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CHAPTER 6 第六章

My state of mind regarding the pilfering, from which I had been so unexpectedly exonerated, did not impel me to frank disclosure; but hope it had some dregs of good at the bottom of it.

我出乎意料地从偷盗给我带来的精神负担中解脱出来。但这种精神负担并没有促使我坦白交代,毕竟,归根结底我的本意是好的。

I do not recall that I felt any tenderness of conscience in reference to Mrs. Joe, when the fear of being found out was lifted off me. But I loved Joe—perhaps for no better reason in those early days than because the dear fellow let me love him—and, as to him, my inner self was not so easily composed. It was much upon my mind (particularly when I first saw him looking about for his file) that I ought to tell Joe the whole truth. Yet I did not, and for the reason that I mistrusted that if I did, he would think me worse than I was. The fear of losing Joe's confidence, and of thenceforth sitting in the chimney—corner at night staring drearily at my for ever lost companion and friend, tied up my tongue. I morbidly represented to myself that if Joe knew it, I never afterwards could see him at the fireside feeling his fair whisker, without thinking that he was meditating on it. That, if Joe knew it, I never afterwards could see him glance, however casually, at yesterday's meat or pudding when it came on today's table, without thinking that he was debating whether I had been in the pantry. That, if Joe knew it, and at any subsequent period of our joint domestic life remarked that his beer was flat or thick, the conviction that he suspected Tar in it, would bring a rush of blood to my face. In a word, I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be right, as I had been too cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to be wrong. I had had no intercourse with the world at that time, and imitated none of its many inhabitants who act in this manner. Quite an untaught genius, I made the discovery of the line of action for myself.

当担心被发现的恐惧消失之后,我也记不得我对乔太太在良心上有任何歉意。但我喜欢乔——也许仅仅因为那时年龄小,觉得这个亲爱的伙计允许我喜欢他,除此之外没有更好的理由了——因此,一想到他,我的内心就很难平静下来。我一直在想(尤其是当我第一次看到他到处找他的锉刀时),我应该告诉乔全部的实情。但是我没有这样做,因为我担心如果我这样做了,他就会把我看得比实际上更坏。我害怕失去乔的信任,害怕从此以后只能每晚坐在火炉旁失落地看着我永远失去的同伴和朋友。这种恐惧堵住了我的嘴。我病态地告诉自已,一旦乔知道了真相,从此以后,我每次看到他坐在火炉边摸着连鬓胡子时,他肯定是在想这件事。一旦乔知道了真相,从此以后,每当前一天的肉或布丁出现在当天的餐桌上时,不管乔多么随意地看它们一眼,他都会在思索我是不是进过食品间。一旦乔知道了真相,那么在我们今后的共同生活当中,每一次他评论所喝的啤酒是浓是淡时,都肯定是在怀疑酒里是不是加了柏油水,这会把我羞得满脸通红的。总之,尽管我知道什么是对的,但我却没有胆量去做,就像尽管我知道什么是错的,但我却没有胆量拒绝不做一样。那时候我与外部的世界并没有往来。很多人都是以这种方式处世的,但我没有模仿任何人。我完全是自学成才,独自一人发掘出我的行为准则。

As I was sleepy before we were far away from the prison—ship, Joe took me on his back again and carried me home. He must have had a tiresome journey of it, for Mr. Wopsle, being knocked up, was in such a very bad temper that if the Church had been thrown open, he would probably have excommunicated the whole expedition, beginning with Joe and myself. In his lay capacity, he persisted in sitting down in the damp to such an insane extent, that when his coat was taken off to be dried at the kitchen fire, the circumstantial evidence on his trousers would have hanged him if it had been a capital offence.

离开监狱船之后没走多远,我就感到困倦了。于是乔又把我背了起来,一直把我背回家。沃甫赛先生一路上肯定也非常疲惫。虽然他很困却又不能睡觉,这让他火气非常大。如果教堂已经实行了公开竞选,他可能会把追捕队伍中的所有人都开除教籍,首先就是我和乔。然而仅仅凭借他平信徒的能力,即使火气大到发疯的地步,他也只是坚持坐在潮湿的沼泽地上而已。如果他犯了死罪的话,当他脱下外套拿到厨房的炉火上去烘干时,他裤子上留下的间接证据足以把他送上绞刑架。

By that time, I was staggering on the kitchen floor like a little drunkard, through having been newly set upon my feet, and through having been fast asleep, and through waking in the heat and light sand noise of tongues. As I came to myself (with the aid of a heavy thump between the shoulders, and the restorative exclamation "Yah! Was there ever such a boy as this! " from my sister), I found Joe telling them about the convict's confession, and all the visitors suggesting different ways by which he had got into the pantry. Mr. Pumblechook made out, after carefully surveying the premises, that he had first got upon the roof of the forge, and had then got upon the roof of the house, and had then let himself down the kitchen chimney by a rope made of his bedding cut into strips; and as Mr. Pumblechook was very positive and drove his own chaise—cart—over everybody—it was agreed that it must be so. Mr. Wopsle, indeed, wildly cried out "No! " with the feeble malice of a tired man; but, as he had no theory, and no coat on, he was unanimously set at ought—not to mention his smoking hard behind, as he stood with his back to the kitchen fire to draw the damp out: which was not calculated to inspire confidence.

那时候,由于我之前在乔的背上睡得很熟,一被放下来,就在厨房里热气和嘈杂声中走着,像个小酒鬼一样跌跌撞撞地走着。当我清醒过来时(多亏了我姐姐在我两个肩膀之间重重地打了一拳并且震耳欲聋地喊了一句: “哎呀!哪里还有像这样的孩子!” )我发现乔正给他们讲那个逃犯的招供。所有的客人都在猜测他是通过怎样的方式进入食品间的,大家看法不一。在仔细考察了房屋及周围的场地之后,彭波契克先生认为,他先是爬上铁匠铺的屋顶,然后爬上房顶,借着用床单布条结成的绳索爬下厨房的烟囱。由于彭波契克先生非常肯定而且拥有一辆轻便马车——比所有人都高一等——所以大家都同意一定是这样的。然而,沃甫赛先生却拼命喊道: “不是这样的!” 他很疲惫,声音微弱却充满怨恨。但由于他缺乏理论,而且又没穿大衣,大家都没拿他当回事——更不用说他此时正背对着厨房炉火,站着烘干身上的湿气,背后还冒出蒸发出来的热气。这自然无法赢得人们对他的信任。

This was all I heard that night before my sister clutched me, as a slumberous offence to the company's eyesight, and assisted me up toed with such a strong hand that I seemed to have fifty boots on, and to be dangling them all against the edges of the stairs. My state of mind, as I have described it, began before I was up in the morning, and lasted long after the subject had died out, and had ceased to be mentioned saving on exceptional occasions.

这就是那天晚上我所听到的一切。之后我姐姐觉得我在那里迷迷糊糊的,碍客人的眼,就抓起我,用力地拖我上楼睡觉。而我就像脚上穿了五十双靴子一样迈不开步,上楼的时候两脚一直在楼梯边上悬摆着。正如我所描述的那样,我的精神负担在我早上起床之前就出现了,一直持续到这件事被遗忘之后的很长一段时间。最终除了个别场合之外,也不再被记起了。 O88HDPyo9gi/hII6Hi2pPUMDUxFn6uHdnJE+AnojBgHa7kuoTWeoEyPoYVd08fbY

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