BOOK I 第一部

MAY 4.

5月4日

How happy I am that I am gone! My dear friend, what a thing is the heart of man! To leave you, from whom I have been inseparable, whom I love so dearly, and yet to feel happy! I know you will forgive me. Have not other attachments been specially appointed by fate to torment a head like mine? Poor Leonora! and yet I was not to blame. Was it my fault, that, whilst the peculiar charms of her sister afforded me an agreeable entertainment, a passion for me was engendered in her feeble heart? And yet am I wholly blameless? Did I not encourage her emotions? Did I not feel charmed at those truly genuine expressions of nature, which, though but little mirthful in reality, so often amused us? Did I not—but oh! what is man, that he dares so to accuse himself? My dear friend I promise you I will improve; I will no longer, as has ever been my habit, continue to ruminate on every petty vexation which fortune may dispense; I will enjoy the present, and the past shall be for me the past. No doubt you are right, my best of friends, there would be far less suffering amongst mankind, if men—and God knows why they are so fashioned—did not employ their imaginations so assiduously in recalling the memory of past sorrow, instead of bearing their present lot with equanimity. Be kind enough to inform my mother that I shall attend to her business to the best of my ability, and shall give her the earliest information about it. I have seen my aunt, and find that she is very far from being the disagreeable person our friends allege her to be. She is a lively, cheerful woman, with the best of hearts. I explained to her my mother's wrongs with regard to that part of her portion which has been withheld from her. She told me the motives and reasons of her own conduct, and the terms on which she is willing to give up the whole, and to do more than we have asked. In short, I cannot write further upon this subject at present; only assure my mother that all will go on well. And I have again observed, my dear friend, in this trifling affair, that misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than even malice and wickedness. At all events, the two latter are of less frequent occurrence.

我终于走了，心里真高兴！亲爱的朋友，人心真是太奇怪了！离开了你，离开了与我朝夕相伴、如此深爱的你，我竟会这般高兴！我知道你会原谅我的。命运偏偏安排我陷入一些情感纠葛中，不正是来扰乱我的心志吗？可怜的莱奥诺蕾！可是这也不能怪我啊。她妹妹非凡的魅力使我赏心悦目，而她那脆弱的心却对我萌生爱意，这难道是我的错吗？可是，我就一点儿错也没有吗？难道我就不曾助长她的感情吗？她自然流露的真情虽然并没那么好笑，不也常常给我们带来欢乐吗？难道我不是常常被这种真情所迷住吗？难道我不曾——可是，唉！人啊，自己抱怨一阵又有何用呢？亲爱的朋友，我向你保证，我一定会改正，我绝不会再像以前那样，把命运加给我们的那点儿烦恼反复咀嚼回味；我会享受现在，过去的事情就让它过去吧。诚如你所言，我的挚友，人要是不那么执着地追忆往昔的不幸—上帝才知道人为什么这样——而是更多地考虑如何对眼前的处境泰然处之，那么人世间的痛苦就会少得多。请转告我的母亲，我会尽全力料理好她交代的事情，并会尽早把消息告诉她。我已见过婶婶，觉得她根本就不像朋友们所说的那样令人厌恶。她活泼好动、欢快愉悦而又心地善良。我告诉她，母亲对她扣着那份遗产不分颇有意见。她对我说明了这样做的动机和理由，以及她愿意放弃全部遗产的条件，这比我们原本要求的还要多。简言之，我现在不能详细地说这件事，只是想告诉母亲，一切都会好起来的。亲爱的朋友，在这件小事上，我又发现，人世间的误解和怠慢所造成的伤害甚至要比奸诈和恶意带来的伤害更大。不管怎样，奸诈和恶意要更少见一些。

In other respects I am very well off here. Solitude in this terrestrial paradise is a genial balm to my mind, and the young spring cheers with its bounteous promises my oftentimes misgiving heart. Every tree, every bush, is full of flowers; and one might wish himself transformed into a butterfly, to float about in this ocean of perfume, and find his whole existence in it.

此外，我在这里过得很愉快。在这人间天堂般的地方，孤寂是医治我心灵的一剂良药，而这韶华时节正以它明媚的春光温暖着我时刻不安的心。每一棵树，每一丛灌木都花团锦簇，我多想化身为一只蝴蝶，遨游在这芬芳馥郁的花海中，与这花海融为一体。

The town itself is disagreeable; but then, all around, you find an inexpressible beauty of nature. This induced the late Count M to lay out a garden on one of the sloping hills which here intersect each other with the most charming variety, and form the most lovely valleys. The garden is simple; and it is easy to perceive, even upon your first entrance, that the plan was not designed by a scientific gardener, but by a man who wished to give himself up here to the enjoyment of his own sensitive heart. Many a tear have I already shed to the memory of its departed master in a summer—house which is now reduced to ruins, but was his favourite resort, and now is mine. I shall soon be master of the place. The gardener has become attached to me within the last few days, and he will lose nothing thereby.

小城本身并不宜人，但周围的自然风光却有种说不出的美。座座山丘千姿百态，纵横交错，形成了一个个秀丽的山谷。这美景令已故的M伯爵为之心动，便在其中的一座小丘上建了一座花园。花园朴实无华，你一进门就会感觉到，它并非出自某位专业园艺学家之手，而是由一个敏感细腻的人所设计，他渴望在此独享那份幽静与寂寞。我在那已破败的凉亭中曾为已故的主人洒下过不少泪水，那座浓阴遮蔽的凉亭曾是他的心爱之所，现在已成了我流连忘返的地方。不久我便会成为这座花园的主人。才几天的功夫，园丁就已对我颇有好感，而他也会因此得到好处。