她的不公正给你的心灵刻下了如此超乎寻常的烙印!这样的虐待就不会给我的感情刻下烙印。如果你忘掉她的苛刻以及带给你的愤恨,你会不会更快乐?生命对我来说如此短暂,不能浪费在怀恨和记仇上。我们每个人都必然担负着各自的缺点,但我相信很快就会有那么一天,我们将摆脱腐朽的身体,也摆脱我们的过错。堕落和原罪会与这累赘的肉体一同离开我们,只留下灵魂的火花——光辉和思想不可捉摸的规则,就像离开造物主创造生命时那样纯洁,从哪里来就将回哪里去,也许会再传给比人类更高级的东西——或许穿越几代的光辉,从苍白的人类灵魂升华为光明的六翼天使!当然,它绝不会从人类堕落成恶魔吧?不,我不相信。我坚持另一种信念,从没有人教过我,我也很少提及,但是它让我欣慰,让我坚定,因为它能带给所有人希望,让永恒成为安息地——一个强大的归宿,而不是恐惧和深渊。并且,有了这样的信念,我能清晰地将罪犯和他的罪行区分开来,我憎恶罪行却诚心地宽恕前者。有了这样的信念,我的心不再受报复的纷扰,堕落也不会令我作呕,我不会因不公而受挫,我平静地生活,期待末日的到来。”
Helen's head, always drooping, sank a little lower as she finished this sentence. I saw by her look she wished no longer to talk to me, but rather to converse with her own thoughts. She was not allowed much time for meditation: a monitor, a great rough girl, presently came up, exclaiming in a strong Cumberland accent—
说完这些,海伦总是耷拉着的脑袋垂得更低了。我从眼神看出她不想再说了,而宁愿独自沉思。她没有太多时间冥想,一个高大粗壮的女班长随即走上来,带着浓重的坎伯兰口音大声喊道:
"Helen Burns, if you don't go and put your drawer in order, and fold up your work this minute, I'll tell Miss Scatcherd to come and look at it!"
“海伦·伯恩斯,如果你这会儿不去整理你的抽屉,收好你的活计,我就告诉斯卡查德小姐让她来看看!”
Helen sighed as her reverie fled, and getting up, obeyed the monitor without reply as without delay.
海伦叹了一声,幻梦消失,她立马遵命起身,没有回答也没有拖延。
My first quarter at Lowood seemed an age; and not the golden age either; it comprised an irksome struggle with difficulties in habituating myself to new rules and unwonted tasks. The fear of failure in these points harassed me worse than the physical hardships of my lot; though these were no trifles.
我在洛伍德的第一个季度像是一个时代,但并不是黄金时代。我要克服恼人的困难,努力让自己适应这里的新规矩和奇怪的任务。更让我身心俱疲的不是肉体折磨,而是害怕自己失败,虽然肉体折磨也并非小事。
During January, February, and part of March, the deep snows, and, after their melting, the almost impassable roads, prevented our stirring beyond the garden walls, except to go to church; but within these limits we had to pass an hour every day in the open air. Our clothing was insufficient to protect us from the severe cold: we had no boots, the snow got into our shoes and melted there: our ungloved hands became numbed and covered with chilblains, as were our feet:I remember well the distracting irritation I endured from this cause every evening, when my feet inflamed; and the torture of thrusting the swelled, raw, and stiff toes into my shoes in the morning. Then the scanty supply of food was distressing: with the keen appetites of growing children, we had scarcely sufficient to keep alive a delicate invalid. From this deficiency of nourishment resulted an abuse, which pressed hardly on the younger pupils: whenever the famished great girls had an opportunity, they would coax or menace the little ones out of their portion. Many a time I have shared between two claimants the precious morsel of brown bread distributed at tea-time; and after relinquishing to a third half the contents of my mug of coffee, I have swallowed the remainder with an accompaniment of secret tears, forced from me by the exigency of hunger.
在一月、二月以及三月的部分时间里,下了很厚的雪,积雪融化后道路几乎无法行走,除了去教堂,我们只得在花园高墙内行走。尽管有这些局限,我们每天也得在户外呆一小时。我们的衣服不够抵御严寒,也没有靴子穿,雪进到鞋子里并在那儿化掉;我们没有手套,双手冻得麻木,满是冻疮,双脚也是如此。我清楚地记得,每晚的寒冷都让我痛苦难忍,双脚冻得红肿,早上还要把肿胀、刺痛、僵硬的脚趾塞到鞋子里。食物供应不足也让人苦恼,发育中的孩子原本就食欲旺盛,而极少的食物就连虚弱的病人都养不活。食物不足让年龄较小的学生备受其苦,那些挨饿的大女孩儿们一旦有机会,便对小女孩儿威逼利诱,夺走她们的部分食物。在茶点时间,我常常要跟两个觅食者分享一小口宝贵的黑面包,再把半杯咖啡让给第三位,我吞掉剩下的一点点,饿得默默流泪。
Sundays were dreary days in that wintry season. We had to walk two miles to Brocklebridge Church, where our patron officiated. We set out cold, we arrived at church colder: during the morning service we became almost paralysed. It was too far to return to dinner, and an allowance of cold meat and bread, in the same penurious proportion observed in our ordinary meals, was served round between the services.
周日是这个寒冷的冬季中最沉闷的日子。我们必须走两英里的路到布罗克布里奇教堂,那里由我们的赞助人主持。我们出发时很冷,到了之后更冷,早上祷告时我们便几乎要瘫痪了。因为回去吃午饭太远,两次祷告间就发些冷肉和面包,跟平时吃饭的份量一样少得可怜。
At the close of the afternoon service we returned by an exposed and hilly road, where the bitter winter wind, blowing over a range of snowy summits to the north, almost flayed the skin from our faces.
下午做完祷告后,我们便踏上了回去的山路,路上无遮无拦,刺骨的寒风从雪山顶往北吹着,我们的脸几乎要被剥掉一层皮。
I can remember Miss Temple walking lightly and rapidly along our drooping line, her plaid cloak, which the frosty wind fluttered, gathered close about her, and encouraging us, by precept and example, to keep up our spirits, and march forward, as she said, "like stalwart soldiers."The other teachers, poor things, were generally themselves too much dejected to attempt the task of cheering others.
我记得坦普尔小姐跟着无精打采的队伍轻快地走着。冷风吹着她的格子斗篷,她把衣服裹得紧紧的,还用箴言和榜样鼓励我们振作,如同她说的“像坚定的士兵”一样奋勇行进。其他老师,可怜的人,自己都垂头丧气,更不用说鼓励别人了。
How we longed for the light and heat of a blazing fire when we got back! But, to the little ones at least, this was denied: each hearth in the schoolroom was immediately surrounded by a double row of great girls, and behind them the younger children crouched in groups, wrapping their starved arms in their pinafores.
我们多么向往回校后炉火的光和热啊!但是,至少对较小的孩子们来说并非如此。各个教室的火炉立即被那群大些的姑娘团团围住,小姑娘们便在她们身后缩成一团,把冻僵的胳膊裹进围裙。
A little solace came at tea-time, in the shape of a double ration of bread—a whole, instead of a half, slice—with the delicious addition of a thin scrape of butter: it was the hebdomadal treat to which we all looked forward from Sabbath to Sabbath. I generally contrived to reserve a moiety of this bounteous repast for myself; but the remainder I was invariably obliged to part with.
喝茶时有一个小小的安慰,面包是平时的两倍——是一整片而不是半片——上面还抹了一层薄薄的美味的黄油。从一个安息日到下个安息日,我们一直盼望这每周一次的待遇。我通常试图把这份大餐留下一半,但另一半每次都不得不分给别人。
The Sunday evening was spent in repeating, by heart, the Church Catechism , and the fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of St. Matthew ; and in listening to a long sermon, read by Miss Miller, whose irrepressible yawns attested her weariness. A frequent interlude of these performances was the enactment of the part of Eutychus by some half dozen of little girls, who, overpowered with sleep, would fall down, if not out of the third loft, yet off the fourth form, and be taken up half dead. The remedy was, to thrust them forward into the centre of the schoolroom, and oblige them to stand there till the sermon was finished. Sometimes their feet failed them, and they sank together in a heap; they were then propped up with the monitors' high stools.
星期日晚上都用来背诵《教义问答》和《马太福音》第五、六、七章,还要听米勒小姐朗读长长的布道文,她那止不住的哈欠将她的疲惫显露无疑。课间常有的插曲是六七个小女孩儿就像犹推古一样,困意甚浓,尽管她们不是从三楼而是从第四排椅子上摔下来,被扶起时也是半死不活了。对策就是把她们推到教室中间罚站,直到布道结束。有时她们实在站不住了,便瘫在地上缩成一团,便用班长的高凳子把她们支撑起来。
I have not yet alluded to the visits of Mr. Brocklehurst; and indeed that gentleman was from home during the greater part of the first month after my arrival; perhaps prolonging his stay with his friend the archdeacon: his absence was a relief to me. I need not say that I had my own reasons for dreading his coming: but come he did at last.
我还没有提及布罗克赫斯特先生的来访。事实上,我到这里后的第一个月,这位绅士大部分时间都不在家,也许是在他的朋友,副主教家多呆了几天,他的离开让我松了一口气。我不必说为什么害怕他的到来,但他到底还是来了。
One afternoon (I had then been three weeks at Lowood), as I was sitting with a slate in my hand, puzzling over a sum in long division, my eyes, raised in abstraction to the window, caught sight of a figure just passing: I recognised almost instinctively that gaunt outline;and when, two minutes after, all the school, teachers included, rose en masse, it was not necessary for me to look up in order to ascertain whose entrance they thus greeted. A long stride measured the schoolroom, and presently beside Miss Temple, who herself had risen, stood the same black column which had frowned on me so ominously from the hearthrug of Gateshead. I now glanced sideways at this piece of architecture. Yes, I was right: it was Mr. Brocklehurst, buttoned up in a surtout, and looking longer, narrower, and more rigid than ever.
一天下午(我到洛伍德已经三个星期了),我手里拿着一块石板,坐着思考一道长除法题,心不在焉地抬头看窗外,碰巧看到一个身影经过,我几乎本能地认出了那消瘦的轮廓。两分钟后,学生和老师全部起立,我不用抬头便知道大家在欢迎谁。他大步流星,瞬间就到了已经站起来的坦普尔小姐旁边,还是当初在盖茨黑德府的地毯上朝我蹙眉瞪眼的同一根黑柱子。我现在斜瞥了一眼这个建筑物。我是对的,正是布罗克赫斯特先生,穿着紧身大衣,扣紧纽扣,看起来比以前更长、更瘦、更僵硬了。
I had my own reasons for being dismayed at this apparition; too well I remembered the perfidious hints given by Mrs. Reed about my disposition, &c.; the promise pledged by Mr. Brocklehurst to apprise Miss Temple and the teachers of my vicious nature. All along I had been dreading the fulfilment of this promise,—I had been looking out daily for the "Coming Man," whose information respecting my past life and conversation was to brand me as a bad child for ever: now there he was.
我见到这个幽灵就沮丧,当然自有原因。我还清楚得记得里德夫人对我的品质之类的诽谤性暗示,还有布罗克赫斯特先生的许诺,说他会告知坦普尔小姐和其他老师我的邪恶本性。我一直害怕这个承诺得到兑现——我每天都因这个“要来的人”而提心吊胆,他关于我过去生活的消息和谈话将永远给我打上坏孩子的烙印,而现在他就在那里。
He stood at Miss Temple's side; he was speaking low in her ear: I did not doubt he was making disclosures of my villainy; and I watched her eye with painful anxiety, expecting every moment to see its dark orb turn on me a glance of repugnance and contempt. I listened too; and as I happened to be seated quite at the top of the room, I caught most of what he said: its import relieved me from immediate apprehension.
他站在坦普尔小姐旁边,低声耳语,毫无疑问是在揭发我的罪状。我痛苦好奇地看着她的眼睛,时刻等待她乌黑的双眸向我投来厌恶鄙视的目光。我也在听,因为我碰巧坐在教室最前面。我听到了他的大部分讲话,谈话内容消除了我眼下的顾虑。
"I suppose, Miss Temple, the thread I bought at Lowton will do; it struck me that it would be just of the quality for the calico chemises, and I sorted the needles to match. You may tell Miss Smith that I forgot to make a memorandum of the darning needles, but she shall have some papers sent in next week; and she is not, on any account, to give out more than one at a time to each pupil: if they have more, they are apt to be careless and lose them. And, O ma'am! I wish the woollen stockings were better looked to! —when I was here last, I went into the kitchen garden and examined the clothes drying on the line; there was a quantity of black hose in a very bad state of repair: from the size of the holes in them I was sure they had not been well mended from time to time.”
“坦普尔小姐,我想我在洛顿买的线还可以吧,我觉得正适合白棉布衬衣,我还买了些针来匹配。你可以告诉史密斯小姐我忘了买织补针,但下周有人会送些纸过来,她无论如何只能发给每个学生一张纸,她们一有多余的便会粗心弄丢的。还有,哦,小姐!我希望羊毛袜都能爱惜些!上次在这儿的时候,我到菜园里看了看挂在绳上的衣服,很多黑色长袜都得补了。从洞的大小看,我确定这些袜子每回都没有好好补过。”
He paused.
他停顿了一下。
"Your directions shall be attended to, sir," said Miss Temple.
“我会按指示做的,先生。”坦普尔小姐回答道。
"And, ma'am," he continued, "the laundress tells me some of the girls have two clean tuckers in the week: it is too much; the rules limit them to one.”
“还有,小姐,”他继续说道,“洗衣女工告诉我有些女孩子每周用两块儿干净的领布,这太多了,按规定只能用一块儿。”
"I think I can explain that circumstance, sir. Agnes and Catherine Johnstone were invited to take tea with some friends at Lowton last Thursday, and I gave them leave to put on clean tuckers for the occasion."
“我想我能解释一下,先生。阿格尼丝和凯瑟琳·约翰斯通上周四受朋友邀请去洛顿喝茶,我允许她们在这种场合穿上干净的领布。”
Mr. Brocklehurst nodded.
布罗克赫斯特先生点点头:
"Well, for once it may pass; but please not to let the circumstance occur too often. And there is another thing which surprised me; I find, in settling accounts with the housekeeper, that a lunch, consisting of bread and cheese, has twice been served out to the girls during the past fortnight. How is this? I looked over the regulations, and I find no such meal as lunch mentioned. Who introduced this innovation? and by what authority?"
“好的,一次也就算了,但请不要让这种事经常发生。还有一件事让我震惊。我在跟管家对账时发现,过去两周给姑娘们供应了两次有面包和奶酪的便餐。这是怎么回事?我查了校规,没有发现提及类似的便餐。这是谁发明的?又是受了谁的吩咐?”
"I must be responsible for the circumstance, sir," replied Miss Temple: "the breakfast was so ill prepared that the pupils could not possibly eat it; and I dared not allow them to remain fasting till dinner-time.”
“先生,我要对这件事负责。”坦普尔小姐回答道,“那天早餐实在太糟了,学生们都吃不下,我不敢让她们一直饿到午饭时间。”
"Madam, allow me an instant. You are aware that my plan in bringing up these girls is, not to accustom them to habits of luxury and indulgence, but to render them hardy, patient, self-denying. Should any little accidental disappointment of the appetite occur, such as the spoiling of a meal, the under or the over dressing of a dish, the incident ought not to be neutralised by replacing with something more delicate the comfort lost, thus pampering the body and obviating the aim of this institution;it ought to be improved to the spiritual edification of the pupils, by encouraging them to evince fortitude under temporary privation. A brief address on those occasions would not be mistimed, wherein a judicious instructor would take the opportunity of referring to the sufferings of the primitive Christians; to the torments of martyrs;to the exhortations of our blessed Lord Himself, calling upon His disciples to take up their cross and follow Him; to His warnings that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God; to His divine consolations, "If ye suffer hunger or thirst for My sake, happy are ye."Oh, madam, when you put bread and cheese, instead of burnt porridge, into these children's mouths, you may indeed feed their vile bodies, but you little think how you starve their immortal souls!"
“小姐,请允许我说几句。你明白我培养这些女孩子的打算,不是让她们养成奢侈放纵的习惯,而是让她们学会吃苦耐劳、坚韧不拔和自我克制。如果发生任何败坏食欲的小意外,比如一顿糟糕的早饭,一盘菜放少或是放多了佐料,绝不应该用更好吃的东西来代替失去的享受,这样是在娇惯她们,也违背了学校的宗旨。应该从精神上对学生进行教诲,鼓励她们在暂时的贫困面前表现出勇气。这时正应该来个简短的讲话,一个明智的教师应抓住机会向她们讲述早期基督徒的苦难,还有殉道者所受的折磨。还有我们万福之主的劝诫,召唤他的门徒拿起十字架跟随着他;讲讲上帝的警示,人活着不是单靠食物,乃是靠上帝口里所说出的一切话;还有他神圣的宽慰,‘饥渴慕义的人有福了。’噢,小姐,当你把面包和奶酪代替烧糊的粥送进这些孩子口中时,也许你的确喂饱了他们堕落的肉体,但没想到你却让她们不朽的灵魂挨饿!”
Mr. Brocklehurst again paused—perhaps overcome by his feelings. Miss Temple had looked down when he first began to speak to her; but she now gazed straight before her, and her face, naturally pale as marble, appeared to be assuming also the coldness and fixity of that material; especially her mouth, closed as if it would have required a sculptor's chisel to open it, and her brow settled gradually into petrified severity.
布罗克赫斯特先生又停了下来——大概情绪太过激动。他第一次开口时坦普尔小姐低下头,但是现在她直视前方,她那天生就像大理石一样苍白的脸,看起来也像大理石那样冰冷坚定。尤其是她那紧闭的嘴唇,好像只有雕刻家的凿子才能撬开,她的眉毛逐渐变得呆板严肃。
Meantime, Mr. Brocklehurst, standing on the hearth with his hands behind his back, majestically surveyed the whole school. Suddenly his eye gave a blink, as if it had met something that either dazzled or shocked its pupil; turning, he said in more rapid accents than he had hitherto used—
同时,布罗克赫斯特先生倒背着手站在火炉边,威严地审视着全体学生。突然他的眼睛一眨,好像是碰到了眩目刺眼的东西,转过头,他用比刚才更快的语速说道:
"Miss Temple, Miss Temple, what—WHAT is that girl with curled hair? Red hair, ma'am, curled—curled all over?”
“坦普尔小姐,坦普尔小姐,那个——那个卷发的女孩子是谁?红头发,小姐,卷发——满头的卷发?”
And extending his cane he pointed to the awful object, his hand shaking as he did so.
他伸出手杖指着那可怕的东西,同时手也在哆嗦。
"It is Julia Severn," replied Miss Temple, very quietly.
“那是朱莉娅·塞弗恩。”坦普尔小姐平静地回答道。
"Julia Severn, ma'am! And why has she, or any other, curled hair? Why, in defiance of every precept and principle of this house, does she conform to the world so openly—here in an evangelical, charitable establishment—as to wear her hair one mass of curls?”
“朱莉娅·塞弗恩,小姐!为什么她,或者还有别人,留着卷发?她怎能无视本校的所有训诫和原则,公开媚俗——在这个新教会的慈善学校——留着一头卷发?”
"Julia's hair curls naturally," returned Miss Temple, still more quietly.
“朱莉娅的头发是自然卷。”坦普尔小姐更加平静地回答道。
"Naturally! Yes, but we are not to conform to nature; I wish these girls to be the children of Grace: and why that abundance? I have again and again intimated that I desire the hair to be arranged closely, modestly, plainly. Miss Temple, that girl's hair must be cut off entirely; I will send a barber tomorrow: and I see others who have far too much of the excrescence—that tall girl, tell her to turn round. Tell all the first form to rise up and direct their faces to the wall.”
“自然卷!对,但我们不能向自然妥协,我希望这些女孩子能成为上帝慈悲的孩子,还有为什么留那么多头发?我已经反复说过,我希望头发收拾得服帖、谨慎、朴实。坦普尔小姐,那个女孩子的头发必须统统剪掉,我明天会派位理发师来。我看其他人也有太多累赘——那个高个子女生,让她转过来。告诉一班学生全体起立,面朝墙站着。”
Miss Temple passed her handkerchief over her lips, as if to smooth away the involuntary smile that curled them; she gave the order, however, and when the first class could take in what was required of them, they obeyed. Leaning a little back on my bench, I could see the looks and grimaces with which they commented on this manoeuvre: it was a pity Mr. Brocklehurst could not see them too; he would perhaps have felt that, whatever he might do with the outside of the cup and platter, the inside was further beyond his interference than he imagined.
坦普尔小姐用手帕捂着嘴,好像要抚平嘴边不自觉的笑容,然而她还是下了命令,一班听明白后马上服从。我稍微往凳子后面靠一点,可以看到她们对此举的眼神和鬼脸,可惜布罗克赫斯特先生看不到。否则也许他能感觉到,无论他在外表上对孩子们做了什么,他却无法干涉她们的内心世界。
He scrutinised the reverse of these living medals some five minutes, then pronounced sentence. These words fell like the knell of doom—
他盯着她们转过去,约莫五分钟后,他宣布判决。这些话就像丧钟一样:
"All those topknots must be cut off."
“所有的顶髻都要剪掉。”
Miss Temple seemed to remonstrate.
坦普尔小姐好像要抗议。
"Madam," he pursued, "I have a Master to serve whose kingdom is not of this world: my mission is to mortify in these girls the lusts of the flesh; to teach them to clothe themselves with shame-facedness and sobriety, not with braided hair and costly apparel;and each of the young persons before us has a string of hair twisted in plaits which vanity itself might have woven; these, I repeat, must be cut off; think of the time wasted, of—”
“小姐,”他继续道,“我要效忠于不在这个尘世的主。我的使命就是克制这些女孩子的肉欲,教会她们要穿着得体,懂得廉耻,不能扎辫子或是穿着奢侈。我们面前的每个年轻人都出于虚荣把头发扎成辫子。这些,我再说一遍,必须剪掉,想想因此而浪费的时间,想想——”
Mr. Brocklehurst was here interrupted: three other visitors, ladies, now entered the room. They ought to have come a little sooner to have heard his lecture on dress, for they were splendidly attired in velvet, silk, and furs. The two younger of the trio (fine girls of sixteen and seventeen) had grey beaver hats, then in fashion, shaded with ostrich plumes, and from under the brim of this graceful headdress fell a profusion of light tresses, elaborately curled; the elder lady was enveloped in a costly velvet shawl, trimmed with ermine, and she wore a false front of French curls.
这时,布罗克赫斯特先生被打断了,另外三位来访者走进教室,三位女士。她们应该早点来听他关于穿着的演讲,因为她们都穿着华丽,身着天鹅绒、丝绸和皮草。三人中较年轻的两个(十六七岁左右的漂亮女孩子)戴着当时流行的灰色獭皮帽,还盖有鸵鸟头饰,这优雅的头饰边缘垂下精致烫卷的长发。年龄较长的女士裹着一件价格不菲的天鹅绒披肩,并装饰着貂皮,额前留着一排法式刘海。
These ladies were deferentially received by Miss Temple, as Mrs. and the Misses Brocklehurst, and conducted to seats of honour at the top of the room. It seems they had come in the carriage with their reverend relative, and had been conducting a rummaging scrutiny of the room upstairs, while he transacted business with the housekeeper, questioned the laundress, and lectured the superintendent. They now proceeded to address divers remarks and reproofs to Miss Smith, who was charged with the care of the linen and the inspection of the dormitories: but I had no time to listen to what they said; other matters called off and enchanted my attention.
这些女士们受到坦普尔小姐毕恭毕敬的接待,是布罗克赫斯特夫人及小姐,她们被带到教室一头的上座。看样子她们是跟这位可敬的亲属一起坐马车来的,他跟管家对账、质问洗衣女工、教训校长时,她们仔细检查了楼上的房间。她们现在又开始对史密斯小姐进行各种评论和责备,她负责衣被和检查宿舍,但我已经没有时间听她们的话了,其他一些事吸引了我的注意力。
Hitherto, while gathering up the discourse of Mr. Brocklehurst and Miss Temple, I had not, at the same time, neglected precautions to secure my personal safety; which I thought would be effected, if I could only elude observation. To this end, I had sat well back on the form, and while seeming to be busy with my sum, had held my slate in such a manner as to conceal my face:I might have escaped notice, had not my treacherous slate somehow happened to slip from my hand, and falling with an obtrusive crash, directly drawn every eye upon me; I knew it was all over now, and, as I stooped to pick up the two fragments of slate, I rallied my forces for the worst. It came.
到目前为止,我一边集中精力听布罗克赫斯特先生与坦普尔小姐的谈话,同时也不能不对我的安全加以留意,我想只要能躲开他的眼神就不会有危险。为此目的,我尽量往后坐,用石板挡着脸,看起来像是埋头算题。本来我可以逃过一劫,却没想到不可靠的石板从我手中滑落,咣地一声摔碎在地上,全班人的眼睛都立马看了过来。我知道一切都完了,蹲下去将两块碎片捡起来,做好了最坏的准备。它来了。
"A careless girl!" said Mr. Brocklehurst, and immediately after—"It is the new pupil, I perceive."And before I could draw breath, "I must not forget I have a word to say respecting her."Then aloud: how loud it seemed to me! "Let the child who broke her slate come forward!"
“粗心的女孩儿!”布罗克赫斯特先生喊道,随即说,“我想这是新来的吧。”我还没来得及喘口气,他又说:“关于她,我一定不能忘记有一些话要说。”然后他很大声地说:“让那个打碎石板的孩子走到前面来!”这对我来说震耳欲聋!
Of my own accord I could not have stirred; I was paralysed: but the two great girls who sit on each side of me, set me on my legs and pushed me towards the dread judge, and then Miss Temple gently assisted me to his very feet, and I caught her whispered counsel—
我已经站不起来了,瘫痪了一样,但是我两侧两个大些的姑娘让我把腿站好,把我推向可怕的法官。然后坦普尔小姐温柔地扶我在他脚前站好,我听到她低声安慰我:
"Don't be afraid, Jane, I saw it was an accident; you shall not be punished."
“不要害怕,简,我看到了这是个意外,你不会受罚的。”
The kind whisper went to my heart like a dagger.
这善良的耳语就像匕首刺进我的心。
"Another minute, and she will despise me for a hypocrite," thought I; and an impulse of fury against Reed, Brocklehurst, and Co. bounded in my pulses at the conviction.
“下一分钟,她就会鄙视我这个伪君子。”我想着。一想到这些,对里德,对布罗克赫斯特及其同伙的愤怒便在我的脉搏间凶猛跳动。
I was no Helen Burns.
我不是海伦·伯恩斯。
"Fetch that stool," said Mr. Brocklehurst, pointing to a very high one from which a monitor had just risen: it was brought.
“把凳子拿过来。”布罗克赫斯特先生指着一个高凳子说道。班长站起身拿了过来。
"Place the child upon it."
“把这个孩子放上去。”
And I was placed there, by whom I don't know: I was in no condition to note particulars; I was only aware that they had hoisted me up to the height of Mr. Brocklehurst's nose, that he was within a yard of me, and that a spread of shot orange and purple silk pelisses and a cloud of silvery plumage extended and waved below me.
我不知道被谁放到那儿,我管不了那么多细节了,只知道他们把我抬到跟布罗克赫斯特的鼻子一样高,他跟我只有一码远。再就是一闪而过的橘黄色和紫色丝绸皮上衣,云一般的银色羽毛在我下面展开飘动。
Mr. Brocklehurst hemmed.
布罗克赫斯特先生清了清嗓子。
"Ladies," said he, turning to his family, "Miss Temple, teachers, and children, you all see this girl?"
“女士们,”他转向他的家人,“坦普尔小姐,老师们,孩子们,你们看到这个女孩儿了吗?”
Of course they did; for I felt their eyes directed like burning glasses against my scorched skin.
她们当然能看到,我感觉到她们的眼睛就像取火镜般灼烧着我的皮肤。
"You see she is yet young; you observe she possesses the ordinary form of childhood; God has graciously given her the shape that He has given to all of us; no signal deformity points her out as a marked character. Who would think that the Evil One had already found a servant and agent in her? Yet such, I grieve to say, is the case."
“你们看到她年纪轻轻,有着普通孩子的外形,上帝慷慨地给与她和我们一样的躯体,没有什么残缺表明她与众不同。谁能想到她已经成了撒旦的服务者和代理人呢?但我很遗憾地说,事实正是如此。”
A pause—in which I began to steady the palsy of my nerves, and to feel that the Rubicon was passed; and that the trial, no longer to be shirked, must be firmly sustained.
他停顿了一下——我开始恢复我瘫痪的神经,觉得卢比孔河已经过去了,必须勇敢地承受这场无法逃避的审判。
"My dear children," pursued the black marble clergyman, with pathos, "this is a sad, a melancholy occasion; for it becomes my duty to warn you, that this girl, who might be one of God's own lambs, is a little castaway: not a member of the true flock, but evidently an interloper and an alien. You must be on your guard against her; you must shun her example; if necessary, avoid her company, exclude her from your sports, and shut her out from your converse. Teachers, you must watch her: keep your eyes on her movements, weigh well her words, scrutinise her actions, punish her body to save her soul: if, indeed, such salvation be possible, for (my tongue falters while I tell it) this girl, this child, the native of a Christian land, worse than many a little heathen who says its prayers to Brahma and kneels before Juggernaut—this girl is—a liar!”
“我亲爱的孩子们,”这黑色大理石般的牧师继续说道,带着一丝伤感,“这是个悲伤又忧郁的场合,因为我有责任警告你们,这个有可能成为上帝羔羊的女孩子,却成了弃儿,不是真正羊群的一员,而是闯入者,是异类。你们一定不要接近她,不要以她为榜样。如果必要的话,不要跟她为伴,不要跟她做游戏,不要跟她讲话。老师们,你们要看好她,观察着她的行动,检验她的言语,观察她的行为,对她施以体罚以拯救她的灵魂,如果真能拯救的话。因为(我难以启齿)这个女孩儿,这个孩子,基督国家的土生土长者,比许多向梵天祷告、向克利须那神像下跪的小异教徒还要坏——这个女孩儿爱撒谎!”
Now came a pause of ten minutes, during which I, by this time in perfect possession of my wits, observed all the female Brocklehursts produce their pocket-handkerchief and apply them to their optics, while the elderly lady swayed herself to and fro, and the two younger ones whispered, "How shocking!"Mr. Brocklehurst resumed.
停了十分钟,此时我已完全镇定,目睹布罗克赫斯特家的女人拿出手帕擦了擦眼睛,年长的女士左摇右晃,两个年轻姑娘小声说:“太可怕了!”布罗克赫斯特先生继续说道:
"This I learned from her benefactress; from the pious and charitable lady who adopted her in her orphan state, reared her as her own daughter, and whose kindness, whose generosity the unhappy girl repaid by an ingratitude so bad, so dreadful, that at last her excellent patroness was obliged to separate her from her own young ones, fearful lest her vicious example should contaminate their purity:she has sent her here to be healed, even as the Jews of old sent their diseased to the troubled pool of Bethesda; and, teachers, superintendent, I beg of you not to allow the waters to stagnate round her.”
“这是我从她的女恩人那儿得知的,那个虔诚慈善的女士收养了这个孤儿,像对自己女儿一样把她养大。仁慈和慷慨换来的却是这个不幸女孩儿的忘恩负义,如此恶劣、可怕,结果她那优秀的女恩人不得不将她与自己的小孩子分隔开,以免她的恶习污染了他们的纯洁。她把她送到这里来接受调教,就像古代犹太人把病人送到毕士大不平静的水池中一样。还有老师、校长,我请求你们不要让水在她周围停滞。”
With this sublime conclusion, Mr. Brocklehurst adjusted the top button of his surtout, muttered something to his family, who rose, bowed to Miss Temple, and then all the great people sailed in state from the room. Turning at the door, my judge said—
说完这个伟大的结论,布罗克赫斯特先生调整了一下外衣最上面的纽扣,对家人低声说了一些话,她们起身,向坦普尔小姐鞠躬,然后所有大人物仪态万方地离开了。我的审判员走到门口时,回过身说道:
"Let her stand half-an-hour longer on that stool, and let no one speak to her during the remainder of the day.”
“让她在凳子上多站半个小时,今天剩下的时间里谁也不能跟她说话。”
There was I, then, mounted aloft; I, who had said I could not bear the shame of standing on my natural feet in the middle of the room, was now exposed to general view on a pedestal of infamy. What my sensations were no language can describe; but just as they all rose, stifling my breath and constricting my throat, a girl came up and passed me: in passing, she lifted her eyes. What a strange light inspired them! What an extraordinary sensation that ray sent through me! How the new feeling bore me up! It was as if a martyr, a hero, had passed a slave or victim, and imparted strength in the transit. I mastered the rising hysteria, lifted up my head, and took a firm stand on the stool. Helen Burns asked some slight question about her work of Miss Smith, was chidden for the triviality of the inquiry, returned to her place, and smiled at me as she again went by. What a smile! I remember it now, and I know that it was the effluence of fine intellect, of true courage; it lit up her marked lineaments, her thin face, her sunken grey eye, like a reflection from the aspect of an angel. Yet at that moment Helen Burns wore on her arm "the untidy badge;" scarcely an hour ago I had heard her condemned by Miss Scatcherd to a dinner of bread and water on the morrow because she had blotted an exercise in copying it out. Such is the imperfect nature of man! such spots are there on the disc of the clearest planet; and eyes like Miss Scatcherd's can only see those minute defects, and are blind to the full brightness of the orb.
于是我就高高地站在那儿。我,那个曾经说过不能忍受活生生地站在教室中央的人,现在在众目睽睽之下站在声名狼藉的基座上。我的感受用语言是无法描述的,但是就在它们油然而生令我窒息时,一个女孩子走上来,经过我面前时抬起了眼睛。眼中闪烁着奇异的光芒!那光线给我怎样的感触!那种从未有过的感觉让我忽然振奋!就像是一位殉道者,一位英雄经过奴隶或受害者身边,向他们传达着力量。我压住内心升起的歇斯底里,抬起头,坚定地站在凳子上。海伦·伯恩斯询问了史密斯小姐一些作业上的小问题,因问题琐碎而遭斥责。她回到位子上时,又向我微笑。那是怎样的微笑啊!我现在依然记得,我知道这笑容流露出睿智和真正的勇气。它点亮了她分明的轮廓,瘦削的面部,深陷的灰眼睛,就像是天使脸庞的映像。然而那一刻,海伦·伯恩斯手臂上仍带着“凌乱标记”,就在一小时前,我还听到她被斯卡查德小姐谴责,让她明天中午只能吃面包和水,因为她写作业时弄脏了练习本。这就是不完美的人性!最干净的星球上的盘子也会有污点,而斯卡查德小姐这类人的眼睛只能看到这些小缺点,却对星球的强烈光辉视而不见。